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Originally Posted by TruthSayer0122

I went through alot of drama with this guy so I feel guilty with the way I chose to deal with it. It happened so long ago I wish time would just heal this wound already.

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Time isn't going to heal this if you are still stuck on this in 2010. How old are you now? How many years have gone by in which this has festered in your heart?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by TruthSayer0122

I went through alot of drama with this guy so I feel guilty with the way I chose to deal with it. It happened so long ago I wish time would just heal this wound already.

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Do you think that beating yourself up over something that happened so long ago is going to change things?

I used to do that, I had a (proverbial)rubber hose I used to beat myself with, strapping myself over my shoulders and whipping my back till I couldn't stand it anymore, then I would return to the shame and start it all over again..

What do you think the results were for me?Yup,same old thing over and over again.

Forgiving ourselves of shame/guilt from the past is the only way to get past this(for me it was anyway)

Here is another site you can look into, it is a theory by Leo Booth: Toxic Shame by Leo Booth/John Bradshaw

If you read the 'poem' in there,you can see how most anyone can benefit from self awareness and might gain perspective into their own inner selves.

Logically, I get this and agree, but emotionally I don't. I just wish I could stop feeling anything about this.

I'm 25 now. (I know get over it already) It happened, and there was a lot of drama. I got over it (so I thought) and I felt all empowered and then... Last year I let him back into my life and I feel like I set myself back. I thought I was over him. I was like, "oh, we were kids back then." I have decided to get counseling (can't afford it right now), but I came to this site because it's free and everyone here seems to be open and honest. I thought I was so beyond this but I haven't been in a relationship since we broke up years ago. I haven't been in a relationship because I was getting my degree and just having fun. So now I'm like I'm susposed to have it together. I just want to solve any issues that I might have now because I am trying to be the best person I can be. So just want to be emotionally sound. I feel better just writing about now.

Are you in the U.S. If you are, yes, you can get counseling. Private agencies and county heath departments offer counseling on a sliding scale (based on your income). Check online for this or call your county human services department.

So now there is more to this situation.

Allowing a past back into your life with no resolution to the anger/shame/guilt,etc... probably not a good plan.

Learning coping skills to deal with that unresolved issue is one thing,reliving the feelings, I don't know, I would rethink this.

You have set yourself up for another problem, maybe a whole mess of them.

I am a biggie on setting boundaries.

Can you set a healthy boundary?

Here is another site to read.

Setting Personal Boundaries - protecting self

This one might help you more than the others I posted.

Is it possible you still feel guilt after all this time because you still have feelings for the guy?

My mother tells me, "If you have to ask you already know the answer." I came to this site looking for confirmation. I knew the relationship was no good for my personal growth. I'm glad I got back with him because now I know he wasn't as "great" as I remembered lol. At first, I was getting advice from two friends. One was so insecure she would always say, "Stay with him because there aren't any men left." And the other never had any relationships so she couldn't relate to my "emotions" or attachment to my first love, so her advice was good and perfect, but I wanted to hear from women and men giving realistic healthy advice. Here, I received honest, authentic, nonjudgmental advice.

I would like information on healthy relationships. I need to retrain my brain.

I left my nice, sweet, talented, immature,irresponsible first love. I know it's not my job to make a boy into a man. I could write forever about this, so I'll end it with a Thank you!The sites suggested to me are saved to my favorites:)

"Lovers are additions not completions"

For starters, here's one by Ash123: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...bt-166433.html

Thanks, Good Stuff.