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Quote:

Originally Posted by pilarchl

You poor thing, how much you are going through and your little baby too, I know it is hard but no matter how many pople tell us that we are wrong that we are making a mistake , we keep going , we think that we will make them change, and nope they don't change , I have two babies, and I love them so much , they are my best friends, and I remember with the first one I wanted her only for me, I didn't want anyone around her not even my hubby , it might happen the same to you, later I learnt to share them , but ;let me tell you something , when you have this baby and you see her little eyes you will say to yourself , I can do it on my own, keep on walking , with your chin up, your friends and family will be ALWAYS by your side , and who cares what the rest of the peopel say not one of them puts food on your table, Be a mom and Dad but be the best and learn, learn from your mistakes , your baby is noit the mistake, he is a blessing but the way you got him is the mistake, Do not suffer and I will pray for you tonight and as Taliman says , GOOD FOR YOU that you didn't marry that CHEATER.
all my support to you new mom and welcome to the club
love
PIlar

This post almost sounds as if men are so unnecessary. Not true. I couldn't imagine my life without my dad, but he was a real man. He provided and cared for 8 of us. Never left my mom's side, no matter how hard it got. Please don't take the opinion that you can do this on your own, you will think you have all your bases covered, the one who may be suffering though is the child. This little baby is going to ask a lot from you all at once, please be patient with him and understand he's not here to make your life difficult, he's a blessing. Your life will change from what you know it to be today, accept it and move on.

Since it seems apparent that you have chosen to keep your baby and raise him yourself, please stay close to your parents if you can. Stay close to aunts, uncles, and grandparents if you're fortunate enough to still have them. All of these people will assist in giving the sense of an intact family for your baby. You asked us to pray, and I will, but please take a cue from that, ask Him for guidance and faith everyday and instill the importance of faith and a life with God in your baby from day one. Pray with him as an infant and he will learn one of the best tools we have, communication. Please take care, stop worrying about whether this sperm donor will come back, prioritize.

Best wishes and keep in touch.

I was brought up with a step dad. My father left when I was three. Looking back on it all. Somebody coming back and forth every couple years. Myself not really having a father. I was better off without. I wish I did not know him at all. Now that I am older and more mature.

Sorry but the man, especially this one she is talking about is NOT NEEDED.

Joe

Jesushelper76: Thank-you for your prayers. I meant that his actions are out of my hands. I cannot force him to change or hope for a perfect family. It's already broken. I chose to keep my child and raise him. And I know it will hard raising him on my own, but that's the choice I chose to take and I will do my very best to provide the best life for him. My family is close by and very supportive. I believe someday things will get better for me.

momincali: Yes I have decided to raise my baby on my own, I know I had my options and I know this will be very hard path to take... and your right I HAVE to remember that my child is a blessing and realize it will be hard but also rewarding. Your post made me think a lot. I need to stop worrying about him too. Thanks

Your situation is unfortunate and you were used and abused by this man. You now have to face up to the fact that this man isn't going to be a part of your life or the child's. Not to worry ; there are many people out there who don't know their biological fathers and are no worse off for it. Legally he does have the right to be a "father" but I don't think he'll pursue it. I also wouldn't count on too much financial support from him unless you sue him for child support. Of course, collecting it from him will be a different matter altogether as he can just flee back to Cambodia to avoid paying it. Somehow I don't think the Cambodian authorities would be much help in enforcing any child support order of American origin. You'er going to end up being a single mother, unless you eventually marry and your husband then adopts the child.

First I want to say my heart goes out to you. I believe that no matter if you went with him back home or not, if he loves you then he would not have been with another woman. And if it was just a kiss he would have never said anything. Im sorry if that sounds harsh but I've been in a similar situation. My exboyfriend is from Albania and just came back from a visit there in October. I just want you to know that he should be serious about you, and faithful. And he isn't. You deserve better and so does your child. I know its hard now but you will find better. And I have a son as well, I am a 22 yr old mom. I don't think this woman from home changed his mind, I think it was his decision. Just like all the partying he did behind her back... right? Who wants a man like that! I think you need to get child support, full costudy and not contact him-unless he asks to see his child. Some fathers are in the child's life, and some aren't. Only time will tell, and your child will eventually see his/her parents for what they really are. You will be okay. You have a good support system with your family and I admire your braveness through all of this. I have been hurt too and just want to tell what truth I feel, before you hold onto a hope when he's not worth it.

BlondieiniCAN: I think it was more than just a kiss also... I try to make sense out of the whole situation, but I can't. The first time he came back he claimed he was so unhappy with me and that he could find another girl. But why is he in such a hurry to marry her. I know it's only to get her over to the U.S. He played back and forth. I tried doing the NO CONTACT thing at first and he would call and want to hang out just as friends and tell me he's so sorry and wanted to make it up to me, but yet he still didn't want to be "with me". All of this made me believe that maybe he was just confused and didn't really know what he wanted or if he had too much guilt to get back together with me... but all of you are right. HE MADE HIS DECISION. I'm still afraid to see his reaction after our baby is here. I don't want anything to do with him.

I'm glad you decided to deliver the baby and not have an abortion. I don't see why a baby should pay for the mistakes of adults. Also, good for you to seek full custody. If he's always going to 3rd world countries then I would ask for supervised visitations. That way he can't take the baby out of the country if he ever feels like it. And make sure the baby doesn't have dual citizenship cause then it's easier to take them out of the country. I have 2 children with my ex. He is from central america. One was born here and one was born there, if he ever came back here (I left him there) then I already set it up with attorneys that he would not be able to take the kids anywhere. Once he has the baby out of the country it's very hard to get them back.

Okay so just an update... last week he left a voicemail on my cell asking me if we could get together and talk about our "situation"... that's what he calls it?? I never returned his call. I don't really feel bad about it, but I am curious as to what he has to say now. I gave him so many chances to talk about things. What are my chances of getting full custody. I'm just scared that he will not agree and he will get partial custody. I know child support and visitation are two different things, but if I file for support he has rights... I just don't know what to do.