Ask Me Help Desk - Is it over for good?

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morrolan

So, I should not try to continue friendships with those mutual friends of our that we shared? I shouldn't tell her family how much I appreciated them treating me like a member of the family? I mean, her dad did offer me the diamond from her mom's engagement ring to propose to her.

I think you can continue the frienships with mutual friends as long as it doesn't get to the point of you talking about her. But if that is what is going to happen then I think you've got to let them go or let them go for the time being so that you can grow.

As far as her dad goes, my gut reaction is to say no. I agree that's a really incredible offer he extended to you but this is your time to heal, not worry about a lasting impression. And let's be honest for him to make that offer means you did leave a lasting impression on him so be happy with that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Morrolan
So, I should not try to continue friendships with those mutual friends of our that we shared? I shouldn't tell her family how much I appreciated them treating me like a member of the family? I mean, her dad did offer me the diamond from her mom's engagement ring to propose to her.

Touching, but a bad idea, very bad. You have lost so much of yourself, the only thing you need to focus on is you getting healthy again or you are useless to any one. The time for talking,questions, and denial is over. Positive action on your part is needed.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

What it really sounds like is your searching for an answer. Maybe I'm wrong and I apologize now if I am but I think the answers are there. But again your so emotionally wrapped up that you can't think logically. Once the emotions die down things tend to make a lot more sense.

I am searching for an answer. And unattached strangers are always the most objective. You've caused me to think a lot about the situation and the events leading up to this. I've also looked at how far I've come by myself in past few months, while she is in the same situation. It tends to tell me that I wasn't the one to really blame for any stagnation.

Quote:

Well I think you need candor. I think you need honest, maybe even point blank advice. But I also think you really know you should pull away. I think you don't want to accept it but I think you know it's the right thing. I think your fighting it but realistically you know you have to do it. Hopefully other posters and myself have helped you confirm or cement that thought.

You know I know this is kind of early to even be saying this but this isn't the end, it's the start of something new. If you can get excited or even just get some positive feelings about that it will help tremendously in your healing and growth.

You hit the nail on the head. I want to pull away. Some of it is because of a desire for revenge, but mostly because I just want to move on in my own way. She has shown no willingness to work on the issues in our relationship, and even after I left and corrected the biggest issues, she is still unwilling to talk about anything. I just feel that if I can be tossed aside so completely without any consideration to reconciliation, I'm better off now than 6 months ago.

Quote:

Originally Posted by chuff

I think you can continue the frienships with mutual friends as long as it doesn't get to the point of you talking about her. But if that is what is going to happen then I think you've got to let them go or let them go for the time being so that you can grow.

As far as her dad goes, my gut reaction is to say no. I agree that's a really incredible offer he extended to you but this is your time to heal, not worry about a lasting impression. And let's be honest for him to make that offer means you did leave a lasting impression on him so be happy with that.

I never looked at it that way. I wanted to make sure that they knew a releationship with me would not die with the romantic one. Then I thought about the fact that I could never maintain a separate relationship with them without her. I'm just going to leave things be.

The friends are a much different story. I will probably end up letting them go because she will be moving closer to them, while I will rarely if ever see them.