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-   -   Engagement Woes (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=458868)

  • Mar 21, 2010, 07:33 AM
    jaxwalkerjax

    Thanks to all... I get all of the different perspectives. And the more I think about how my girlfriend is, and how much I know that it will be quite significant to her that I did what I did, the more I feel that I should tell her. It's in a strange way, that knowing how much it will hurt her, is making me lean toward telling her. Not AT ALL because I ever want to hurt her in any way, but because I know that this is something that I owe her... telling her, so that we can work this out together... telling her because she deserves honesty, loyalty, and someone who will be "fully" there for her. I am NOW ready to be "fully" there for her... but, obviously I wasn't ready a year ago. Hopefully, she will understand that I have grown in this past year, and have learned from my horrible mistake. Who I am right now, has no intent whatsoever to break her heart, so this is tearing me up inside. But I'm thinking more and more that I owe it to her to be wholly honest with her. Marriage is a HUGE step for us, and I'm hoping that we can only come closer because of this and how I address it... This is hard!
  • Mar 21, 2010, 08:59 AM
    I wish

    That's a very mature approach. You're right, she deserves to know the whole truth before committing to a marriage with you.

    Imagine how bad it could be if she found out well into your marriage. I can't even imagine how ugly it could be.

    I wish you the best. Let us know how it goes.

    Just keep in mind that you can't expect her to recover from something like this overnight. It's going to take time to rebuild the trust if she's willing to give you that opportunity.
  • Mar 22, 2010, 09:29 AM
    jaxwalkerjax
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by I wish View Post
    That's a very mature approach. You're right, she deserves to know the whole truth before committing to a marriage with you.

    Imagine how bad it could be if she found out well into your marriage. I can't even imagine how ugly it could be.

    I wish you the best. Let us know how it goes.

    Just keep in mind that you can't expect her to recover from something like this overnight. It's going to take time to rebuild the trust if she's willing to give you that opportunity.

    Thank you for your feedback. We had a great weekend together, and feeling like we are currently in the best place we've ever been emotionally, is making it all really tough. I feel like I've made the best decision in telling her; and I suppose I'm posting my thoughts on here because this is helping me not to "chicken out!" I think I just need to do it, and tonight might actually be the day that I do it... I've thought A LOT about it and the timing just seems right... but, of course, there is never going to be a "right" time for this because it is killing me inside that I know this will break her heart. Thank you for the good wishes and I'm sure I'll be back for more "advice" as we are in for a bumpy road ahead. But I'm going to have faith that we love each other enough to move forward in the best possible way for the both of us...
  • Mar 22, 2010, 09:36 AM
    amicon

    Again-I hope it goes well for both of you.

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