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I think if you pay closer attention you will see what she likes, and how she likes it.
Make love to the mind, and all else will follow. Now think of some interesting things to talk about and find small ways to express yourself, that are both unique, and heartfelt, without getting sappy, and overdoing it!
That's where the paying attention and listening closely comes in. That's what females love more than flowers, an attentive man, who isn't wimpy, or a cornball!
Trust me Talaniman,I have always been a good listener to her and spoke according to what she likes ad what she is talking about.
Still if you think that there is something missing from my part then please help me to know what you think I should talk to her.well she is online right now and she is hardly writing to me.she is just writing a word or two at the most.and that's maing me nervous to think how should I start a conversation that will make her talk to me or do you think I should not write to her?please advice.
How long have you known her? How did you meet her? How long is she expected to be London? When is she home for a visit if it is still a long time?
I sincerely think you need to slow down. I don't see a natural progression of two people learning to know each other and building a relationship together in what you have written. What I see is someone who met another person, decided he loves her, and is suddenly all but married to her and adopting her child in his mind. This all happened in less than five months. This is not a healthy beginning to a long term relationship.
Does she know about you meeting her son in person? Did she arrange it or did family members and you arrange it?
From her possible perspective: If I were her, I would be concerned about losing control of my own life and child with as quickly as everything is happening and with me being in another country. It would cause me to back off and feel concerned (that concern would probably manifest as anger or irritation) about someone I barely know clinging to me and my child. Please think about it from her viewpoint.
Get offline if you have nothing to say, but be sweet about it. I think Cat has some really good points, your just trying too hard out of fear it seems.
Do you not have your own independent life?? This should be flowing without all the effort. Read this
Handle This: Seven Ways To Survive A Long Distance Relationship | The Frisky
Let me know what you think, and please answer Cats questions.
"I just spent the most exciting two hours at the zoo [or someplace]" or "I baked my first batch of cookies and they are absolutely delicious" or "I changed the oil in my car for the first time. What a mess I made!" or "I read the most wonderful book over the weekend" -- in other words, talk about the excitements and activities in your life, interesting things you do so she can be drawn in and ask questions. Don't act needy and crying and blubbery and so dependent for her to make you happy. Show her that you can be happy in your own life, and share that with her by writing a sentence that is provocative and is a "hook" into more conversation.Quote:
Originally Posted by loving_you
I feel like, If she loves you, and you love her. You both need to meet in person. This might be a lot easier to read feelings and to see where you stand with her.
On the other hand, If she doesn't want to be with you anymore, and told you, don't push her, You need to give her space through chat, web cam, emails, etc.
Feeling bad for her son is understandable. Don't attach yourself to him, if your not sure where the relationship is going. By doing that if you both do end it for good, this 6 year old boy is going to be more hurt then you I'm sure. So keep away and see how it all falls into place.
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Cat1864;
Does she know about you meeting her son in person? Did she arrange it or did family members and you arrange it?
Yes she knows about it.and we planned to it together ad that is how I met him.and she even told her father to meet me up when I was with her son.so he came and we stayed together for about 4 days then I had to come back to my place as I am working.
I don't see anything wrong with her father because until I met him in person he was little bit reluctant talking to me over the phone but after that he have been calling me and addressing me as his son and he calls very often too.
So I don't think in anyway that her father has said anything to her against our love.
talaniman, wondergirl and Jlesnik33::::
Thank you all for reading and taking in sharing your opinions,ideas and advices.I appreciate it.
I do agree this relationship has started electronically through myspace.then we started talking over the phone and skyping as friends but without any webcam.we were friends for about 2 months during which I developed the feeling of love towards her.I definitely knew my feelings for her were more than just a friend's feeling.but never told her about this.
Then she was the one who started asking if I had any girl in her mind.and gradually created many situations where she made me express my feelings and she immediately accepted my love saying,I took so log in expressing my love and also said, what if someone else proposed to her before I did.
Anyway... the day when she accepted me as her boyfrn.. her first and foremost answer was,''well if you love me then you will have to leave your parents and come to London.''are you ready.I gladly accepted because I was more than happy to hear that.she also added long distance relationship sucks because she misses me a lot.
And then gradually we started webcam chattings also.and we had the best time of our life on webcam as well as over the phone.I used to entertain her a lot and she would wait hours for me to come online.even after work she will either stay awake to wait for me or ask me to wake her up when I'm back home from work.if I don't she used to be sad and angry.that was the kind of relationship we had.
But after about 5 months,here is the turning point how she changed.she got an email out of the blue from someone claiming that she was my ex girlfriend whom I broke up more than 2 years back and there was no way that I could believe it was my ex who emailed her.I explained to her,its impossible.but she could not believe me saying I'm trusting my ex more than I am trusting her.that made her disappointed.but the fact is,I have no contact with my ex for such a long period, my profile page in myspace is private so no one can see it accept my friends and even her's as well.and we don't have any common friends with my ex.so there was no way my ex will come to know about me and mygirlfriend and out of the blue how will she be able to email my current girlfriend on the right email and then track her with exact myspace page?that is what I tried to explain to my current girlfriend... but it was hard for her to believe.. and that's when she started changing.. still we talk and exchange cam.but web-camming reduced to a great extent.. and that's when she started seeing mistakes in me and finally this fear because one of her friend told her that she should have known me first and then introduced her son to me.. I completely agree with what her friends have told her.. still,she could have taken it slowly rather than just wanting for a breakup..! :(
I have not done anything wrong to make her think of break-up.. its just her fears that she wants to leave me thinking if aything happens to us then it will be very hard for her son.and I respect her fear.. still,she knows about me very well,I have alwaz been available to her either through phoe or through net,had I been flirtig around,that would have been impossible ad she says that too.then why is she not willing to work with me in getting this selfishness side of me of calling her everyday and she says I don't try to understand what she is going through.she is very individualistic sort of person.she lately had some problem at her work and that disturbed me a lot but she never told me anything about it saying I can't help her.so you just relax.but I kept calling and asking for the same ro something related to it and that fumed her badly.
That is the reason why she wants a break-up... please advice.im not being selfish here.you have got it wrong.I want to save this love and I'm sure she wants too.but we have different way of expressing it.so I'm seeking all your help... please... advices are deeply appreciated...
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Originally Posted by Jlesnik33
I agree.stil it will be hard for me to stay away from her son.I really love him and I am so much attached to him already. :confused:
Can anyone help me how to start a conversation?she has been very silent for the last 2 days... she hs never been like this before.she is talkative and always writes to me about her life,her work,her friends and her hobbies... I have alwayz responded according to what she talks about,asked questions to keep both of us involved and to not get bored.
But sometimes in life when things like this happens, it naturally becomes very difficult to start a conversation.
Therefore seeking your help and it will be deeply appreciated, please.
So what has her butting the brakes on is an email from your ex, that must have said some pretty nasty things to her about you. I think she did get an email from your ex.
Do you know what the nature of the email was? I don't know if it was a smart idea to try to tell her that it wasn't from your ex; that makes it sound like you are lying about something. Not to mention that it is not impossible for someone with a grudge to find a way into your personal information, and thus hers.
It worries me that her son is already attached to you, and I don't blame you entirely for that. Obviously her parents talking to you on the phone, and everybody liking you has created more comfort and familiarity for the little guy. Not to mention that your girlfriend obviously talked to him before he met you; and she was feeling very in love with you at the time. Kids pick up on these things.
LDR's DO work. With all the electronic devices available and cheap air fares, etc. it's not a stretch, or at least I don't get the impression that you would have likely moved to where she was, had she not put the brakes on.
My advice to you is see if you can get to the bottom of the ex girlfriend's email problem. At the same time, allow some breathing room for her for what has been a very intense five months. Give her time to think, and give yourself time to think also.
It may be hard not to pick up the phone or fire off an email, but for now, if she is feeling doubtful and angry, let her cool off and contact you first.
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Originally Posted by Jake2008
I thank you for the response.well I don't know what kind of email she got.but she said it was from my ex and all I know is the email said I'm his ex.
Still the reason why I told my girlfriend that it can't be my ex who emailed her is because there is no way she could find either of our email address or personal site as it is set private and also we 3 don't have any common friends..
Iw as over with my girlfriend 2 years back after she repeatedly cheated on me thrice for the same guy.so I don't find anyr eason why she will do this if her reason for the email was a revenge or anything sort.because I never did anything bad to her.I gave up on my ex because she chated thrice.
And trust me Jake,ir eally want this relationship to work because I also know very well that she loves me too and that's the reason why she introduced me to her parents and most special of all to her 6 years old son who means everything to him.she is a very smart girl,takes very sensible decision about life, she is very independent and individualistic too.from what she told me and what I know went wrong is I was little more sensitive than her(u can say was little narrow-minded) and quite selfish because that night she was sleeping and I called her during her sleep just to say I love you to her ad that aggravated her.but before that I never used to call her when she goes to bed.
But that day she just decided saying I am too much and she can't handle my sensitiveness.. for which I think its nt sensitiveness but me being little narrow minded and selfish.
And these two mistakes can definitely be worked.. thats what I told her and I sincerely apologized for my mistakes and for letting her down.
She is not writing to me much.wat do you think,has she already decided strongly to leave me without even giving it a try?? Is this possible in a true love?? :(
Relax guy, your blowing things up in your mind. The honeymoon may be over and you maybe finding out other things about each other that you need to know. Don't let fear, and insecurity distract you, or stop you from just being yourself, and being patient. Why change the things that attracted her in the first place?
All she told you were to back up and let her process all she is going through. Do that and expect less but in any long distance thing, confidence and trust along with patience and understanding will help you identify and pay attention to the adjustments that are necessary to keep things going.
That means don't worry about the small glitches that can be overcome, just pay attention and don't trip out when things ain't so peachy smooth, and work through them.
Did you read the link? Then you know that LDR"s have a way of making you fearful, and apprehensive, and that's a confidence blocker, that will destroy any bonds you have.
Geez, its only been 5 months, and its normal to be starry eyed and keen on each other, but the mark of any couple is how they deal with reality, once the honey moon is over.
How long will this distance separate you? Relax and pace yourself.
Stop looking for quick easy solutions, as there are none, and if you are patient, you will see that being yourself, and listen to her fears, without trying to fix things, is what will get you the best results.
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Originally Posted by talaniman
Wow! Well said... I think that's true... but then I fear our new created distance of not chatting and talking to each other might turn into a permanent distance that I will never want...
So is there anyway or anything that I can do to make her remember me and have me in the back of her mind at any time please?
I know I may sound selfish here... but that's the truth, I love her a lot and she loves me too.
If we look at the time and the kind of relationship that is LDR, then people might take it as a joke.. but realistically speaking::::love has got nothing to do with time and distance... its the feeling and love that counts.. still to handle and maintain the love,other important ingredients like trust and understandings has to be there... and I guess I failed in the understanding part for which she fears saying she thinks she can't handle me and if anything happens in the future with us... then it will affect her son badly,, which I agree but nothig like that sort will happen because now I know where I went wrong... and any point of time,once in life a person reaches a situation where he realizes his mistakes.. in my case I haven't done much but yeah,, ended up calling her that night to say I love you after she went to sleep and I used to call her at work which I thought was not a problem for her... so these things are actually not a very major thing to give me a BREAK_UP... therefore, please suggest me a way so that she thinks about me and don't let this relationship go for good.
Thanks for all your support...
I may sound like a dog with a bone here, but again, that she received an email, with your name in it, from an ex girlfriend of yours, is significant.
What was the nature of the email.
There has to be a reason why she suddenly just jumped ship. If she is as practical and careful as you say she is, especially after trusting you to meet her family and particularly her son, she would have given you more than just 'you are too sensitive' etc.
To go full tilt for five months, with both of you equally feeling the same about each other, then for it to suddenly stop with flimsy excuses.
There has to be more to this.
There you go looking for quick fixes, and guarantees. There are none! It's a process that plays itself out and you take the same risk we all do when you get in a relationship, and deal with what's in front of you which is your fear of losing her.Quote:
therefore, please suggest me a way so that she thinks about me and don't let this relationship go for good.
That's no way to have a life. You can't make any one do any thing. The only thing you have any control over is YOURSELF. When you get away from that, and act out of fear, or desperation, you have problems, on top of problems.
Deal with your fear, and act with courage. That means relax and let things play out and make good decisions for yourself, based on facts, and not just feelings.
Well Jake, that email was the reason why suddenly changed and she said nothing major in it.. but what made her think is that I am still in touch with my ex when I was not and I didn't even know where my ex was till that time.trust me .that is the fact.
Yes she loves me a lot too and she was very practical about building our future and our dreams.. she trusted me and because of her love and true feeligs,she even introduced me to her parents and most importantly her son and even explained to him about me.
The reason for her wanting to break-up is she thinks she can't handle me... she thinks I'm more sensitive than required and says I don't understand personal life and professional life.. she says I need to be more practical than just being in the lovey dovey world... thats what she told me...
As always Talaniman,thanks for your advice.. it sounds true... I hop and pray I will have the strength to cope with our silence... it will be very very difficult...
Not if your doing your thing.
As to the ex, let your g/f deal with how she handles the email. Either she believes you, or she doesn't.
She is a big girl. And when does this distance thing end?
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Originally Posted by talaniman
If I understood you correctly Talaniman, yes, you are very much correct.because my girlfriend is not a kid to believe me or not and I can't force her to believe me.
And regarding the distance.. if you are asking me when our love ended? Then its not yet over.3 days back she said she wantd to end it. But then yesterday said she wanted to work it out.
No, I meant what was the plan to close the distance? Be in the same place?
Yes she was planning to com down this winter and then pull me to London after tying the knot with me...
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