So I had to leave the apartment, it was killing me to be there. I went to my parents place to change my scenery, I wasn't able to concentrate out there. I have weird dreams,when I am able to sleep, where we are doing things like going to a restaurant, or just driving around. I guess when I look at all of my relationship with her, there was something wrong from the beginning, I think I always knew that, I was just being naïve. I know there will be someone else, because there are a lot of people in this world, but I can't help but feel like I have lost something very important. I wonder if it is because I knew I couldn't get her that I chased her so much, you always want what you can't have. I have some stomach aches, its better at my parents place though, I can at least eat, and sleep, because it isn't the bed I shared with her. We have three years between us, I think that is a really big factor. Yesterday when I got to my parents, my dad showed me what he got me for xmas; a huge solid wood desk. I don't have an apartment big enough to fit it, I felt really ****ty. I have moved around so much in the last 4 years. At least 4 times. This will be the fifth. Sometimes I feel sick, like there is something at the bottom of my stomach that is being squeezed. I can't tell if I am hungry or if it is just pain. I think today I will go get a fish, and name him Samuel Johnson, I think it will keep my mind off things, until he dies, which all fish usually do. I hope that she, or anyone she is involved with will never read these messages, is there a way to remove the question after a while I wonder if she ever loved me, thanks guys for the responses, it has been helpful

Sure she did, but things changed. Been there a few times on both sides of those feelings. You just keep working for your own stability, and hope that fish don't freak you out like Sam Johnson did in his day.

Just stay classy guy, you will overcome this latest glitch.

I salute you, u are really calm. Try not to stalk her on fb or twitter if any, as it will make you feel worse. Personal experience :)

"there was something wrong from the beginning, I think I always knew that"

That's an important statement.

I knew that too from my last GF. We live & learn. I went back & read my journals after my breakup.
I knew it wasn't right either. Why I continued is another story.

We all feel sick from this heartbreak crap. Its normal.

You sound like a cool guy. Just take things easy.
Do for yourself. It doesn't matter where you are, or how many times you've moved.

Be happy in your own skin & others will see you for that. Im sure there are already ones that do.
You know who they are. The ones that stick by you, no matter what.

Healing takes time, sometimes. Give yourself that.

You will be just fine.

You guys are going to love this. So, I talked to my parents, and asked my dad when he could help me move out. He said next week is the only good time for him because he is going into surgery on the 20th for his eyes and won't be able to do anything for a while. I talked to the ex, and said "look I know I told you that next week the apartment was urs, but I need that week to pack and move", she was like "next week I planned to have my friend over and study for exams, and on friday have a party" , I was like " yeah well you can stay there but I really need to move out because I have to do this before my dads surgery" she said "you are trying to **** me up for my exams". No way, she chose to kick me out during my exams, and she had planned to stay at her friends house for two weeks, two whole weeks. The big kicker is that for her party, she was planning to host it at the apartment. I own the pots, pans, fridge couch and diner table, you think her friends are going to give a shtt if they spill stuff on my couch. Anyway so I was like what ever, I need to pack my stuff next week, she says I only have like ten boxes to pack, I was like wow you really think that is all I have in the apartment, I need the whole week to pack and then Friday to move. She wrote "its been two weeks i havent been there and you have had the apartment to yourself, you arent going to tell me you need a whole week to pack your things so i can't be there to study with my friend because you are going to be chilling and taking your sweet time, and i wont be able to have my friends on friday because you are still going to be there."... looks like I am seeing her true colors

Take the stuff that belongs to you. See how long she stays in that apartment then. She has no right to those things when they are yours. I'm glad you see what she is actually like!

Just remember that you are in control. You no longer have to work within her schedule. Just yours.
The less interaction you have with her, the better.

Seems she needs a room mate with a couch.

A room mate with a couch, TV, printer, fridge, pots, pans, cutlery, a bed frame, a dinner table, pictures of various sizes. Her mom emailed my dad saying things like "we payed half of the apartment all summer because mark said he was going to stay there. He said he wanted to move closer to school and even change programs. My daughter was gone since november 29th and had to stay at her friends house. she even had to cancel that friends birthday party so your son could move out."... Like she's trying to make me feel super bad for her daughter leaving. The ex even said so herself "you have been in the apartment for two weeks, i have exams and it is making it hard for me to concentrate because I have been living out of my car for two weeks."... I did that girls laundry and put it in her car so she wouldn't have to see me, during MY exams. This has turned into a huge war and both her and her mother are trying to make me the bad guy here. I feel like ****, and I am kind of angry that her mother thinks it is my fault that she had to leave, when all I wanted was her to come home. Im especially angry that it has been a huge party for her while I have had to read between the lines and figure out what she was doing. I told her last wendsday that I was leaving and she hadn't even been back the other day when I went to pack stuff. The sooner I am out of there, the better. It seems like it's a mother daughter thing this, since it was her mother who told her to go away both summers, and is making me feel like crap for trying to be a great guy. Some people just don't get it. I am incredibly dissapointed in the way my ex has been acting, and also the way she has framed the whole situation to her mother and family, it really makes me look like a bad guy.

Screw 'em!! Do what you have to do!

Don't let them get to you. You aren't the bad guy, just the opposite.

She knows it, hence the BS. Guilt. Dumpers like to turn stuff around so they come out smelling like roses.

Soon this mess will be over & you can go NC forever.

Hope you are starting to see what she's really about.

You will be glad later to get rid of this.

The fact is, that as long as I was making all the effort, she was happy. I did two summers without her, of course there's going to be adjustment problems. It was okay for her to make me wait for two summers, but as soon as I told her that she couldn't do something, she tells me she is not in love with me. I am starting to think that it was only all right as long as she was calling the shots, this relationship was only good while it worked for her, and as soon as I told her to work for it, she backed out. I know its for the better, but it still frustrates me. It initially made me feel like it was my fault, but now I see I was set up to fail. Being a too good boyfriend was my downfall, being too understanding was what set me up to fail.

Good. Get pissed off. I would be too. Now I'm pissed for you...

And no, Being a good boyfriend is nothing to feel bad about. Just getting with the wrong girl.
Don't let her ruin what's good inside of you. Its easy to feel like that when someone rips your heart out.

She did set you up to fail because she never really was as serious as you. She just liked the attention. Girls can be like that.
My last one fits yours to a T.

But remember that you were half of the situ. Me too.

Use this lesson on how to use your radar.

Can't wait until you go NC.
After a while, you will chuckle about all of this.
Because you are the better person.

Well right now I'm pretty sure her and her parents are at the apartment packing my stuff. I sent her a text saying explicitly not to touch my things, and for her parents to not touch my things. Looks like they want war, well I'm not going to fall into that trap, but I am still super pissed off. More so than before. If she had her parents over, they are surely sleeping on my sheets, and using my stuff to cook on, and that frustrates me because they feel such a sense of entitlement. Its like they did me all the favors, and I owe them. Some people just are so rude. I guess on her side, I need to understand that she has been gone for two weeks and feels like its my fault for her not coming back to the apartment, and her parents probably feel like its my fault for kicking her out during exams, and she's probably mad that I told her that she couldn't have a party on my stuff. I swear to god, I don't even care about "having my heart broken" because now I am seeing who she and her family really are, I just want to wash my hands of her and her bat shtt crazy mom.

If you are that worried about your stuff, then get over there.

I wouldn't want my ex's parents filing & packing for me. Going through my things.
That's screwed up on her & her parents part. How dare they.

They don't give one sh$t about you. Never did.

If there is anything there you want that's YOURS, then get it. Now. May be too late.

Otherwise wipe your hands and let her parents clean up her messes, not yours.

That's pitiful. Get far away from her.

Stop being a wuss.

Also get all of that party. Exams and excuses out of your head. Feeling like you did something wrong.
Yeah right. You did. By getting with her & putting up with her using.

Give to someone who cares from now on. You know the ones.

This was her plan. I guess it didn't go as planned. Girls plan this stuff. When it doesn't work, they freak.
Call Mommy & Daddy in. Boo Hoo, Mommy.

That's all her crap.

No longer your worry. Ewwwwwwwwwwww.

All right, so I moved all my stuff out of the apartment, it felt very empty after I got it all out. I had run speakers through the walls so I patched up the holes with plaster, she will have to sand and paint. I moved into the house with my pals, my parents call it "animal house" because it is clearly a party zone. I think it will be good for me to live there for a bit, I won't get lonely. I stopped talking to her a while ago, I asked her what happened to us, she said she didn't have a very hard time distancing her self from me, she couldn't keep loving me anymore. At least that's honest, which she should have been from the start, or I should have seen it from the start. It was hard to tell what was mine and what was hers, I left her my TV (an old 32 inch tube tv) and a desk (my parents got me a solid wood one for xmas so I didn't need the old one). I had not talked to her in days, until today she emailed me saying that she needed some wooden utensils back, as well as a broom, and some bamboo blinds that she says were hers. I mean if you add all those things up, they are worth maybe 100$, it cost me 300 to move out, and I did it in two days. I feel her email is more to gauge where I am, if I am still dedicated to her, so she feels like I am still her "b!tch". She said that she would like me to reinstall the blinds since her dad was only there for one day, and would have to come back up to do that. I say eff that, she can use her friends to figure out her blinds, since they are the ones who supposedly "backed her up when she needed them most". I am not touching that, I will head back up to collect my bike frame and a firewire. Worst case she can keep that, I'm not going to stress out for nothing. I just found out today that because I did so bad on my final exam, that I will have to withdraw from education, I need to apeal to the dean, I don't see any issues since I am only one percent from the expected requirement. Looking back on all this, I think that I was too good to her, I should have drawn the line a long time ago, it would have saved me a lot of heartache. I think that if I stuck to my guns (about not doing long distance relationships) the first time she left, I would be in a different position today. Sometimes I miss her, and I think of some of the good moments and I miss those, but then I remind myself, that the girl she is now, isn't the girl she was then. When I feel bad about the past, I look to my future, how much I will grow, how much there is out there for me to do, and how I will live my life, not some image of what a life should be, but a life fully lived. I know I won't love for a while, at least not the same way, but when it comes my way again, the right way, it will be different, and maybe that time won't work out either, but at least now I believe in it, and some day, hopefully, I will meet someone who believes in it too.

Love it, you go guy!!

Awesome! Now you can really go NC.
And can concentrate on what's really important.
And who.