Everyone here echoes the importance of NC. I agree, and also advise you to accept HER doing NC to you, for your closure, as I have been dumped enough to know that you may never know the reasons they dumped you, because they don't know.

Until you have had to dump someone, its just hard to understand the concept of feelings changing for no apparent reason.

Never send holiday, birthday, or any other day, greetings. If she acknowledges it, you wonder what it means, and freak, and if she doesn't acknowledge your greeting, you wonder what it means, and freak! So don't do it. True NC, is No Contact whatsoever.

Yea man, this question gets asked every now and again and it's a normal question. Don't DO IT!! There will be 1 of 2 reactions from her.

1. there will be none. She will ignore it and forget it happened

2. she will say something like, thanks and you will over analyze it.

She's completely ignoring you. You need to do the same to her.

You say you broke up 3 months ago. Let me ask you this. Did yow send a christmas card or Vday card?

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its pointless of me to take time out of my life to try to talk to someone if they won't take time out of theirs. I just never thought it would end up like this. How long has it been for most of you to hear back from your ex's?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Newguy2009

Yea man, this question gets asked every now and again and its a normal question. DONT DO IT!!! there will be 1 of 2 reactions from her.

1. there will be none. she will ignore it and forget it happened

2. she will say something like, thanks and you will over analyze it.

Shes completely ignoring you. you need to do the same to her.

You say you broke up 3 months ago. let me ask you this. did yow send a christmas card or Vday card?

---

We broke up a couple weeks after Christmas and I did not send a Valentines card or say Happy Vday to her or anything. I did see her parents about a month ago and didn't even ask about her, then I saw them again last week and asked about her and she said that it upset her that I didn't even ask about her the first time.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sledsik

We broke up a couple weeks after Christmas and I did not send a Valentines card or say Happy Vday to her or anything. I did see her parents about a month ago and didnt even ask bout her, then I saw them again last week and asked bout her and she said that it upset her that I didnt even ask bout her the first time.

---

Sounds like your girlie-girl is as confused and lost as you are. You need to break off all ties to her if you want to get over her. I don't mean you should snob her parents, but maybe just a friendly "hi" and talk about something random if her parents seem to want chit-chat. But you are no longer obligated to talk to her parents. You need to move on.. You almost remind me of the "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" movie where the guy can't get over his X because every corner of his house has a picture of her.

Maybe one of your friends needs to take you out to the bar so you can talk to another girl. You sound way love sick

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sledsik

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its pointless of me to take time out of my life to try to talk to someone if they wont take time out of theirs. I just never thought it would end up like this. How long has it been for most of you to hear back from your ex's?

---

Well... and you are missing the point a little in that statement... its not just about "they ignore me so i ignore them"... not just about why take time if they won't...

Its she shouldn't take time right now. This is time apart that's needed.

And you shouldn't because you aren't over her and keeping in touch right now is energy spent in an area you should be backing away from.


As for how long to reconnect and talk again. Different for each. One big love I never talked to again. Another was about 6 months... which was still too soon. Another was about 6 years, and we are great friends now. Last one I've never lost contact with, as I have a son with her... in that case, I've limited my time around her to just family events. As much as we can be good friends, its simply better to isolate our relationship to nothing beyond parents of a great kid.

Ah, I suspect that seeing her parents triggered some old memories, and feelings in you both, as no doubt they informed her of seeing you.

Just another example of why even the smallest, most innocent kind of contact, can bring those feelings back to the surface.

Stick with NC.

Most people when they have properly healed, rarely have time to dwell on the past, nor have a desire to go back in time, and see if there is a second chance to be had. They instead have rebuilt their lives, and made new friends, and memories, and have explored other options, and opportunities, that life has thrown them.

Your feelings, and curiosity, will pass.

Killer advice so far. All true. Take heed in that.

Plus you said that you don't even want get back with her.

So why care?

We all want some closure, but the reality is you already got it. No sense searching.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sledsik

Thanks for the input everyone. I guess its pointless of me to take time out of my life to try to talk to someone if they wont take time out of theirs. I just never thought it would end up like this. How long has it been for most of you to hear back from your ex's?

---

You are still not hearing us my dear,and you are still clinging to a fantasy.
It is OVER!
Is she the only girl in town?

I know you think there is no other girl for you but there is,however if you are sitting home wasting away pining for a fantasy,you will never find her.
Being needy and clingy is a very unattractive trait and it is a real turn off.

Do yourself a favor and see this as what is is .A girl liked you and then when she got to know you better decided she did not.It does not have to be anyone's fault.
Sometimes people just change their mind and no one is to blame.

Pick yourself up,dust yourself off and know that life goes on but you have to stop living in this fantasy that she will have a change of heart.
She has made herself clear.

Acceptance is the first hurdle.Learn to accept this and for the sake of your mental health... move on.

I know that it is over. It just sucks because I know down the line she will be back. She's going to get into her next relationship and get hurt or realize that it wasn't as good as ours and do a 180 right back to me. We live in the same area. I just don't want her to get hurt and that's exactly what's going to happen. What gets to me the most right now is that it seems as if she doesn't even care about how I feel or what we had. I mean are all girls like this or what. Do they let their head take over instead of emotions and then regret their choices later in life? Im going NC with her from now on out but she never seemed like a person who wouldn't care or change their mind about me, at any time in the relationship even after we broke up.

Don't worry about her future relationships,or how she acts now,just stick with NC for the sake of your own healing.

Dude, she won't comeback, even if she does get hurt, she will get over it, and keep doing her thing, just like you should be doing.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by amicon

No contact=no cards-ever.
Save your money and treat yourself instead.

---

Don't waste your time or your money on someone who doesn't even care enough to answer you. Treat yourself with this money. Go out buy some clothes or new CD's, whatever you enjoy. :)

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sledsik

I know that it is over. It just sucks because I know down the line she will be back. Shes going to get into her next relationship and get hurt or realize that it wasnt as good as ours and do a 180 right back to me. We live in the same area. I just dont want her to get hurt and thats exactly whats going to happen. What gets to me the most right now is that it seems as if she doesnt even care bout how I feel or what we had. I mean are all girls like this or what. Do they let their head take over instead of emotions and then regret their choices later in life? Im going NC with her from now on out but she never seemed like a person who wouldnt care or change their mind bout me, at any time in the relationship even after we broke up.

---

Don't even worry about what MIGHT happen. If you do, then you're going to be waiting every day by the phone. Forget her. You deserve someone else. There are so many people in this world. Lots of beautiful, wonderful, caring women. Not all women are like her. Be happy you found out about her real character now before you had been together for even longer! Have faith, you will find love again.

Ok.. Coming from someone that broke all the rules and got my boyfriend back after we broke up...

1st step.. Go out with your friends. Have a good time. Show her that you can live without her. Show her that you have a life separate from her life. Show her that you can trust her decisions (even though may not like it) and that this whole ordeal is a learning experience.

2nd step. If you talk to her.. Don't be whiney. Don't bring up the relationship that fell apart. Don't talk about what could have been or what should have been... Just talk about something random.. Ask her what she's up to. Tell her about what happened to you on a day. If you two do talk.. Start over. What happened in the past is in the past.

3rd... stop whining. Seriously. We all know your heart broken. We all have been there.. We all know how the pain is the worse pain you will ever feel.. But.. every wound has to be healed. Find something that makes you happy. Something you did all the time before you met her. And start it back up... Push yourself to do that activiy for 10 minutes. The next day, try 15 minutes. Pretty soon, you'll be participating in that activity longer each time.

You need to find happiness that doesn't require someone in your life. Its healthy for you, its healthy for your next relationship... And who knows.. Maybe you PROOVING to her that you can handle yourself.. that you are a strong, capable person will have her WANT to talk to you again.

Stop living in the past and starting living NOW. If you want your girl back, well, she'll have to want to come back first... then you need to stop crying. Her next move is go go out and have fun... Not sit on the phone or be plagued with text messages of, "WHY WONT YOU TALK TO ME". Leave her alone. She needs to think and sort through things without your opinion and interference. If she wants to be with you again, if she decided that you are her one and only, she'll make the move. You're not going to make that choice for her.

How would you feel if you broke up with someone... You were confused, not sure if that was the right choice... and the person you broke up with was pestering you every day? Pretty irritated.

The reason you're suffering so much is because you keep setting up false hope in your mind. To add salt to the wound, you're going to be very disappointed due to all the false hope that you're created.

False hope in your situation = You have this impression that she still has feelings for you and that she will come back to you one day.

You might be right and she might come back. But what if she doesn't? You're going to hurt yourself over and over again by holding out the hope.

The point is, you should focus on healing from your wounds. Once you've healed, you will be able to approach your situation in a more objective manner. Focus on yourself.

So what should I do if I still have some stuff at her place. Should I just forget about it for now? Its nothing too important but I would like to have it.

If you don't need it, or it can be replaced, forget it.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Sledsik

So what should I do if I still have some stuff at her place. Should I just forget about it for now? Its nothing too important but I would like to have it.

---

If you have a friend, ask him to pick it up for you.

The stuff I've walked away from was never worth the emotional noise of trying to get it back when it was clearly going to be a struggle.

It is stuff. If there was something irreplaceable, I wouldn't go further than getting a message to her that just says "i'd like to have whomever pick up whateveritis. please let him know when this would work"...

Only reason I even say this is I did leave some of the only pics of a loved one with one girl and I wish id asked for them... but all the others things I've let go... didn't matter in the long run and wouldn't have been worth the continued noise and effort.

Thank you so much everyone for the advise. It helps a lot to talk about it with other people and vent a little bit. I will stick with No contact and when her birthday does come in April, I won't say anything unless she acknowledges me by then. As for the stuff I will just leave it be, when it gets warmer out Im sure she will see the stuff I have left there. Ill never understand why stuff like this happens to good people like us. People that are always there for the other, care for them, and try to be the best they can to them. Do they just not see it or take us for granted until we are gone? I wish I understood what is going through a girls mind when they do this. Can anyone help me get an idea?