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Originally Posted by kazza1

how can l move on when l can't forgive my self and never will as far as l can see, l know what l did was wrong

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Marriage counseling is for learning how to work together with your husband to forgive the past-yours and his-and build a better future.

I don't know why you are scared that she will take him away. It was your husband who pursued her. She turned his offer down.

In this whole scheme of things the woman you are afraid of was actually the only one acting like an adult.

Your fears and anger are misplaced. You should not be angry at this lady. She was only a female helping your husband through a rough patch when you were the one who left him high and dry. Your husband is the one who cam on to her and she declined his advances.

You are lucky he even took you back after what YOU did to HIM.

If you continue this charade I can almost assure you it won't be long before he kicks you to the curb.

Get counseling before it ruins your marriage.

You are letting this destroy your marriage. If you keep on harping like your doing your going to send him right out the door. Forget it, before it's too late. You have to be an adult and act like one. He has been upfront and honest to you. Next time you may not be so lucky. SO DROP IT!

I think he wants you to talk to her to get over your fears about her. Its obvious your not ready for that step, and may never be.

But if you keep making this an issue of contention, then you will certainly keep a wedge going between you, and it will always feed your guilt, that feeds your fear, that feeds your insecurities, that screws up your thinking and behavior.

What's curious to me is WHY you left your husband, and WHY you came back.

I think I have been around long enough to know when its not just one partners actions that causes problems, but a lot of bad behavior that leads to bad decisions.

So what's the story that started this ball rolling?

If you feel you can't forgive yourself then the following text may help you understand why you need to try to do this.These are not my words they're from an article I have.

"You have punished yourself long enough. Self forgiveness stops the overwhelming feelings of guilt that obstruct your happiness. Ask yourself: What was my crime? How long ago did that happen? Am I still doing stuff like that? If I had been imprisoned for it, would I be out by now? You have likely already punished yourself way too much, and it is time to grant yourself a full pardon. Forgive does not mean forget, it means accepting responsibility, and moving on with your life in positive ways, having learned your lessons. You can stop spinning over how you used to be and get on with creating the good life you have always deserved. So forgive yourself. Today. Right now. Since you cannot undo what you did, you must do the next best thing, and that is to face what happened, and then let the blame go."


Self forgiving can also be shown, by reassuring your S/O, that you will be home when he finishes work each day, and by trying to befriend this other female, he was upfront about his involvement with her, she might be a really nice person, why not give that some thought, I don't feel she's a threat to your security, she was just someone for your SO to turn to when he felt down, he is still with you that shows he wants to be with you, I agree he was not taken up on his offer by the other female, probably because she knew his heart was still with you, and he possibly asked her out because he was being polite as she had helped him by being there to listen to him.

Once you can learn or try to forgive yourself things will change, you made a mistake your SO has forgiven you and you are back together. All it needs now is for you to let the past go.
JMO hope this helps..

This link will take you to a page that will help you forgive yourself, in a step by step manner
Relationships: Self-Forgiveness

Please listen... we all make mistakes in our lives. Sometimes some seem bigger than others, but we learn to move on.

You need to forgive yourself. You have beaten yourself up more by guilt and remorse than your husband could ever do.

He forgives you.. if you believe in God and you have asked his forgiveness , he forgives you.

Stop carrying that guilt around. I'll bet you're awfully tired with such a load on your shoulders.
Lay it down, pray and try to be the best person you can be. God Bless