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Her parents can't stop her from being with you, it all sounds a little odd to me have you thought maybe its something your girlfriend made up? I'm not trying to be mean, I just wander if she is being true to you. I really hope that's not the case and if it's not she should tell her parents to mind there own business.
Actually, her parents can stop her from seeing him. She lives in their home, they pay for the roof she lives under, the food she eats, everything.Quote:
Originally Posted by addia2007
It is a ridiculous situation, because she's 22, not 10, but is it odd enough to be made up? Not at all.
What reason would she have to lie about this? None. If she is, she has serious issues, and knowing Sneezy like I do he would pick up on that. So no. This isn't a lie. In fact, if anything, she's holding back on telling the whole truth, In my opinion.
Telling her parents to mind their own business would be great advice, if she had someplace to go after they kick her out.
Dealing with strict parents who have total control over everything she does may have changed the grand plans for a sweet vacation, and made things really difficult, but see this as a test to know how you both deal with the obstacles that confront you.
It may not be as great as it could be, but stay positive and supportive as she is disappointed also, and is in a very tough position of obeying her parents, who she depends on for everything, and a guy she wants to be with, and planned to.
It is what it is, so enjoy what they do allow for now, (they obviously can't control her that much) and don't let it get to you. This is truly a go with the flow time, in which knowing you like we do, you will, and not put pressure on her, to get what you want.
I think your patience and understanding will pay off soon, as this relationship develops further, after vacation is over, and school starts again. See it as a time to be making some creative adjustments, and enjoy it for what it is. (the cell phone was a very creative adjustment to keep in touch).
Maybe its for the best that you were forced to slowdown a bit, and regroup, but she had better keep better control over things that it may not be best for her parents to know, and you be more careful with your written words as now you know she has SNOOPY strict parents. Another adjustment to make.
You have handled yourself well so far, better than most, and as long as you respect and understand the power her parents have, you will do fine. Maybe not as great as you COULD be doing, bur fine for now, and that's not a bad thing considering the obstacles to overcome. Appreciate her efforts to see you, reassure her guilt, and just keep it real for now, as its not for you to control, or her either.
Sometimes you have to be grateful for the small things, until bigger, and better ones happen.
Thanks tal, I really appreciate it.
At times, because I'm basically stuck in the countryside, and me being a city boy, I've gotten frustrated, but I know how much harder this must be for her, so I haven't said a word. I've been keeping busy reading, writing, watching TV shows that I have missed a while back, and catching up on sleep. She comes by every morning and buys me breakfast and drops by every evening and drops off dinner. She's a sweet gal (did I say gal?)
When she does feel guilty, I reassure her that I am doing fine, staying busy, and she needs not worry about me, and doesn't have to bring me food.
Like you said, I'm going with the flow... I think I'm a pretty laid back kind of guy, so it's not as bad :)
As far as her parents "not being able to control her THAT much," she is allowed to go to work and come back. Her parents check in often at work. On the weekends, she walks to the local library to read and get away from home, but her parents check in every hour (drive by the library) to see if she's there. Ridiculous for a 22 year old? Definitely.
Like you said, tal, as ridiculous as this situation is, we're making the best of it. I kind of see it as a bonding experiment, to see, "hey, if we can get through this, then we should be ok."
Wow, sounds like she's making a huge effort. The last thing you need to do is make her feel guilty. Focus on making her feel appreciated for all the effort that she's putting in.
You guys are definitely making the best of a bad situation.
However, how come you can take her to work and pick her up from work? What about meeting up for lunch? A few extra minutes here and there is always great.
I Wish, I think you read that wrong. He can't take her to and from work. She drives herself, but stops off to bring him food before and after work.Quote:
Originally Posted by I wish
Sneezy doesn't have transportation right now. Also, meeting for lunch, in the hospital where she works is a very bad idea. Her parents would definitely find out.
My bad.Quote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
In that case, Sneezy, you guys really are making the most of the available time together.
I see it this way, you could be back home, long distance, which would really suck, as you are not able to speak on the phone nor on the Internet anyway. That kind of arrangement would put a huge strain on the relationship.
Or you can be in her city and be able to see her every day. At least you can see each other about twice a day. That's amazing compared to the alternative, if you ask me.
In other words, things could be much worse. So need to focus on the negatives, just think of the positives.
Doing what I can :)
After being here for about a week, I realize, it's not too bad. Yes, I have no transportation... so that's a little tough, seeing as I'm used to going out all the time, but again, it's giving me time for some R&R.
As far as something "nice" for her... you guys are absolutely right. I do appreciate her, but I don't show it enough. I think I'm going to write her a letter of some sort. Yes, sappy sneezy's coming out.
Here's an idea I have had about this.
If not now but at sometime in the near future you could invite your g/f and her parents out to an Asian Restaurant for a meal, the setting would be neutral and also show you have considered their culture and traditions.
Just an idea, it really depends on your views of your and g/f`s future together. If you're serious I think it would be a good icebreaker.
positiveparent:
I completely agree with you. I'm actually WAITING to hear back from her about me meeting her parents, possibly having a chat with them, and explaining to them that I'm not just going to leave their daughter, so to speak.
Side note: I'm asian as well, just... a different asian. Haha.
I'm glad you added this tidbit. (I was going to, but decided that was private information you would have to mention yourself.) This tells us all that you understand the Asian parents' mind and the protective mantle that's put around family and children, especially daughters.Quote:
Originally Posted by ISneezeFunny
Totally agreed! (reminds me of my own mother)
Update:
Things were going just fine up until recently. The girlfriend and I are keeping in touch via phone, and she comes over when she can make time before/after work.
Today, I get a call from her somewhat furious. Apparently, while she was at work, someone in her family had come all the way to where she works, searched through her car (they have the spare keys), as well as searched through her purse.
She feels that this is the final straw. Searching her room, fine... it's the parents' house. Searching the car, fine... they paid for it. However, searching her purse, she feels, is going a bit too far.
She's contemplating moving out. I shall keep you all apprised.
Just remember to stay by her side and support whatever she decides.
They have definitely crossed boundary lines all over the place. Where will she go if she moves out?
I would suggest if she does leave that she take all of the things she can that she values. I am afraid of what their reaction will be.
Can they mess up her work and schooling?
Good luck to her and you. :)
Yes definitely be there for her, does she have any place to go.
It will be rough for her I am sure, but with you beside her and supporting her, you'll both get through this maybe fate has played a hand, and this is a sign for you both to take a bigger step together and make your relationship a permanent one. Its up to you, JMO
Well, the logistics of actually moving out hasn't been fully prepared (I'm all about planning things), but the general idea would be that she would stay with me... either for a few days until she finds her own place, or permanently until we go back to school (in less than 4 weeks).
I'm supporting her the best I can... granted, when she asks me whether she should move out, I really don't have a proper answer for that.
If she does move out, technically, our student loans come out at the beginning of August, so we just have to maintain ourselves financially until then. I have enough in my savings to support the both of us until then, which isn't a big deal... however, we both acknowledge that we've only been dating for four months, thus, moving in is a huge step. We have rationalized it that we're not moving in because we want to, but due to circumstances, and we have both come to terms.
Regardless, I'll keep you guys apprised as far as what she'll decide.
Hmmmm Sneez...
Sometimes situations dictate what you have to do.
Look what you both have made it through so far! Moving together till school starts will not be an issue for you both.
Its not forever and you will get to spend more time together.
Id say go for it.
This is true. As you know, I'm more of a laid back kind of guy... if she moves out, then I'll be here for her... if she doesn't move out, I'm still here. I just can't seem to tell her to either move out or not. This is an issue with her family, and truth be told, I'd rather not get dragged in further than I already am. It may sound selfish... but I can't seem to figure out what the "right" thing to do is.Quote:
Originally Posted by Stringer
On one hand, yes, she is miserable at home, and can't stand it, so she wants to move out. I want her to be happier, so yes, I support that decision.
On the other hand, Asian parents are well, strict. Crazy strict. I was fortunate enough to have parents who learned to let go as I grew up, but a lot of my friends are still under strict parenting... even at 25 - 26. Moving out seems like it will destroy their relationship, and I wouldn't really want that for her.
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