The insight is simple,as long as you can't stick to 100% NC,this is what you get.
Don't scratch the itch of wanting to find out through her friends what's going on.

Bad move.
NC,real NC.

Your are waffling. You have been since she broke up with you. Your words and actions just don't match, so its not a clear message. You ignore her but speak to her friends about her. Its just not honest to involve others in your mess, let alone her friends.

Dude, you need a life, a real one. This has become a game. And to be honest, your being confused and without a plan is your problem.

Think this through, and do better. Disappear from her life and get your own.

Flailing around is kid stuff. Fishing to feed your false hope is desperate and immature.