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As far as your concerned you don't want anything to do with her so be unavailable.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve_malibu
Get busy, stay unavailable, and let everyone tell her your not there.Quote:
WILDCAT SAYS,
Hmmmm - see so it worked before. Leave her alone
Work on yourself. Go out and have fun. New hobbies. Get to the freaking gym!!
Got a letter the other day saying that she would like to know whether I want my stuff back otherwise she is going to throw it out and I should reply a.s.a.p. I don't really have any stuff at hers. So far a call and an email, I haven't spoken to her at all. This seems like seekin attention to me.
What comes next in situations like this then, any women want to let us know what's gion on?
Thanks, steve
What stuff has she got of yours? If it is not worth much I would let her throw it out. NO CONTACT.
If there is contact then you need to have somebody with you.
Joe
Not much I can think of really, 'ill risk it for a biscuit'. I'm getting used to it not, though I don't understand how she can be so uncaring and inconsiderate unless she's trying to make a point, and getting anoyed cause I isn't respondin to anything? Because we have been through a lot together, maybe it's a phase?
I guess she is getting annoyed because you didn't respond to the call. I don't see the need to throw out your stuff already.
If she wants space though, why is she calling.
What age is she?
Or maybe she wants your stuff gone so she can move on? You know what she has and if it is nothing you value, then stay on your path, and a fair warning, Don't fall into the trap of assuming what motivates another. This is an exercise in futility and false hope.
We're both low 20's, she was my major relationship so far, and I was hers. I had 28missed calls today, phone is on automatic reject. An messages are blocked, emailed set on autobounce. 28 seems slightly on-top though?
Wow, I am speechless... and that don't happen often. How do you feel about talking to her? Will you go back if she begs? Can you stand her being PO'd bigtime? Just want to know where your head is at.
Pycho maniac is the word. Restraining order is the word of the day today.
That's incredible. She is without a doubt trying to play games nor did she think you were strong enough to with stand her and she's finding out the hard way you can.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve_malibu
I'm also going to say that she's suffering from some deep emotional issues if she's calling 28 times in one day.
Stay away. Stay far away.
28 times! Wow!
Actually I'm wondering if she's a bit like a friend of mine, has she got an outgoing , social personality?
I'm reckoning she's really fed up you are not answering , well maybe you can just reply and say you are busy thinking about things yourself now.
I will see what's happenes, I won't contact her just yet, I don't want to give her the satisfaction of a reply, what ever happens ill post it.
Steve
Can you tell us a bit about her personality?
Steve, why contact her at all? You have nothing to gain.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve_malibu
Wow, wow, wow. 28 is a pretty good number, but not good enough. She is beyond desperate at this point to pull the ole' "gonna throw your stuff out if you don't contact me" bit... She wants a reaction, contact, just an opportunity to speak with you. Even if you called her and told her off, she figures that for every action there is a reaction. If you called her P.O'd, she knows there's the emotion of anger there still she can use. If you called her upset, there's the emotion of sadness she can abuse. If you called her pretending everything was fine and you were good, there's the emotion of denial there she can break.
If she were genuine about moving on and sincerely wanted you to get your stuff back, she could box it up so it's not in her sight and just put the box in her garage, let you know it's there whenever you're ready to get it back. I did that once. Put all his stuff in a box, taped it up and put it in the back of my closet. I didn't want it there reminding me, but if it was out of sight, it was out of mind. I didn't need to be mean about it and throw it out. I also knew he was hurting too and didn't need to make him feel rushed to come deal with seeing me.
She's smart, you got to be smarter. Stand your ground, no contact.
We're both smart, that's why we were good lol I did call an she wasnt; going to throw my stuff out. I called went through little banta then I hang up, she called later I a picked it up an had civil conversation for 3mins. She seems to want to rub the point in that we isn't going in the same direction together and that is why we can't be together, ( amazin break up point ey ). She like to be the stonger person when I comes to parting, an puts on a don't care attitude, which is why she don't like it when I don't respond, I think the key is finding the right balance. Ignoring her for 3 months will only make it worse, but accepting her calls all the time will also be bad.
How is my line of thought, come on you pro's - all your info an support has been amazin so far, really helped. Thanks : - )
That's not what Momincali meant. When there is a break up or even any kind of human interaction there is a underlying psychology involved. In the psychology game she is/was desperately losing when she called you 28 times. She's desperate. She needs attention. She needs to have some kind of control and power.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve_malibu
By NOT contacting her you had that control. You were smarter than her games. That's what Momincali meant.
But you caved and called and this was the result...
Hell no she wasn't. It was the only thing she had to bring you back. Your stuff was her ace.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve_malibu
So contact was made and this happened...
Exactly. So after 28 attempts she got you and then rubbed it back in your face.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve_malibu
My only question to you is, Are you going to get your stuff? If you didn't set up a time to get it, write it off as a loss. Whatever it's value is not worth the emotional game she's playing.
Quote:
Originally Posted by steve_malibu
She doesn't like it because she has lost all control. She controlled you and the relationship. She thought of you as weak. When she rings her bell and you don't respond like Pavlov's dog she gets mad. She knows she doesn't control you. That is why everyone keeps saying not to talk to her. It gives you control over her and this situation.
Ignoring her for 3 months or a lifetime is only going to make it better. Better for you. Plus it might teach her that you are stronger than you lead her to believe you were.Quote:
Originally Posted by steve_malibu
chuff : I understood what 'momincali' was stating, also I was stating that also my ex and I are clever people an know how to play games. She has tried to make contact with me approx 40 + times to my 1 now. I don't see that as critical. As I said ignoring her totally is not necessarily going to fix this. I know I'm still in control and also she has let me know that stuff she said she did not mean. I can only write certain amounts on the feed to display my emotion and what I'm going through. Im not planning for any other contact. And I'm not picking my stuff up, she's keeping it aside. And she didn't rub anything in my face, because I can see through it, I was explaining it to the forum, I know what she's trying to do, along with anyone else that is involved in my issue - the only difference is I know the person and other people on here have previous experience. Please don't jump to conclusions -but thanks for the help
Good luck then.
The only thing that matters here is back to no contact. I've read enough posts to know for sure that when you turn that corner to good health we will all know it. Go back to the stories of the people who have posted here and see the difference that 6 months can make. A year. I bet they don't even know how different they are. Do you chuff? Just to name one. Go back and read where some of us have come from and you'll see yourself. Hang around and I guarantee that you'll see yourself and where you've been in a lot of others and you'll be telling them the same as we tell you, No Contact, work on you. And you'll KNOW why we say that. It takes time. Do you have anything better to do than work on you?
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