My take on it is that women want neither a-holes nor nice guys.

They want a real man, the one who is control of his own life, will stand-up for himself, is ambitious, has great self-esteem and a strong will.

All this without being conceited, manipulative and respectful.

Of course, I may be wrong here.

(Also, I'd be qualified as a nice guy unfortunately and as stated, I'd actually agree that it may just be a defense mechanism.)