Ask Me Help Desk - Ex getting married to someone

Quote:

Originally Posted by myagony1234

Sorry for slapping you so hard. :)
I hope you understand I am doing it to help you to get out of the useless confusion.

Listen, friend,
I know you are heart broken, but it is useless and she is worthless.
Your ex married soon after breakup. Right? Nobody is jumping & marring a stripper. It means your ex had worked on this guy for a while, she was a double timer and you were her backup plan, once she started to see this guy. You just did not know it, since you were in love, and blinded.

Now you know her true ugly color. Get over it already. Plain and simple. Why do you still think about the lousy girl?

You have a lot of things to do, and you will have bright future. You will meet a good girl who will make you not only happy, but alo proud. Smile!
Once again, your ex saved you from the unfaithful marriage & painful divorce. Thank God.

Now after a long time my life is getting back on track. I am completely out of touch with her and I don't want to c her in future too. It was devastating experience for me. I don't know how many dayz it will take me to get over from her completely. But I am determined to forget her and I will never forgive her for this..

Quote:

Originally Posted by gx10

Now after a long time my life is getting back on track. i am completely out of touch with her and I don't wanna c her in future too. It was devastating experience for me. I don't know how many dayz it will take me to get over from her completely. but I am determined to forget her and i will never forgive her for this..

Very well said, and it sounds like you made the best plan for yourself. It still hurts, and you are still in shock & grief, but you will feel better day goes by.
I hope I can see your smile soon! :)

I truly understand what you're going through. My ex of 20 years told me she wanted out and 60 days later we were divorced. That was 5 months ago. In the meantime, I found out she was seeing someone on the sly while we were still together and now she's getting married to this guy next week. Kids are involved. When you get married, it's a union of 2 people but when you get divorced, it's not simply splitting back to your 2 individual selves. It leaves a jagged scar on both your souls. All the shared hopes and memories, even the bad with the good, get torn apart and that in itself takes a long healing process to get over. Years, not days. The longer you were married, the longer the healing process takes. Comments like “get over it” or “she's a cheating such-and-so” don't help because you loved this person at one time, and possibly on some level always will.

It may take quite a while to “get over it”. Everyone is different and you need to take it at your own pace. It's traumatic to get divorce in the first place, and yet another trauma when your ex gets re-married because it's an air of finality to a chapter in your life that you may still have mixed feelings about. I know I'm still struggling with it. (And if kids are involved, that adds a whole 'nother layer of complicated emotions best left to another thread.) But in a way, having kids has helped my situation because it gives me a reason to take the high road and let the ex seek whatever happiness I couldn't give her. I reluctantly joined a divorce care group and it's the best thing I did since the breakup. You will be with people going through what you are (all our stories are different but the same) and they're the only ones that truly understand the sorrow and grieving. You can safely work through the emotional roller coaster and not worry about what you say or worry about wearing out your friends.

This sounds weird but I know I miss the companionship terribly even though I know we probably should be divorced. I also know it's way too soon to get involved with someone else. You have to give yourself some time to heal emotionally and find yourself again, not an easy task if you're in your middle age like myself. But you'll get there and you will end up in a better relationship because of it. Let your ex do whatever, it's her life now and besides, you know you can only control what you do, not what anyone else does. I know it hurts. The important thing is take care of yourself, try to find your own emotional center again, try to find out who you are and learn from any mistakes so you don't repeat them in your next relationship. And somewhere along the way, I hope both of us will learn to forgive because I think that's a big part of moving on. I wish you the best on this lonely (for now, God willing) journey. Take care.

Quote:

Originally Posted by myagony1234

Yes, it is. I am so sorry for your pain, I feel for you, and hope you feel better as time goes by.

:) you its true but at the same time it hard you know she left most of her stuff in my apartment and whenever I see that I feel like nostalgic so I don't kw How much more time it ill take me to forgot her completely:(

Burn her things or take them to one of her relatives! Stay away from her or you'll only be hurt more if you see her! Sorry about the pain you are going through!

Quote:

Originally Posted by gx10

:) ya its true but at the same time it hard you know she left most of her stuff in my apartment and whenever i see that I feel like nostalgic so I dont kw How much more time it ill take me to forgot her completely:(

It is time to get rid of all the junky stuff she left you from your life completely. If you do it, you will feel much better, and easier to move on. Trust me.
Please delete all the emails, txt messages etc. Have fun with spring clean up and get ready for new life without junky memory. :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by myagony1234

It is time to get rid of all the junky stuff she left you from your life completely. If you do it, you will feel much better, and easier to move on. Trust me.
Please delete all the emails, txt messages etc. Have fun with spring clean up and get ready for new life without junky memory. :)

Give to a local homeless shelter or have great big yard sale! Hope you do okay and realize she is doing you a favor! :)

Quote:

Originally Posted by myagony1234

It is time to get rid of all the junky stuff she left you from your life completely. If you do it, you will feel much better, and easier to move on. Trust me.
Please delete all the emails, txt messages etc. Have fun with spring clean up and get ready for new life without junky memory. :)

Well right now I am busy in work and studies and I am getting graduate next month. So I am not having time but yeah that for sure I ll throw her stuff or donate some one in need once I get a chance..

Quote:

Originally Posted by gx10

well right now I am busy in work and studies and i am getting graduate next month. so I am not having time but yeah that for sure I ll throw her stuff or donate some one in need once i get a chance..

Good for you! Stay on track! You will meet someone who is great! :)

Hey guys
Its almost two month I didn't talk to her not even she tried to contact me at all. I am fine with this. My question is after the breakup I came closer to one of her best friend (Meg). And she tried hard to get us together but unfortunately It didn't work out. So I decided not to talk any of our common friend including Meg. But some time I feel bad because she helped me, gave me lots of motivation and strength during that tough time. And out of sudden I ignored Meg too. Its been more than a month I didn't talk to her. And I am thinking to call her on this Ester. At the same time I don't want to talk to her about my Ex.

So friend should I stick to NC or should I cal this common friend to wish her??

Quote:

Originally Posted by gx10

hey guys
its almost two month I didn't talk to her not even she tried to contact me at all. I am fine with this. My question is after the breakup I came closer to one of her best friend (Meg). and she tried hard to get us together but unfortunately It didn't work out. So I decided not to talk any of our common friend including Meg. But some time I feel bad because she helped me, gave me lots of motivation and strength during that tough time. And out of sudden I ignored Meg too. its been more than a month I didn't talk to her. and i am thinking to call her on this Ester. At the same time I don't wanna talk to her about my Ex.

So friend should i stick to NC or should I cal this common friend to wish her ???

If it is a friendship call, I see nothing wrong with that! Remember rebound relationships seldom work.. Good Luck

Sometimes we have to let go of people we like in order to avoid information that might hurt us when we're doing NC.

Could you have a friendship with this lady without the ex being discussed?

That's up to you to decide.

Guyz..
As per your advice I called her friend on Good Friday to wish her. And
She was very happy that I called her and we talk for 10 min. Initially I told Meg that I don't want to talk about her so please don't bring my Ex in this conversation. She said okay, and she told me that you sounds great and you are enjoying your life that cool. But at the end of our conversation she told me that you are lucky that you got out from that relationship this girl is not right for you. She ( My Ex) lost her job and drinking every day with her current boyfrn and they are not married yet. And this guy seems to be a jerk he just using her but she is not realizing that. And he does't like her cats too. Than She (MEG) added that I know your Ex for more than 16 year and I am observing major change in her behavior she became so selfish that barely she is calling me (Meg) or texting me.

Before that breakup she used to called her like 10 times a day. In nut shell she told me that she is happy for me that I got over from her otherwise she would have ruined my life.

So guyz I am just wondering that , this girl Meg who is my Ex best friend, I never saw her talking negative about my ex but she was and she does't like my ex current boyfriend too she hate him like hell I don't know why... Interesting

Any way I am cool now I don't care if my ex dies tomorrow.

I am OK and happy and all credit goes to you guyz..
Thanks

Quote:

Originally Posted by notsogreat

I was with my ex for nearly ten years, well he proposed to me after seven years of being together, then he dumped me and moved in with a mutal friend within months. He proposed to her within a year and they are getting married this August. Although I know that I am better off without this liar and cheater, it still stings. I think that it is normal. She is only contacting you probably out of guilt, maybe she is trying to make you jealous and rub it in your face, or maybe she realizes that she cannot be alone, unfortunately noone but her can tell you the reasons behind her actions. I loathe my ex, but I wish him well, even after all of the hateful things he has done to me, I wish him well and have no choice but to let him go. Your ex probably doesn't know how to be alone and jumped at the first opportunity after you so don't take it personally.

Be grateful! She wanted the prestige of being married to a Dr. Forget her... She's done you a favor. Sorry but better now than later.:)

Well guys I know its sound awkward but still I miss her. I am not in a touch with her last couple of month. I don't know how is she doing..
I don't know when I will get over from her completely...
Help...

Give yourself time and make sure you live an active life.

Distract your thoughts when you start thinking of her.

Your feelings are normal,but they will pass.

You have done well thus far, and to be fair it may take decades to completely forget her, but being able to enjoy your own life is the goal.

Geez we hardly ever fully forget our exes, but it just doesn't hurt after a while.

I wish there was a magic pill that we could take to get over someone. But as the others are saying as well - time is on your side here. Little by little she will stop entering your thoughts as much until eventually the pain and the thoughts of missing her will just subside.

Also even if Meg is only giving you negative feedback about you ex, I think you are better off not talking about her in any context whatsoever. Each time you discuss your ex it just stirs up old feelings and memories. I think for your sake if you want to keep talking to Meg you need to be clear that you don't want to discuss your ex in any form. I think it will be best for you in the long run.

I found the busier I was when trying to get over my ex the better I felt. The more distractions I had and more fun I had the easier it got.

So it's over... Move on!