Ok maybe I should answer her but keep the conversation brief and let her know how I feel? When I see my kids she's there and tries to talk to me, but I ignore her. Is this right? Or should I talk to her. I'm just scared of another fight because I don't want for this to get worse.

You talk to her be cordial when she starts to get nasty cut it off. Tell her you'd like to sit down and talk to her but only if it's civil. Tell her you'd like to do some counseling.
Don't ignore her and don't be rude, but just tell her you won't argue with her.

2 weeks ago when I had my son over with me she came to pick him up the next day. I asked her if I can talk to her because there was so many things that I wanted to tell her. She seemed calm when I asked her and she agreed. So we set the date for a Thursday. I went over there to drop off some diapers on that Thursday, but I decided it was best we didn't talk because I thought it was too soon. So as I was walking out the door she stopped me and asked me, "I thought we were going to talk". I replied, "Well I think it's a bad idea. We can do it some other time." So I was walking out the door again and she stopped me again and insisted that we talked. At the moment I thought to myself that maybe she is ready to talk like adults. But I was wrong. Our conversation started well, but then came the tears, anger, and thoughts of suicide. She started telling me that she's going to leave for a long time and to enjoy the time that I have left with my kids. So she told me to leave and I'm thinking, "What the hell, I thought she was ready to talk." So I left politely and shared a few tears with her and told her that I will always love her. I took my son with me that day too. That is why I don't want to ask her to talk. Maybe it's best for her to take the initiative whenever she REALLY is ready to talk, don't you think? Only then I will know that she is ready to talk and let everything else fall into place. At least that's what I think is the best thing I can do for now, just wait to see if she tells me one day that she wants to talk to me.

Yeah, when she wants to talk to you, talk but still suggest you do some counseling.

Ok. Thank you for all your support. Only time will tell what will happen. I will keep this post updated if something new comes up. Supposedly she is leaving this Friday, or at least that's what she told my mom to let me know. I hope it's not true. If she does leave then she really doesn't love me like she says..

You know guy, the biggest part of communications is paying attention, and just listening. Sure its hard not to reply, defend yourself, or fix things, but to be a good listener, and gain insights into the heart and soul of another, you have to stay calm, cool, collected, and shut up.

You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.


"You know guy, the biggest part of communications is paying attention, and just listening. Sure its hard not to reply, defend yourself, or fix things, but to be a good listener, and gain insights into the heart and soul of another, you have to stay calm, cool, collected, and shut up."

Top notch advice. Listen!

I will do that if she ever decides to talk one day. If she does decide, that means that she has a lot to say to me and hopefully she will finally open up and express all the things that went wrong in our relationship. I will listen and listen until she has finished everything that she has to say. Then I will let her know how I feel and like everyone else suggests, ask her to take up counseling and I already know the right place where we can go. I am willing and wanting to do anything that will help us, but she has to put in her part too as well because it takes two to take such action.

Sounds like she is talking, she's yelling but she's talking. Just listen to what she is saying.
She is hurt and we don't always make sense when we're hurt. So listen to her.
Remember this happened because you didn't think to delete some tacky text that you should not have been getting to begin with.

I'll keep that in mind. Thank you. Although we haven't spoken or seen each other for two weeks, we will eventually. If she does leave this Friday, then she will come to me to let me say good-bye to my kids, if that really is her intention. All I can say to her is good luck with whatever it is she needs to do. But I know she will start talking about us. I have this strange feeling that she is putting my love for her to the test by telling me she is leaving. Maybe she is wanting for me to tell her not to leave or just that she really is decided on leaving. Who knows..

Keep it simple stupid is what a sponsor told me to do after I ranted and raved and asks him what I should do about my problems.

Listen to her, and ask her what you can do to have her forgive you, then shut the "F" up, and do what she says.

That's as simple as it gets, but the shut up part is the hardest.

If you think she wants you to ask her not to leave, ask her. Now is not the time to play games.
Let her rant. She'll clam down eventually.

If you really want her back you have to accept what she is saying.. Yeah you didn't cheat but she believes you did and this is why she is acting the way she is.. I think she still loves you and it does seem she may be testing how much you love her by this whole 'i'm leaving' thing.

If you want her back you got to lay it all out there when she comes to see you. This is your chance! Don't let your ego or anything else stand in the way..

Thank you all. I feel like a have a family here. I talk to my mom about what's going on too and she gives me similar feedback that I get here. All I know is that I do love her and I want to fight to keep my family together, because I never been so happy in my life until she came along. She called me yesterday and I answered this time like Homegirl50 suggested. She asked me if I can take her some stuff for my kids and I told her that I will be taking it today. She also wants me to stick around to be with the kids and I said of course anything for my kids. She sounded calm when we were talking and she even said thank you, which I haven't heard from her since we separated. I think the space and distance really is working because she sounded very calm, unlike the other times when she would sound upset. I'll just leave her be when I go over and not talk about us until she is ready.

That looks promising.
You will have good days and some bad ones still but it is my hope you
Two work this out.
I wish you well.

Thank you. I do hope we can work this out, maybe it's a little soon right now but sometime in the near future when everything feels right and her mind and doubts are cleared. All I want to do is show her that I'm there for her and my kids, because she thinks that I don't care even though I've proven myself. I know she is still hurt because her cousin tells me that she cries to her about me 'cheating on her'. There's just no way I can prove to her that I haven't done such a thing. Should I just accept something that is false? I'm thinking about just saying yes I cheated on you can you forgive me but not so sure if that's a good idea =/.

Don't admit to doing something you didn't do. Then you have to lie to keep a lie going. You tell her you're sorry you were silly enough to have left those texts, you're sorry for the pain you have caused and that you love her and want her to forgive you. That is all you can do. Time will take care of the rest.

She doesn't believe me when I tell her that I never cheated. I don't even want to touch the subject anymore and hopefully with time she will realize that I could never do such a thing or give me a chance to explain myself. Last time I tried she cried and started screaming saying she doesn't want to talk about it and told me to get the 'f' out of here. I wish I knew what's going on in her mind that way I would have a definite answer on the next step I should take. But it's my job to figure it out, no one said a relationship is easy and pain free.

I generally leave fools to believe what ever they want, and if they don't want to listen, screw 'em. She may be hurt and angry, but call it what it is, carried away by emotions, so don't mention it ever again, and if SHE keeps revisiting it as a fact, then walk away because it may take YEARS for her to stop playing victim.

Never lie, when you are innocent, they have to deal with the truth, the facts, and the rest is up to them. The best you can do is acknowledge her feelings, and understand them, even if they can't be fixed, or changed. Giving in to her FEARS, may seem like the easy way out, but its NOT!

That makes a lot of sense Talaniman. What can I do right? And that's exactly what it is, her worst fear is haunting her right now even though it's just an illusion. I don't plan on touching the subject ever again and I hope she doesn't either. I just came back from dropping off some money. She was calm but looked confused. She didn't look me in the eyes when she was talking to me and I was being sweet to her not mentioning anything about us. I just left with a humble "I'll see you later". Tomorrow is supposed to be the day she leaves, but I didn't see anything packed and she didn't mention anything about leaving. What's really going on here? She's been telling me that she is leaving for the past 3 weeks. I don't know what to make of it.