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Originally Posted by positiveparent

Hi again,
what youre experiencing is perfectly normal, you cannot spend 5 years of your life with a person and not miss them, and their role in your life.

A Relationship ending is in many ways similar to a loss by death, and in many ways it is just that,however instead of it being a physical literal death its the death of the relationship, and you will go through a period similar to that of mourning.

You will have down days and youll also have good days.

I wont tell you itll be easy it wont, your whole world has changed, your outlook will be changing to, now you are having to learn how to function as a single person a Me and not a We, and thats not easy youll miss the company the banter between a couple, youll miss many aspects of the relationship, and it will at times feel as if youll go mad on your own.

This is why its recommended you get out and mix with others as much as possible, do you have friends you could ask to help you by being like a support team, for when you are feeling really down, ask them if they would mind you phoning them at these times, Your family could also help you in this way.

Im sure if you asked your friends and family they would be happy to help you in this.

Could you take up a hobby or do some voluntary work.

Perhaps you could vamp up your home somehow, you could make changes to yourself physically, like change your hairstyle. or your mode of dress.

If youre feeling really depressed, try to go out for a walk, day or night, this will help you, just go to a park and look around at nature, and see how beautiful she is.

Go out star gazing, could you go to visit a relative who lives in another area, maybe take a holiday, or take a holiday and take your Mum with you.

Spend time with friends and family, but try to keep the subject off the ex, listen to upbeat music. learn to play a musical instrument.

Check the forum stickies for more ideas you could put to use.

Come here anytime you feel you need to vent or post updates for us, because we here care about you and how youre doing. We will be here for you at anytime.

So always know youre not alone. Were here and we care...

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I have been hanging out with friends a lot more, and they have given me plenty of advice. This week I am actually flying out of town for the first time to visit friends. My ex always tried to get me to fly with her to visit her family down south, so I feel like I owe it to myself to try and fly now, even if its not with her.

I do miss a lot of things about her, mainly being the relationship. That's why I tried so hard a few times to get her back. Its just hard to know that she is done, and had been for at least a month. And for right now I can only expect the worst (that she won't have a change of heart and come back), and hope for the best.

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Originally Posted by rsa0905

I have been hanging out with friends alot more, and they have given me plenty of advice. This week i am actually flying out of town for the first time to visit friends. My ex always tried to get me to fly with her to visit her family down south, so i feel like i owe it to myself to try and fly now, even if its not with her.

I do miss alot of things about her, mainly being the relationship. Thats why i tried so hard a few times to get her back. Its just hard to know that she is done, and had been for at least a month. And for right now i can only expect the worst (that she wont have a change of heart and come back), and hope for the best.

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I understand how you feel in this and how you would have liked a 2nd chance, who knows you may get one, in time, once your ex has had time to process what gone on, I am not wanting to build your hopes up though.

The relationship is over, so now all you can do is what you're doing now, and taking a trip out of town seems like a good idea, Im sure you'll enjoy yourself.

Also don't forget what I said in a previous post, you can come to this site anytime, and someone will be here to help you through any really tough times you may have.

This will pass and life will be good for you again. I assure you of this. You're doing the right thing, and you will heal.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

I understand how you feel in this and how you would have liked a 2nd chance, who knows you may get one, in time, once your ex has had time to process what gone on, I am not wanting to build your hopes up though.

The relationship is over, so now all you can do is what youre doing now, and taking a trip out of town seems like a good idea, Im sure youll enjoy yourself.

Also dont forget what I said in a previous post, you can come to this site anytime, and someone will be here to help you through any really tough times you may have.

This will pass and life will be good for you again. I assure you of this. Youre doing the right thing, and you will heal.

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Even though she was the one who broke it off, and the one who had been thinking about this, is she really thinking about this is as much as I am? She seems to be moving on, happy with things now, and like I said earlier she's not showing much emotion.

So in time will things settle down in her mind and will she process things through, even if it means not wanting to get back together? It just seems as though she isn't thinking about it and is genuinly moving on.

You should have started your own moving on 10 seconds after you got dumped. Sorry, but that's a lot of false hope you have after she already told you what she wants.

I guarantee she is glad to be single and will stay that way until something catches her dating interests.

Chances are she has been wanting this a long time, so while your still a bit shocked by the change, she has dealt with all those tough feelings already.

Now its your turn. Sucks I know.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You should have started your own moving on 10 seconds after you got dumped. Sorry, but thats a lot of false hope you have after she already told you what she wants.

I guarantee she is glad to be single and will stay that way until something catches her dating interests.

Chances are she has been wanting this a long time, so while your still a bit shocked by the change, she has dealt with all those tough feelings already.

Now its your turn. Sucks I know.

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You are right. It would have been impossible for me to have started moving on so quick though. Im starting to finally pick myself up some though. You are right when you say she has been wanting this for a while, I've heard she has been pondering this for a month. So that's obviously why she isn't showing much emotion.

Im not sure if she is happily single, she acts like it. But I don't know what she is feeling deep down. False hope though, its gotten me through the last few days. I need to stop it.

You admit that for 5 years you were not the boyfriend you should have been. Even to where you were mean.

Think about this. This was not a sudden decision on her part, it has been building for 5 years. And as tal said, she has dealt with the feelings and is moving on.

Time to move on and hopefully learn that you should never take anything for granted, and be sure you are doing your part.

Communication could have prevented this. Make it a key part of future relationships.

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Originally Posted by martinizing2

You admit that for 5 years you were not the boyfriend you should have been. Even to where you were mean.

Think about this. This was not a sudden decision on her part, it has been building for 5 years. And as tal said, she has dealt with the feelings and is moving on.

Time to move on and hopefully learn that you should never take anything for granted, and be sure you are doing your part.

Communication could have prevented this. Make it a key part of future relationships.

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It's a shame how I took things for granted. I could have done a lot, but she could have done a lot also by communicating her feelings to me more.

So I have a minor update. Its not really an update, but something that happened.

Yesterday I posted on Facebook that I was thinking about going back to school. Later on last night she posted a comment that said "I wish you the best of luck."

This comment has been messing with my mind. I did not answer back to it, keep in mind. To me, I'm taking it as a farewell type thing, meaning good luck I don't plan on talking to you in the future. What do you guys think it means?

So I have an update, and it makes me sick. I found out today that my ex is in another relationship already! She apparently started dating this dude this past weekend. So I, like an idiot, confronted her about it. She said that she didn't start talking to him until after we broke up. I find it amazing because she told me that she wanted to be single, she wanted to find herself, and that she didn't want a relationship right now, but she already has a rebound! What should I think about this. Before anybody says "move on" or anything, I am trying. This is just really hard. What should I expect with her rebound relationship? Obviously she doesn't think that the dude is telling her everything she wants to hear to get that one thing. How do rebound relationships normally plan out?

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Originally Posted by rsa0905

How do rebound relationships normally plan out?

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They last about a month or two and fail... on average... It's just using someone to not feel lonely

Forget this girl... I know exactly how you feel, and I'm a huge hypocrite as I'm still dwelling on my own experience (I wish they would unlock my thread after they merged it so I can get some help too :( )...

Even though its none of your business, you recently found out basically that she is a liar, she lied to you... Even though she'd be thinking about it for a little while... at the end of the day, she did indeed lie to you... She's with another guy already, rebound or not, that's your cue to stop thinking about this broad... She's not worth a second in your daily thought process... I honestly don't understand how people go from being in long-term relationships to being with anyone so soon after, even if it is only a fling or a rebound relationship, some people are cold hearted and soulless though. Just keep it moving...

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Originally Posted by MyBrainIsMyDrug

Forget this girl... I know exactly how you feel, and I'm a huge hypocrite as I'm still dwelling on my own experience (I wish they would unlock my thread after they merged it so I can get some help too :( )...

Even though its none of your business, you recently found out basically that she is a liar, she lied to you... Even though she'd be thinking about it for a little while... at the end of the day, she did indeed lie to you... She's with another guy already, rebound or not, thats your cue to stop thinking about this broad... She's not worth a second in your daily thought process... I honestly don't understand how people go from being in long-term relationships to being with anyone so soon after, even if it is only a fling or a rebound relationship, some people are cold hearted and soulless though. Just keep it moving...

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You are right. Seeing this now, she isn't the person I thought she was. Even after 5 years, this is not how she acted EVER before. I don't understand how she would want to go into another relationship either. I asked her about it: she stated that one of her reasons for leaving me was that she didn't want to be in a relationship. So I asked her why she was in another one so soon, and she replied "i dont have to explain myself to you". Its so weird how she could even be in a rebound so quick, even though she broke up with me. Like everyone else has said though, she has been thinking about this for a while. Its amazing how women don't realize that once they become single, guys will tell them what they want to hear to get that one thing. And I'm almost positive this is what's happening. I don't think I could ever take her back.

Your not supposed to take her back, nor confront her, nor wonder what's going on. You are forgetting the main thing here and that's the fact she dumped you and the reasons don't matter.

Sure she wants to be single from YOU, but that also means "free to explore other options". Whether it's a rebound or not, its her business what she does after she dumps you. Right, or wrong, and as MBIMD, said she obviously was not the honest innocent flower you thought.

All you focus on is healing, and moving on yourself.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Your not supposed to take her back, nor confront her, nor wonder whats going on. You are forgetting the main thing here and thats the fact she dumped you and the reasons don't matter.

Sure she wants to be single from YOU, but that also means "free to explore other options". Whether its a rebound or not, its her business what she does after she dumps you. Right, or wrong, and as MBIMD, said she obviously was not the honest innocent flower you thought.

All you focus on is healing, and moving on yourself.

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Well I confronted her because I was so mad that she jumped into another relationship after lying to me saying she didn't want another relationship with anybody. I don't think I could take her back now. I want her to come back to me so I can tell her to get lost, for my own satisfaction. Its still hard though, no matter what anybody says.

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Originally Posted by rsa0905

You are right. Seeing this now, she isnt the person i thought she was. Even after 5 years, this is not how she acted EVER before. I dont understand how she would want to go into another relationship either. i asked her about it: she stated that one of her reasons for leaving me was that she didnt want to be in a relationship. So i asked her why she was in another one so soon, and she replied "i dont have to explain myself to you". Its so weird how she could even be in a rebound so quick, even though she broke up with me. Like everyone else has said though, she has been thinking about this for a while. Its amazing how women dont realize that once they become single, guys will tell them what they want to hear to get that one thing. And im almost positive this is whats happening. I dont think i could ever take her back.

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Hi OP, I am sorry youve had to find out that your ex is in another relationship so soon, I can only assume that this compounds the hurts you feel.
However if you stick with the NC rules you wont find out anything more about your ex, thats why its so imperitive you stick to the rules. Its really for your own sake and sense of well being that you stick with the NC rules. Until you do youll keep relapsing and the more you do so the more itll hurt you.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

Hi OP, I am sorry youve had to find out that your ex is in another relationship so soon, I can only assume that this compounds the hurts you feel.
However if you stick with the NC rules you wont find out anything more about your ex, thats why its so imperitive you stick to the rules. Its really for your own sake and sense of well being that you stick with the NC rules. Until you do youll keep relapsing and the more you do so the more itll hurt you.

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I plan on not having any more contact with her. Its hard. Can anyone explain why she got into another relationship so quick? I know that I was part of it. But why would she rebound so quick? So that she wouldn't be alone?

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Originally Posted by rsa0905

I plan on not having any more contact with her. Its hard. Can anyone explain why she got into another relationship so quick? I know that i was part of it. But why would she rebound so quick? So that she wouldnt be alone?

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This could possibly be the reason, however whatever her reasons theyre not really of your concern, dont torture yourself over it, its something youre never going to know sorry..

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

This could possibly be the reason, however whatever her reasons theyre not really of your concern, dont torture yourself over it, its something youre never going to know sorry..

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Yeah, I guess your right.

Your asking us to read her mind and guess at her motives and we can't but my experience tells me she has been thinking this way for a long time and when she got ready, or was sure about her decision, then she told you.

This happens a lot, and its better than being cheated on.

Rsa, this dimension of your personality is a lot like mine. You have to know the answer to the why questions? It is killing you, does it not? You have to have the answer, and if it is not forthcoming in any rational framework, someone out there must know! You have some ideas why, but you want reconfirmation. I am a very analytical person, almost to the point of paralysis-analysis. It is hard for us to accept that there are basic questions with no answer sometimes. In this case, she may not know an exact answer either, or may be she does, but she is unwilling to tell you. You got to let it go, I know it is hard brother, but you got to let go of the whys, or it will put you in depression. You have to accept that sometimes only time can provide illumination, and answer, and sometimes even time may not be enough.