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Originally Posted by klap33

u honestly believe from the sound of everything things will work out?

and is it impossible to put an estimated time on this? if i respect her wishes as of now.

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Yes.-to all

From what uve seen with dealing with others. Is there any estimation of time if I do the right things?


I have to keep remembering she broke up with me because of my troubles.

She is a good and solid decision maker and I have to trust her that this is for the best..

She is simply asking for space. I need to give it to her. Show her I am her man..


*its weird I literally know everything I have to do. I just slip sometimes.

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Originally Posted by klap33

from wat uve seen with dealing with others. is there any estimation of time if i do the right things?

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No. so don't try to estimate. Just let this run it's course. I'm not going to give you false expectations because you want a time limit. It's not realistic.

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Originally Posted by klap33

i have to keep remembering she broke up with me because of my troubles.

She is a good and solid decision maker and i have to trust her that this is for the best..

she is simply asking for space. I need to give it to her. show her i am her man..


*its weird i literally kno everything i have to do. i just slip sometimes.

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Mhmm, it happens.
I don't like that term "show her I'm a man" society put an entirely different definition to that word. You are human. What you want to show her is that you know how to handle a situation, and that you can be mature and rational. Contrary to popular belief, humans are more often irrational than rational. You have to teach yourself how to be rational. You won't always make the right decisions.

Your right!.

I want to handle this right so badly. I want that trust in our relationship. We used to have it then I just got these crazy abandonement issues and depression troubles, and I never fully climbed out. We used to be a great couple. I need to believe what she says respect her space, and become that man again in the mean time. I just go through periods of heavy sadness, and snap out of it.

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Originally Posted by klap33

ur right!...

i want to handle this right so badly. I want that trust in our relationship. we used to have it then i just got these crazy abandonement issues and depression troubles, and i never fully climbed out. we used to be a great couple. I need to believe wat she says respect her space, and become that man again in the mean time. i just go through periods of heavy sadness, and snap out of it.

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It would really help you if you spoke to a counselor or a Therapist.

I have.. I fought depression for 2 yrs with medication, hospitalization, and therapy. I would say I'm almost better, and this break up gave me a wake up call to my remaining troubles and issues as well...

I really hope this works out I want to share so much with her, and become that man again for her. I don't think I could make the situation any better or say anything right now but I could make it worse!.


If any 1 else would like to chime in I would respect advice from all angles.

That always seemed to help when I was at my worst with the depression. Even if you just get one piece of advice that carries over from each person that is something you didn't have before!

Like I said my ultimate goal is to get her back! She said hers is the same as well.. but her frustration today scared me

I think the best thing you can do is just give her her space. Tell her you will wait for a while, but not forever, tell her you want her to think about the relationship in a rational mind, and you do the same. Take the time to reflect on how your relationship was. What you think you can work on to make things better.

If she is frustrated than she needs time to figure things out. You said yourself you were controlling. Show her that you can let her have some time with out being stuck in her face.

Please abide by her wishes. If you really want to show her you are a man.. then leave her alone and if she comes back you'll have to show her you've changed.. Good Luck

Aurora bell how long should I wait to tell her those things?.

Today she was pretty admitment on space!

She did say she wants it to work more then once, but right now she wants space!


Thank you all again. This is really keeping me sane.

Ok, if I were you, and I may be wrong on this one, but I would call leave a voice mail if she won't answer, or even write an e mail... no text... Just say something like, I know you want your space, and I want to give you that. I will wait, but not forever. Leave it open, don't ask her how long she needs, but say I hope we can maybe go for dinner in a week or so to talk about what this break is going to lead to.

And make it short and swee, no babbling, no blaming, no talking about that night, if you want the relationship to work, you are going to have to forget about that night. End it with something like I really love you, and I hope we can work through this, I am going to take this time to think about our relationship.

If you guys do work things out, explain that you hope you guys can have an honest relationship where she or you doesn't feel that you need to lie, or fib about where you are and what you are doing. Trust.

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Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Ok, if I were you, and I may be wrong on this one, but I would call leave a voice mail if she won't answer, or even write an e mail... no text... Just say something like, I know you want your space, and I want to give you that. I will wait, but not forever. Leave it open, don't ask her how long she needs, but say I hope we can maybe go for dinner in a week or so to talk about what this break is going to lead to.

And make it short and swee, no babbling, no blaming, no talking about that night, if you want the relationship to work, you are going to have to forget about that night. End it with something like I really love you, and I hope we can work through this, I am going to take this time to think about our relationship.

If you guys do work things out, explain that you hope you guys can have an honest relationship where she or you doesn't feel that you need to lie, or fib about where you are and what you are doing. Trust.

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I can't add anything to this, because Bella said it all. Good Luclk

Aurora... I think the situation is a little more out of hand at this point...

She said she doesn't want to talk about anything having to do with the relationship at this point! She needs nothing more then space so her feelings can grow again, and so she can truly find who she is. I would love to say those things but I have reached out to her in that manner already. All that has to be said is basically out she just needs time I think.

Well I don't think I know it she has said it very blunt! I don't want to dig a deeper whole with her. We were together 6 years, and the past year has been kind of rough. I don't want it to be over, but calling her or texting her about anything at this moment and time would be very upsetting to her. When she left today she gave me a hug and begged for some trust and space cause I didn't know it but I was making the situation worse by trying to talk to her about our relationship and what could be.

That's where I get confused I don't know how long to wait or what steps are appropriate to take next with out pushing her away.

I have a friend who went through a similar break up/break where she moved out they were both in an unhealthy controlled relationship, and now they are learning why they love each other getting ready to move back in and having a kid together and happier then ever. They went a good month with out speaking through this process... Every situation is different but I do not know what steps to take. This is new to me, and I am trying to be as rational as possible, but talking about the relationship or what could be seems to upset her right now. She was very strict and frustrated when talking about the space she needs as of now... but did clearly say she does want this to work..

I was a little more desperate in wanting this to work I have done a lot thus far but need to continue to grow so this type of situation does not happen again. I asked her if I should keep pursuing this type of attitude, she said yes do, but it was all while she was frustrated. She has never once told me, a mutual friend, or friends that she wants this to be done! I still seem to question things and over analyze and that's where I lose it, and don't take things for what they are right now! I try so hard to win her back with words instead of actions!. I want to say those things but afraid that right this second calling or texting her after the way today went would look as a desperate ploy again..

Thoughts?

Well dear, if you know it is going to cause her more grief to talk, than leave it at that. No more contact. Now this is kind of the tricky part.. If you tare willing to wait a month, than give her a month. She may call you before the month is up. I guess at this point it's up to you on how long she is worth waiting for.

If you are giving her-her space, and NOT calling, texting e-mail, etc, than it may take her a week and she may know what she wants. You have to prove that you are willing to change for her. And if it's time that is going to prove that you are willing to change, than give her that time.

I know it's hard, but you just need to give her what she is asking for. Other wise you will risk pushing her farther away.

NOW, here is the BUT, you do not let yourself get played here. You need to keep your sanity in all of this. It takes two to make a relationship work. You need to stand up for what you want too. I see fault in both of you in this situation. So, if she keeps asking for more time, than you need to tell her that you need more of an answer than that. For the time being, do what she is asking, but remember it's not just you that will need to change in order to make things work. And you don't need to tell her that, but keep it in mind. Ok?

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Originally Posted by Aurora_Bell

Well dear, if you know it is going to cause her more grief to talk, than leave it at that. No more contact. Now this is kind of the tricky part.. If you tare willing to wait a month, than give her a month. she may call you before the month is up. I guess at this point it's up to you on how long she is worth waiting for.

If you are giving her-her space, and NOT calling, texting e-mail, etc, than it may take her a week and she may know what she wants. You have to prove that you are willing to change for her. And if it's time that is going to prove that you are willing to change, than give her that time.

I know it's hard, but you just need to give her what she is asking for. Other wise you will risk pushing her farther away.

NOW, here is the BUT, you do not let your self get played here. You need to keep your sanity in all of this. it takes two to make a relationship work. You need to stand up for what you want too. I see fault in both of you in this situation. So, if she keeps asking for more time, than you need to tell her that you need more of an answer than that. For the time being, do what she is asking, but remember it's not just you that will need to change in order to make things work. And you don't need to tell her that, but keep it in mind. Ok?

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Give it time and take the advice you've been given here. Let us know how it goes.

She did say right now she has a hard time believing there is any change when she is asking for space and I can't give it to her.

I will wait as long as she needs it. I am afraid of being played, that runs through my head a lot but like I said she has said nothing about it being over to me, to friends or anyone! She just wants some good ole time right now!

I will wait probably the rest of this week and try my hardest to force myself not to contact her. She said she wants to miss me but cant, and the image of what caused her to leave keeps being stuck in her mind because she hasn't had an oppurtunity to miss me at all.

I think I was helping but in reality I was making the situation much worse.

It has only been 2 weeks..

Good Luck klap. Keep us posted okay? And before you pick up the phone to call her or text come here and talk things out.

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Originally Posted by klap33

She did say right now she has a hard time believing there is any change when she is asking for space and i can't give it to her.

I will wait as long as she needs it. I am afraid of being played, that runs through my head alot but like i said she has said nothing about it being over to me, to friends or anyone! she just wants some good ole time right now!

I will wait probably the rest of this week and try my hardest to force myself not to contact her. she said she wants to miss me but cant, and the image of what caused her to leave keeps being stuck in her mind because she hasnt had an oppurtunity to miss me at all.

I think i was helping but in reality i was making the situation much worse.

it has only been 2 weeks..

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Well goodnight and take it one day at a time and let us know. Take a few days and see how it goes and then let us know how you are doing okay>>>Goodnight

I think a few weeks is more suffecient : )... I just have to stay strong

I would wait for her to come back as long as she needed. I'm talking about contact as of now..

Thanks again to all!


I will forsure! Thank you both for your care and advice! I will definitely be using this as an outlet!. thanks again~!

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Originally Posted by klap33

i think a few weeks is more suffecient : )..... i just have to stay strong

i would wait for her to come back as long as she needed. im talking about contact as of now..

thanks again to all!

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Yes you do and you will do fine.. Good Luck

No problem. Kitty said it, you will do fine. Good luck!