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Originally Posted by kp2171

just to clarify and get the whole picture... is this guy the same guy from your recent post...

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ts-456360.html

if so... we're gonna end up merging threads probably... same guy same issue?

and/or does it tie into this past thread?
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...er-420352.html

just looking to understand the backstory a little more...

glancing through, im not clear... did you actually have sex with this guy or is it still all the peripheral stuff, but not sex?

as for the red flag... its not enough to convict. if hes on spring break you know he is busy at night. you dont know with whom.

a girl i loved who cheated on me would always conveniently structure her call schedule when she went on certain trips... turned out that those were the trips when she was with another man.

but again... his calling before the madness starts... you can't prove anything there...

as for how to push the relationship foreward... well, different people have different needs and wants... so theres no one way to answer that. completely depends on what he is looking for and what motivates him.

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It is linked to the first one.. the most recent before this..
But not that second one "got screwed over"
That's old.. I did want to link them myself but wasn't sure if I can or how.
So thanks but no, we didn't have sex.

And I don't care what he does in miami, that's none of my concern right now. Let him have his fun now, now that we aren't anything serious.

Okay so sure he's busy, partyin? Absolutely.. he even told me.. hooking up with girls? Probably.. I don't know. I don't care.
Let it go cause he's on spring break, sure
But you guys, he started this distant texting that stopped by night time 2 days before he left!



.. so..

I think you need to set your standards higher and find a guy who is only interested in you.

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Originally Posted by coruzzi2

and lastly, if im always on his mind, then why does he stop texting me late in the afternoon everyday now,..?
but i think your right, its cute because he pretty much texts me first thing in the morning.. on average he texts between 8:30 a.m and 11
thats a red flag right?

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Girl, I want to tell you something lol GUYS ARE STUPID lol. And I just read this thread. And he is a frat boy. Frat boys are pretty interresting because they got that whole B.A. side of them. And you said he gets around? Is he something you want to kiss after he kissed so many girls. I mean it is not a read flag if he texts you only in the morning. It could mean a lot of things: He is busy with school during the afternoon, maybe he does some things he does not want you to know (but it does not matter because you guys are not official), and he might have other priorities besides you. Me and my guy take turns texting first. It is stupid I think. So I quit playing the texting games and I just text him whenever I want basically. I mean the best thing to do is just go out. Have fun with the girls. Go to frat parties. I can't really go to different frat parties because he will get crazy jealous but since you are not hitched you should go to party that is low risk and just meet people. See what is out there. I mean if he is not going to take effort. It is his loss. I am sure you are an attractive woman.

Well things are going well.. I texted him today on my own at about 5p.m.. I said hey.. he said hey how's it going within a minute later.. than I said nm just thinking of you.. he said aw that's sweet.. I asked how his night was he said good, he just went out and drank and then went swimming with a friend. Ha, whatever.. so I said cool.. and asked if he wanted to hang out when he gets back, He said where to? I said I don't know lets go see a movie or something, whatever you want.. and he said sounds good.. and then I ended it with okay well ill let you go have fun! So I feel like that gave me some brownie points a little..
And he'll be back in town on Sunday.

I'm starting to think that the reason he became so distant after we hung out/hooked up is so that we can temporarily slow things down cause he knew he was going on this trip soon after, and wanted to have fun. And meanwhile, see if I can hang. I'm fine with this.. do you guys think that's what it is?

He is a young guy. Who the hell knows. ;) I didn't know why I did half the things I did... sure did a lot of things driven by emotions and impulse and not all that much planning...

Uhm... who knows... I don't think it's the craziest thing to say he probably wanted loose ties at best if he intended to be a little on the wild side... and I have no idea of any past relationships he has had... a clingy previous girlfriend couldve railed him when her walked too close to another girl, let alone travelled unattached to a beach full of them.

A little self check ill do from time to time when going thought the motions of a developing relationship, especially in the really new stage, is to ask "am im i investing a lot more time and energy into this relationship than she is"... and this includes my own preoccupation with the relationship, not just the actual being together...

Don't know if its very clear... guess I'm saying I think you've been pretty at ease with "giving him room" (its his space, you really don't give it, but I'm rambling as usual) on this trip... but you also are spending a lot of time analyzing what's going on... what it could mean... etc.

And I know you've been eager to have a more solid, lasting relationship, if I remember right from previous posts...

So I just want you to be willing to check yourself a bit, from time to time... if you are spending a lot more time on this than he is, there's real imbalance. And sometimes that leads to poor choices or partly blinded judgements... leading to more imbalance.

So I guess id like to see, when he gets back, that he's willing to put in a little effort. You clearly have the attention of the amhd men. Lets hope he's willing to chase you as confidently.

Thanks KP,
I'll keep you posted.

Were do you live? Im 19 and I would love to date you! Anyway, I'm living proof there are non-jerk guys out there who really want relationships ( I do) you just got to find them.

Haha :) I live in vegas!

One thing I am curious about, where have you met these last 4 or 5 guys?

Also try to think of how they picked you up, and if there are any red flags you should consider. How long did each relationship last until you hooked up?

Also consider not engaging in sex until more of a relationship develops and he shows a genuine interest in you. There's nothing wrong with waiting a few months.

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

One thing I am curious about, where have you met these last 4 or 5 guys?

Also try to think of how they picked you up, and if there are any red flags you should consider. How long did each relationship last until you hooked up?

Also consider not engaging in sex until more of a relationship develops and he shows a genuine interest in you. There's nothing wrong with waiting a few months.

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I met most at school.. one at work..
This recent one is from school.
And me and him didn't have sex.
We fooled around a bit, after like 3 weeks of talking.. but didn't go all the way.

I just feel maybe you give in to these guys way too early without going on formal dates.. Maybe you should change your style and try something new. It is OK to kiss on the first date, but change it up a little. I mean a guy can lose interest if you give in two easily. 3 weeks in general is not long enough to know what type of guy he is.

Threads merged.

Here's the update..
He got back in town last night. I texted him at 3:30 a.m.. Because I was drunk. :/ I said hey are you up? He texted me at like 8a.m just saying hey whatsup..
This is going to get weird..

He mentioned that he woke up with wood.
Then I brought up that I still had his pictures in my phone (pictures I had taken for him, not of him) and I said I don't know why but I never deleted them..
He got upset because he thought I meant pictures of HIM.
He also said to send him some.. I was hungover in bed so I said I can't I'm sick, sorry.
He said. "well delete mine. and its fine ill find something else to jerk off to"


OUCHH!
But he said this cause he thought I was talking about pictures of him. I would understand why that would upset him.. so I made that clear to him and said "i said your pictures, as in the ones i took only for you"
And he said oh, well do what you want with them.

Like it means nothinggg that I took them just for him.
But it did when I took them. :(
So I just said "i know :)" and changed the subject.

Ugh, he seems so not interested anymore.. I should go NC huh?
But I feel like that's what he wants.. I want to get his interest back :(


Okay so brand new update:
I just texted him and straight up asked
"youve lost interest huh?
He said no I haven't, I wouldn't be texting you..


:confused:

He sounds pretty flaky. Time to go NC and find someone better!

Harshness warning
That's what happens when a drunk opens their mouth (or text), drunken confusion.

Instead of being clear, and precise, you jump to conclusions, and make assumptions, and create confusion for yourself.

You could have waited until you were sober, and been a lot more clear headed.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Harshness warning
Thats what happens when a drunk open their mouth, drunken confusion.

Instead of being clear, and precise, you jump to conclusions and make assumptions, and create confusion for yourself.

You could have waited until you were sober, and been a lot more clear headed.

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??
I was sober..
I was only drunk when I texted him the first time..
He wrote back basically the next day

Oh really? So how did you go from his lack of interest in some pictures you took from him, to a lack of interest in you?

Explain how you made that leap?

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Oh really? So how did you go from his lack of interest in some pictures you took from him, to a lack of interest in you?

Explain how you made that leap?

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Ive been thinking he had a lack of interest in me for a while now, that's what this is all about..
Just the whole vibe is different.. and it was worse texting today.. (but I guess its cause he was angered cause he thought I was talking about pictures of him in my phone)
I was just sick of playing the guessing game so I bluntly came out and just asked him..

That was kind of dumb huh? I sound desperate or something..
What should I do..

I stopped writing him back

Desperate and insecure.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Desperate and insecure.

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I am insecure.

:/

What should I do?