Ask Me Help Desk - Date with EX tomorrow

I see two problems here.

The first relationship should be over. You will never be able to fully invest in a new relationship, until you can conclude the last one. 'The End' is the part that is hardest to accept, however, it is the natural conclusion of a relationhip that did not work out.

I don't know what you mean by 'not over'.

Is it a sort of security blanket that keeps you in a place where you can't move on with a new relationship? Is it a convenient excuse to keep this new girl in your life, but with that invisible boundary that says, 'I'm still in recovery mode, so don't get too close'? Is it a situation where for all intent and purpose, it is a convenient excuse to enlist the emotional support of another woman, without giving very much of yourself?

Are you using your ex as an excuse or buffer so to speak, to have a new relationship, with boundaries imposed from your last one? That way you get what you want, without having to give too much, because you are, after all, not 'over' your ex.

In that regard, what you really need to do in my opinion, is be honest with yourself. If you cannot move forward because you have one foot in the past, then get yourself into counselling to learn what you need to do, to regain your independence.

As long as 'The End' is still very much a part of the present, you will never allow yourself the luxury of being fully committed to another woman, without baggage. It is also unfair to judge the new girlfriend, against the pros and cons of the last one.

So you have, essentially, two relationships going on at the same time. One of them has to go.

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QUOTE by blacksentra;
@ Talaniman... do you have anymore input for me? (see above posting)

The brick wall analogy, an obstacle that takes thought and planning to overcome, and without that, you try to bulldoze your way through it, causing more harm to you, and your situation, in the long run, than if you had a plan of action that was well planned, and thought out.

Think of it as a quick fix idea with flaws that you ignore.

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Also, I have come to realize that when I enter a new response, this post doesn't "bump" up to the top of the relationship forum.

It may be the skin you are using, or it maybe that others have posted after you as the old skin I use shows 5 other more recent postings after yours. The list goes according to the more recent time stamp.

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Also, when you go through this entire posting, you can't see my most current question (about my rebound situation)... This all started when my threads were merged. I believe this is preventing anyone from seeing my postings and contributing input.

You have two closely related post, and by your admission, the first belongs to someone else. That put a serious crimp in your credibility, and is hard to separate the two under your name, but your recent ones that you claim, have all 3 pages intact. Some editing was done, eliminating innocuous posts, but they are all there. I suggest you change your setting from newest post to oldest post, and use the page advance on the side to review your entire recent post.

Click on your name, go to profile, then click on threads started, and you will see what I see.

More later on your selfish need for attention, that makes you run into a brick wall.

@Jake... the problem isn't that I don't want to let go of the previous relationship. I do, in fact, want to leave my ex in the past and move forward with my life.

It's just that I'm still unconciously stuck on her. If you've ever been dumped, I'm sure you know how it is. I still miss my ex (even though in my rational mind I know she wasn't that good to me and I'm better off without her).

I wish so badly that I could have the same feelings for the new girl that I have for my ex, as she is so good to me. BUT the ex is more present in my mind currently.

That's where my issue comes in. I want to give the new girl my undivided attention eventually, but at the moment its hard.

Do you have any advice on moving past the ex and making her a distant memory; both for my own sake and so that I can move forward with this new woman?

@Jake... the problem isn't that I don't want to let go of the previous relationship. I do, in fact, want to leave my ex in the past and move forward with my life.
That takes time, but you are impatient to feel good.
It's just that I'm still unconsciously stuck on her. If you've ever been dumped, I'm sure you know how it is. I still miss my ex (even though in my rational mind I know she wasn't that good to me and I'm better off without her).
Thats only a start, you have to finish that plan.
I wish so badly that I could have the same feelings for the new girl that I have for my ex, as she is so good to me. BUT the ex is more present in my mind currently.
You haven't had time to adjust and cope with old feelings, but have jumped head first into a new emotional situation.
That's where my issue comes in. I want to give the new girl my undivided attention eventually, but at the moment its hard.
Rebounds are like that, instead of taking time to work on you, you have chosen the easier softer way of least resistance, replaced the ex real quick to get attention from a female you have missed.
Do you have any advice on moving past the ex and making her a distant memory; both for my own sake and so that I can move forward with this new woman?
All you have to do is reread the advice given, and the stickies, and stop ignoring the obvious, you do what you want, no matter what any one says for your own benefit that feels good now. You have no regard, and give no thought to the fallout of your actions on yourself or others, and thats very selfish, and quite thoughtless in your approach to solving your issues.

You are not being very honest with yourself, or have an inability to realize that satisfying your lust with this new girl, is hardly a foundation for anything more than taking care of your lust, and this is not the attention you need, but that requires a lot of thought from the big head, but the little head is what you are following.

You fail to realize how you have so quickly latched onto a willing female before the past emotional wounds have healed and are now incapable of a proper healing to have a healthy, long term adult relationship. To bad, you are focused on the new girl servicing you rather than being able to clearly see what you have gotten into, but you will find out, when your head, big, and small is hurting from running into that ever present brick wall.

I appreciate your input Talaniman, as always.

I have read all the stickies and similar postings on this site. And I think it is time to follow the advice given.

I'm going to fall back and allow myself to suffer through this emotional period in my life. I will keep the new girl around, however I will limit her role at this time to solely being a friend.

If, sometime in the future when I am over my ex, I still have a solid friendship with the new girl, I may attempt to pursue her.

I'll continue to post here, as new things happen for me.