I just feel he made me this way... he is the reason I always get so down on myself...

No he isn't, you made a bad choice, and its biting you still. Stop laying blame for your hurts. He was a boob, he hurt you, but the rest is what you do to yourself!

It's far too easy to allow the person you love to "decide" how you feel about yourself. Your thinking is that he did these terrible things, so it must be because you are not good enough in some way. Part of you knows this isn't true, but part of you can't seem to move passed it.

I know it can be difficult to get out of that frame of mind, but try to think of it this way: HE is the one with the flaws, not you. His character is, or was, flawed. He lacked integrity, he lacked empathy, he lacked honesty, he lacked commitment. Perhaps he is grown and matured in the last few years. He has witnessed what his actions have caused and he has learned what is important and what isn't.

You have seen how your emotional state of well-being can affect your physical state of well-being.

It takes time, determination, and conscious thought to turn this around. If you feel that you are having too difficult of a time in changing how you think about it, consider seeking counseling to help you.