As of right now, she doesn't feel as if we could ever be a couple again, and although I would be more than happy to accept her back into my life (with major changes so that I am not in this position again) she doesn't see it as a possibility. I feel like although I am healing slowly from this, I am still hers, she is just not mine anymore, relationship wise. Also the though of her sleeping with someone else bothers me still, even hanging out with guy friends bothers me and I don't know why because she isn't my girlfriend anymore. I do not understand what you are trying to say with this line could you explain ***? "You have put yourself in a catch 22, mm. You know that dont you ?"

Javi

Why was this story merged?? Now you can't even see my new concern... it was a different question and a different problem!

This one is tricky because on one hand I feel as if you might be taking advantage of her feelings. HOWEVER, it almost seems like she likes being seduced.

She invites YOU over? Correct? So, that right there shows me that she may like the build up of anticipation. No no no, yes yes yes.

Unless, could it be that you are giving her mixed signals of wanting more than just sex?

Are you giving her lip service?

Or are you striaght up with her, by saying that you don't want a relationship.

I like Tick's question. Why can't you have her emotionally?

First of all I am unsure of to what you mean by "Lip Service" if you are talking about eating her then yes, she does get that.

To seduce, I use both, emotional and sexual escalations, and once I see a break point I do kino (touching) escalations. Now I can seduce her depending on how into it she is already by the time I get there. Normally we just agree on meeting up, we text each other and decide to watch a movie or some other bull but never end up doing (as opposed to her invite me over), we have a couple drinks maybe share a couple cigarettes and then I get to work. After a while (normally 30-45 minutes later) I overwhelm her to the point that once she said "you are seducing me", to her just letting my do whatever I want with her. To tell you the truth, this is actually more fun to me than when she was my girlfriend since it was all a matter of asking for sex. Now, the only worry I have now is that she will eventually want to find someone else considering that I was not the one for her, but as of right now (and I have no idea how much longer) I have anxiety and jealousy when I think about those possible scenarios. And I don't know how to keep that under control. I still would feel betrayed and hurt if someone was to penetrate the girl I love so much, and that thought hunts me.

Javi

I can't have her emotionally because she doesn't want to be with me involved in that particular way, that has been made particularly clear.

I do remember some of your original post, and I'm not quite sure what the new question is. If you could clarify, or state it again, in a nutshell even, I would be helpful in responding.

From what I remember, I seem to remember that she was still tight with her ex husband, and just that one point alone that you made, could indeed explain at least some of the emotional distance, as he is returning.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mmresd

First of all I am unsure of to what you mean by "Lip Service" if you are talking about eating her then yes, she does get that.

To seduce, I use both, emotional and sexual escalations, and once I see a break point I do kino (touching) escalations. Now I can seduce her depending on how into it she is already by the time I get there. Normally we just agree on meeting up, we text each other and decide to watch a movie or some other bull but never end up doing (as opposed to her invite me over), we have a couple drinks maybe share a couple cigarettes and then I get to work. After a while (normally 30-45 minutes later) I overwhelm her to the point that once she said "you are seducing me", to her just letting my do whatever I want with her. To tell you the truth, this is actually more fun to me than when she was my girlfriend since it was all a matter of asking for sex. Now, the only worry I have now is that she will eventually want to find someone else considering that I was not the one for her, but as of right now (and I have no idea how much longer) I have anxiety and jealousy when I think about those possible scenarios. And I don't know how to keep that under control. I still would feel betrayed and hurt if someone was to penetrate the girl I love so much, and that thought hunts me.

Javi

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By lip service, I mean sweet talk. For example, "I love you so much", "I want to make love to you", "I want you so bad", "your my love", things like that.

You mentioned that this is more fun now for you. Let me ask you, do you think it's fair to her?

Also, this jealousy of another man, if he were to penetrate the girl you love so much? That's random. What I mean, is that it seems as if you want the best of both worlds. You want to have sex without a solid relationship. If you really love her, then why not just have it all?

She says she wants to be friends? Then maybe no more sex and just be friends?


I can't have her emotionally because she doesn't want to be with me involved in that particular way, that has been made particularly clear.


I may have missed that one. Everything was also merged.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Enigma1999

She says she wants to be friends? Then maybe no more sex and just be friends?

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He says he can't have it both ways; he likes the sex too much. I say maturity vs. immaturity, but she is so susceptible to him, all bad combinations. I say no friends and just say goodbye on both sides but that takes discipline, which neither seem to have a lot of.

Tick

My question is about this part :

Quote:

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Now, the only worry I have now is that she will eventually want to find someone else considering that I was not the one for her, but as of right now (and I have no idea how much longer) I have anxiety and jealousy when I think about those possible scenarios. And I don't know how to keep that under control. I still would feel betrayed and hurt if someone was to penetrate the girl I love so much, and that thought hunts me.

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EDIT : I kind of got my answer... (It's what happens when you take ages to post!) :S

Quote:

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Originally Posted by tickle

He says he can't have it both ways; he likes the sex too much. I say maturity vs. immaturity, but she is so susceptible to him, all bad combinations. I say no friends and just say goodbye on both sides but that takes discipline, which neither seem to have a lot of.

Tick

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Exactly what I was thinking, why would you even try to be friends with her? You know you can't do it...

HARSHNESS ALERT

You aren't getting over the break up. You are confusing yourself. You aren't allowing yourself to heal. You aren't moving forward.

I am not sure who is using whom, but it needs to stop. Neither of you are acting very responsibly. Get your heads out of your respective genitalia and think like adults instead of teens playing games. I certainly hope a pregnancy doesn't occur before you two figure out what you are doing.

He has already left, again, I don't think she is emotionally involved with him anymore, but I was talking about having a sexual relationship with her, but I still feel like I wouldn't like her being with someone else.

Ok, is not that I wouldn't have it all, I would love to be with her in a committed relationship, the problem is that SHE is NOT willing. So, then I though that maybe attempting to have a sexual relationship would make the break up a little less bumpy. She still loves me, and restricts herself from me, which I don't understand. She started crying the other day when we were talking about her dance class because she remember how I would ask her how it went, she is emotionally destroyed. And yes, that is my fault, my actions have not really allowed her to move on, but I don't want her to. If anything, the sex makes me feel "at home" for at least a little while, not to mention that we both like doing it with each other. She wants to be friends, I don't I am just following her little game to get in through the door and as soon as that happens I start to work. And normally, she can't say no, but then she is affectionate the rest of the night and the next day she is where we were the day before, it feels as if she beats herself up for letting herself go. Man, I am having serious issues at getting over this one, it has been about a month and I feel that I am in a worse spot than I was three days before the break up. Pregnancy chances are small considering that she uses birth control. But anyway, I can't seem to stop myself, I keep acting on impulse instead of thinking about what I am doing and last night we got into a big argument, it ended in her saying that she hated me and that she never wants to see me again. I know that she will, I am just going to have to let her cool down from that, but I need some major tips to stay away from her, because it feels very, VERY difficult to do right now, and it is making me feel a little crazy. In fact, I just read what I just wrote, and it makes me feel even crazier. I am not even sure of what I want anymore!

Please Help,

Javi

Been there, done that. Don't beat yourself up for still loving this woman. Its it one of the hardest things to get over, is that they seem to be able to turn their feelings on and off. Wish I knew where to purchase that switch, because believe me I would be first in line. I allowed him to continue that game playing, just to be in contact with him. But in all honesty it was the HOPE that I still carry. You will notice I use the would still instead because I am still getting over it even after all this time.

I am getting better, and have even recently took control over situation that involved him, but I still needed to ask for some advice. I knew this person would give me some sound, understanding advice, and she did!

Keep trying to go "no contact" even if you have to start a new everyday. For one of these days your going to stict with it, because you will finally start realize your hope, and her reality will never be on same page. The pain of just being a bootie call even if sex is great, the lack of connection that you use to have will finally sink in.

You have been giving some good advice on this site. You will find your answers within!!

I would miss the sex A LOT, and yes I do give her Lip Service, a lot of it!

Yep, a lot of us have done the same. Until we get to point were we have had enough!! Everyone's enough point, well its their's alone to discover. Missing them, well that is just about the whole story isn't it!

Thank You, answerme_tender, it seems so hard to imagine my days completely without her, even though we only dated for a short period it was the longest relationship I have ever had, and I have never felt this pain before even though I have been broken up before in a similar situation. I don't want her out of my life, and is killing me to hear over and over again of what I have to do. I know what I have to do, I just can't seem to bring myself to do it. I have been thinking of seeing a psychologist because I need professional help I think, I am not sure but right now every step I take I take it with extremely caution because I am unsure of everything. I feel so mad at her for putting me through this, I wish I could show it how it feels, but I can't hurt her either. I have been sitting on this website for hours a day for the past days, and it is not only because I like it, but because it makes me forget (even if just a little) about the girl that I deeply have feelings for, and they are not dying down. After she started resisting to me asking for sex after we broke up, I have been having to seduce her, and now sex is even more fun than before, so it is making me want her more, but I think I might be addicted to her, which makes me feel like I am afraid of going through some type of withdrawal. I feel hopeless and defeated, last night I was really mean and controlling with her, I hurt her badly, and I was in SOO much pain. I think she might not want to see me ever again, she said I was the most disgusting person that she had ever met, and it felt like a dagger ripped my heart open again.

Javi

I don't understand what you are talking about here.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mmresd

Ok, is not that I wouldn't have it all, I would love to be with her in a committed relationship, the problem is that SHE is NOT willing. So, then I though that maybe attempting to have a sexual relationship would make the break up a little less bumpy. She still loves me, and restricts herself from me, which I don't understand. She started crying the other day when we were talking about her dance class because she remember how I would ask her how it went, she is emotionally destroyed. And yes, that is my fault, my actions have not really allowed her to move on, but I don't want her to. If anything, the sex makes me feel "at home" for at least a little while, not to mention that we both like doing it with each other. She wants to be friends, I don't I am just following her little game to get in through the door and as soon as that happens I start to work. And normally, she can't say no, but then she is affectionate the rest of the night and the next day she is where we were the day before, it feels as if she beats herself up for letting herself go. Man, I am having serious issues at getting over this one, it has been about a month and I feel that I am in a worse spot than I was three days before the break up. Pregnancy chances are small considering that she uses birth control. But anyways, I can't seem to stop myself, I keep acting on impulse instead of thinking about what I am doing and last night we got into a big argument, it ended in her saying that she hated me and that she never wants to see me again. I know that she will, I am just going to have to let her cool down from that, but I need some major tips to stay away from her, because it feels very, VERY difficult to do right now, and it is making me feel a little crazy. In fact, I just read what I just wrote, and it makes me feel even crazier. I am not even sure of what I want anymore!

Please Help,

Javi

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Okay... Now I completely understand everything here. I had to read your entire thread, merged and all.

Oh and also, I didn't realize that you are 19. I thought you were older, as you present yourself with a lot of knowledge and your verbage as well as writing skills are very good.

That being said, I honestly think that you should end this relationship. I KNOW it's hard to hear, but, I feel as if she is stringing you along. She is getting the best of both worlds. She is getting sex with out a commitment. I don't think that's fair for you.

I would also like you, red, to stop using the 'comments' feature.

I agree with enigma, just stop this madness. You are not even on the same wavelength as her, let alone maturity level. I think I got that before a few posts ago.

You are so far off base it is pathetic, and I think she sees you as that now, too.

Tick


Just find it in your heart to not see her again, not contact her, find someone on your own level. Your post bothered me so much, red. You are going to slip over the edge with this, to a place where you don't want to be.

Tick

You are not the first guy to be used as a boy toy by an older female, nor will you be the last! It happens all the time, and a young ego is too big, and blind to see that. Thats what they do, she makes you feel like she can't resist you, and you have all the charm, and control. But when she is tired of YOU, and finds a better toy to play with, then she will stop all this madness. You will then face reality, that her female wiles, and charms have you thinking your really hot stuff, that's what she WANTS you to think. It's a game to play.

So until you get a mind and will of your own, and can control yourself better, be prepared for more of the same, as you learn the difference between just friends with benefits, and a healthy adult relationship.

You have an awful lot to learn about love, and lust, so maybe you better enjoy it, and keep practicing your "lip service" which isn't oral sex, but sexual BS talk to get what you want. She likes it, and gets it when she wants it from you, but forget anything meaningful happening. Of course the danger of this kind of game, is when reality hits you in the face and you have to accept the truth.

Don't worry, that will happen. And yes I have read your other post in dating, and this is but another side to it, as you will meet many females (and males) who mistake lust for love, and sex for commitment, as all humans just want to feel good, and be happy. Life is simple, but feelings are very complicated, and relationships are complex. That's why much thought, and communications is so needed, because our minds play tricks on us when feelings are so deeply involved.

It takes YEARS to really know someone, and along the way, many mistakes are made by assuming, and presuming you know them well, or know what they are feeling and what motivates those feelings. Heck, I can bet at 19, you barely know yourself that well right now. That's normal, but make no mistake, she is not the helpless, powerless female you think she is, nor is she so blinded by YOUR charms she doesn't know EXACTLY what she is doing, and how to make you serve HER purposes for NOW!!

Thank you!