Just an afterthought here.

I'm not so sure that our definitions (as a society) of what marriage should be like, really apply anymore. Last I read, 52% of marriages fail (don't quote me on that, I have no idea where I read that article online). Of those marriages, there are custody issues, support issues, fatherless children, an imbalance of equity to the primary care giver who has the children to support (just my opinion based on the line of work I'm in), and all sorts of problems with children not raised with both parents on the same page. This due to hate, resentment, immaturity, what have you. They didn't get along before they divorced, and most don't get along afterward. (again my opinion)

So what do we expect when someone like our OP, who has a very solid relationship by the sounds of things, with a loving husband and father figure. Yes, they are appearing married, they have the same responsibilities toward the children, the debt, assets, etc. and what I'm wondering is, why the push for marriage.

Will things be more secure than they are now? Will the children be happier? Will the relationship be different between the OP and her 'husband'?

Is it just possible, that perhaps the lack of a marriage license is what will make this union a successful one?

Other than legal perks of being married aside, and societal pressure to make the union acceptable or the church's requirement to be as one in the eyes of God, is it really necessary considering where we end up with marriages now?

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

Other than legal perks of being married

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Those "legal perks" are very major:

Marriage Rights and Benefits - Free Legal Information - Nolo

And like I alluded to earlier in this thread, if she walked out today, he wouldn't be hurt?

Good question:

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Originally Posted by SONOMAMA29 agrees

so should i just play the GF role? stop cooking dinner, cleaning his clothes, planning family outtings, going together to family functions? should i stop playing the wife role?

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Would you be willing to move out? Or go on strike and just be housemates? Of course, either way, the children will be the ones to suffer the most. Something is going to have to be done to shake up the status quo. Otherwise, this will be your life -- unmarried 'wife'. As for the legal ramifications, you would do well to check up on common-law spouse status.

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just had a MAJOR fight about his x wife. There were married for 5 years, together for 15, have a 5 year old son together. I guess I should have seen this coming, we've been together for 2 years and moved in together with our kids about 1 year ago. Over the weekend he called his x wife and reminded her that sat, he needed 700 ( her half) to sign up there son for summer camp. She told him to F off and that she doesn't have money. So he signed up there son and paid for the entire thing. Sunday when she called to figure out a location for her to pick up there son he reminded her that he needed at least 85$ to start her portion of the $ he had to front for her for there son to go to camp. She told him to F off and she will start paying him when there son goes to camp in JUNE. I reminded my BF that April and may her 700 on his credit card will be accrewing interest that she will deffinatly not pay for IF she pays him the 700. HE WENT NUTS ON ME! CRAZY and told me to stay out of it and he left to go drop off his son. I seen the outside light come on and he was back but stayed in his car for an additional 25 minutes. I was a little nervous so I went outside and as I was walking over to him he opened up the car door and told me that he was on the phone with his mother and he would be back in the house when he is done. I told him OK. So when he came in he didn't talk to me at all. I asked him if we could talk and 2 hours later we sat down. He told me that he hates it when I interfere in how he handles his "relationship" with his x wife, he again reminded me that she will be apart of our lives forever because that is his sons mother.

I hate it when I get like this, feeling insecure about her and how they have to talk to each other. I know that he loves me and I know that he will not go back to her but she has a kid with him, they were married, I feel like we have no commitment, would getting married to him make me feel like we are more of a team/unit? What are some positive ways I can deal with his x wife (that I can't stand)? I don't want to cause him drama but it is really difficult.

First of all.. she is the child's mother. There will always be a connection there. Not a loving conn ection on his part. Please don't ever fight in front of that child. He isn't too blame. Your husband sounds like he's under a lot of pressure.

Or are you married? Do you work?

You let HIM deal with his ex,full stop.

And learn to accept that she will be in his life at least till their child is 18 year of age.

Stay out of there business, and no, getting married won't make things any easier with his ex.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Stay out of there business, and no, getting married won't make things any easier with his ex.

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Please don't fight in front of this little boy. He has enough on his plate with his psycho mom. He needs love from you and hugs.
Money is not everything.

I don't blame you you for being angry.. but if you don't want to lose this man.. comfort him instead of blaming him. If he takes her to court the child will suffer and he probably doesn't like the situation anymore than you do.

He is between a rock and a hard place. He's thinking about his child and you and his ex is trying to add fuel to the fire. Please
Let this child know it's not his fault and give the boyfriend a little understanding. Good Luck

I can't stand my bf's x wife. I'm OBSESSED with her, I check her FB frequently, I used to drive past her car at her job to make sure she was there and it wasent just another lie that she coulndt pick up her son, I would go to the same nail salon, tanning salon and hair salon just to try to cross paths with her to see if she was lying to my boyfriend and confirming these were lies that she alledgely was at work so she couldn't pick up her son. I would have spies follow her to bars and take pics and videos if they were able to of her getting drunk and making out with random guys at bars on her weekend to get her son but she couldn't get him because... she was working! Yea right. OK, so I'm SOOOO over being this obsessed GF, and I'm drained and it is making me crazy. My BF thinks I'm a little wacko and he tells me that all I'm doing is wasting my time because these reports that I give him on how horrible a mother she is or lack of mother-hood she has, he already knows. IM DONE! I can't do this anymore, so I want to go a FULL 360, I want to stop making rude comments about her to my friends and family and I seriously want to take the high road. I want to act like the classy, professional, confident woman that I am instead of this stalker. How should the x wife new GF relationship be? Or just a respectful awareness of each other? What are some tips that I can use to help me help my relationship with my BF and our family to take my mind off her and how she is a horrible mother? Should I befriend her? Invite her to the house? Let her pick up her son at our house when she decided to be a mom? Invite her over for dinner or out to dinner with us? Idea and tips would be great from x-husbands and x-wifes and new wife's dealing with the x.. thank you all so much!

>Multiple Threads Merged<

His ex is always going to be in the picture. It will be much easier for the boy and the boyfriend if you have a cordial relationship. Question is can you do it?

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this Tuesday my bf's son has his 2ns t-ball game. My daughter and I have been going to all the practices and we already went to his first game. Allegedly his bio-mom is planning to pick him up Tues. ( day of 2nd game) for her sleepover visit. She hasn't been to any practices or even showed any interest in helping him get prepared for his 1st baseball experience. Well me, my daughter my boyfriend and Bf's mom ( Grammy) are all planning to go to his game on Tuesday. The x wife and I never got along. Most probably she will just sit in her car texting until the game is over and we deliver the son to her at her car but, if she decides to get out and come over to my boyfriend and I, I have no idea what to say to her? We DO NOT get along at all. Any words of advise?
thanks,
sonomama29

You aren't obligated to carry a conversation with her, but you really don't need to be super-rude.

Simply say "hello" and continue watching the game. Leave any actual conversation to your boyfriend or grammy.

I waset planning to be "super-rude" but if she does get out of her car and is able to keep her hands off her phone and stays right next to me and my BF, how could I ask her politely that there are bleachers over there that she can sit on.

That's not your place, or business. Its between him, and his ex, not you.

You should keep your mouth shut, and be a good example for the kids, that's what your focus is, not some petty cat fight games with the mother of his child, no matter what she does.

It's up to your boyfriend to tell her to back off.

When having to deal in uncomfrtable situations like what you describe its called moving to a business relationship. Your civil and that is all that is required. Until something actually happens your stressing yourself over nothing. Take it in stride and if she comes near say hello. If you have never formally met then introduce yourself. Not as the girlfriend but as yourself.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

When having to deal in uncomfrtable situations like what you describe its called moving to a business relationship. Your civil and that is all that is required. Until something actually happens your stressing yourself over nothing. Take it in stride and if she comes near say hello. If you have never formally met then introduce yourself. Not as the girlfriend but as yourself.

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Just try to remember.. He's with you.. if he wanted to be with ex he would be. Be civil to her and remember he loves you now. :)

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Me and my boyfriend have been together for 2 years this aug. we and each of our kids have been living together for the past year. He was married to his high school sweetheart of 5 years but they were together for a total of 15 years. They have a 5 year old son together. She cheated on him with another man and left my boyfriend and there son for 3 months and was M.I.A. so he filied of divorce papers and 2 night a week there son visits with the mother.
As I was cleaning up the closets the other day I stumbled across a box I'd never seen before. In it was nick-nacks and other little crapy things but there was a litman jewlery box,, I opened it,, and it was his wedding ring. Why does he still have it?
Now,, I do still have my engagement ring from my daughters father ONLY because I need to find a place where they can remove the stone so I can sell the diamond separate from the gold. If he were to ask me to get rid of it right now I would have no problem and I would get rid of it pronto.
#1) how do I ask him to get rid of it?
#2) WHY DOES HE STILL HAVE IT?
#3) what if he tells me he will not get rid of it?
I would love to hear from anyone that has been in this situation or someone who is in a relationship with someone that was once married. Thanks

Why is it okay for you to keep old stuff for your own reasons and not okay for him to keep old stuff for his reasons?

That doesn't seem fair to me for some reason.