I can understand why a man of 58, who has already raised three children to adulthood (he's probably a grandfather too?), would want to have the responsibility of raising another baby at this stage of the game.

And he is still married, and does not wish anyone to know he has fathered a child. He has made it clear that he won't be in your life, or take part in raising this baby. I assume you will have to settle for him tossing cash your way to help out. (you might want to establish child support legally)

You will have your hands full with having already a 14 year old, and now a baby. Single motherhood is quite different than shared custody, which the father doesn't appear to want either.

So what are you left with.

It is possible that at some point, he may, out of curiosity, wish to see, or be a part of his child's life, but to sit around and wait for something that may never happen, you are robbing yourself of the freedom you need to move on. If it were me, I would presume the relationship is over.

That he is on dating sites, tells me that he's interested in a relationship with a woman, for purposes other than marriage and children. Relationships come in all shapes and sizes, but, I presume from what you have said about him, he is not interested in a relationship in order to start a family.

My advice to you is to be prepared to raise this child, with financial support from him, and nothing more.

Oh thanku so much for your lovely answer, may we talk more on this please?

I think that many times, when posts are made, like yours, you really only need hear that what you think is happening, or what you think you need to do, is confirmed by others. It's really very sad when relationships don't work out- for whatever reason. But, for your sake, I hope you find happiness without him in your life.

I don't converse privately if that is what you are asking, and I hope you will post here, and allow others the opportunity to give you opinions as well. Many people here are very thoughtful and honest, and may give more insight and suggestions.

Hi, thank you once again...

Trying to mend the problem for the sake of the child is one thing. Trying to mend the problem for the sake of yourself is another thing. This part remains unknown to me. Only you know this. From what you described about him, it seems like he was just looking for a fling with a younger woman. Once it became more serious than that because of the child, he began looking for a way out. Basically, he used the fight as the excuse he was looking for. The point here is that he already had it in his mind that he wanted out. It was only a matter of time. This isn't your fault so don't blame yourself. Be strong! You don't need people like that in your life anyway. Now, the child may grow up without his father. It's not the ideal situation, but it may be reality. So you need to face that and figure some things out. Always deal with reality. If you ever need anything else, I'm here. Peace and Love, and the best of wishes.

Wow what an answer that was poet, you helped me understand things more clearly now and let me let go of the frustrations I had, I thought I didi the wrong in the relationship :))

Hi there,
I feel its not right that my ex's doesn't want me to tell anyone about our baby , but he threatened me that if I did then he will cut child support, My heart is sorry for the child because he has family he can't know, I feel so low at times and wish to start telling them but am scared..

Commitment,

Firstly, welcome to this great site!

You have to take a hard decision if you want, your child to know about his father. What can he do, after all? Moreover, child support is his legal obligation. Tell your son, everything. Else, when he grows up, he will have to cut a sorry figure, every time, someone asks him about his father. Is not it?

First you get your child support though the court, You get if needed a DNA test. Next you tell any and everyone you want.
What he is doing is denying it is his child, and maybe even not admitting to a relationship with you.

You can not force him to see or visit the child, but you should never deny or lie about who he father is.

He cannot cut off child support unless he goes underground. Child support is his obligation and your right, but you need to go to court to enforce it. And you should.

He has no right to tell you who you can tell about your child. On the other hand it is his responsibility to tell his family. I would not go behind his back to do so.

Thank you all
I cannot believe his behavior and its tiring me a lot when I think about it, he went on with his life but I made all the adjustments, its not I don't love my son , more the fact I love him to death though his dad is a completely selfish person who only thinks of himself and what is good for him!!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by commitment

thankyou all
I cannot believe his behavior and its tiring me alot when I think about it, he went on with his life but I made all the adjustments, its not I dont love my son , more the fact I love him to death though his dad is a completely selfish person who only thinks of himself and what is good for him!!!

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Sadly, there are too many men like that in this world. You keep going on and do what you can for your son and that's all that matters.

Good luck

He just doesn't want the child. He's probably doesn't like the situation of having a son with you, and thinks if he ignores it, the problem will go away.

A year has passed and I still miss my ex of two years that I had a child with. It's horrible and I've been crying all week about this. I tried to speak to him but he doesn't want to know or see his child.

You may have feelings for you ex because you share a connection with him. You see, he is the father of your children and you care about him because of that.

Try to figure out why he doesn't want to speak with you or his child, and then try to remind him that he is a father and owes his child a lifetime of love :)

He said he doesn't have time for us,but iknow its an excuse

Let him know that you know it's just an excuse and give him the time and space until he comes back. Trust me, sooner or later he will miss his child and you.

Why did you break up? How long were you together for? What are your age ranges?

He is 58 an I'm 39, he is separated with 3 kids, I still miss him and I really want to thanku guys for the support you all offer, the fact that you listen makes the burden less :))... anyway I think he won't come back though as he had taken a decision once and for all but I REALLY CAN'T UNDERSTAND WHAT MADE HIM LEAVE

How is your financial situation? Do you have enough money to support your child?

Unfortunately we cannot read his mind. And since he's not willing to share his feelings with you, then you have to accept his decision. We can't force him to open up to you.