Hey, thank you for you reply...

I was thinking 'bout NC, but I'm not sure if that's the best thing to do. It is for me most likely, but then me and her will disappear completely and I don't want that... is it just false hope or is it more than that? =/

She's the girl that I gave my heart to, she's the girl that I've been so much through with, beautiful and bad. True that, it's been pain and suffering for a while now, but it doesn't make any less valuable. I found love here. Love is rare, so I think it's priceless.

Am I just fooling myself oh so well? I realize the answer is in me and you can't tell me stuff like that, but I really don't know.

She made it crystal clear she doesn't want to be with you. You have to respect her wishes no matter what your own feelings are. You have to step back and give her space she wants and needs. Read the brilliant post "What to expect when you get dumped", it's one of the stickies on main page. You're in the stage where you beg and plead and she still doesn't want to get back together. At this point, the more you'll try to reach out for her, the more you'll be pushing her away.
Get some self-respect and leave her alone. NC doesn't mean forever. It is for putting things in perspective, accepting reality and dealing with your own pain.

The thing is, I do respect her wishes, in a way I guess. She's the one that broke the friendly atmosphere, not me. I kept my feelings tumbled in so she doesn't feel like I'm taking her space.

And to be honest, it's not crystal clear. She says one thing and does the other, but I know she doesn't want me anymore, but she often gives me somewhat romantic gestures.

I feel like I need to say something to her, we ended our chat by her leaving Facebook like I mentioned before, and it's a shame, I hold our "relationship" to be more than that.

As we all do when we get dumped, we find all kinds of reasons to keep holding on, instead of bowing out gracefully, and working on our own healing.

You are thinking with feelings of loss, and NOT facts that will help you COPE with that loss.

Yes you can call it false hope, and false hope will keep you confused, and as painful as it is, NC, will bring you clarity.

Try it and surprise yourself.

I understand your apprehension about shutting her out of your life; I feel the same way about my ex. However, you've already tried being friends, at it seems like it only brings you pain. It hurts to shut someone you care about out of your life, but in some cases, it hurts even more to keep them there. Just my 2 cents. Good luck :)

@talaniman :

I agree with you mate, but I'd feel guilty and as if I'm not trying enough for letting go. When I feel that I'm letting go, I grab it with both hands. I just value what we had to a sick degree I guess...

Letting go just doesn't get through in my mind... at least not the "let go fully" idea.

@Something_Here :

I'm a kind of person that would rather do the other thing, the more painful thing =/. Like I said before, I value our relationship very much, at least what it used to be and I deeply care for her.

In the end, it will most likely end in NC... :(

I really appreciate the advice and the support, this is one helluva community and some really wise and supportive people!

Svaka cast! :)

(Croatian compliment :) )

Quote:

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Letting go just doesn't get through in my mind... at least not the "let go fully" idea.

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It was one of the hardest lessons that I had to learn.

_D6mi_
I just looked at the original date of your OP, and it was 14th June, do you know had you been NC since then you would be well on your way to getting over this girl by now.

So Ill say to you again, you need to go completely NC, no contact whatsoever.

The relationship is over,and its time for you to move on and away from the past, you need to let it go.

If you don't you'll be feeling hurt for a long long time.

If you don't want to then you can expect to be hurting for a lot lot longer than you would if you go NC.

It's the past, its gone you cannot revive a dead relationship no matter what you think.

You also cannot make a person want you, either they do or they don't.

Why hang on to something that is No More, its finished finito caput.

Do the decent and sensible thing give it a burial now...

Or suffer, that's the way it is like it or lump it...

With enormous pain in my heart, I'd have to agree with you positiveparent... She's further and further from me and I really have trouble handling it again... She's really gone...

I found her note in my wallet yesterday, crumbled me to tears...

I'm pressing myself to not contact her atm, but already this morning, I sent her a Good luck for her exam...

I understand and appreciate the advice you gave me here... just I'm so afraid of losing her, I already did... Love's bs...

Well D6mi, Im pleased to hear you've finally seen the light, and whilst I know its not easy and you hurt real bad, we know you do we too have been where you are at least once in our lives, the pain of a broken heart is one of the worst pains ever.

It will go away and will get easier, the day you make that step into NC is the first day of the rest of your life, and from then onwards it'll get easier, it will and you'll soon find life is bearable, and that you can live in it and within no time you'll be feeling more like your old or rather your new old self. Your zest for life will come back and your enthusiasm to get out there and live it, you'll be a new stronger more mature and worldy wise young man.

You're doing the right thing, and that in itself will give you its own reward.
If you get bad days or tough times and feel you want to break the NC rules just come to this site and there will be someone here to help you through it.

We always support fully those who go NC, so you won't ever be really alone, you've got this site to fall back on..

Well Done you're going to make it, you did good...

Some of us make better long term and married mates than casual boyfriends. You are a committed guy, and so in the end your life will be better. You are trying different things right now, and where some might walk away with a lesson learned you really take it to heart, but this is ESSENTIAL to being happy. Date, suffer, learn, then when you marry, your natural committed instincts will get you through with the RIGHT person. Were you going to marry her?? Really?? You were learning what is right and wrong in a relationship. Hard but normal.
If you wait too long to feel pain you wind up like Hugh Hefner, delayed adolescence - for life... He didn't date until mid 20's.

All will be well.

I'm interested to know how your doing d6mi I know way too well how your feeling

Hey everyone...

It's me again. Updating the post.

You're probably expecting me to say that I'm feeling great because I was in NC, but it's the contrary...

We got together again... and it's over again...

I don't really know about the timeline anymore, what happened when, but we were back together for 2 months I think. She was saying the most wonderful things, doing lovely gestures and in the last few weeks causing me apsolute pain again. I cried while I showered for 2 weeks and we broke it off 3 days ago. I felt it was coming. She couldn't kiss me properly with love.

I'm raped completely...

The sick thing's that I want her still!! "F" me, what the hell's wrong with me?! GOD what's wrong with me?? Why do I want more pain and suffering, why can't I tell her to go F herself when she deserved it with her actions and not worry 'bout her so much and have so much understanding?? She hurt me so much...

Everyone but me is convinced that she's a ***** and a really selfish one... But still in my heart only, besides the pain, caring resides... there's a occasional pop of anger, but only love - or whatever it is that I'm calling love...

I feel broken, thinking about her constantly, I know she's thinking about me and missing me as much as I miss her and I keep telling myself that she's unhappy with me, that I should just leave her alone and still those thoughts of contacting her roam my head...

She said that she's happy with me and loves being with me, but something's missing, that there's a part of her that, in her opinion, I will never be able to reach... I can't compete with that, no matter what I do... I want to accept and move on...

Who I am kidding, I want my soulmate back...

She is not your soul mate, but you seem convinced she is. Oh, well, back to NC, and start the healing process over, and just wait for when you can start believing your deceived mind, and foolish heart.

I can smile at your dilemma because, I have worn your shoes a few times. Not much fun trying to take them off, but they will come off in time.

If it doesn't work a first time, it's usually for a reason. Whether the girl or the guy involved isn't feeling it, or whatever the case may be, a relationship fails when 1 of 2 people stops trying. Your ex has done that. She was maybe unsure of her decision at first, and I don't think anyone here can blame you for wanting to give it a second shot, but you should take this as a real lesson learned. NC sucks, the long a** time it takes to feel better sucks, but the only thing you can do is be proactiv about it. I was dumped at the end of January my friend, read my story if you wish. A long, long, painful road. But it got better, and my life is 100% now without my ex in my life than it ever was with her in it. I have even hung out with her on a few occasions and the pain is gone... there are much nicer (and sometimes prettier-not that that's important) women out there. Just grind it out man, go out with friends, golf, workout, video game, do whatever it is that you did before this girl was in your life. Socialize with new women-it amazed me how many single women were actually out there once I pulled my head out of my a**. Stick with NC now man, stop putting yourself in a torture chamber and live for yourself. There are many classic examples on this board where people get dumped, break NC over and over again, swear their life is over, and low and behold one day it clicks and they realize... life... goes... on. As will yours, its up to you what to make of it.