Ask Me Help Desk - She left and came back but something is still wrong.

Hay I red your previous post from back in February and LISTEN CAREFULLY CHAMP YOU HAVE TO TAKE CONTROLN You are SUCH A WUSS AND WIMPBAG. NO GIRL WANTS THAT.

This is what happened she got rid of yo cause she metsom other guy but it was long distance and well she can't see him much so she has to keep you for she does not what to be alone. Well he can't see him he's too far away and he probably told her list oit won't work. Yet when she can go see him let me tell you now HE WILL BE BENDING HER OVER HIS BED DAY AD NIGHT AND SHE WILL Definitely BE GETTING A BIG FILL UP FROM HIM!! GUARANTED She's COPING IT ALL HOLIDAY!!

You are talking and acting crap look she says she wants to know if you want to hang out and you say IS SHE MISING ME and then you go running ober . WRONG BUDDY When sherang you should havesaid you can come over here if you want and when she gets there get her pants down and show her what she's guna get from now when she comes around cause with a girl like this I have know idea why you want to be talking for and hour ALL YOU SHOULD BE DOING IS PUMPING HER AND SENDING GER ON HER WAY. YOUR OTHER OPTION ISTOJUST SAY NO IM TOO BUSY ALREADY CATCHING UP WITH A NEW FRIEND TELL HER ITS Probably BEST IF YOU Don't CALL ME AND TELL HER YOU THOUGHT ABOUT IT AND SHE WILL BE BETTER OFF WITH HER OTHER GUY SHE Won't BELIEVEIT.

ACTUALLY WAIT TO SHE CONTACTS NEXT AND TELL HER YOUR TOOBUSY AND TRYING SOME NEW THINGS NOW AND HAVE MET SOME NICE PEOPLE SHE WILL BE RUNNING OVER BUT MAKE HER WAIT Don't RUSH GIVE IT A WEEK THEN TELL HER YOUR CONSIDERING GIVING HER ANOTHER CHANCE SHE WILL CHASE TAKE YOUR TIME That's THE KEY SLOW!! DO IT NOW...

She's playing you along like a fool.. if she really wanted you back she would come out and tell u.. but what she's doing to you now is preventing you from moving on! its like she doesn't want you moving on at all! I think you should come out in de open and ask her what de hell is she playing at! u need to no to put your mind at rest so you can move on or ye could sort out de pieces of your relationship that's left!

My girlfriend and I broke up about 2 months ago. A lot of things went on between us. She cheated on me once, but we worked through that. Then we got back together, things seemed OK. Then she stopped having sex and being intimate with me. When she was little she was sexually abused by a family member from the time she was 11 till she was 18. She says she is not in love with me and that there is not hope of it happening. I still think of her daily and she was my best friend. I believe that there was something between us. It was love. I also believe that due to her being abused that it has caused her to not become intimate with anyone, even herself. She just does not know who she is. She is 22 and I am 25. The thing that is odd was the other night after we have barely spoken she sent me a text message at 3:00 Am saying that she could smell the sea air from her window and then we talked more much like we used to do. It was nice and I didn't want it to end. Unfortunately it was really late and she fell asleep. I awoke the next day and sent a text to her asking if she had fallen asleep. The response I got was anger, she said I was annoying and that she never wanted to speak to me again. I thought this behavior was odd. My questions I gues to all of you are. 1) Do you think due to her trauma that she does care she just doesn't know how to deal with what's going on. 2) why can't I let it go and why do I keep trying to fight for her back. I would love to be friends with her, after all she was my best friend. There is a feeling I have that makes me feel uneasy and sad. What can I do about these feelings, and what could I do to get her back or let her go?
Please help if you can.

Since I don't know the whole story, hers and yours, I can only say what I think. In my opinion, she is playing games with you. She is probably just seeking out male attention anyway she can get it, which often happens with abuse survivors. I would guess that when she is alone, lonely, or bored, she texts you as her old standby. When she is back in the presence of someone else she likes, she completely disregards you and your feelings.

She will continue to use you as a back up, if you continue to let her. Not only are you allowing her to use you, you are enabling her bad behavior. You are willing to take her back at any given moment regardless of how poorly she treats you, makes you co-dependent. That means you are both better off without one another, and you both have issues to work on.

Stop all contact with her, and get busy building a life you enjoy with out her. It takes time and you have to stay busy.

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Originally Posted by Radium

She cheated on me once, but we worked through that.

She stayed the same and you accepted it and took her back. That is not working through it. Plus she cheated on you so she isn’t worth your time anymore.

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Originally Posted by Radium

Then we got back together, things seemed ok. Then she stopped having sex and being intimate with me.

So you were a convenience for her, not a person she was interested in.

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Originally Posted by Radium

When she was little she was sexually abused by a family memeber from the time she was 11 till she was 18.

If true, and give her ability to lie to you, that’s a big if, but if true that’s sad. That’s also not your problem. If she needs help for that, then her using you and you abusing yourself will not help either of you.

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Originally Posted by Radium

She says she is not in love with me and that there is not hope of it happening. I still think of her daily and she was my best friend. I beleive that there was somthing between us. It was love.

It wasn’t. It was a game. It was a way to toy with you. She even told you, so I don’t have to.

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Originally Posted by Radium

I also beleive that due to her being abused that it has caused her to not become intimate with anyone, even herself. She just does not know who she is.

Well you can’t help her find herself. Only she can do that.

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Originally Posted by Radium

1) Do you think due to her trauma that she does care she just doesnt know how to deal with whats going on.

I don’t know if I believe her. She controls you through making you feel bad for her, so what’s to stop her from making up this story so that you feel bad for her, try to do nice things for her, and she never has to put out. And that’s exactly what happened.
Let’s assume it is true that she was abused. How is punishing yourself going to help her? How is it going to get you into a relationship with her?

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Originally Posted by Radium

2) why can't i let it go and why do i keep trying to fight for her back. I would love to be friends with her, after all she was my best friend. there is a feeling i have that makes me feel uneasy and sad. What can i do about these feelings, and what could i do to get her back or let her go?
Please help if you can.

Quite honestly, you have to quit talking, texting, emailing or contacting her in any way. You need to remove her from your life because she doesn’t put anything positive into it. In fact she drains life from you, as you would probably agree with me on. So drop her and then grieve for a little bit and then start making yourself happy again.