You are correct about the guilt trip to take the dogs, and with your update, its apparent she had other plans to pursue elsewhere. That my friend makes her a liar, and a cheat, and the only response to her is " keep your freakin' dogs, and leave me alone".
She has been playing your emotions to get what she wants, long enough, and even though for a while you will only see the good things you shared, eventually you will heal, and see the selfish lying, cheating, manipulator that she is.

She only cares when she get what she wants. That's truly sad, to have feelings for a person of that character, but at least now you know who you gave your heart to, and must take it back. Tell her to go to hell, and disappear from her life. You have enough facts for that decision, but you must convince your own heart, it's the right thing to do. That may take time, but its well worth it to be able to put this behind you, and deny her any further BS, into your own happiness.

I'm not defending her, because right now all I feel is hate for her actions, but technically she did not lie and/or cheat - despite her telling me "she loved me", she did say that "she wanted time to herself to figure things out and didn't want to be in a serious relationship" and as far as I know -she was txting John to hang out after she made such statement but was not with him while we were together. As much as it hurts that she did it first thing right after leaving my house, being with me and telling me she loved me. I guess she thought I would never find out and will probably never know that I know. I know SHE would feel justified in doing it because of her statement about "needing time".

Considering everything though, you are right - she is a selfish, immature and manipulative person. Why do some women think that just because they are very attractive and tons of men want to be with them (she's a part time bikini model) they can get away with being the biggest B*t*h in the world? How I didn't see that in the first 4 years and 11 months - I don't know? I knew she had some flaws, like everyone does, but I seriously thought this was the person I was going to marry. I mean I am/was no saint either, but when it came down to it, I was the one willing to put everything behind us and move on together. It sucks, but I can only hope that she ends up with someone else that makes her as miserable as she made me and realizes what she lost.

I think this is your anger speaking.
You were with this woman for five years. If things were that bad you could have left her.
All of the things you are saying she did, or c how ontrolling she was, you allowed it, you put up with it. Don't make her a pariah when you let her be.
She was honest in that she told you she wanted out and now you're mad and hurt.
Maybe you stayed with her because you thought she was "so attractive" (that is a bit shallow too)
It's time to stop dwelling on her, stop dogging her and just move on.

Sorry you're in this situation man.

You've said in one of your posts that she was very attractive and you don't think you'll be able to find another one like that again. Well not with that attitude you won't!

Ive met some very attractive girls who get a tonne of guys chasing them who are very down to earth and aren't es at all. Then of course there are the girls who are very attractive and are complete es, those are the ones you avoid.

PS, just because somebody is extremely attractive in looks doesn't mean they're a great person to date. Once you get tired of their looks, their bulls*** starts catching up with you and then maybe you'll realise they're not as attractive as you once thought.

Take care

She knows how to twist the knife - I just got another txt this time saying, "I took care of the dog, so don't bother to reply. You're an a**hole deadbeat. Good thing they weren't kids". Did I do the right thing by not replying? It doesn't feel like it - at least I should have stood up for myself and said, NO!

Well, that says it all, huh? She's lame.

Stand up for yourself by staying NC, and ignoring her.

Don't care what she says or does from now on.

You stand up for yourself by not dignifying her stupid,abusive insults by a reply.

Never accept offensive behaviour,and don't by into an infantile manipulator's attempts at trying to control you.

As you said, she is only trying to twist the knife, but she is really mad because YOU DID stand up for yourself by not replying to her stupidity. She will be mad for a long time behind that because your actions were more effective than any words, and she got the message loud, and clear, screw her BS, and its not worth arguing about, and you don't have to defend yourself to her any longer. A very powerful message I would say.

I would not reply to that insult, however I think you would have proven yourself a man by standing up to her and saying you would not take the dog instead of hiding behind nc. That is what got you in this mess to begin with. Not saying what you really think put using passive aggression. I think that is what ticked her off.
But leave it alone now.

Homegirl50 - I think I agree with you. Instead of following the NC advice, I likely should have replied that I was not going to take a dog. At least it would have shown that I had some cojones.

While I consented to adopt the first dog with her, I was opposed to the second and definitely the third. The fact remains that the ONLY reason she now wants me to take care of the dog is because she wants to move in somewhere where she can only have 2 dogs and wants to pass off the responsibility for the 3rd to someone else. Am I completely without fault for agreeing to let her adopt the dogs? No. I think I even signed the paperwork for one. But what was the right move in this situation? Take the dog and give in? Say no? Or implied say no, by maintaining NC?

Regardless of if I responded or not, I know her and know that the situation would have turned out exactly like it did anyway. Me telling her no, would have resulted in the same calling me an "a**hole" and "deadbeat" because she is not getting what she wanted. So I guess it doesn't matter.

I would like to think that this is over and I will never hear from her again. Which now there is a very good chance because of how stubborn she is. But I have a feeling there is more to come.

That's in the past now.
She's shown her true colors for whatever reason.

There may be more to come. But not from you.

Ignore her now.

I think you should have stood up to her and said "no I do not want the dog. You may have gotten the same results had you told her no, but you would have at least stood up and said no.
You could have said no to her when you didn't want the dogs from the beginning but you didn't. She did what she wanted to do because you did not speak up and because you didn't speak up then, she probably saw no reason to think you would not take one of the dogs. But again, you backed down and didn't say anything.
Be that as it may, there is no need for you to deal with her again.

Move on, but take it as a lesson learned. Say what you think. Passive aggression is weak.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by BillRoland

Do I love her, yes. Do I want to be with her for the rest of my life? I don't know, now. I did. I would right now, but maybe because I just miss her so much. But, there were/are things I also hated about her. I think that's life though, there will always be things you don't like about someone. My biggest problem is that in 20+ years of dating a lot of women, I have never met anyone that I loved as much as her. And, I don't think I will ever find anyone as beautiful and a match for me. If the next 20 years, is anything like the previous, I imagine having to settle or ending up spending the rest of my life alone.

So, I'm confused? NC or respond?

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Thanks for answering.
You answer clearly shows that you do not love her enough to marry even after 5 years of relationship. That was your problem.

Either sticking with NC or not is not that significant compare to your mind setup. You already made up your mind after 5 years, and you chose not to marry her, and initiated NC to push her away.

One thing I know is You should me madly in love with someone if you want to be with THE ONE only for the rest of your life with FULL commitment.

You followed your gut feeling, and she is gone. You just did not expect this much pain when you made your decision. Breaking up is really painful especially for the years long relationship. Your pain is normal. I suggest you just focus on yourself now, not to impulsively flip your decision to create more confusion between you and your ex. Spend some time alone, figure out what you REALLY want. That is the best advice I can give you for now. I hope it helps.

So, one day after the text calling me a "deadbeat" and "a**hole", she sends me an email this morning, it said "I miss you this morning and I wish things would have not turned out this way."

6 days into NC and struggling to fight the urge to write back, "me too".

Just a ploy to toy with my emotions because she's hurting from NC or after 6 days she really realizes she's made a mistake? I don't want to read into it anymore than I should.

Whatever her reasons are,stick with NC.

You're doing NC for you,remember?

No, it is what she says. She wishes things would not have turned out this way.

You are still in the mind set of NC to get back at her, not to get over her.

To be honest, I'm in the mind set of NC for both. She decided she wanted to end things - not me. So, despite any feelings I may have to say, "I miss you too", I'm not going to respond out of spite for what she's putting me through AND based on the fact that I KNOW even if I were to run back to her and try and work things out - SHE was still the one that left/didn't want only me - and that likely hasn't changed. So I'm doing it to protect myself from getting hurt again and in attempt to slowly move on with my life.

Quite frankly, I'm surprised that she would even email me that after the prior day's contact. But, I guess I need to accept it for what it is: her saying "she misses me and wishes that things wouldn't have ended on such a bad note" (as she is likely feeling guilty now and sadness from the break up), BUT NOT, that she wants me back.

Good thinking!
Just continue NC and get yourself together

May be true, but don't fall for it.
You've moved on.

Relationships and breaking up are both rollercoaster rides. One day you can't stand the person, then something reminds you of them and you miss them. It works for both parties of the relationship.

After reading the entire thread though, she sounds immature, and manipulative. If she really was worried about the dog, she should have called left a message asking you politely if you knew anyone who could take care of it. Instead she insulted you when you didn't respond. I think you were justified in not responding - it sets you back, and she would have made you feel bad either way.

There will always be days when she randomly misses you and thinks she made the wrong move, and there will be days when you feel that way as well. You need to decide for yourself if it is woth the hassle of trying to make it work. If you tried, would it just break apart later in the future? Your best bet is to just continue no contact, but don't do it to get her back, do it because your life is yours, and you want to heal and move on. NC isn't about who is weaker or stronger, its just about you and feeling better.

Doesn't sound like its going to work out with her, so in my opinion keep doing what your doing. I know it seems weird that it took 5 years for you to figure this out, but sometimes when we think we love someone we put their negative traits in the background, and then down the road we realize how irritating this person really is.