 |
Hello Fisherman,
Can you elaborate a little as to you wanting it all might mean?
That could mean many things, like marriage, children, to move away with her, to move in together, so on and so forth..
That might help me better understand your situation.
Thank you.
Maybe it simply means she is feeling smothered, or overly obligated, or overwhelmed with the relationship. Not that she doesn't enjoy her time with you, but maybe it is just too much of a good thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by Fisherman1967
It may not have anything to do with you, but more to do with her comfort level.
When she says you want it all, she is maybe thinking 'all' as in all her free time, all her space, all her attention, all of 'her', and she is feeling she is losing herself in the process.
Not at all uncommon in relationships where you need a break from routine, or expected and anticipated outcomes to every event. That gets very tiring and after a time, feelings of resentment will settle in, because one or the other feels 'obligated' to meet the other's expectations, whether they feel like it or not.
My best advice to you is to respect her as a person who has the need to have time to herself. Just to be by herself, without the everyday routines or expectations of anyone. And that works both ways. You shouldn't have to think twice about a guy's weekend away, or playing hockey a couple of times a week.
And please read the rules of the forum. 'Disagree' is used only for factually incorrect information, not an opinion, which is what you will always get in questions of this type. There are no absolute rights, or wrongs, there are only opinons. If you don't like the answer, move on, if you do, bonus. You will get many variations between.
Fisherman, Please do not use the "comments" feature to respond to questions. Scroll down and place your response in the "Answer this question" box.
You shouldn't be getting back at anyone for lack of whatever feelings you think you're entitled for. That's just very short of stalking and harassing and is pretty dangerous territory.
Leave this woman alone. She asked for space - you have to respect that and do your own thing.
When people ask for space, you should give it to them immediately. That is if you holding out any sliver of hope to get back together in a future.
Because I've never heard anyone saying - My exbf/exgf won't live me alone. They call me and text me all the time. They show up at my door uninvited. They are everywhere and I don't know how to get rid of them. God, I miss them terribly and dying to get back together with them!
See my point? Leave her alone.
Good luck.
Any more new questions on this subject will result in your threads being deleted. If you need help knowing the rules of the site or how it works just ask
What!Quote:
I am 43
No way!
When I read your first post I figured you for a young teen. There's no way you're 43, you're acting like a child. I mean really, this says it all;
Maybe she's tired of being with someone as immature as you. At 43 you really should know better than to try and get revenge for something someone can't change, like their feelings.Quote:
How do I get back at my girlfriend for not loving me enough?
Leave her alone, she needs her space.
Got to spread the love Alty, but I thought they were about 13 or 14 myself.Quote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
Little story. I once dated a guy who reminds me much of you. Despite that I would tell him that I cared about him, he would continually insist that I didn't. Why? Because I didn't behave in some pre-conceived manner that he expected - he didn't allow me to be me, and show my caring in the manner I chose.
He smothered me. He asked me too many questions about everything I did. If I wasn't home when he called, I'd get the 3rd degree about where I was. He once called at 11:00 at night wanting me to come over (when I had work the next day), and when I said it was late, he acted like a big baby about it.
He was in his 40's. I was late 20's. He was 18 years old than me. Didn't matter much, cause he acted 5.
He could not see that he was smothering me, that he was making me feel that I should be what he wanted, when he wanted, how he wanted, where he wanted, he wanted, he wanted, he wanted. And never understood when I tried to explain it to him.
You don't seem to have understood anything anyone here has said, which is why you remind me of him. You don't even know what "needing space" means. Too many things here make me believe you're possessive.
So here's what you do: you tell her that you will try to respect her need for space, it won't hurt to tell her that you honestly don't know what that means, and therefore that you will back away until she feels that she would like to call you, and that you are going to leave it up to her for a while how much time you spend on the phone, together, etc. And then let her contact you, and don't bug her.
Cause you're leading yourself right into permanently losing her. What happened to my guy? I cared about him at one time and never could convince him of it. I grew to hate him. He's a bad memory.
Sorry if this sounds harsh or over the top, but I'm looking at you becoming a bad memory if you don't back off immediately. And I don't think that's what you want. Even if this relationship just ends, let it end with better memories.
My girfriend 46 told my she needs space and that I 46 was smothering her. I agreed to leave her be but now I have feelings to share with her. I just want to tell her how it makes me feel and that I'm hurt. Is it appropriate to contact her at all or what should I do? She won't answer my messages or my calls. Thank you.
How are you going to contact her if she's not answering your messages or calls? Obviously she doesn't care much about anything you have to say.
So I'd let it go and to stop contacting her - at least out of respect. She's shown she's not interested. Please walk away with dignity.
She's broken it off, so you need to accept the reality of the situation and move on.
Don't contact her - it's over.
Move on--she isn't interested. To continue to try and contact would only make you look desperate Keep you dignity and find someone else that will appreciate you.
What does it matter whether it is appropriate to contact her or not (and I don't think it is)? She will not receive your attempts to contact her anyway?
Nobody enjoys being told to back off so telling her your hurt is really not going to accomplish much.
Like all above. Leave it alone. If she contacts you re-visit the situation. If not move on.
Hello, I am 43 and my girlfriend is 46. She told me I was smothering her and that she needed space because she had a lot to deal with right now. I gave her the space. Now a month later she called me back and we just spent a good weekend together.I feel we are back together but I'm not sure if we are as solid as I would like to be. She does not tell me much and I am afraid to ask too many questions for fear of scaring her away again. Should I ask her where we stand and how should I go about doing this? Thanks. Tim.
What do you mean re-visit and how should I go about it? She did call me and we had a good weekend but how should I take that? Thanks. Tim.
You are completely wrong. She did contact me and we had a wonderful weekend. You are opinionated and should not answer people on here. Mind your own afairs and stay out of others. You are 0 help!
" Where is this thing going, and am I just wasting my time hoping that we get back together"
We can only give you our opinion, we can't foretell the future. Show some respect to the people that took time out of their lives to help you.Quote:
Fisherman1967 : You are completely wrong. She did contact me and we had a wonderful weekend. You are opinionated and should not answer people on here. Mind your own afairs and stay out of others. You are 0 help!
We all volunteer here. You're the one that brought your "affairs" to this site. You're the one that asked for an opinion, but now you're telling people to stay out of your affairs? What sense does that make?
If you don't like advice given, ignore it, but show some respect.
And am still going to post anyway, even though Alty already said it. Cause it bears repeating.
I'm having major issues with your comments to Devorameira. You ASKED our opinion on the matter and then you turn around and tell someone to mind their own affairs? If you want people to mind their own affairs, then do not post YOUR affairs on a public forum and ask about it. It's as simple as that.
The fact that you would react that way makes me wonder how you treat your girlfriend.
I'm quite surprised she called at all. You said you'd leave her alone, but then you say she wouldn't take your calls and ask what to do about it. You should not have been asking what to "do" about it. We'd already all agreed you should leave her alone, and yet you come back asking what to "do" about it. If she wasn't taking your calls, it's cause she didn't want to. Hello, clue phone. Back off means BACK OFF.
So she has now contacted you. Which is nice. I hope that means something good. But at the same time you're on here asking us again what you should be doing about. (At the same time that you're telling people to mind their own affairs.)
You need to take your cues from her. The fact that she has called and that you had a nice weekend doesn't mean just jump back into everything and start bugging her. She needed time away. Maybe she needed to see you to see where her own feelings lie. If you just start bugging her again, I suspect she is going to run the opposite direction.
You need to continue to BACK OFF and let her call the shots right now. Don't even ask questions. That's only going to bug her and I suspect she doesn't need bugged right now. You need to let her continue to have her space and let her be the one to contact you.
Two things are going to happen. Either it's not going to work out, in which case there is nothing you can do about it. Or, it can work out, but only if you let her decide for herself what she wants to do and let her alone to do that. As soon as she calls once, you're ready to jump all over it and not let her alone, and I don't think you'll keep her that way -- if not sooner, then later, it's just going to happen all over again. And next time she might not call again.
You can't take a hint from her. You can't take a hint from us. You're too busy being pushy about the whole thing. Even though she called (once), all of your posts here are giving away that you don't know how to leave things alone.
Go read my post again about the guy I grew to hate, and take it as a hint. You remind me so much of him. Is that where you want it to end up?
You're driving me crazy and I'm not even your girlfriend. And you can get ticked over my comments all you want, but it won't help. If you would act sympathetic, I might have some sympathy for you. I always hate to see people get hurt. But your aren't acting sympathetic - you're just acting pushy.
P.S. What I feel from you, for her, is obsession -- not love.
You might think about that a while.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:32 PM. |