Ask Me Help Desk - Why is there a double standard with wanting children?

I'm trying really hard not to wonder why. I still do, but I'm trying not to entertain the thoughts. I'll find myself thinking about her without even realizing it. I just want it to stop. I want to stop thinking about what I would say to her, I want to stop thinking about what went wrong, I want to stop thinking about how bad things got, I want to stop fantasizing about a reconciliation, I want to stop thinking about the dog she took, all of it. I just want her out of my head. Some days are better than others. Yesterday was not a good day, so I went to the gym and worked out for three and a half hours, all it did was make me tired and sore today. Maybe by the time this is all a distant memory I'll look like Lou Ferrigno.

LOL, that's not a bad thing. Just stay busy, and away from her.

It's been three month's since my first post, so I figured it was time for an update. It's really hard I'm not sure where to begin. I guess what I've been doing to heal is as good a place as any. I don't think about my ex as much anymore, I still do, but it's been less and less frequent. I'm still painting, I have a few things that have come out really nice. I've been focusing a lot of my energy on school, I should be graduating in May, then hopefully I'll find a job as a jerk professor somewhere (that's been my goal for some time now). I've been going to the gym religiously. I'm currently benching 200 lbs, my goal is to bench my body weight (240) by graduation, but it should be sooner. Since the breakup I've gained 15 pounds, but lost 2 inches in my waist. My shirts don't fit like they used to, and I'm using that as an excuse to slowly change my wardrobe. When I'm sitting at home alone, I'll get on AskMeHelpDesk and help people with their math homework. I probably help them more than I should, but it's really more for me to keep me from dwelling on my ex. I've been going out with all the friends that I alienated. For about a month my social calendar has been pretty full, and I don't know when it happened, but I realized that my ex never would have wanted to do all the things that I've been doing. She was never one for going out, the source of many fights, and I've come to the conclusion that any reconnection with her would mean the end of a lifestyle I'm really starting to enjoy. I don't know why, but that realization has helped so much. I'm not sure when I should start dating. It sounds kind of pathetic, but I'm scared. I've heard myself talking to people, and I don't know if I've become the male equivalent of a feminist. I hope not, I don't want to be an angry person. There are a couple of girls that I've been talking to, I should ask one of them out sometime. They have both said that they don't want kids, but that's what the last one said too. I don't want to bring all of my baggage into a new relationship, but I don't want to just sit and wait forever either. So that's me now. Sorry about the stream of consciousness, but I didn't know how else to say everything than to just start typing.

Thanks for the update! I'm glad to hear you are well on your way to a better life.

Please let us know how any dates go. You know how nosy we are. :D

Confessions,

Back in the day, most of my dates with females were "fun" dates, not for love, romance, sex, or none of that good stuff. Just clean adult fun, with no expectations.

I had a blast!! It doesn't have to start as a girlfriend interview, or a compatibility, chemistry, test. But talking is good, no commitments are needed. But you seem to be making good progress just doing your thing, your way.

Way to go.

Quote:

Originally Posted by talaniman

Confessions,

Back in the day, most of my dates with females were "fun" dates, not for love, romance, sex, or none of that good stuff. Just clean adult fun, with no expectations.

I had a blast!!!! It doesn't have to start off as a girlfriend interview, or a compatibility, chemistry, test. But talking is good, no commitments are needed. But you seem to be making good progress just doing your thing, your way.

Way to go.

Sounds familiar. That's what we did and sometimes even watched the rocks cool. Having sex on a date was unheard of, no one planned to get serious about a guy, and yeah, we just had fun bowling or picnicking at Lake Ontario or going to an Elvis movie.

You've made some giant steps! I found, when I got back into the dating game, that things had changed over the course of five years. I looked at prospective dates as just that - not a marriage partner, not a life partner, nothing serious, just as a date and a companion.

I have also learned over the years to believe what "dates" tell me - he says he's never getting married, accept it and then decide what's best for my life. I would think it's the same with women wanting or not wanting children - pretty early in the game to decide BUT why spend time and energy on a relationship that will go exactly no where.