I was thinking about this off and on all day, and it is a relief that you are considering counselling for your own sake.

Start with your family Doctor, for a referral. If you are in school, find out if there is anything there. You could also look for assistance through social services that are in your area.

You have an opportunity here Fallen. Don't see this as a negative, but an effective way to work through what has happened, why it's happened, and learn what you need to know, so that it never happens again. To come to terms with this without having to carry it for years and years will see you live a much healthier life.

Good luck Fallen.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I was thinking about this off and on all day, and it is a relief that you are considering counselling for your own sake.

Start with your family Doctor, for a referral. If you are in school, find out if there is anything there. You could also look for assistance through social services that are in your area.

You have an opportunity here Fallen. Don't see this as a negative, but an effective way to work through what has happened, why it's happened, and learn what you need to know, so that it never happens again. To come to terms with this without having to carry it for years and years will see you live a much healthier life.

Good luck Fallen.

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Thank you for all your help. I will be taking the proper steps in order to make sure that all of your advice was not given in vain. Do take care :)

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Jake2008

I was thinking about this off and on all day, and it is a relief that you are considering counselling for your own sake.

Start with your family Doctor, for a referral. If you are in school, find out if there is anything there. You could also look for assistance through social services that are in your area.

You have an opportunity here Fallen. Don't see this as a negative, but an effective way to work through what has happened, why it's happened, and learn what you need to know, so that it never happens again. To come to terms with this without having to carry it for years and years will see you live a much healthier life.

Good luck Fallen.

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Jake you always give great advice!

Thank you Kitkat, appreciate that. And, so do you. We're a good bunch here.

FallenfromGrace, you're taking an important step by getting counseling and I applaud you for it.

The first thing you're going to have to do, when going to counseling, is admit what you did, accept what you did, put the blame where it lies, not with the pot, but with you.

You did something that obviously isn't in your normal character. You found out something about yourself, that you have it within you to harm another person irreparably.

You can get counseling and change this before before you do it again. I only hope that the person you molested also gets therapy because sadly, this will effect him for the rest of his life. This won't go away simply because you're sorry. I hope you understand that.

I am now 39 years old and I'm still haunted by what was done to me. It will always be a part of me and I'm sure that my cousin, the person that molested me, just thinks that it was a lapse in judgment, an oops, even though it continued for years, not just one night.

The rape was only one incident, I was 18 when that happened, a friend of my boyfriend who I trusted. He left more then just emotional scars.

I am not who I could have been if these events hadn't happened. I had to learn to love who I am despite my past and I'll tell you, it took time, understanding and therapy. I'm a work in progress.

You need to get rid of these demons and make sure that you never again harm another human being in this way. I hope you really understand what you did. I hope you are disgusted with it enough that you would never ever let it happen again.

I really hope I'm making myself clear, that you're not reading this thinking I'm being overly dramatic. Trust me, having been a victim, I know what I'm talking about. I hope you read this and realize that your ex-friend is a victim of you. He will always be a victim of your actions. Now change them in the future. Okay?

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

FallenfromGrace, you're taking an important step by getting counseling and I applaud you for it.

The first thing you're going to have to do, when going to counseling, is admit what you did, accept what you did, put the blame where it lies, not with the pot, but with you.

You did something that obviously isn't in your normal character. You found out something about yourself, that you have it within you to harm another person irreparably.

You can get counseling and change this before before you do it again. I only hope that the person you molested also gets therapy because sadly, this will effect him for the rest of his life. This won't go away simply because you're sorry. I hope you understand that.

I am now 39 years old and I'm still haunted by what was done to me. It will always be a part of me and I'm sure that my cousin, the person that molested me, just thinks that it was a lapse in judgment, an oops, even though it continued for years, not just one night.

The rape was only one incident, I was 18 when that happened, a friend of my boyfriend who I trusted. He left more then just emotional scars.

I am not who I could have been if these events hadn't happened. I had to learn to love who I am despite my past and I'll tell you, it took time, understanding and therapy. I'm a work in progress.

You need to get rid of these demons and make sure that you never again harm another human being in this way. I hope you really understand what you did. I hope you are disgusted with it enough that you would never ever let it happen again.

I really hope I'm making myself clear, that you're not reading this thinking I'm being overly dramatic. Trust me, having been a victim, I know what I'm talking about. I hope you read this and realize that your ex-friend is a victim of you. He will always be a victim of your actions. Now change them in the future. Okay?

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Altenweg, you are a very brave person. After the horrible incidents in your life you still choose to make a positive impact on others. That's something to be very proud of.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Altenweg, you are a very brave person. After the horrible incidents in your life you still choose to make a positive impact on others. That's something to be very proud of.

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Thanks Kitkat. I don't like to mention what happened to me, I only do so when I think that it's necessary to the posters here. Sadly, lately, it seems that it's often necessary. I don't know if it's because abusers and abused are more open to talking about what happened, or if it's happening more often.

If it's the latter, that's a scary thought.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Thanks Kitkat. I don't like to mention what happened to me, I only do so when I think that it's necessary to the posters here. Sadly, lately, it seems that it's often necessary. I don't know if it's because abusers and abused are more open to talking about what happened, or if it's happening more often.

If it's the latter, that's a scary thought.

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Yes it is. I am astounded at some of the things I have read on this forum. I mean you read about all these thingss in the newspaper and see it on TV but when someone actually contacts this site with their problems , I wonder, how many more are out there who don't have any
Help.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Yes it is. I am astounded at some of the things I have read on this forum. I mean you read about all these thingss in the newspaper and see it on TV but when someone actually contacts this site with their problems , I wonder, how many more are out there who don't have any
help.

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I'd venture to guess that too many don't have any help. Too many are too afraid to step up and admit what happened. I'm one of them.

I may speak of my past here, but I never pressed charges against either of my attackers. My cousin is still very happily living her life with no consequences for what she did to me. She scared me into silence, not hard to do to a 5 year old. My only consolation is that by keeping it silent my parents died not knowing, without the pain that this would have brought them. They wouldn't have let it go, they were the best parents ever. I'm glad they didn't have to live with that knowledge, live fighting that fight.

The guy that raped me beat me up pretty good. I made excuses to my friends and family. The wonderful, I fell down the stairs, I cut myself by accident, I can't walk right because I bumped into a wall excuses. They bought it. I couldn't tell, I was too ashamed. For a very long time I blamed myself. He raped me in my own home. In my own bed. I let him in the house. I felt like I was to blame. I know better now, but it's too late for me to press charges, that was... OMG, that was 21 years ago! :eek:

Now I'm feeling a bit old. ;)

I guess time doesn't heal everything, it just makes you stronger and that you are.

Alty every time that I hear reference to the terrible things that happened to you I feel a deep sadness and shame that this world can produce people capable of such terrible things.

But I also feel great pride that someone can have your determination and strength of character to be the person that you are and share your story when it may benefit others.

Hugs and kudos to you Alty.

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I guess time doesn't heal everything, it just makes you stronger and that you are.

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Now you're making me blush. :o It's not a good look for me. ;)

I am stronger, not because of what happened to me, but because I accept it, live with it, let it be a part of me but not define me. I am who I am, not only because of my past but because I can look to the future, even while living in the now.

I'm blessed. I have a husband that I love, a man that accepts who I am. We have two beautiful children and a house full of animals. We are happy. I can't ask for more then that, no one can.

Whenever I do feel down about my past I remind myself that I got lucky. There are billions of people out there that have suffered through far worse then I can even imagine, let alone endure.

One of the reasons I'm here on this site is to help others get past that victim mentality, to move forward. I don't know if I've helped anyone do that but I certainly hope so. If I can help just one person see that they're more then what's happened to them, that their future isn't written in stone because of the past, well then I've done some good. One person out of billions, that's who I try to help every day. That's why I'm here and that's why I tell my story.

No one is alone on this earth, there is always someone out there that understands their pain.

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Originally Posted by neverme

Alty every time that I hear reference to the terrible things that happened to you I feel a deep sadness and shame that this world can produce people capable of such terrible things.

But I also feel great pride that someone can have your determination and strength of character to be the person that you are and share your story when it may benefit others.

Hugs and kudos to you Alty.

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I had to spread the rep. :(

Neverme, thank you. Please, don't think that I'm someone special, I'm not. I know more people that have been molested or raped then I know people that haven't been. That's reality. The reality is also that one of my children will most likely have to go through molestation or rape at one time, most likely 2 times in their lives. That's the statistics. That's what scares me most.

The world is full of people that do wrong, that don't think about the harm they do when they cross that line. That's the world we live in. We can either cower in the corner, suck our thumbs, hope that it doesn't hit home, or we can stand up, talk about our experiences, make a difference, hope that things change, protect the ones we love and those we don't even know.

I can't put my kids in a bubble. I can only educate them, make them as safe as I can. I do have issues, one of them is leaving my kids to go out with my husband. There is only one person I trust to babysit and he's a few years younger then me, a good friend and sadly very busy and lives 1 hour away. I won't leave my kids with anyone but him. That's my issue, that's something I can't change. That's the protection I can offer, as silly as it may be.

I also do talk to my kids about being careful, to the point that I might be scaring them. What gets me is all this talk about educating your kids on "stranger danger". The stats say that most people that are raped or molested are victims of someone they know. That's true for me, for both instances. It's very scary when you look at an Aunt or Uncle and wonder if they'll harm your child. That's something I'm still working on.

One thing I know, I know, most people that are molested or raped do not become molesters. There are those that cross the line, no doubt about that, but is it because they were molested? Is it because they were raped? I think it's an imbalance, something that was there from the beginning, it's just a coincidence that they were also molested and became molesters. I have experienced being a victim. Because of that I could never ever do to someone else what was done to me. The very thought of it makes me ill. I could not do it. It's not in me. It never was, it never will be.

Okay, now I'm babbling and I'm hijacking this thread. 100 lashes with a wet noodle for me. :o

Naw, your not hijacking this thread, you inspire too many to keep going no matter what life throws at us. That's not hijacking in my book.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Now you're making me blush. :o It's not a good look for me. ;)

I am stronger, not because of what happened to me, but because I accept it, live with it, let it be a part of me but not define me. I am who I am, not only because of my past but because I can look to the future, even while living in the now.

I'm blessed. I have a husband that I love, a man that accepts who I am. We have two beautiful children and a house full of animals. We are happy. I can't ask for more then that, no one can.

Whenever I do feel down about my past I remind myself that I got lucky. There are billions of people out there that have suffered through far worse then I can even imagine, let alone endure.

One of the reasons I'm here on this site is to help others get past that victim mentality, to move forward. I don't know if I've helped anyone do that but I certainly hope so. If I can help just one person see that they're more then what's happened to them, that their future isn't written in stone because of the past, well then I've done some good. One person out of billions, that's who I try to help every day. That's why I'm here and that's why I tell my story.

No one is alone on this earth, there is always someone out there that understands their pain.

---

A wonderful husband, two beautiful children and your sweet little animals.
Sounds like a happy ending. Blessings to you Altenweg and I truly mean that.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Naw, your not hijacking this thread, you inspire too many to keep going no matter what life throws at us. Thats not hijacking in my book.

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I'm so glad I'm on this forum and talaniman you are so kind. I feel the same way. Altenweg is a great inspiration to all of us.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by talaniman

Naw, your not hijacking this thread, you inspire too many to keep going no matter what life throws at us. Thats not hijacking in my book.

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Why do I always have to spread the rep? :(

Thank you Tal.

I don't see myself as inspiring, I'm merely one of many that have lived to tell the tale. One of many that has survived what was done and moved on.

If even one person reads what I write and moves forward because of it, well, that's worth opening the wound. That's worth more then millions.

If one more person comes and tells their tale, shares what happened, inspires someone else to get help, to learn to move on, that's worth the world.

It's a chain. I didn't start it but I'll keep it going. The chain of change, the chain of acceptance, the chain of knowledge. I'm probably the weakest link, but I'm willing to hang tight and hope that one person has a chance, even if it's only the weak link they're talking to. :)

Beer anyone? I think I'll have one. ;)

You just need to let it cool Down and in a couple weeks talk to him

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

Why do I always have to spread the rep? :(

Thank you Tal.

I don't see myself as inspiring, I'm merely one of many that have lived to tell the tale. One of many that has survived what was done and moved on.

If even one person reads what I write and moves forward because of it, well, that's worth opening the wound. That's worth more then millions.

If one more person comes and tells their tale, shares what happened, inspires someone else to get help, to learn to move on, that's worth the world.

It's a chain. I didn't start it but I'll keep it going. The chain of change, the chain of acceptance, the chain of knowledge. I'm probably the weakest link, but I'm willing to hang tight and hope that one person has a chance, even if it's only the weak link they're talking to. :)

Beer anyone? I think I'll have one. ;)

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Am I allowed to tell you about a post I just replied to. A young lady who is going through quite a struggle?

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Am I allowed to tell you about a post I just replied to. A young lady who is going through quite a struggle?

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Sure. Probably best to PM me the link. :)