Any contact is going to set you back. He already knows you don't want to respond to him. Remember your words - "I kind of want to tell him to stop calling me unless you have the intention of actually talking to me." You are just opening the door to letting him back in as he'd get your message and want more. You would be doing him a favor to not contact him at the same time. It would only encourage him to keep contacting you because now you have responded. Read the stickies. They go into everything in detail.

Well I guess it doesn't matter, I had already done that. I just said please don't contact me. I'm just pissed at this point.

Stick to your guns with him. He has nothing to lose by contacting you, but you do. Never forget that.

Yeah sometimes peoples foolishness makes you be mean to them, whether you want to or not.

Pissed because he keeps calling or pissed at the way it ended? If you are pissed he keeps calling, keep doing what you are doing. He'll stop calling when he gets no response. If you are pissed at the way it ended, give it time. You are headed in the right direction. You'll have good days and bad days, but if you keep working towards the goals of getting better, improving your self-esteem, and figuring out what you want in life, you will work your way out of the anger and into a better life.

Pissed because he keeps contacting me then acts cowardly about it.

In one of your first posts you mentioned that you broke up because he was cowardly. This behavior shouldn't come as a surprise. Ignore him and keep working on yourself. You already seem to be doing better. :) If you have doubts, reread this thread and especially your first post of today (#15).

I had my first counseling session. It was okay, but it was an older lady and I don't know how well she related to what I said? I did feel somewhat better about a few specific things the session... she seemed to be able to shed some light on some things I said about the person I recently dated and his behaviors. However because my employee program only pays for 3 sessions I don't think she's interested in going much deeper than a "broken heart" kind of thing. Might look elsewhere, especially realizing now what I DO want to work on about myself.

3rd time he contacted me - 7:30 this morning, saying "you know i still love you, care about you, and want to be with you, so why don't you answer when i need you?"
What is he trying to do to me guys?? :(
I literally started shaking when I read this- mad, anger, and confused. I already asked him to leave me alone if he was going to ignore me when I responded to him. Why does he only need me at 2 in the freakin' morning and then send this?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by muffin55

3rd time he contacted me - 7:30 this morning, saying "you know i still love you, care about you, and want to be with you, so why don't you answer when i need you?"
What is he trying to do to me guys??? :(
I literally started shaking when I read this- mad, anger, and confused. I already asked him to leave me alone if he was going to ignore me when I responded to him. Why does he only need me at 2 in the freakin' morning and then send this?

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He thinks you left the door open for "when he needs you". He's selfish, and he's not respecting what you want. Did you talk to him or did he leave that message? Don't pick up the phone if he calls, and don't listen to the messages. He'll stop doing this when it gets him nowhere.

Otherwise, how are you doing? Are you still feeling better? Is this call the only thing that upset you? Have you had another counseling session? Have you learned more about yourself, more about what you want, or even more about what you don't want? Keep moving in a positive direction and one day this will all be behind you.

Have you thought about changing your phone number. Make sure no one that you give it to lets him know the new number. I myself would simply ask for a younger counselor. They are there to assist you and if you feel more comfortable with younger person then just call and let them know. Don't waste those counseling sessions by not feeling like you can really get help.

Here are the 3 words I tell myself every single day, even after a year. They are for my growth, I say them out loud to myself.

PEACE,FORGIVNESS,MOVE-ON
Every time I start to get depressed about the breakup or just thinking about him, I say these words. Peace is for the stopping of continious turmoil I allowed, like dwelling on the situation. Forgivness, is not for him as for myself, as a strong woman allowing this to happen to myself. Move-on is a kick in the backside to not stay put and keep waiting and hoping that everything is just going to be okay, but to get on with my life.

Good luck

I just blocked his number, because it's too hard for me to simply ignore his contacts. It totally messed me up today and I can't have someone doing that to me. He needs help. You're right- he IS selfish and not respecting what I'm asking for. He deserves no part of my life now. And no, I didn't talk to him, I left a text, because his tactic is to contact me then when I call back ignore me... even after saying he still cares for me, whatever, liar. I know I can't help/fix him, he needs to be gone from my life, I tried to help/be kind and it's only hurting me at this point.

Yes I saw a new therapist today and she was wonderful, I feel very good about it.

I'm just the least bit creeped out he may show up at my apartment or something... I've asked him twice now to leave me alone via text... but the blocking will now take care of that. I am kind of nervous though about what he may do.

Muffin, I understand exactly what you are saying and why you are nervous. I had an ex that wouldn't leave me alone either. Listen to your gut instincts, especially if you are afraid of him. What is your gut telling you about "what he may do"?

I like your new attitude of doing what is best for you. It's a big lesson to learn that you have to be assertive for your own good. I'm happy to hear you like your new therapist.

So far I'm doing well. After my 1st therapy session with the new therapist, I felt we connected and let a ton of stuff out, which lightened my feelings this past week. I am seeing her tomorrow for the 2nd time and look forward to it. She seemed very understanding. I had blocked the ex the past week and he has not contacted me, perhaps he has tried but I will never know since he was blocked. This gives me empowerment.
I have been journaling, a huge help with many issues... and spending time with friends. I have had less contact with my family, but I feel better with this for some reason- I think I need space right now. I am going to dinner with a male friend this weekend. I have a hunch he "likes" me but I am just viewing this as dinner with a friend. He's a nice, funny guy and I have no intention of seeing it as anything differently right now. So, I think it is a healthy take on things.

It really sounds like you are making good progress. I am happy to hear it. :)

Okay don't scold me. I couldn't stand not understanding.

He has still contacted me at least once a week and failed to return my call back during normal hours. I had left a voicemail 2 days ago saying "I hope you're well, but this can't continue and I don't understand your behavior".
I knew if I wanted answers I would have to keep my phone on during the night. Bingo. Last night he texted late... said:
I really miss you and want to be with you and I think I made a big mistake by breaking up with you and I'm also really embarrassed to tell you that or talk to you. Can we talk some time? I am really sorry for putting you through all this.
Okay. So I called him then and there, we talked for half an hour. He's still been ill with no proper diagnosis and has NO money due to medical bills, is borrowing from his parents. What a bad situation. I advised him to seek a new doctor and don't feel bad about borrowing money right now, his health is important. I asked him for honesty why he called me so late. He said he was plastered and needed a ride home. (gee, okay, well I wanted honesty). He then said to me everything he said in his text- he's sorry, he made a mistake, he loves me and wants to be with me, do I want to be with him. I skirted around answering him. I said how can it be when you are still ill, missing work, not wanting to be around people? He said he thought being with me would make things better for him. (HIM). We talked about how it was so good before his illness... reminiscing. He said he hadn't been ignoring me all this time intentionally, he'd been too embarrassed to talk to me after he would call or text about his feelings. (okay... ) He said he still wants a future with me and sees me differently than other girls... thinks I'm beautiful, loves me. I said do you only want me in your life as a girlfriend? He said it would be hard for him to be just friends because of how he felt towards me... so if I didn't want it, he'd delete my number and it'd be over. He asked me again, I said I don't know. I said maybe I was just a comfort for you and represented the things you wanted. He said it's a simple answer, yes or now. I said I don't know. He said call him the next day or so. He said he missed me and loved me. I said I miss you. He said but you don't love me? I paused... said I care about you and you're very special to me (he was saying "mhm..."), but that I'd been through a lot of emotional stuff. HE SAID!. I was adopted, I've been through emotional stuff, try that then we can talk. (WOW, REALLY?. ) I said I know you've been through a lot...
He also told me he'd been to his hometown and met with the girl who was his "first" and she's married with kids. On his Facebook the message from her seemed a little too friendly for someone with a family. I'm not sure what to think.
I turned off my phone, woke up to 2 more texts asking "do you still love me". I said I will always love you no matter what and you have a special place in my heart... which is true.
I am so sad for him, he is hurting so much I can tell.
He still is smoking, struggling financially, obviously struggling emotionally as well. I think he needs therapy and he does not love himself. He cannot be in an equal love-giving relationship for these reasons, I believe. I can't be with him. As much as I want to hold him again...

I do have a piece of closure now, though. I was SAD he wouldn't talk to me during this whole weird communication thing this past month. At least I have gotten some answers and understanding.