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We've now gone from me not wanting to see her at all to now she wants to meet me for a drink tomorrow? How the hell do I look her in the eye? How do I play it, I'm so damn angry today its untrue, I am totally trapped in this situation and I HATE her for it
She claims she's pregnant? But wants to meet you for a drink? And you two are supposed to be broken up?Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
How do you play it? Um, don't go! The only thing you should be focused on right now is determining is she's really pregnant with your kid or not and if not run as far and as fast as you can from the lady.
Ok, I may have jumped the gun in my lasy post. It just hit home a bit. I realize though, that you feel lost and confused. I want to ask you this question, if it does turn out that this baby is yours, then are you going to be apart of the baby's life?
That's OK. Yes, I will be the best dad I possibly can if it does turn out that way.
What worried me is that she said after we split, she was considering, albeit a joke, having the baby and pretending the baby was her fiancées, this is what is really getting to me.
I just don't know how to interact with her, any time we've spoken since Sunday, she's just been closing in on me more and more, telling me she loves me and she actually said at one point, 'no matter what goes on between us, id miss you too much for you not to be in my life' - I'm petrefied. And I thought my ex-GF, the one who broke my heart earlier this year was a bunny boiler - this one is a firecracker.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
You mentioned that you broke up with this girl in a harsh manner? Would you please explain how you broke up with her?
Also, what are her thoughts as far as this Fiancé of hers?
It was just I messed her about, because she spends all her time texting mr and obsessing over me - it was like id split up with someone who I'd known for years, and I was confused so I went back on it and text her the day before her birthday to say I then made a mistake - the day after her birthday I of course get second thoughts she picks up on this and flys off the handle - which is a given as I was a moron. We split again on that day with it being her call this time after some heavy insults toward me and the how could you do this/ this is just a game to you speeches. I wake up the say after to a text that says she doesn't want to hate me and we should meet as she has something important - I coax it out of her that she is pregnant.
Re: fiancée - he has to know what is going on, this girl is on god knows what number affair now and she texts me 24/7 which really does my head in, and I was seeing her at least twice three times a week. He's recently, apparently, started talking about marriage and more kids - v recently - which is why I tried to leave her the first time.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
Ok, so you don't even know for sure that if this child is yours. According to your story, it could be any ones baby.
I think that she should be honest with her Fiancé, but that's something that she will have to do on her own.
For now, it is just the waiting game.
I'm just curious how she is going to tell her Fiancé that she's pregnant. Is she going to say that it's his?
My heart goes out to you in a sense. You have really gotten yourself in a situation. It would have been one thing if you two were exclusive, no other lovers on her part, then that way you would know for sure if it's yours. The fact that you don't know, well, I would wait until the child is born to get a DNA test.
For now, I would just tell her that there really is no need to speak to each other untl the baby is born, UNLESS, of course, she is going to be honest with her Fiancé, by telling right away that she is pregnant and it could be yours. Then some decisions need to be made.
You can also say that if this child is yours, that you are willing to take responsibility.
For now, I don't see any point in having a drink, lunch, etc, with her to discuss any thing.
I can see your hate for her. She sounds like a rotten selfish mess. Unfortunately if this is your child, then I hate to say it, but you two will have contact for the rest of your lives.
If this child is yours, please be an active parent in his/her life. As this is NOT the child's fault. If this is your child, then you better find a way to get along with this woman, because she can make your life a living hell.
You have a long hall ahead of you. I know that and you know that. People f##K up! This too shall pass.
Hang in there. Just remember that this is an innocent life inside of her, and it will be your duty to love and protect it. That is, if it's yours.
So, the next time she texts you, I would just say that you will wait to see if it's yours after it's born and that you two really don't have any thing to talk about at this moment in time.
That's just me though... You need to do what you have to do.
Does that all make sense?
I find it very troubling that she has a fiancé yet is positive the baby is yours.? Sounds like if you just give her a thumbs up and propose marriage, she would dump this guy in a heartbeat. Also sounds like this is not even close to what you want to do.
Look, you both haven't acted like mature adults here. That being said, she sounds like a primo number 1 manipulating nutty. My advice: from this point on, keep it in your pants buddy. If you want out of this "relationship", do not have sex with her ever again. Tell her she is with another guy and the reason you have acted like an idiot is that you have been eaten up with guilt over the situation, and you wouldn't want someone to mess around with your woman the way you have with his. Tell her if she is pregnant and she decides to keep it that is her decision and if, after taking a paternity test you find out the baby is yours, you have every intention of fulfilling your parental obligations and will not walk away from the child. But, as far as the two of you go, you will not marry her and the relationship is completely over. If she starts throwing a tantrum again, or starts trying to hold the "baby" over your head, tell her that if she insists on playing that card, it is time for you both to have a nice little chat with her fiancé and you will tell him everything that has been going on with the two of you. I think you will find that when she realizes you are serious and it is absolutely over between you two, AND now there is the possibility of losing her fiancé too, she will either tell you she had an abortion or she was never pregnant. Because I truly believe she is not pregnant. I think she is attempting to create a situation that she knows will keep you from leaving her at the same time "paying you back" for breaking up with her in the first place. You need to stop freaking out and grow a pair of big boy clackers if you know what I mean. Time to stop getting sucked into the head games & stop feeling sorry for yourself. Take control of the situation instead of allowing it to control you. AND, if she really turns out to be pregnant, decides to keep it, and in 9 months you find out it is yours, then follow through on your promise to take care of the child.
Yea she says that I'm the only person she's been having sex with since we started. Also every time we got in a silly argument she would laud over me the fact that she will have sex with her fiancée to get back at me. I thought my last relationship was nuts, I know now to screen better for girls. I was so vulnerable emotionally when I met her that I've kept her going because it makes mr feel better I realise that this was wrong. I have the feeling as well that she has had numerous other affairs with people at work
According to what you have written here she has a child from a prior relationship (not the fiance's kid). The current fiancé is pressing her for marriage and children. She had no compunction in engaging in a sexual relationship with another man yet she was able to get away with being celibate with her fiancé? How do you think the conversation went when she completely cut him off from sex a few months ago when she started in with you? Or, do you think she was able to get off the hook by complaining about a headache every time he attempted to initiate sex during this entire time? **scratches head** Hmmm. And he was still willing to stick around because... she has a magnetic and sweet personality? Really? :rolleyes:
I think you believed what you wanted to believe because at that time you found someone who was readily available sexually. You thought sex would help you get over the sorrow of losing your girlfriend. You used the wrong head and now you are paying the price of your poor judgement. She is not the only one who has handled herself poorly here. After this relationship, I suggest you spend some time alone and give yourself some time to heal. If you need sexual relief, make your right hand your best friend.
Right now, you need to stop analyzing why you did what you did and what she probably has done in the past. You are trying to put off the inevitable. That is a very immature way of coping with a problem. Accept that you made a VERY serious error in judgment. When you hooked up with this woman, by your own admission you chose poorly. It doesn't matter whether she has had numerous affairs with other people at work. Get yourself extricated from this mess. You have learned a very tough but old lesson. Don't crap where you eat! Smart people avoid work place affairs for the simple reason that if it doesn't work out, they don't have to deal with the complications of having to deal with that person every day at the office. In my previous post, I gave you specific advice on how to end it. If you have questions about it, I will answer them. Otherwise, unless you have changed your mind, you need to bite the bullet and end the relationship now. It may seem hard to do, but the longer you delay this, the worse it will become. Right now you are miserable and unhappy. End it and although there may be some sticky loose ends, you will feel relief. Eventually you will look back on this whole situation as a life lesson that will help you make wiser choices and deal with future relationships on a more mature level. Good luck.
Actually the child is her fiancées, everything seems so coincidental now- Jim asking for kids and marriage just a few days before she finds put she's pregnant. She has now text me asking for some wild sex on Friday as well as meeting up. I've declined this - simply stating, until we have dealt with this there will be no sex. The guilt has started coming from her now I have declined this .
How best to do this - text or in person.
I would just respond one last time in a text for her to contact you after the baby is born to confirm if this is your child or not. That's it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Beetlegeuse
I wouldn't meet up with her or have text/phone conversations with her.
I would not respond to her any longer after you make it known for her to contact after.
You had better pray to God that this isn't your child. She sounds to me like a game player.
Good Luck.
So, now she is positive she is pregnant with Jim's kid. He is still her fiancé which means she still has intentions of marrying him. YET, she still wants to keep her little sex toy on the side. What a great life she has.
You had unprotected sex with this woman (not girl) at the same time she was having unprotected sex with another man. How does she know who's kid this is IF she is even pregnant? Ridiculous. Give it a bit more time and you will hear her sad story of how she lost the baby and wants you to console her with some "wild sex."
Do you work with Jim too? Or has she been babbling on about this guy so much you feel like you know him?
Someone mentioned earlier that you should get tested for all diseases. I think that is a wise suggestion.
I know Enigma doesn't agree with me and that is okay. I understand why she feels you should have no further contact. But, you have continued to talk with this woman after you broke up with her a couple of weeks ago, and she appears to believe you still have a relationship. Even in your last post you are telling her "until we have dealt with this there will be no sex." What?? Do you want to end this or not? I don't like the idea of ending any relationship with a text. Since you work with her, I don't think you can just ignore her and expect her to stay quiet. Considering she appears to be extremely selfish and unstable, I think either texting a break up or simply ignoring her will piss her off and she might do or say something even more outrageous than she already has, such as make a public scene at your office.
Meet her in a public place where there are plenty of people around and you can make a very quick exit. A busy street corner? The entrance/exit of a busy store? Don't sit down for a chat over a drink or a cup of coffee because it will give her an opportunity to corner you into a long drawn out conversation. Make it short and sweet. Tell her that if she is pregnant, she can't know for sure whose baby she is carrying. So, if she has a baby, you expect her to contact you so you can take a paternity test and do the right thing. But, as far as the relationship you had with her, it is over and it is not open for further discussion. You are done with her. Tell her not to contact you anymore except after the baby is born, and if she can't respect your decision and continues contact, you will contact Jim and spill the beans about the relationship and she will find herself completely alone. Then, walk away. Fast. Do not allow her any opportunity to manipulate you into discussing this any further. Guaranteed she doesn't want to lose all the men in her life and if she really believes you will tell Jim, she will back off. She obviously feels the need to always keep someone dangling. Let it be Jim. I do feel sorry for him but their dysfunctional relationship is not your problem. That is between them. After you have made it clear to her where you stand, stop all personal contact with her. Do not respond to any calls or texts. Do not give her any opening to have a personal discussion with you. Stick to your decision and ignore her. If she chooses to be a loose cannon and confronts you in the office, tell her that it is the last straw and you are calling Jim. I expect she will then back off if she believes you are deadly serious. You have to convince her of that during your break up. BTW, as long as you two are still working in the same office, you will know within 6 months whether she is actually pregnant or not. If she starts to show, you can remind her that you will be requesting a paternity test. And, follow through with that. If you have brought a child into this world, you need to step up, take responsibility, and be involved in his/her life as a father is expected to be.
AND, in the future, when you eventually enter into another relationship, please use a condom even if the woman is using contraception. Until you know that the new woman is stable, free of STDs, and someone you would like to have children with, you need to use protection. I am sure this current soap opera filled life of yours is enough to last you a long time so why put yourself through the emotional wringer again with a repeat performance? Good luck. Let us know how you do with all of this.
Sorry lemming I meant the actual child is her fiancées - her current child is her fiancées kid. I agree with your comments and I'd rather do it face to face - she is adamant that she is going to go through with this abortion and I don't want to add any fuel to the fire and be an arse so that she changes her mind not to abort - IF she is actually pregnant.
However once the smoke clears and it is apparent what course of action she is taking then I will definitely heed your words to the absolute letter.
Can you believe though, asking me for sex today - two days after telling me she is pregnant. I'm furious about that. There are some red herrings i.e tampon in her new bag; she did go to the toilet alpt on Sunday which I noticed and wanting sex with me in spite of her going through all this emotional torment
She sounds like an emotionally disturbed woman who will stop at nothing to get her way. She is relentless. She may not even be pregnant. In your case, I hope she's not.
You do know she might have actually been taking her birth control pills... we have members here that were on the pill, were using condomes AND spermacide cream... at the same time... and still got pregnant. So yeah... it happens. Plenty of reason not to have recreational sex if AIDS and Herpes wasn't enough on its own. You never mentioned condoms so you were willing to take that risk not knowing for certain who else she has slept with the last 5 years or so and who they have slept with... etc.
Opinion here... I've known women that sound just like her... I've kept my distance. Sometimes you are better of beating your meat than hopping in the sack.
Like was mentioned... pray like you've never prayed before this new kid isn't yours. And don't assume she got an abortion unless you were there with her.
Because if she fooled around with you on her fiancée... you will be next in line when she gets bored with you... and that WILL happen eventually when the new meat excitement wears off.
Thanks for your responses guys, I really do appreciate this totally unwarranted support.
She's just told me she's going up to the hospital tonight for her consultation, second one.
Now in and amongst texting I said id be there, she said no just rest up, then I said id get a cab there, as she couldn't come get me, she responded yes but she has her daughter with her, now she knows I won't go anywhere her daughter is. However I kept on and I think we were calling each others bluff, which has ended her now going to the hospital with her daughter, or so she says, and then I have to go with her next week (which she confirmed, this will be the date - before she actually found out the date if that makes sense, which is weird also)
Anyway, the big hoo-haa kicked off and she called me on testing her, ending with she will do a test in front of me to prove her situation.
If she is willing to get the abortion... pay for it willingly... and run out the closest exit after she gets to the recovery room AFTER it happens. So you know to not stop payment on the check.
Next time you won't be so lucky.
Im just concerned that I keep causing conflict at the moment with her and she might turn round and say not going to have an abortion. Horrible and as selfish as this is, I never thought id be saying these things... god one more chance please and I will give so much back to this planet instead of taking.
It just seems strange that all of a sudden she has her daughter with her and her fiancée was stuck in traffic so she had to take her.
She knew I wouldn't go if her daugther was there.
Anyway I've got to stop looking for loopholes and just deal.
In the end... thats all you can do. In reality much of this is out of your hands.
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