Chris,

Let me answer your questions for you.
He walked out on you the way he did because he did not want to face you and have to explain himself. He did not want to see you cry and try to hold him back. He did not want to admit that he is no longer in love with you to you. He didn't want to deal with you and your “issues.” That is why he left the way he did.
Now, he's ignoring your calls because he owes you nothing—no explanation, no talk, no apology—NOTHING. You and he both did not sign a contract about needing to have a “last talk” before you two part ways. Yes, you two agreed to one last talk but it is a free country and he is a grown man with the ability to change his mind as he pleases. HE CHANGED HIS MIND. What can you do about it? You can do NOTHING to change his mind about having a last talk.

HOWEVER, what you can do and probably refuse to do these days because you're so caught up in the emotions is MOVE ON. You have the freedom to move on but you have to find your want and your strength to actually move on. You are in the mourning stage right now so take the time to mourn and cry all you have to but make sure that once all tears have been cried and wiped away, you pull yourself together and keep on treading along in life. No one said it will be an easy process but I can guarantee you that we will all tell you that you WILL and CAN get through it.
Also, please try your best to not ask yourself all these questions that will do unanswered. You are only hurting YOU, not us and especially not him. By you wondering and pondering about all of these questions is driving you mentally insane and emotionally destroyed. So what if he ignores your calls, it's his loss. So what if he didn't give you an explanation—that says something about his character, not yours. So what if he is no longer in your life—be happy that you and he at least had time together.

Now answer my questions.
What was the best thing he ever done for you?
What was the worst thing he ever did to you?
Where do you see yourself 5 years from now?
Do you really want to be with someone that left you behind without bothering to turn back around to make sure that you're okay?
Do you really want to be with a guy who walked out on you without an explanation?
Do you really want to be with a guy who couldn't give you the truth regarding whatever issues you two had?

Now, what if you spent all of your time crying over him and for him and wishing, wanting and thinking you need him that you let a guy who is as amazing as your ex if not better walk past you?
Think about it, some women go fishing for fishes in the sea while others go fishing for a merman. Which one to do YOU want? A fish that can swim away as quickly as you caught it or a merman that will stay for long as it took you to find it?

Again, best of luck to you--keep your head up. There is always a rainbow after the rain.

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Originally Posted by Strength89

Chris,

Let me answer your questions for you.
He walked out on you the way he did because he did not want to face you and have to explain himself. He did not want to see you cry and try to hold him back. He did not want to admit that he is no longer in love with you to you. He didn’t want to deal with you and your “issues.” That is why he left the way he did.
.

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Thanks for your post but I have to address this one thing. I really know that him falling out of love with me was not why he left. Maybe it was other issues and the fighting we did, but I know he still had strong feelings for me up until that dreadful night. He always made it clear he wanted to be in the relationship prior to this.

I appreciate all your advice, everyone's I really do. I will have the desire for him to contact me forever I think. Even when I am over him, if ever. He was so different, I feel like I will never meet anyone like him again. He was so fun, always made me laugh. Most guys out there are so DULL. Its hard for me to fall in love to begin with. Now I feel like I never will again, at least not like this.

I know he took the chicken sh*t way out of this, but I am still in shock that he left like that and always will be. Yes I agree he probably didn't want to face me, but to carry on like this for so long without speaking to me is just mean, cruel and I will never get it. Everyone can explain it to me a million times, but the reason is I know him and how close we were despite our problems. For him to hang me out to dry this way I will never process. I went from being with him EVERYDAY, to absolutely nothing. So, the shock of it is here to stay for a while.

On the NC thing, I have not contacted him at all. Does the longer you go no contact with someone, mean the less likely they will call. Won't they start to forget you? Again, why doesn't my situation qualify for a circle back possibly? Is it cause of the way he left, does that make it seem less likely?

I know I sound pathetic and I am right now. Writing on this site makes me feel better.

Chris,

Only you know the truth situation here. All we can give you are words of comfort and wisdom based on what you've shared with us. If you feel it in your heart that there is a chance he'll come back then be patience with him but also remember that there is always a chance that he won't.

However you're feeling, allow yourself to feel them. I know it's easier said than done when you are told by others to let it go. I know it's tough and mind blowing to have to make sense of their actions. It's painful, man, it is very painful and you have every right to be confused, hurt, and angry. HOWEVER, I'd love for you to push yourself a little bit harder to let him go mentally and emotionally.

I don't know if longer NC will make them forget you or come back. I can't answer that, every one is different, every situation is different, every emotions, love, pain, whatever is different. I cannot answer that question for you and neither can others. All we can do is be here for you and wait it out with you. Time will give you the answer to give yourself time and give time, time itself.

You are doing a good job not contacting him, keep it up for a bit longer until you know for sure that you can contact him without feeling any type of pain if he ignores your call or picks up.

You feel emptiness because you are going through withdrawal. That little hole that you feel in your heart will eat you up and spit you out if you don't push yourself to fill it with something worth while and useful.

Keep posting or PM me of you'd like. I'd be in my office all day except for a few times when I have to step out but keep posting, I'm here to help. =)

Rainbow after the rain, sunshine after the storm--life's bitter but there are always sweet people out there to help you out.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chris0107

On the NC thing, I have not contacted him at all. Does the longer you go no contact with someone, mean the less likely they will call. Wont they start to forget you?

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When you do NC it makes the dumper more curious as to why you don't , so if there's a chance that he'll come back that's the best thing to do. He already knows how you feel , and the more you try to contact him the further he will pull away.

But NC isn't to hold out for that , NC is to get you on the path to healing and moving on.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Chris0107

I know I sound pathetic and I am right now. Writing on this site makes me feel better.

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Don't sweat it , read some of the other material on here and you'll see a virtual world of lost loves and broken hearts , so vent and be angry that's fine , your no different to a lot of people on here.

Just remember when we tell you something it's from experience , not just personal experience but also from all the stories we see on here and they all generally work out the same way.

You can't see that now , but you will once the emotional dust settles and decide your sick of feeling like cr*p and wasting your energy over someone who doesn't seem to feel the same.

Thanks Strength and thanks friend4u, and anyone else who replied to my hopeless posts. It helps a lot. It's funny how I found this site, I googled "my ex left me and wont talk to me" and somehow brought me here.

I wish I knew what he was doing and I wish he cared enough to see how I was doing. I hate being home now. This is where we spent most of our time together. Every morning I am reminded he is gone when I see that lonely abandoned space next to me. That space that I used to kiss long goodbyes to each morning, in now filled with nothing.

I know everyone is here to help, I appreciate all the replies. Especially those who have responded more than once with so much helpful info.

I think I feel in my heart I won't hear from him again. I figure he has went this long (been a week now since we actually talked on the phone together) and it's been 4 days since he got his things. And nothing from him what so ever. Nothing at all. Usually if someone has any doubts about the split, or they are missing someone or care how they are doing, they will reach out in some way. He has not, and I don't want to admit it but I feel inside like he never will. It kills me. I wonder if he ever gets urges to call? Or if he truly just stopped caring for me just like that. I am wracking my brain. I have nothing to go on, except pure speculation and yes it's driving me crazy.

I am isolating myself from friends. I feel depressed and don't feel like explaining this to them. I would rather sulk around alone for now and be miserable. I tried going out a couple times, and though people say it makes you feel better it did the opposite for me. Every time I went out with a friend I still just thought about him the whole time, wishing I was with him instead of them. Thinking how much fun him and I would be having if he was there, then just wanting to go home. I am really in a pathetic stage right now. I want my answers so bad. I want him so bad.

God help me. :-(

Have you read the stickies at the top of the forum chris??

If not please do , they will give you some helpful insight.

Yes I did, very informative, that's why I am doing no contact. I'm still a miserable wreck. Last night I had a dream we were back together and holding hands, and he was being so sweet. Then I woke up to return to my living night mare. I want nothing more then to let this go, but he is in my head 24 7, and nothing I try is helping yet. Still hoping and praying for a miracle. I think I need therapy.

That kind of dream, even though its hurtful, is normal.
Don't dwell on them,find other things to think about.

You need to get active,and be around people so
Don't sit at home alone and miserable.

You will get over this,with time and patience as we all have,at one point or another.

Thanks amicon. It's Friday now. The weekend is here, this is when we would have our best times. Now I get to sit through it without him. Not looking forward to it. I just long for him like nothing I have ever wanted more in this world. I wish he would contact me, still wishing for that. I know NC is supposed to be for me, but at this point I still desperately wish for him to call so I can at least have my chance to say what I want. I know it's a fantasy and won't happen. He will probably have a grand old time this weekend and not even think twice that my heart is shattered into a million pieces.

I feel like a zombie, I can't eat. I can't socialize. I feel empty inside and feel nothing can help that except him.

I think the hardest contact to give up during NC is your own thoughts and memories. However, keeping them firmly in mind is a way to hold on to the relationship.

Start coming up with lists of things that you can do to distract yourself. Not what you are doing right now, but what you can do. Make a list of things you've always wanted to try, but haven't taken the time. Find something to occupy you besides memories and thoughts.

If you have any hobbies you have let slide, get them out again. Start with some small change in what you are doing so that you can build up to bigger changes.

You may not feel like you can move the furniture around, but you can reorganize your cabinets. Change out your bedding. Get a different scent of candles, soap, etc. Play different music. Anything however small can make a difference in how you feel.

Don't think about never seeing him again or not getting closure, etc. Think about making yourself a stronger person so that you don't feel insecure in a relationship.

This guy who I am not really that attracted to asked me to go out tonight. I have been out with him before in the past, but I don't know if it's going to help me, or if I will just compare my ex to him all night and get even more depressed. Do you guys think I should go? He also asked if I wanted to go to this one place, and it's somewhere my ex took me sometimes. Should I avoid going to somewhere that would trigger memories? I am still suck a wreck, but I am hoping maybe this guy can distract me one night, even though I don't like him? What do you guys think, go or no go?

Don't use the guy, if you don't like him and don't want to go out with him, tell him no.
You can tell him you are going through a rough time and are not in the mood but thanks for asking.

Threads merged and edited


Well guys it's been a little while and I need advice. I was hurting for so long, crying my eyes out, begging God to let him contact me. 0see my precious posts) Tonight guess what happened. 2 weeks later, I received 2 text messages from him. They read "Is your mind clear yet?" I did not say anything, I was in shock. Then the second one was 6 minutes later and it read "Just needed to say I'm sorry, Hope your doing well, I mean that". And that was it. I did not write back.

I never responded cause I don't know what to say, plus I read you shouldn't respond.

What do you guys think this means? Why is he writing me this? And should I contact him or shouldn't I? Should I let this go? I still miss him, but not sure if I should ever respond after all that has happened.

I don't think anyone can tell you exactly what he's thinking, but there are some possibilities.

* He may be wanting to keep in touch with you by a thread just in case he doesn't find someone else.

* He may be feeling really guilty about the way the relationship ended and just needed to apologize.

* He may have been drinking and was just "drunk" talking.

He wasn't telling you how much he loves you or begging you to take him back or anything, so you need to continue with NC.

Sorry, but I feel like the relationship is totally over.

Keep ignoring it and him. DO NOT READ any more texts from him. Stay NC.

It doesn't matter what his thought process was in contacting you. What matters is that it sets back your healing process. The NC clock just got reset to when you last read the messages. I hope you have deleted them and him along with them.

I know the urge to contact him back is strong. Don't give in. It will only make you hurt more and settle nothing.

Good luck.

Well you got your circle back contact, and its good you have not replied, nor should you consider it.

I know you are still very hurt, but if you remember the cowardly way he ended things, maybe you will accept its over, and use that to close this chapter of your life.

He is only relieving his own guilt at this point, and he ain't coming back.

Guys, this is very confusing. I took your advice and completely ignored the 2 text messages from last night. Please see my posts above to see what he said. Now, almost a whole 24 hours later, he just texted me and said "nevermind" and that is it. What the heck does that mean? Why is he saying never mind? Can someone help me figure this out? And don't worry, I did not respond to it.

Being cryptic, is a way to piqué ones curiosity, and draw attention to themselves. Ignore it.

Ok missed call tonight at 12:06 AM! What the heck?? Why is he doing this?? I ignored.


Oh and no message.

Your goal is to get enough emotional clarity to not be confused, and distressed. That's why you ignore him totally.

By now you are seeing the confusion you have by a missed call, or a text. Is that really rational?

He is trying to get you to come to him, not to give you what he wants, but to get what he wants. He thinks by wearing you down, you will respond. If you keep the NC, he will get the hint, eventually, and you will keep your dignity, and self respect for yourself.

Then you can have a chance at the emotional clarity, and end your confusion.

Connect the dots after the break up, when you wanted to talk, he disappeared on you, and we see the hurt that caused, so why would you talk to him now after that kind of treatment?

Its important to let him stew in his own juice now, so he can see you won't be treated any old way, without paying a very big price.