Lost my girl.. Going to see my kid for half his life until he's 18.. Losing hope again.. When it rains it pours.. I try to come here when I get thoughts or urges that I shouldn't be worrying myself with. I just have this feeling like I need to ask her when she's here visiting about trying again or ask her "why not try? what do you have to lose?" and I know she'll respond "what do I have to gain?".. I just want to say that she'll find out.. that we love one another that we were perfect and that I don't want to argue and fight anymore either and I realized that I took them for granted and worried about everything else instead of spending time with them. That we can be the way we used to be because now I know how to solve the problem.
Seriously, I think I'd have a 100% chance at making it work long term had I figured it out sooner or she came home to see I was for real..
Honestly.. I'm an idiot.. but.. and here's a "what if".. What if it worked?
See I'm ready to move on now because I know I've tried everything and now that her geographic location will have changed I feel like there's more to try.. I'm really just confusing myself and messing with my own head. I planted seeds of hope and now.. I'm sorting them trying to figure out which I'm supposed to do. INPUTS PLEASE!. If you got to friend get them in here to vote lol.. I really think she needs to make it up to me as well some how for treating me like dirt knowing I was hurting and upset already, but she's on the stubborn side of things lol..

Do I stay NC when she comes down for a little to work out custody with me, or try to show her the changes in which I've made?

This is what's bothering me horribly.. I think she's still being manipulated by this guy she likes/liked.. I know her family doesn't like me and I know they're not good news for her. I have thought for the past month that she should come to FL and to stay at her dad's and maybe it'll allow her to think clearly again, you know? Is this possible or really dumb?

You stick to NC as best you can-only communicate re custody etc.

I wish's advice,having a third party present is sound.

You are going around in circles with your heart trying to outwit your brain-the what ifs and the maybes-normal as they are at this stage-is you not wanting to let go of false hope.

All this is a process of the various stages of grief and it will take time.

Take care of yourself,eat,sleep and keep busy.

You will get through this,we all do.

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

Lost my girl.. Gonna see my kid for half his life until he's 18.. Losing hope again.. When it rains it pours.. I try to come here when I get thoughts or urges that I shouldn't be worrying myself with. I just have this feeling like I need to ask her when she's here visiting about trying again or ask her "why not try? what do you have to lose?" and I know she'll respond "what do I have to gain?".. I just want to say that she'll find out.. that we love one another that we were perfect and that I don't want to argue and fight anymore either and I realized that I took them for granted and worried about everything else instead of spending time with them. That we can be the way we used to be because now I know how to solve the problem.
Seriously, I think I'd have a 100% chance at making it work long term had I figured it out sooner or she came home to see I was for real..
Honestly.. I'm an idiot.. but.. and here's a "what if".. What if it worked?
See I'm ready to move on now because I know I've tried everything and now that her geographic location will have changed I feel like there's more to try.. I'm really just confusing myself and messing with my own head. I planted seeds of hope and now.. I'm sorting them trying to figure out which I'm supposed to do. INPUTS PLEASE!.. If you gotta friend get em in here to vote lol.. I really think she needs to make it up to me as well some how for treating me like dirt knowing I was hurting and upset already, but she's on the stubborn side of things lol..

Do I stay NC when she comes down for a little to work out custody with me, or try to show her the changes in which I've made?

This is what's bothering me horribly.. I think she's still being manipulated by this guy she likes/liked.. I know her family doesn't like me and I know they're not good news for her. I have thought for the past month that she should come to FL and to stay at her dad's and maybe it'll allow her to think clearly again, ya know? Is this possible or really dumb?

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Honestly man, you stay NC. If she WANTS to know about any changes you have made, she will make it clear. Anything other conversation that isn't about the child will just result in you over analyzing everything she says which is going to keep you in the frame of mind you have right now. The goal is to get past this initial first hump, and start looking back at the situation with a logical, clear mind as opposed to a broken heart.

In the mean time, set up getting a certification, do little things. If you honestly are stuck and have nothing to do, move your furniture around and re organize your place. Change everything in to your own now, because it is.

I feel you on the working alone thing, before I started this new job I worked nightshift by myself in a small little store that played love songs all night as well-right after my ex left to go home each night. It is a crappy feeling, best thing to do is listen to something else that will make you laugh. Old adam sandler cds or denis leary... rap always cheers me up when I put it on-just a few suggestions. I got to head to work man, but I hope today's a little bit easier for you.

Nice rant, you should feel better that you wrote all that crap down. Yeah I read the whole dam thing and have to go back and do a lot of editing but for you MR> your course of action should be very clear.

STOP HOLDING YOUR OWN KID HOSTAGE! That's the first thing you do. Frankly I am appalled at the fact you would even deprive him of his mother for so long to get what you want.

I know, females have done the same thing for a long time to guys and it was wrong then, and its very wrong NOW.

You want to change, make sure he gets time with his mom, and the rest can be worked on. Hey you have lawyers and paralegals and all that crap to work to your benefit, so there is no need to use your son as a pawn, caught between, the two of you. That disgusts me frankly, but that's how I feel about ANYONE going through a messy emotional break up, or divorce, and there are children involved.

Right now, that's the only change you need. No BS excuses, as it's the right thing to do. You two parents better get this together if nothing else, for the best interest of the child, and drop the whole idea of being a family together, and handle your business much better. That's the change you need, whether she wants to see it, or not.

And welcome to the forum, just hope you listen, and learn.

Thanks, original! I'll try to get a few comedy cds to keep myself laughing during those slow dull moments at work. I do need to reorganize the house lol.. Specially since half of it's missing now.. looks terrible..
Yeah bruh.. I need to pass this stage already. It's been a MONTH! I can't believe how much I'm clinging to this hope, especially when she doesn't even make attempts to talk to me about anything or even give me complete answers. I know better and I know it is a tug-of-war game. I've always been the loving type and I've always been the caring type as well. My heart tends to rule all sometimes. Something I need to fix for future relations anyhow. Maybe this will be that thing that snaps me into permanent logic rather then the ups and downs I go through.
Man, I feel for you having to see her right BEFORE you work a whole shift like that. That sucks!
Thanks! I hope yours gets easier as well!

Sorry for the editing issues, Tal lol.. Brain seems to be on vacation. I'll try my best to do better, and yes I do feel better when I get it out. Sorry you all had to read all of that.
I'm not holding my son hostage to get back at her. I put my son first and she's thinking 100% selfishly. She's hanging around the guy that first introduced her to pot that's twice her age(literally), that does nothing but talk trash about me and messes with her head. Her mother is a friend to her.. nothing more. She's up and taken her whole family with her before leaving my ex to fend for herself. THIS is why I want her to leave all that, because I really do want her to succeed and it won't happen there and I for sure do not want my son around that sort of trash. I've even cut my own friends and family out of his life to ensure he's not sucked into that lifestyle. Also, I had caught her in multiple lies lately (which under any of circumstances would not be my business) and she's not showing the best judgement lately and shows how empty headed and irrational she's being. Someone I've never met in my LIFE had told her a couple weeks ago that she sent me plane tickets so I can run off with him and she'll never see him again. She believed it! She's clearly not all there right now. I've been in the same home, working the same job, and I've had the same phone number. She flipped on me because this person I've never met (and she hates this lady as well) said some random crap to stir up drama. So, I'm afraid if I do not get papers signed before she takes him that she may get spooked and do the same to me for different, stupid reasons. I want more then anything for both his parents to be in his life as much as possible! She's a great mother when she puts him first and isn't being selfish. She could have been down weeks ago to sign the papers and help arrange custody with me over the phone or in person, but instead she decided to tell people it was BS and I was trying to keep her kid from her etc. I personally do not see the difference in her coming to get him and coming to get him with a simple 10 second signature to ensure her custody as well. There are more things that lead to my decision then this, but I'll stop boring you all. Sorry, Tal, I love your advice and you're one of my favorites to read, but I have to say I disagree with you on the custody issue. Everything she's done has not read stability or rational, and when it comes to our son it's unacceptable. She see's nothing wrong with having dates around him.. in and out of his life. As if he's not screwed enough as is. Like I said, she's a great mom usually, but right now I'm not sure what her problem is. This could have been dealt with weeks ago and she's made no effort. You know, she hasn't even called to talk to him on the phone for almost a week now. That ticks me off pretty well. When I spend all my time speaking to lawyers, paralegals, legal aide, the court system, vital statistics, reading the laws of GA & FL & the interstate custody laws while she's up there doing nothing but flirting around, hanging up on me when I call to talk custody, brick-walls me when we finally get somewhere, or has me calling her back throughout the week so she can go tan, talk on msn, go to the store, etc. That's ridiculous. She needs to snap out of it.. seriously. I see custody and our relationship as two different situations. I've handled WAY more then my end, and honestly, I'm doing her favors now while she spits in my face. I'm the only one working to solve any of this. I don't mean to go off on it (even though I already have), but I hate the fact that everyone we know and everyone who hears I have him etc. thinks I'm the bad guy and I'm a horrible person and father. That hurts when I've dedicated my life to those two. I'm again going to say that I'll shut up because I'm on day 3 of NC and day 3 of not breaking down into tears.
Thanks for the welcome, Tal, and I do plan to listen and I've already learned a lot, but I am in a different situation then most of the posts being that I cannot go through with full NC so I've got to make most of this up as I go along and learn to deal with seeing her and talking to her. She already has a means to initiate contact.

So what are you going to do when a judge gives her visitations?

That's the thing.. I have no problem with her having half custody, but I do have cards to play in court to ensure that if I don't want her family around them I'll get it no matter what. I have that all taken care of. I want her to see him. I just want to ensure she doesn't get talked into or spooked into taking him from me completely. I have no need or want to keep her away from her own child. I would gladly sign any paper granting 50/50 custody and share expenses to get him to and from even though she's being stupid and purposely living as far away as she possibly can. She has multiple places to live with friends, family, etc down here. She chooses to put her dating, her mom, her life before him. Seriously, interstate custody usually only grants month to month custody. Who would choose to not see their child for a month at a time when they could move closer and see them bi-weekly and save thousands a year in traveling and could share holidays. She's not thinking of him first or logically is the main problem right now, and she's actually mad at ME! I've gone out of my way to help the situation and keep it from escalating and to re-unite the two while she's out getting a tan and talking to guys and talking trash about me. I really don't have to do anything like this. I could put a restraining order on her to keep him from leaving the state and make her wait until a hearing is available, but I'm not.. I wish she would see who the good guy is and who's screwing who over and that she's the aggressor.. not me. I just can't believe who/what she's choosing over her family or even just her son. It really ticks me off and hurts at the same time. I could be a total a-hole about everything and I could probably get full custody and with her only having visitation as of right now, but I wouldn't do that to either of them. I haven't done anything incorrect as far as custody is concerned. I've asked lawyers, mediators, paralegals, my friends and family, even her father, who's only supplying her with a lawyer (if this does end up in court that is) because she's his daughter, and they all agree I'm doing what I can and everything I've done is 100%.
I'm fighting two battles here and it sucks because I'm going to lose one of them every which way I go. Custody only drives us further apart the way she's handling it.

I want to stop this relapsing so bad... every time I get her off my mind I think about something else to say or try, but I know they never work.
I won't do it.. but I need it out..
I want to tell her that I made a stupid mistake.. that we both love our son and we loved each other.. and we had a great time.. and that we should try again without the fighting over stupid things(mainly my fault)..
There.. said it.. man.. I know how great we were.. she admits it.. like she fears trying again.. like she holds her real feelings back.. I feel like she's waiting for something.. like she wants me to do or say something.. or something's missing.
I could live with being apart to get the stressful things out of our lives. That's fine even though I'd still miss her! It's the seeing other people and possibly for good thing I don't understand. I'm still just pretty well lost in all of this I suppose.. Maybe I need a small journal or something..
I'll try to refrain from talking anything but custody with her.. and from typing all this garbage in here. I really have no one to turn to right now.. I feel like I need to be heard out I suppose. It's sad, I know.
I also keep thinking back to all the fights and what I could have done differently, but I'm lying to her and myself when I say I've changed. My actions clearly show differently. I have an open mind and heart to change but lack the motivation without her. Before she ended it for good I accomplished A LOT in 3 weeks, and now, a month later.. nothing.. All talk. I don't like the feeling of needing her though.

Any personal changes you make you should be making for yourself,not for her.

You are very much on the rollercoaster and I suggest you get some outside interest you can focus on.

Starting a journal would be a good thing.

And it makes interesting reading a couple of months down the road.

Hard @ outside interest.. I live here.. work here.. have no vehicle yet.. in the middle of no where.. some days I don't even make it outside. I really do want out.. I love taking him fishing and to parks and stuff.. Working on this car.. I made a journal and a calendar.. I'll be doing a lot better in a week from today I hope.. I'll try to keep this journal to put the feelings and leave the posts here for updates and advice.. The calendar's to mark off the days past and the no contact days.. So far I'm up to 4 counting today.. I'm not counting the calls or messages about custody which are "business only".. I've not broke completely down in 4 days as well.. I stop myself from it now.. I hope this rollercoaster is gone soon.. This is ridiculous lol.. Feel like I'm pregnant with all these out of control random emotions. I'm working on handling these things better now. I hope to eliminate the journal within a month.. the calendar in 90 days..
Scared of the day I have to explain to my son why his mother and father aren't together.. Why she didn't even give it a try in his name..
Thanks to all!

Tough situation for sure and a good reason to be in an emotional upheaval. I don't question your heart at all. Its in the right place, but I will question your open mind, as you have escalated this battle higher than it should really go.

Look I am a big believer that when couples split, and they can't work together to resolve their issues, then there has to be an impartial third party to help them. It's a long drawn out process that brings a lot of frustrations, but at the conclusion, after everything is laid out on the table, a decision is reached, and guidelines are set.

You think you will control the way your ex influences, and raises your child? Nope, not going to happen. You have to have full custody, and she visitations for that, heck, she may have to pay child support. But the whole point is that its time to get this process started, and get through it. Just my opinion.

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Scared of the day I have to explain to my son why his mother and father aren't together.. Why she didn't even give it a try in his name..

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You better not drag him down with sordid details where its her fault. That's not true. She just had a change of heart regarding YOU, not him. And for sure he will be exposed to her side of this failed relationship, but it's a big mistake to blame one another when it was both of you. You just didn't click. He can understand that better, and doesn't need the negative, self serving opinion, that's obviously not shared by her.

When both parents love their child, it makes little difference why you're not together, they will adjust to it better than adults do, so stop the woe is me and my poor son, its all her fault. Its very seldom one persons fault when a relationship fails.

I am getting a long winded as you, but you have a right to vent, so don't let me stop you, as I do feel for your situation and know how being in limbo sucks big time.

Just be patient. When will your mom be there to help?

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

Hard @ outside interest.. I live here.. work here.. have no vehicle yet.. in the middle of no where.. some days I don't even make it outside. I really do want out.. I love taking him fishing and to parks and stuff.. Working on this car.. I made a journal and a calendar.. I'll be doing a lot better in a week from today I hope.. I'll try to keep this journal to put the feelings and leave the posts here for updates and advice.. The calendar's to mark off the days past and the no contact days.. So far I'm up to 4 counting today.. I'm not counting the calls or messages about custody which are "business only".. I've not broke completely down in 4 days as well.. I stop myself from it now.. I hope this rollercoaster is gone soon.. This is ridiculous lol.. Feel like I'm preggo with all these out of control random emotions. I'm working on handling these things better now. I hope to eliminate the journal within a month.. the calendar in 90 days..
Scared of the day I have to explain to my son why his mother and father aren't together.. Why she didn't even give it a try in his name..
Thanks to all!

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Good call on starting a journal, writing out how you feel definitely helps. Just take it 1 day at a time man, trust me I know the feeling of being trapped. Im still trapped lol. Just keep working, hanging out with your son, if you can, get ahold of this movie called Swingers. I'm telling you, every guy going through a break up should have to see this movie.

Congrats on day 4! The first week is usually the toughest man so your pain makes perfect sense. But stay strong and stick to it. If she calles regarding your child, make sure the conversation is quick/polite/brief and that you don't discuss anything else.


The journal I think is a great idea though, eventually you run out of things to say, and wonder why you are wasting your time on someone who clearly just isn't worth the time.

Slkjalkhbasklhlaksjgvopasjblk'sjbbak;ldxhfb

All of that replaces multiple cuss words at myself.
I broke it(NC).. and I even broke down on her..
I had to ask another question and then draw it out for about an hour +..
She has feelings and I can tell.. and I can tell by her tone (I'm extremely perceptive to body language and tone etc) that she's mad even though she says she's not. She says she lost all interest in wanting to be with me yet she brings up a comment that I left another friend who is a girl.. where I said she was hot.. Sure, she's good looking, but I'm just throwing my feelings overboard in every way possible. She has to care when she mentions that.. does she not? I'm more ticked off at the fact she's saying "if we happen to get back then it happens" yet she's doing everything she can to push away. She said she's growing apart from me. I explained that everyone grows apart with time. I told her I seen how she was and acted up until the day she left.. I told her I didn't just see love for me, but that she still was in-love. She didn't deny it once. I asked her the problems she had with us then and why not try now.. everything she said was the things I did stupidly that messed everything up. So no, Tal, you're right, it took two. I admit my part and I told her I can change it. I told her the me that she begged to have back before is back! I'm such a dong, dude. She pretty much crapped on my feelings.. again.. and said we'll continue our conversation tonight after I get off work. I'm right back to hope.. to crappy feelings and FRICK!(I hope you don't have to edit that lol).. She said she felt more for me then anyone else EVER and that it was the greatest feeling EVER when we were in-love and together.. Yet when I ask her if she wants it back she says no? She obviously doesn't mind hurting my feelings, so I believe almost everything she says. I do know she's lying to herself because she contradicts herself every other sentence and phone call and message. I mean you tell a girl that everything she asked for she has.. You tell her that you don't want to have to try.. you just want to put two people who love each other(she says she loves me but isn't in-love.. pfft) together to see if they click still.. You tell her how you agree with the time apart(I do), but that you still miss her and how you slept on the couch the past month because the bed was empty without her.. and she still says she has to think about it and she'll talk later and let me know later and she doesn't want it right now. I asked her straight up if I could take her out.. just to hangout and have fun.. a date pretty much.. no strings attached.. she says she's not sure that right now it's a no but that she'll think about it.
I hope once this custody thing is settled (hopefully within the next week or week and a half) that we can spend a little time together without having bad thoughts of one another. I know this girl loves me you.. I know I messed up and I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know what until lately. I swear on my sons life that girl has feelings for me.. Why the heck is she denying them? There's no reason to fight them.. She said she didn't want to try anymore. OK? Why not? "Because I just don't right now.. if it happens it happens".. OMG, MAKE UP YOUR MIND, CRAZY! Dude she says she doesn't mind if I move on.. she wants me happy, but she won't just cut any hope left period.. whether it be hope for now (none currently shown) or hope for the future.. Why is it a week prior she made her step dad cry because she was crying because she missed me on her vacation.. then all the sudden no feelings? WHAT is missing here??
DUDE.. I mean seriously.. I am calling out every woman who reads this.. What in the heck it is that you really want from a guy? Clearly it's not what you ask for because when you get it you run away! What is this top secret ingredient we're missing?
You women make men rack their brains with this stuff.. You say you don't want the other to hurt and you want to move on, then you drop these stupid little packages of hope when all it takes is the words "no, not now, not ever, sorry".. It hurts, but it's DONE.. Band-Aids, ladies.. Band-Aides.. Rip the thing off.. quit tugging on my leg hairs.. When I break up with a girl it's because I've made a definite decision and I make her aware of that. They know it's pointless to try or think of it.
I love you women.. you keep me on my toes.. you keep life interesting.. and you make us buy tampons and pads to humiliate us to prove our love for you.. I mean I love that kind of crazy stuff even when I hate it.. BUT THIS..? This is a completely different type of insanity.

Trying to solve the custody, Tal.. I really am I think it's almost nearing an end.. She's going to be down for a couple weeks here soon she says. FINALLY!
I'll look for that movie, Original.. lol.. As for your rap songs.. T.I. - Motivation is a good one..
Yeah, Tal.. my heart is in it every bit.. I told her today, stupidly, that my heart is in it.. that my everything is in it.. That I really can't see myself moving on without at least trying a date out to see if we can click and light that spark once more. I told this girl forever and always.. and that I would die for her.. and I meant it.. If she needed my heart, I'd be dead minutes after learning so. I literally gave her EVERYTHING. I would sign my soul away for eternity to have my family back in this life time. They're my happiness and when they're gone they're my only sadness.. The only thing that brings this man to tears and I say it openly and proudly for this occasion.
After tonight conversation I'll return to NC as it would be pointless to continue otherwise. Yes, woe it me.. and I'm fine with that when it comes to her.
I'm in tears at the thought of my son being in a broken home.. I had to live that life and I know how it feels. I wanted him to have every advantage in life and already he's losing. That hurts. That makes me feel like a failed father. I look at him and all I see is pontential and greatness and my life.. and what do I give to him? A broken home. I wish I learned to be a better father and boyfriend long ago. I sit and wonder about all I've missed during my selfish times. I think of all the good times I'm going to miss when he's gone every other month.. This is my little buddy, guys.. my best friend.. He may not do much right now.. but I love watching mickey mouse and Toy Story with him.. and watching him learn to do anything.. I'm losing both of them and that hurts more then anything I've ever felt. I failed them both.. I can't even change that.. I can't make it up.. I can't say sorry and it's all better or "I'll try harder".. I just have that crawl in a hole and die feeling about this part of it.. I love them more then words can speak. He's my SON.. and she'll always be The One.. I have to live life knowing I've already lost the prize and that life holds no greater future then my past.. woe IS me.. I literally hate myself for not fixing this sooner.. we would have worked out perfectly had I done so..

Tal, please explain more about this "third party".. you mean a lawyer and such? I got her to agree on everything.. so it's just a signature away.. She sounded down when I said 50/50.. but I told her to make up for this time that I'll let the first custody of hers be 4-5 weeks.. I think they both deserve it.. It'll also give me time to clear my head completely for a while.. I hate him seeing me like this.. I will NOT raise a weak son. He's my little Spartan.

LOL, paragraphs my man, USE PARAGRAPHS!!

Most of your distress is caused by your own coping skills concerning YOUR feelings.

YOUR

Emotional reactions, to her actions and words.

To your situation

To the decisions you make

The all come down to how YOU cope with yourself!

Your emotional over this, (rightfully so) but I have to say, your driving yourself nuts trying to get what YOU want, from someone who doesn't WANT to give it to you.

Acceptance, gives you closure and peace, and then your logic will return. Then you can do what you have to for a reasonable resolution.

Instead of crying in her soup, get your LEGAL business handled, so you will have the guidelines to move forward.

That's what this relationship doesn't have, guidelines, and boundaries of good behavior, through honest communications.

You do have a lot of emotional drama, and two stubborn people, who think they are so right, that conflict is the results, and no compromise can be reached.

That's not love. No matter what you think. From either of you. Strange to me that you think it is.

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Originally Posted by FloridaFisher

Trying to solve the custody, Tal.. I really am I think it's almost nearing an end.. She's gonna be down for a couple weeks here soon she says. FINALLY!
I'll look for that movie, Original.. lol.. As for your rap songs.. T.I. - Motivation is a good one..
Yeah, Tal.. my heart is in it every bit.. I told her today, stupidly, that my heart is in it.. that my everything is in it.. That I really can't see myself moving on without at least trying a date out to see if we can click and light that spark once more. I told this girl forever and always.. and that I would die for her.. and I meant it.. If she needed my heart, I'd be dead minutes after learning so. I literally gave her EVERYTHING. I would sign my soul away for eternity to have my family back in this life time. They're my happiness and when they're gone they're my only sadness.. The only thing that brings this man to tears and I say it openly and proudly for this occasion.
After tonight conversation I'll return to NC as it would be pointless to continue otherwise. Yes, woe it me.. and I'm fine with that when it comes to her.
I'm in tears at the thought of my son being in a broken home.. I had to live that life and I know how it feels. I wanted him to have every advantage in life and already he's losing. That hurts. That makes me feel like a failed father. I look at him and all I see is pontential and greatness and my life.. and what do I give to him? A broken home. I wish I learned to be a better father and boyfriend long ago. I sit and wonder about all I've missed during my selfish times. I think of all the good times I'm going to miss when he's gone every other month.. This is my little buddy, guys.. my best friend.. He may not do much right now.. but I love watching mickey mouse and Toy Story with him.. and watching him learn to do anything.. I'm losing both of them and that hurts more then anything I've ever felt. I failed them both.. I can't even change that.. I can't make it up.. I can't say sorry and it's all better or "I'll try harder".. I just have that crawl in a hole and die feeling about this part of it.. I love them more then words can speak. He's my SON.. and she'll always be The One.. I have to live life knowing I've already lost the prize and that life holds no greater future then my past.. woe IS me.. I literally hate myself for not fixing this sooner.. we would have worked out perfectly had I done so..

Tal, please explain more about this "third party".. you mean a lawyer and such? I got her to agree on everything.. so it's just a signature away.. She sounded down when I said 50/50.. but I told her to make up for this time that I'll let the first custody of hers be 4-5 weeks.. I think they both deserve it.. It'll also give me time to clear my head completely for a while.. I hate him seeing me like this.. I will NOT raise a weak son. He's my little Spartan.

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Haha yeaa T.I. is good... im serious about finding that movie though... literally saved my life. Plus it keeps you laughing all the way through.

So you broke NC... and you felt worse, and more confused than you did before. You are now officially a member of AMHD relationship forums haha. We have all made that mistake man, the trick is to learn from it. You made your bold attempt, and all she did was beat around the bush and confuse you more. That helps in realization that NC is for YOUR own benefit and nothing else. While you can never truly go NC, you can keep conversations to a bare minimum and only about your son and after a lot of time even that sting will go away.

You can't sit there and rack your brain over losing "the one". Bro, I have lost "the one" twice in my life lol. Two different girls who I was convinced at one point in time were going to spend the rest of their lives with me. But, there are billions of women in this world man, and as each day passes you get closer to meeting some lucky woman who won't tug on your heartstrings and who WILL want to stick around and work things out. Life holds so much better things in your future... you just don't see it right now, still thinking with the damn heart. Just keeping venting and in the meantime work on correcting the mistakes-dont break NC... and when you two are speaking keep it strictly business. It's hard, but do it for yourself. You know what she's going to say now right? So don't make this harder on yourself than it already is. Take it easy at work man.

She's not with anyone and claims to have no plans to do so, but she's actually serious about trading me n for a 34 year old guy she's known most her life because it's her mother's boyfriends brother. Yes, ladies and gentleman, if her mother marries her boyfriend, this guy will be her legal UNCLE. What does that say about her A, and B what's it say about me?

I'd like to close the book tonight on it all, even though I don't don't want to at heart, but I don't know how much more rejection I can put MYSELF through. Yes, Tal, you're right I'm doing it myself. I hate admitting that on so many levels.

Once more.. Why does she keep asking about comments from myspace and Facebook? Why does she keep yelling over my 'get out of the house' plans from old friends who are girls if she doesn't care and isn't jealous?

It trips me out that had I not yelled that last time and came to this realization of my behavior while we were together that she'd be here, yet now she's not willing to give it a go? F dude.. seriously.. what.. the. F.. Where's there any logic in her decision to not only not try but to push away from the idea while simultaneously spouting "if it happens then it happens!" NO! How is it ever going to "happen" as she claims if she forces her thoughts of me out of her head and rejects any sort of hang out and get together. She has this fairy tale idea that we're going to magically "happen" whilst living 6 hours apart.

Original, I'll be sure to have that movie within a day or two. Sounds good to me lol. Thanks @ becoming an official AMHD NC breaker. I'm both proud and disgusted (with myself) to be presented with this honor.

I've dated a LOT prior to her. She knows lol.. she threw out all the phone numbers I had gotten that week alone when we moved in together and made it all official. I've never once loved another girl or even said it. I've never once had these feelings of being happy with the thought of marriage and children with any other woman. I know the difference between the real deal and a delusion, guys. She had every quality I loved and I loved her more for having some qualities I didn't like. She felt the same about me until I messed it up.

Today is shot, I'll continue NC with a fresh day after tonight's conversation. Who knows, after tonight I may end up hating us both! Yes, tonight I idiotically shall take another bullet.. It's been pre-arranged.

I'm not sure I follow you, Tal on your relationship thing. How do I put guidelines and such on a relationship that we all can see isn't clearly there?

Look, I'm lying when I say I want over her, I'm lying when I say I'm OK with any of this, and I would give a random body part(no no no not that one) to be back with her because that feeling we shared was the best feelings we've both ever experienced. I want her, I love her, and I'm not a psycho, she's clearly LYING to me and to herself. It's so far beyond obvious that I feel like paying some giant chick to slap her around a little and ask her why. She was RING shopping and dropping hints of marriage to me all by HERSELF weeks before she left! Am I going crazy here?? I feel like I need to be in an asylum, but I know better.

DUDE! AHH!

No one who's lost feelings a year ago stays that long, does what she did, tries that hard to work on things, says what she said, asks to have a little girl, and then wants you to propose! Seriously. Why? What the FLIP? Jesus Christ, I mean why would she force herself out of feelings? I understand being confused.. obviously lol, but this is beyond stupid.

Her mother and I, we hate each other, we talk crap about each other, we get along during fun times, but we have a completely different idea on everything. Her mom is like only person she really talks to and they live together. Why is her mom saying I deserve another chance? Why did she say for me to try when she comes down for a couple weeks for custody?

I asked the ex about trying that and she said she's angry right now (about custody only), but anger IS still anger, and that she'll think about us going out to spend some one on one time together! I'll break NC left and right for that go if she agrees. Sorry, guys, but that opportunity is worth it. If she says no then I do not stand a chance anyhow and I know this.

Her msn status changed after we spoke. Yes I re-added her because I needed to know when she was jerking me around when I would call with no answer for custody arrangements. But she doesn't know I can read this one.. I'm not even sure she knows I know it exists. It reads "A fake smile so they can't see that I'm crying inside living each day hopping it's my last". Word for word.. even the typo lol. What does it mean? She's not doing it for me because she doesn't know I can see it. Do I ask her tonight about what it means when she calls?

Quote:

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How do I put guidelines and such on a relationship that we all can see isn't clearly there?

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Set the guidelines on yourself first. Define your own good behavior and stick to it, no matter what she does, or what button she can push. Different from guys who can smack each other around, females are more subtle in the way they fight. Their weapons are making you feel things, as opposed to fists.

As you see, they are quite good at it. I think you push back with deeds, and actions, and not words, or feelings. You lose if you do.

I kind of get what you're saying.. I'm not sure how to guideline myself though. What kind of action or deed would this be? The actual making of guidelines?
Please, an example? Sorry, my brains far too gone right this moment to think.

What do you make of her MSN thing? I know I'm over analyzing, but doesn't it clearly show you the same it shows me? She says she has no feelings of us yet cries inside when we hang up?

I guess feelings and words aren't helping, even though I feel as though I'm getting somewhere when I push her like that. I need a plan of action.. I love plans.. I have no bearing.. I feel like I need to act or do something. I do not like sitting and letting everything just happen. I feel that if someone like her walks out of your life you should take charge and gather information as to why and use it in a plan of strategy to show her you really meant what you're saying. Proof so to speak. I know it sounds corny, but it's how I operate.

I do know these things:
- I have to get past this defense of her. I'm guessing by lowering it gently without her being aware. However, I need to stay aware of the friend zone thing.
- Show her the truth! We both love the same things and want the same things.
- Show her the changes that I've spoken of so that she knows everything she ever asked for from our relationship is here.
- Separate her from the people talking trash in GA.

Only problem.. How? I mean it's got to be do-able. I don't know as much as most of you on women's habits, but I'm doing my best to learn.

How do I show action and deeds when she's living so far away and I'll see her once for 5 minutes every 3 weeks? I mean.. am I supposed to just show up up there and take her on a date and surprise her? I'm working on subtle dates when she comes to FL. Hopefully I'll have my vehicle by then and I can take us out as a family and with alone time.. Something which we never had as a couple ever.

Bouncing this NC and this want to not let go of someone and something so great and I need to figure out which one is the better bet to follow through with. Original says NC as does Wish, but knowing what I've said.. does it make a difference or no?