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“I can't quit for a lifetime, but I can quit for a day.”
I had to do this with a women several years ago.
Guess what - I could never imagine being with her today - we just would not worked out at all. We were not the same people - I am good guy and she was so screwed up by abusive parents and an abuse ex-husband. Gorgeous women - and I couldn't LOOK PAST the fact she was completely broken.
Even after this guy leaves, and she comes back to you, how long until she wants to check out some other guy she likes , but oopps this guy is not an ex! Fool me once..?
I was doing a great job on the NC until yesterday, it had been two weeks. In a moment of weakness, I unblocked her on Gmail and she was online. I didn't do anything, but about 10 minutes later she IMs me and asks how I am doing and that she just wants to say hi. I say I am good and she says the same. No mention of this guy visiting her. I then joke with her about how she is probably already engaged, and she responds that I am being silly. Then she says good to talk to you and that she misses me. I didn't tell her that I miss her too--I just said good to hear from you and logged off.
Of course I felt like crap for the rest of the day, and had our chat conversation running through my head all day. I know I need to keep up the NC, but it does confuse me when she says she misses me. She seems to know just what to say to keep me fixated on her--she of course knows that I want to be with her and still she says she misses me--she must know that her telling me that might have a certain meaning for me? Why do woman keep men around like this?
I have her blocked again and will not do this again. Just wanted to come here and rant instead of sending her a rambling email...
Well look I'm not going to rant to you about this being mistake because you know but I want to point two things out to you that you overlooked. The first is although you opened the door for her, you did not actually contact her. The second is you went two weeks without talking to her. Was it easy - No. But you did. In other words I'm saying you're a lot stronger than you give yourself credit for. Instead of beating yourself up for giving in try that around and be proud that you went 14 days and now do it permanent. Now you know that you can and you know what it feels like to do this and get this result see it through to the end for yourself.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
She does. And she's saying it.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
As a back up plan. As a doormat. You're the place she can dump all her emotional problems. If this other guy doesn't work out she can always fall back on you. That's why she keeps you around like this.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
Good don't contact her. Also it's good that you come here and rant and not send her an email. Even if you just posted something and got no response it's still better than contacting her. I also suggest you start exercising as a way to relieve stress and focus on something else. But if coming here and ranting helps you to stay away from her then do it. Do anything but be in contact with that user.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
Great job Chuff!! Outstanding.
John - don't worry about - actually you came across as the better person - she contacted you. Just don't cantact her. You came across as a cool guy. Just don't be there for this gal.
RANT AWAY HERE!! Believe me from experience it's the right thing to do.
Find a great gal you can actually TRUST unconditionally!! I don't think you will ever be able to trust this wwomen - ever.
What a wench - having some guy visit her - then excpecting you to be OK with it.
What you really need to understand that her telling you that she misses you is just a ploy to keep you around it is obviously working. Once you understand that she is using you and just making sure you are around as a backup plan the sooner you will be able to move on.
What will happen when you are just waiting there for her after she is done with this guy. Then she gets bored with you and finds another guy and you are always there as a backup. No one is telling you she doesn't have feelings for you but they aren't the way you are and enough of what you have told is that her feelings will NEVER be the same as yours.
There are so many other women out there and stop putting up some false impression of this women. If this is the type of woman that you want to be with one that can use you and cheat on you then obviously you value yourself like a piece of crap. Harsh as that is it is true. She is one woman, you were with her for a few years, remember the good times take those experiences with you and get on with your life. Friends, family, work, school will help. Find hobbies, be busy, if she ims you don't respond. If she calls you don't respond. There is no reason to. TELL YOURSELF you are no ones backup. NO ONES!! End of story. 2 weeks is not that long.
you may think you are doing NC but you truly are not. NC is where you cut off all communication. ALL COMUNICATION. Having setbacks will happen but before you think about trying to talk to her, think of the disadvantages of it and the consequences. What will saying hi accomplish? Absolutely nothing just furthur hinder your progress, Be strong, it really isn't bad. I am going through the same thing and it will work out don't worry.
Another week has passed with NC. The guy leaves this Saturday. I am trying to move on, dating other girls, hanging with friends, etc. But she still occupies my thoughts all day long. I think it was the fact that we had a sexual relationship all the way up until this guy came to visit her that really messed me up. I kept asking myself, how can she say she just wants to be friends and that she loves this man when she is sleeping with me and hanging out with me 3 or 4 nights a week? I don't do that with any of my other friends. It is hard to believe that she thinks things are over when she is still sleeping with me, and that part of our relationship was always great. It seemed to me that it was more an infatuation on her part with this man, and that it would fade once she spent some alone time with him, which she has never really had (the relationship was one that was built up over emails). That relationship seems totally doomed to me (dad's best friend, married, he lives in another country, etc.). All this gave me hope. Now I feel like she will still be confused about this man when he leaves, and will want to hang out with me again insisting that we be friends. I guess I feel like my story is a little different from others here when a woman leaves a guy for someone else, because in my case she kept the physical part going with me. And the temptation proved too much to resist. I am such an idiot.
Sorry, not much new here, just had to get this off my chest. He leaves on Sat, I am guessing I get a call from her on Sun or Mon. I am planning lots of activities with friends this weekend so that I don't take her call in a moment of weakness. One day at at time.
You are her booty call, her sideline ho'. She can tell you anything, cause you will be there and do whatever she says, and can pop that thang to keep you in place. When she wants to do things with someone else she always can give you a little taste, and you will wait until she takes care of her real business, and there you are waiting with panted breathe like a DOG for whatever attention you can get. If your going to be her DOG then be a good one, and lick her azz when this guy has finished Doggin" your woman. If you like it I LOVE IT, If you don't like it... What are you going to do about it!! Leave that stuff alone ,its already whupped your..............!!
Don't get mad at me for telling the TRUTH either, You should be mad at yourself for LETTING her punk you.
For get this women complete.
But - it sounds like your too weak and will go running back to her manipulations.
This is so unhealth yfor you to even consider thinking abut. She DOES NOT CARE ABOUT YOU!! Ok - she may like the attention - but she LAUGHS at you as she strings you along. She has ALL the power in your relationship - YUCK!! Women hate that - you're a whimp in her eyes.
Go find a healthy available woman.
Yes - you are whipped man - so unhealhty. Yuck!
Tal: I am not mad at you at all--honest and objective advice is what I am looking for and I appreciate your response. Thanks for the b**** slap, I needed one today. She does have some sort of sexual hold over me, no doubt, but I am becoming angrier with her every day. I think resentment of her for all this will help break the spell. She has told me time and again over the last few months that she feels guilty about sex with me cause she likes this old dude, but she seems unable to resist when I put the moves on her. She never initiates it, but she certainly goes along with it. This is no dopey high school girl--she is a 31yo woman, I thought she at least had some clue. I actually felt bad at times for initiating it, like I was taking advantage of her--but that seems so ridiculous now that I have had time away from her to consider it more calmly.
John, I really hate to come down on anyone so hard, but I hate it when some one is used and abused and does nothing. I truly hope you can leave her behind in your dust, and move on to a better healthier life, If you need encouragement come back and I or others will try our best to help... you must help yourself first. You do deserve to be happy and respected.
And another week that you need to give yourself credit for. Start reassuring and talking up your positives and your own achievements.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
I think that it’s you keep interacting with her on any level. She has very little self worth so how can she bring you any?Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
Actually that is a great question to ask yourself. Have you ever stopped talking and got an answer? The answer is because she doesn’t love him. She doesn’t love you. She doesn’t love herself. If she doesn’t start there she has nothing to share.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
Because you have more to offer and higher standards than she does. Don’t lower yours to hers and don’t wait for hers to come up to yours.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
I think the infatuation was with you. She knew exactly what she was doing. She was stringing you along emotionally.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
With all due respect, why do you care? I mean if that relationship does fail then exactly what are you going to gain? Her? She’s not worth having. She told you to go away for 3 weeks so she could screw another guy. You have more value than that. If you had only 1 cent to your name you would still have more value then she brings to you. She would screw you out of that penny and tell you to wait for another 3 weeks and you might get another one. But you wouldn’t’. That’s her M.O.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
And here’s my Dr. Phil moment of the day, but why is she screwing her dad’s best friend? She barely knows him, only through emails. There’s more to that story than you know about. Some kind of revenge on dad, but for what?
This is not how true friends behave.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
She kept the physical part going to make you her back up plan. Which is exactly what happened.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
You could be an idiot. If you don’t learn from this. Or you could be someone that got caught up in a situation and worked yourself through it. That would make you pretty smart. Take it from me, who spent half his life being an idiot and repeating the same patterns with different women, I know what it’s like to be that guy. I also know that you could learn with one woman what it took me multiple to finally wake up and realize something wasn’t right.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
Being an idiot doesn’t lie in the past, it lies with what you learned in the past and what you’ll do in the future.
Good have a lot to do. If you run out come to this website and just start posting or reading old posts to learn from. If you have a gym membership use it and hit the stair master or elliptical machine. If you do it at a good pace you won’t be thinking about anything other than the butt kicking the machine is giving you. When your done you’ll feel better.Quote:
Originally Posted by john_doe
If it starts to feel like a lot remember you can go for a day.
Okay, so I heard from the girl this morning. She sends me a text message: "just wanted to let you know that (the guy) is staying 2 more weeks. dont worry i am not getting engaged or doing anything crazy. hope your well and we will talk soon". It sucked to get that of course, and I was furious that she just did it in a text message. So I am pissed, and text back, "i knew this guy would end up moving here." She texts back "he is not moving here, and i am not moving to (his country). my life will go on as it is". I was stupid for replying the first time, but I did not reply to that one. My course of action is still the same--no contact. Today was a slip in the NC, I admit, but I was angry and could not resist. I think she still must have an expectation that I am an option for her later, but my anger and sadness over the last few months have finally brought me to a place where I have removed myself as an option. Just wanted to let everyone know I am doing okay, and that this community has and continues to be a great source of support for me.
Dude - tell her to F-off - under no other circumstances.
"dont worry i am not getting engaged or doing anything crazy" - how mighty nice of her!!
Tell her go to hell.
Get this f-ed up beatch out of your life!! Tell her to go to hell.
You are a fool for getting back her. Complete fool. Sorry - just blunt.
WHY are you wasting your energies on a chick that just plays you to no end.
You are a fool.
You're like plan C in her book... you're not even close to plan B.
Do yourself a huge favor and move on. Tell her to go to hell.
I agree.Quote:
Originally Posted by Wildcat21
And by that I mean really drop the F bomb.
Several times.
This won't end until YOU decide to end it. She can keep this game going for as long as you allow it. The only way to win the emotional game with someone who plays them is to not show any and leave.
Yes - tell her to F-off, go to hell - out of your life for good.
Learn from this. Learn to be a man about things -not her little toy.
Please go to this website and READ every article on dating - AskMen.com - Free Men's Online Magazine
I would be so unavailable to her she would think that I had dropped off the face of the earth. She would have to work her azz off to get me to say a word to her.
Disappear.
John_Doe,
When a woman loves you -- you don't have to guess. I agree with Chuff you are her back-up plan... her back-up man... in the event that it doesn't work out with Old Dude.
Please sweetie -- Just say not to drugs Iyou said she was like a drug).
You have got to get the strength to move on.
Of all things, she caught me on the phone at work yesterday. I spoke with her briefly. Turns out it did not work out with the old dude--she said they will not be together but they will "remain close". She said she likes her life like it is and does not want to live with him. Whatever. She told me I could call her at work sometime if I want to, and I said okay and ended the conversation. Screw her.
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