I agree the no contact can help so much and give yourself the opportunity to find out what makes you happy.

I think what gets lost is the forcefulness some of us try to do to keep a relationship that was failing intact. Once the breakup happens or someone asks for space, there is no reason to look back even if you want reconciliation.

The key I try to tell myself everyday is to put myself in a place where I am happy and do things that I love to do. At the same time, no reason to have any hatred for your ex especially since we didn't end on bad terms. Just hope she finds happiness too. If she finds someone else or never wants to talk to me again that is her decision, and shouldn't affect anything that I do on a daily basis. All that matters is what I want. If she is happy I am happy because in the end a breakup isn't the worst thing that could happen to you.

It is like failing at something, you could fail at it again if you don't figure out what went wrong. If you dwell on that one mistake, you will keep on making more and more mistakes, until you will find yourself without a relationship, a job or without true happiness.

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Originally Posted by Nohitter410

I agree the no contact can help so much and give yourself the opportunity to find out what makes you happy.

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Sometimes you can fall into the delusion that the relationship is what makes you happy and lose part of yourself in the relationship that is reborn when you break-up. It is only then that you sometimes realise that the relationship was actually unhealthy for you and was holding you back from true happiness.

These are good words of advice. While no contact doesn't guarantee that your ex will eventually miss you or want to get back with you, the odds actually become greater if you maintain a 'no contact' rule than if contact is maintained.

I found it 4answers..

But it's all burned out really..

How else can it really be debated?

Might help others wanting answers about no contact.

I wish my girlfriend could read this. So she could forget her ex boyfriend and erease him off this planet earth. Haha.

This is so useful. I am 2 days short of 1 month of no contacting my ex. In 5 days I will have set a new no contact record!

We split 6 months ago, I tried for a month to sort stuff, pleaded etc. We then didn't see each other for 2 months, both dated other people but I called her in between, neither worked. I then got back in touch "as friends", she kept wanting to see me, was very weird, doing coupley stuff without lapsing back into a physical relationship. I raised us trying again, she said no but she didn't want to lose my friendship, I said she didn't have a choice, that was nearly a month ago!

She clearly didn't want to let go, she has been presented with no choice now. I still get upset thinking of her now and again, but know that no contact is the only solution.

If she doesn't call, I can slowly get over her. If she does, then I can make clear no contact was for real, and if she wants to talk about us, we can meet, but not under any other circumstances!

Thanks

Its good advise but what happens when your ex with a months time finds someone new??

What happens if with this ex you were talking serrious to get married are move on or whatever else??

The most valuable thing that my mind can say right now is for this: with any women in your life when I say anyone I mean it, you should always take care first of yourself, maintain personality always have a backup plan in case you get hurt and this doesn't mean that this would be another woman, but to always for all the year of the realationship to keep a distance between the two... in addition to that you can have fun and these two things would help you in case at any point you break up.

Oh man... this is so hard because I have been through this 3 times now with her!!
The first time I cried and begged her back,
2 months she came back mind you it was because I was cheating on her- never again!
The second time was, 8 months later the subject came up again and we split... man that was even worse because I was really in love with her then.. we got bacl together and her past life came up... zip we are off again!
Its now been 2 months and she hasn't contacted me or me her...
Just a thought what happens if we are both implemnting NC?

I think this thread should receive a sticky. It helps to explain No Contact to people.

I'm going to bring this thread back to life!

NC is great! I have been going for 10 days. She even called and texted me 2 days ago, and I didn't respond back. It felt mean, but it was the right thing to do, especially after what she did to me!

I've also stopped checking Facebook and myspace. This is my NoForM Rule! 2 days strong on that one! I don't want to remove her as a friend, because that would show her that I actually care enough about her to do that. I want to kill her with kindness, because I am now entering a place in my life where I know I don't need her and that I am much better off without her.

I do have a serious question though...

I have to see her again next week because of a college course that we are taking together.

How in the world do I keep up the NC? Also, I don't want to ignore her totally, because that would just show her that she is still having an effect on me. Any advice?

I wish that I would have found this site yesterday, although I kind of got the NC rule from another site, not nearly as good as this... anyways

My situation I believe is a unique one, that's why I've come here to ask for some advice.

I have been in a long distance relationship for 11 months and we have seen each other in person 5 times since we have been together. ( not enough *sigh* ) This is also the FIRST and ONLY relationship I have ever been in, so letting go I have found EXTREMELY hard and often I get confused because of lack of experience.

The uniqueness of my situation stems from the fact that in 7 DAYS she will be leaving for Togo Africa for 2 years 3 months as a volunteer for the United States Peace Corps. A few weeks ago we had broken up but decided to remain friends.. if I would have seen this earlier I would have know that was a problem. All was going OK until she started to ignore me/ tell me I was smothering her and that she needed space. I backed off a little bit but she still continued to neglect me. I have a problem trusting her because she has admitted to cheating on me at least 2 times and because she is long distance I believed that her telling the truth to me was enough for me to take her back. Also she has always had male friends on the internet that she has talked to intimately, as in phone sex. I have told her on numerous occasions this bothers me, she always reassured me that it means nothing and was just a hobby when she was bored, that she REALLY loved me and nobody else. Yesterday I decided to try to do NC. She called me once, left a voice mail, IMed me on Yahoo and I responded (MISTAKE?) trying to act like I didn't care that she was talking to me. She went off line and called me a few hours later. I answered and told her that I didn't think it was a good idea for us to talk anymore. She attempted to make me feel guilty by crying and hoping that we could be friends before she left. She kept asking me to explain my feelings and when I was finnally about to she said that she had another phone call. ( I am assuming it was from one of her other internet boyfriends) Today after reading this I have decided to stick up for myself and continue the NC rule until maybe 2 or 3 days before she leaves if she attempts to contact me. I really don't want her to leave with us being on bad terms, but I am also not happy with the current state of things! I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!
:confused:
Thanks for taking the time to read this

Can this method work if you we seeing someone for only 6 weeks? There is no long term relationship there but the thing started with strong chemistry and attraction and we made each other laugh. She would always tell me that she was really impressed with me like me.

In the beginning I was confident and strong but somehow along the way I lost that confidence and became insecure. And adding to that I lied about my age. I told her about my age and at first she was OK with it but later changed her mind. She said there was too much drama for short time we saw each other more that what she was comfortable with.

It seems this method would only work for coupled who were in long term relationships.

I think the NC rule is skewed. And it's a lie. Just because you're not talking to someone, and just because you don't see them, doesn't mean they can't hurt you.

Case

You're listening to the radio. A familiar song comes on. The one you two first danced to, it still hurts.

Case

You're in a public place, someone says their/your name, you automatically look around hoping to see them, hoping they'll take you back. It still hurts.

Just because you aren't physically in contact with someone, doesn't mean they stop hurting you. It just means you have more time to think about how badly it hurt you.


Oh and P.S. They're your ex for a reason. Really, especially after a nasty breakup, why would you want that back? I didn't.

If we are hurt by that favorite song or hearing their name its not the actual ex hurting us its our memories that are giving us a slap in the face-and they will for quite some time.I can only speak for myself-NC WORKS for me. I knew it would the minute I read about it.I went cold turkey and its helping me getting me back.otherwise I might have tried very hard again to go back to a relationship that left me sad exhausted and lonely when I was actually in the relationship.we re all different and what works for me might not work for you.

When we broke off. It was hard and I was stuck on the site, trying to follow the rules but I failed. I couldn't do the whole NC and kept asking her to come back. I tried everyway till I stopped talking to her for a week just to message her again but casually then there was times when I msged her saying how much I miss her. Few days later, she replies and goes off at me, tells me she hates me and think I'm ed up. Being the person I am, I stayed calm and persistent. I still told her how I felt till my best friend told me to stop so I did but before I did. I wrote her a poem and she came back into my life, she's been there but we haven't spoken. I feel good. Knowing I tried and I am still trying in an unknowing way to win her back, and it feels like I am and I can. Just need some time but I knew id rather keep her close, in a distance that still could know what's she's up to and still target her. It was hard at the start but I've managed. I love her. I miss her but I'm not hurt anymore.
So NC wasn't for me at all.

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Originally Posted by jlove09

Just need some time but I knew id rather keep her close, in a distance that still could know whats shes up to and still target her. It was hard at the start but I've managed. I love her. I miss her but I'm not hurt anymore.
So NC wasn't for me at all.

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You will never go through the healing process that way. You can never move on and be happy either. Do you realize your sounding like a stalker?

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Originally Posted by marcuxmax

Can this method work if you we seeing someone for only 6 weeks? There is no long term relationship there but the thing started off with stong chemistry and attraction and we made each other laugh. She would always tell me that she was really impressed with me like me.

In the beginning I was confident and stong but somehow along the way I lost that confidence and became insecure. And adding to that I lied about my age. I told her about my age and at first she was ok with it but later changed her mind. She said there was too much drama for short time we saw each other more that what she was comfortable with.

It seems this method would only work for coupled who were in long term relationships.

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No Contact is for healing, and getting to where you can move on with your life, and leave hers alone. You never had a relationship, but you wanted one, so yes NC can work for you, if you can't accept that she doesn't WANT a relationship with you.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

No Contact is for healing, and getting to where you can move on with your life, and leave hers alone. You never had a relationship, but you wanted one, so yes NC can work for you, if you can't accept that she doesn't WANT a relationship with you.

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So you are saying I may have a chance at getting this girl back?

No he s saying stay NC allow yourself to heal.

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So you are saying I may have a chance at getting this girl back?

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Absolutely not! I am saying that after a break up, you need to heal, and then look at yourself with a clear head.