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HARSHNESS WARNING

Well that has got to be one of the most interesting of reads I've read in a while. I felt like a little red ball being bounced around a round room.

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I'm no longer traveling a River because it has emptied into the Ocean... I'm afraid, there is Fog, and... I don't know what I am doing...

Really? You don't say.

Honestly.. grow a set. You screwed up. She screwed up. She dosen't give one iota what you do, think, feel, share, write, read or breath. And you're the muppet wallowing in the biggest pool of self pity.. oh woah's me.

All I see is "I Want".. all I read is a petty selfish little man who is the making of your own failure.

You had it hard. Life hasn't been kind to you. Family life was crap and the guy whose friends with a friend of a friend who knows someone doesn't like me.

Dude grow up! So you have blogs and memoirs and whatever on Facebook so want to keep a hold of them.. save them and back them up - then you can carry them with you for life. Or until it breaks.. brace yourself for that rollercoaster. Stop making excuses. You've got the self pity down, lets work on something small and trivial.. like taking ownership of yourself. Really. You. Taking control of your own actions and life. It should be refreshing to know that you can actually breath out there.. oh and live. :eek:

ALL of the above posters have given you THE most sound advice.. but it's like you don't even read what it is they're saying. You respond in your own storybook tell tale. So don't sleep, don't eat, cry yourself into a corner while you take the 'please feel sorry for me' crap, she's living life and loving every second of it. You are nothing but an inconsequential that happened.

Take your pills pay the therapist and move on. The self pity will wear thin. GET OFF THE ROUNDABOUT.

... I'm going to contact her tonight... to surrender my hidden agenda with no contact... no matter what she cannot accept me, and I can't really accept her... but I do miss her... so I guess that's my plan...

And how will this help you? Burning her possessions would be a better outlet for anger, so would a gym. Write down everything you want to say and burn that too, heck get some marshmellows and a few friends and make a party out of it!

Don't even think of contacting her and coming back here crying!!

I do plan on going to the gym here for the first time tonight, I can't burn her stuff... but I've already boxed everything... and I am working with a friend to deactivate my Facebook at least because I can't block her

Thank you talaniman, I am going to copy and save what you wrote because that's what I do, I hold onto things... but it's encouraged me to Heal.

Man, let me tell you, when you stop holding on to things, and put the past in a box, and away in a closet, and look forward, all the options, and opportunities to be happy will boggle your mind. Its not an overnight event, more a process, but you will be pleasantly surprised.

You know, to be honest, I am grateful to all my exes for dumping me, so I could meet my now wife of more than three decades, and make no mistake, it sucked to get dumped for every time, but it turned out to be well worth the misery, and pain to learn to be a good human that's appreciated.

Don't give up on yourself, you will get there.

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mystific finds this helpful : have you been cloned yet? :)

Yes, I have kids, who have kids themselves. We clone the old fashion way in my family. :) :D

At the end of work today I had two foolish ideas, the first was to Google "girlfriend back from vacation space" and I came across the dreaded answer that she might have cheated... I was thinking about this ever since she made plans for new years without me, and it was hard to get over but I did because I read someone's comment about Trust and we cannot control what our partner does, if they want to cheat they will cheat and all you can do is accept that her actions are out of your control... but it still bothers me, she stayed an extra day in NY and hung out with some guys or was it a guy I don't know, it seems like in any case where a girlfriend comes back from vacation and she's acting distant and not excited to see her boyfriend, something is wrong and when she refuses to meet up, it is highly possible she did something wrong... but what am I talking about, I want to know the truth but I know I can't handle the truth, but I'm so curious its bugging me... so the next foolish thing I did was breaking NC, if I were forced to eat Sh*t whenever I break NC maybe I wouldn't have done it, I say maybe because I feel like I still would, I'm ashamed for saying that butthats what I am thinking... so I called and she didn't pick up and I became anxious so I packed for the gym and she called back and my reason for calling was to see how she was doing and to small talk into figuring out her schedule... she's going to Vegas for the nth time this weekend and I'm used to it, but her going to vegas reminds me about the time I helped her because she got her phone and wallet purse stolen by some guys she was flirting with... that's how she has my spare phone... I ended up asking her about her plans for next week, I want to see her and I'm going to try to see her, after that maybe my mind would finally rest but I don't know what she's thinking, she's a sorority girl, a Libra, so she bear the habit of promiscuity and she's an only child and I'm sad because my friend warned me about how hard it is to be with her.. but what am I talking about.. she just gave me a little hope which sucks because yes its making me feel better but she's never going to call me and I think she's already talking to another guy.. and I just want to know even though it does me no good to know... but the good news the gym helped a lot hopefully tomorrow is a better day.

Harsh warning::::::

Hello, anyone home here---are you reading anything that anyone is posting for suggestions here!!

Why did you come on this site for advice, when all you do is exactly what you want like break NO contact, and then come back and write a book on why you contaced her and how you again feel like an A**!!

I wish you luck in life. You keep saying that you are searching for answers especially from her, but once again, SHE HAS TOLD YOU, and TOLD YOU but you Don't LISTEN. Its not the answer you want to hear,so it like you completely block it out and still come back with same line that you are searching for explanation as to why!! Perhaps you because you haven't FORCED yourself to step back and really read what your are writing, but then why would I expect that, because you haven't truly accepted anything that we have suggested.

Maybe when it comes to her all your doing is hearing and NOT LISTENING!! There is a difference, just like a difference between reading the words and comprehending them!!

When I first read your post, I thought wow this guy really got screwed over, but you know I am thinking this woman probably gave as much as she possible could without you completely sucking her dry!! Because once again, you want totally control to point of smothering her! YOu may think differently, that you did everything she wanted and for her, but did you ever really listen and comprehend. Did you ever stop re-asking and re-asking and re-asking WHY and just ACCEPT the simple answer you were given!!

People eventually tell me what you're telling me, all I can do is apologize; I don't take advice for granted, and I appreciate all and any support in my life because people usually end up frustrated and I really don't mean to... I wish I were different... and in the case of the girl I'm talking about... I can do what I can do but there's one thing I can't do, or couldn't do and that is change the past, that's why I don't blame, I don't really argue, it doesn't matter if I win because I see things win-win and win-lose communication will never work... a far as listening, I listen when I can... throughout our relationship she has commented on what she liked about me, maybe she was Labeling... maybe she was lying to make me feel better, but she said she liked that I Listen and that I give her Space. My head is leaning toward the labeling technique of persuasion, she said that about me so that I would think that and do more of it... I support her and she knows that... and again maybe she is just being nice but she said I have some qualities that are hard to come by, and that's what her Mom said too... but there's a But... I know my weaknesses, I knew them ever since I was a teen that something is a little different in my head... and I'm sorry, it's not Normal, and one ex asked me, why can't I be Normal... and I frustrate myself for self-pitying... I was told at a young age that I will have a hard time with forming relationships and I didn't understand that until I grew up a little... I'm not going to say who told me that or kept on telling me that, but it's really affecting me now...

I recognize your need to vent your feelings, and really that's what we do here, so vent away, because while we give advice, whether you follow it is up to you. Now that's not to say that reading your posts is not frustrating to others, and you should expect harsh comments, but vent away, as I realize at this time you have few outlets, or interactions to do so.

Your desired results, and outcomes may not be apparent NOW, but will be latter.

... that's exactly what's going on... and I'm just sad because things are this way... I just feel like this is a big Loss... I was feeling a little better this morning but then now I'm burning and crashing... the very first stranger I confessed to ever since everything happened once told me how he crashes and burns, and I was an entirely different person back then, I commented that if we look at whatever situation we're in, be it relationships, and we see ourselves in a plane and things seem fine but then something fails and we start to spiral down from the sky and that maybe we forgot the parachute so we can't just bail even though we might be an avid skydiver, he was an avid skydiver, so we crash in the middle of a desert and we're disoriented, lucky we are still conscious but the plane starts to burn... and we might have broken bones, and it is painful to move, but if we want to Live... if we really want to Live... we have to pull ourselves out of that burning plane and drag our body away before it consumes us... and that's just the beginning... because we landed in a desert and we're alone, in pain, and we want to survive but a part of us loses hope that we will, and we're thirsty... we're in search for an Oasis... and some of us will find that oasis, and some of us will find cacti, but some... some find another plane... or a magic lamp... but the first thing is to get out of that plane or it will burn you alive... even though I'm only 23 I have been in and out of many burning planes and sinking boats, and I know there will be many more in the years to come... just this time I guess I'm having a hard time taking off the seat belts...

Comment on Cat1864's post

... I am clinging onto the life I knew... I don't want to get Lost.

I've really never wanted to do self harm or hurt anything in my life.. but I'm sorely tempted to go pluck wings off living things.

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I was told at a young age that I will have a hard time with forming relationships and I didn't understand that until I grew up a little... I'm not going to say who told me that or kept on telling me that, but it's really affecting me now

Well one can only assume that came from a parent..

Well let me 'share' with you some wonderful personal experiences as a 'child'. 3 years old and my dad stood on a toy. He was tired and extremely volatile. He cut his foot, got into a raging anger held me up against a wall by my throat and beat me until I was black and blue on the left side. That was just one time. So through my early life and teens I thought this was the norm. UNTIL I had my daughter. 8 weeks old and she had me so wound up, I was tired and depressed and I didn't know what I was doing. She wouldn't stop crying. I was beside myself, I went to her room picked her up and had the most over whelming urge to do what my dad used to do. Then I stopped. I put her down.. walked out.. went across to a neighbour who'd offered to help, got her to look after her while I took time out. I broke the cycle. I've never had the urge, want or desire to raise a hand at my daughter since.

This isn't a comparison or scar war.. its to show that you need to BREAK THE CYCLE. Its no ones choice but yours. If you want too. You can do the self pity crap for the rest of your life if you choose, but it'll only reflect in the relationships you have. I don't want people to feel sorry for me, I don't take the self pity trip. Yes it was a sad childhood. Yes it messed various aspects of my life up. Does it screw with me now? No. For all the stuff that happened in my life.. it's made me into the person I am today. I withstood the adversity. I bet the statistics of coming from a battered home and I am who I am.

If you don't like seat belts, don't wear them. You're the maker of your own destiny. CHOOSE to make a difference. Only you can make it happen.

Tal:

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Yes, I have kids, who have kids themselves. We clone the old fashion way in my family.

I actually lol'd..

I'm so sad right now... just venting, pretending like I'm not alone, I feel so lonely, I broke no contact yesterday, and I broke it again today; she was fine about it last night and today as well, but every one including myself knew that was a bad idea because... I find out that she is picking a guy friend at the airport and hanging out with him tonight, I'm sad about that, and I'm good with Jealousy, and I was good this time, I didn't say anything about it when she told me, but I told her what I wanted to tell her and I wish I just kept it at that, this is where I am really mad at myself, I said to myself I was going to just tell her what I wanted to tell her before she came back to LA from New York, and what I was thinking before she blew up on me, I even wrote it out... I told her about how I couldn't really open up and was afraid to tell her some things and that I was now ready, and reminded her that she said she will be there for me when I was ready, it hurts because that's what I was thinking about the whole time when she was in New York, about how she said she will be there for me, and I told her that I appreciate her for listening and thanked her for understanding me when no one else does, but... since I'm visiting my family in LA this weekend, I was tempted to ask if I could see her, I thought twice about it, but I gave in, I asked if I could see her and she was taken back by it and was getting mad, she said she thought we talked about this already, and I said I know, and she, with that attitude voice that stings said well then... and I thought to myself, stop, I need to stop, but I asked her if we can just talk and she said she knows I can't, and she is right, and then I asked her how she felt before and after coming back from her trip and she kept on saying, I told you everything, how she really feels, about how she wasn't in love with me, and she went further to say if she knew this would happen she wouldn't have done what we did, that's sad because I mean it when I say even though some times I feel like changing the past, I wouldn't because I might not be here where I am today even though I feel really sad right now, a friend once explained how we don't listen to ourselves and how I am not listening to what any one is saying even though it's good advice and I know it's good advice... so even if you, me, I were able to go back in time and give ourselves advice, and we'd tell ourselves, hey it's future you, this is what is going to happen so you have to change what you're doing... but then we probably wouldn't want to do that, we, as in future us and past us, because we wouldn't be here today... she said she that she wanted to change the past and it hurts to think about all the conversations we had, I got her through what she was feeling by giving her some good advice, but all along she was using me, I think she said that I don't know, but it's true, and she said she can't do that any more... she told me this was frustrating, and she told me even more and she was raising her voice, and I guess she's like all of who are giving me advice... she said she was loud and clear, how come I am still talking about this, it hurts because of the way she said it, I asked her what she wanted, and I advise, you only ask that question during times like this, she said she wants us to be Friends but she knows I can't because I failed multiple times in the past months, she said she never wanted this to happen... I'm sorry for what I also got out of her and that was Hope, I'm sorry because I don't need that right now, you all understand, but she said all she said and added "not right now." And I said OK, and wish for her fun tonight for whoever she's going out with, and added that I am here if she needs anything and she commented on that about how I shouldn't say that because she doesn't feel the same, and that also hurt; a part of me wanted to get angry, a part of me wanted to just say, give me back my phone then! A part of me was burning her letters and cards and destroying all the things I gave her, and I wanted to confront her and just see her one last time even though it would be rude... because... the last time I saw her... if I knew I would have hugged and kissed her for just a little longer... because that memory is slipping already... because I know it will fade away... and I don't want it to... it makes me sad that I can't remember some things from the time I spent with my high school girlfriend who I had a bad break up with, I just remember that I had a hard time and she were close but I don't remember much... and I know there was so much more, and now this girl... I'm sorry I made her cry on the phone earlier, she started to cry and that's when I stopped, I wish I waited just one more week, maybe then it wouldn't have been bad, but every one knows that it's too early, and no contact means no contact... and I already feel myself breaking it next week because... I miss her, when she answered the phone I laughed because she did so in a cute voice... the one I'm missing right now, I get so anxious, and my chest hurts and I'm all alone in my room in the middle of no where... and now it's worst because I sabotaged myself... a part of me wanted to go to the gym, but now, I'm disabled... and I feel like calling my friend because he would be able to calm me down because even at the end we were supporting each other, and he's off some where else now doing better which is good for him. I can't believe I'm going through the phases of a break up again... if only I can meet up with every one who has given me advice, or every one at least knew one other, maybe I'd see myself foolish and Change, but my family is having problems, my Dad is leaving... my Mom and sister doesn't understand me, good night for now.

Like Tal said we are hear to listen, and listen, and listen---it doesn't mean that we won't get ticked that you haven't followed our advice, but that's all it is advice. We cannot take you by the hand and physically lead you down the path we feel is the right one, only you can make the choice of which path you take. Even if we were right next to you physically we could only stand by, this is you life's path, this is your adversity to conquer, and how you do that is your choice to make.

So with that said, You really need to get your head out of your backside and stop contacting this peson. Seriously she has tried to be nice and at least let you contact her to ease the break up pain, but you are still hoping she will go out with you--so now you are starting to tick her off, well I guess you can keep going she will eventually stop trying to be nice, and cut off all contact, if you continue after that she will have a restraining order put against you.

Stop all contact, remind yourself she will never,ever,never,ever change her mind and want you back into her life. It time to get into your writing, perhaps write a book of poetry or essays on what is happening to you.

We all understand mourning you are going through. Take care

NeckerCube, I, too, understand the need to vent. All I ask is that you please use paragraphs. It will help you organize your thoughts better (hopefully to get them reined in instead of allowing them to bolt off in any direction they choose) and will make it easier for us to understand what you are attempting to communicate.

If you really want to change the way your life has been going, you are going to have to take the steps. You are going to have to change your perception of yourself. As long as you wrap yourself in your 'weaknesses' and don't trust your 'strengths', you are going to be stuck in the same rut.

Thank you all for Listening. I will try to use paragraphs, I guess it shows I go off on tangents, it's just one of the things I do, and I'm sad about that too. Sometimes I'm fine, I can collect my thoughts and express them normally, but eventually, I'll slip into tangent mode, or something, I don't know, adult ADHD. A couple years ago I stopped using Labels, for myself at least, I still use them in conversation, like I am depressed, I am fighting depression, I deal with anxiety, but I stopped thinking about them individually, but as a whole, and that has no label; I have a Problem. I feel bad about how my conversation with her last night ended, the her telling me she is picking some guy up at the airport and hanging out then taking him back to his hotel threw me off, and it's still throwing me off; and oh crap I just remember I should use paragraphs.

The silly thing is, I wrote some good essays in the past, and I can edit and revise like a master. And can we imagine me as a Life Coach? For some reason I feel like I can do that, but then, I'd have to get pass this whole life obstacle...

It's would be nice if someone were standing by my side, that's how I got through that one mishap in high school, I switched high school, and then this girl saw me eating alone and befriended me, we hung out every day after that... but I eventually had to let her go, we weren't together or anything, just she was someone special, I look at her and think, she helped me a lot; the thing is, she never knew about my problems until it was too late, in a way I feel she ran away from my problems, she ended up just disappearing after I wrote her a letter telling her more about myself, she just took off and left and I didn't hear from her for a while. I just happened to be entering a new phase in life, college, and now that makes me think of the people I'm letting go of now, dammit.

I'm having even more thoughts, this guy of hers is from Maryland and a couple of months before she talked about going to grad school in Maryland, and I know this all doesn't matter because she is out of my life, but I just want to know... I want to know a lot of things, and she can't tell me. I hate myself for calling her last night, but we, including myself, saw that coming. I don't understand myself, how I just slip up.

So that's the major thing on my mind, and I keep on going back and forth between wanting to storm her house demanding my stuff back, like the cell phone she is using; I feel a little bad for my Dad, if I were not mad at him, I'd feel a little worst, but he broke his cell phone yesterday and asked me if I had the spare... he was understanding, but I still don't know what to do, I'm still holding on to the day I get to see her again because of... false hope... I asked her what she wants and she says she wants to be friends and for some reason I forgot what the second part was, but she said but not right now.

Her having my cell phone is Hope. It's a connection; it's also one that I learned from her relationship with my friend; she let him borrow her spare cell phone and he always used it until the very end, and I remember when things finally erupted between them, she demanded it back, and he refused to give it back because he needed it, and I'm guessing, it gives hope for him to one day see her again, even though he was the one leaving her.

One thing he told me in the end was he couldn't get over the many suitors she's been with, and about that's the hardest thing, which he took time and space from her to think about; bold and respectful move because that's what made her Love him I guess; he shared that the very first time he heard her Number, he knew he had to leave because she was his only One; so he left, and her number increased, and he came back, and found out, and had to leave, came back, found out; but his final fight with her was bad enough to make her want to hurt him; she told me one thing, that he insulted her and her Mom, but I know my name was thrown around in their arguments and she wouldn't tell me what the big deal was; she mentioned how I influenced him to leave her, and that scared me because that was what I was thinking when I was in high school going through a similar situation, I blamed my ex best friend, that's because I knew she was coaching her to leave me and then seducing me.

I'm sad because that's what came up over the phone last night, and by now you might notice I refuse to use her name or call her an ex, she is she, and she talked about how she was vulnerable and I took advantage of her, and how I wanted him to leave and her to be with me and so she doesn't know what I said to him, and I asked her to trust me that I didn't say anything to him in that way. But I must confess, aside from what I did, I was there there for him until the very end.

I called him last night, shortly after I talked to my sister, he deleted my cell phone number and called back asking who me who I am, and he opened, asking me why I am calling etc.. The thing is I always end up thinking about him, my therapist says who I truly miss is him, and as for her, she truly misses him as well. I told him I just needed to talk to him and was thinking about him and I'm having a hard time with stuff that I told him before we parted ways. He was close, I told him that, and that he knows first hand about my personality, though backwards because I didn't give him the labels until the very end, depression anxiety obsessive etc... and he told me how he can't ignore what I did, and we can't be the best of friends again, but he can talk to me and remind me of who I was and how things can be, and so he did, we kicked the can in between, but he told me things you all are telling me, oh, but he doesn't know what happened, he doesn't want to, he took my advice from the very beginning and turned his back on all this. I'm sure if he knew what happened he wouldn't have been so nice, but he knows I'm sort of trapped in a life phase in this town I live in and I am hurt by what happened. I thanked him for his support and kind words, and we got off the phone, I felt a little better, his support at this time holds a lot of weight because he left with a reminder, like how some of you all remind me at the end of what you all say, and I've reminded myself of this is to Keep Going, thing will work out.

I don't know if you all noticed but I've come across and have been giving different perspectives, one person suggested I come to understand that things are going to get worst before they get better. Keep Going has been with me for a while, I received this message on the flight before going to Hawaii in high school, the one before my girlfriend decided it would be a bright idea to break the news to me on vacation. But on the flight there, I was still OK, and had a conversation with a man named Rick if I could remember clearly... he was in his late 20s, I was 16, and he asked me about my plans for the future, hell, I didn't know, so he told me his, about how he tried with college and urged me to go to college, jumping to conclusion, he told me, one thing is, no matter what, no matter what happens, Keep Going, don't ever stop, Keep Going. Then it was goodbye at baggage claim and a couple days later, what happened happened.

I'm trying to be calm at work right now. But I'm freaking out about her, when I should be freaking out about myself. I regret calling her because we left on bad terms which justifies her decision, I know I know. I haven't checked Facebook yet but I'm going to now, I'll be off it by the end of the month, that's what I'm telling myself. It'd hurt if she blocked me first, and a part of me thinks that is going to happen. I don't want to block her because I'd go through the troubles of unblocking her. And deactivating Facebook is a bigger move, and I believe it will help a lot.

I confess that I am afraid, I am afraid that I will get over her for a bit and then fool myself into thinking I am ready to contact her, then things will reset again; I'm already looking at my phone thinking, please ring, just call me... and every text I get I hope it's her and last night it was her, she let me know the darn zodiac changed. But I know all that is going to stop because I messed up. I was doing well, I'm so angry that I asked her if I could see her on Sunday, I broke all my promises and now the promises are even greater.

My sister also suggested a calendar, I think that will help, seeing the X marks. But how am I going to go another week? She doesn't trust me. And so I ruined it.

I want her in my life because I forced my high school girlfriend out of my life. I don't even know what she really looks like anymore, and it' stupid that I think of her from time to time because of the advice she gave me on what's going on right now.

When everything happened, I had the rare chance to talk to my high school ex, and she explained to me nothing serious is going to happen and I need to get out now, she warned, I am going to lose both of them, so be prepared, he urged me to be the one to tell him, and told me that's all she can give me. She also forgave me for what I did to her which released me from guilt and helped me really let her go.

I am upset I didn't get to see her, and know it's the last time. For my high school girlfriend I did, and I remember it too, which makes me smile because it was silly. It was two occasions. I came back from Hawaii and took the bus with her and when I dropped her off she Kissed me, and Kissed me, and told me to go, the bus left with her in it, and we held eye contact until she was off at a distance. I thought that was the end until I caught her on the bus again days later and went with her to campus, there we had a face to face moment again, and she Kissed me again, and with a cute gesture pushed my lips away gently and told me to Go. She left. I sat down... and cried. She caught me because I was sitting at my spot for so long she came back around later and saw me, and she asked am I OK? I said No. And days after that were horrible for both of us...

I don't want this to happen again. I didn't get to see her a last time, and when I thought I did, she took it away, that was the night she blew up on me, we were suppose to vid chat... and dammit, I'm just replaying everything over and over and over in my head, I can't stop...

Get yourself to your doctor, and get back on your meds, and be pretty darn quick about it. And don't come back until you have seen him!!!!! And don't cross me, just do as your told, because its time to end this circle of despair, and useless blathering, because you are no longer venting.

Sorry guy, but I must ask you to take more direct actions to help yourself. I hope you understand.

I understand. I'm taking medication. Saw a doctor, he said I'll Live, but I won't feel Alive. Seeing a therapist every week, but I think I'm too much for her, I think every one feels that way, even I feel that way. Dammit, I haven't even done something about Facebook yet, but I will, and now I have to let go of this too. I can see I'm abusing this comment box, but it helps. It's scary to think of no contact with any one any more, and no contact with Myself, I just don't know.

Exactly what were you diagnosed with, and what are you prescribed. You know a conversation with a physician can have the meds modified, or changed, as its so important to keep your doctor informed of ALL effects, and side effects. That calls for more positive actions on your part in your own behalf.

I hope you understand that I am almost obligated as a friend to point things out to you that which may be helpful, and in no way do I want to leave any suggestion left unsaid, but I also must count on your honesty, and due diligence if we are to make any progress.

I have not asked you to leave, just stay honest. Questions??

Depression. Anxiety. Mild OCD, Mild ADHD. Fits of Mania. I hate labels. I'm taking Wellbutrin. And thanks for caring and understanding. I'm sad about last night. And today, she posted her feelings about her little fling with this guy that she hung out with. I'm not feeling well. What is she doing... I want to ask her. Why is she being like this.

I can't concentrate at work and we have projects due. I just want to call her now and ask her why. And she's going to Las Vegas, and refuses to even see me, so I can talk to her.

But I know I have to accept that I can't control her. I hate this feeling.

You will see your doctor again won't you?? I need your word!

As to the female, she is irrelevant, and you should stay off her page. She is doing nothing a young single and free female wouldn't do, and she doesn't care what you are going through. There is no why, just what is. Hit the gym, eat well, and sleep well.