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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

So that's one little part of all this you can forgive yourself for because it was a failed communication that wasn't all your fault?

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Your right! I mean why didn't he just ask if after the miscarriage he had a feeling I was not pregnant anymore. He didn't care to know. Even though I should have told him. He has admitted time and time again that he is not good at communicating his feelings.

His communication is constantly yelling at me if we do talk about mail and other loose ends.

He does run his mouth to people that I am crazy and everything. Not like they don't see it already but he will never say it to my face anymore or tell me he hates me. All he says is he never wants to see, hear, or talk to me ever again. That is all I hear.

The thing is the abortion I had because I felt it was the right thing to do for him. I mean I didn't tell him about the miscarriage and then got pregnant again by him! I didn't do it for me because it hurts everyday.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

You have to know unless you feel guilty, he cannot be responsible for his own shortcomings, or do anything about it. Why should he? Your own guilt lets him off the hook, and its probably been going on a while, maybe since day one.

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I can not believe how my guilt in the last few hours of reading posts has turned into somewhat of anger. He has fault in this, he didn't have to keep having sex with me ( his excuse because we lived together and you were always crabby), he could have asked me if he thought I had a miscarriage ( never asked me once how I was feeling from the start), and most of all yes he could have communicated in between instead of the spark is gone, its just not meant to be after people were saying it was his friends, he didn't need to lie to me and say he had little doubt when he had a lot of doubt since everyone was talking about it.

There are ways he is at fault and he does not want to admit them. Why? Because it makes him look like a fool!

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Originally Posted by cantgoback

I didn't do it for me because it hurts everyday.

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What's your connection to this small town you live in? -- work, family, home? I lived in a town of 500 people from age 10 to 21. On top of that, I was the preacher's kid (and his oldest child -- think village role model). One neighbor used to report to my mom my late night post-date activities while sitting in my date's car in the driveway (the neighbor used binoculars to watch me). So, is there some way you can move out and start over, or do you want to positively resolve your standing in this community?

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Originally Posted by Wondergirl

What's your connection to this small town you live in? -- work, family, home? I lived in a town of 500 people from age 10 to 21. On top of that, I was the preacher's kid (and his oldest child -- think village role model). One neighbor used to report to my mom my late night post-date activities while sitting in my date's car in the driveway (the neighbor used binoculars to watch me). So, is there some way you can move out and start over, or do you want to positively resolve your standing in this community?

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I already have an 8 year old from an earlier relationship and he loves it here. At this point I do not want to take him out of school. He has a lot to deal with on his own. His dad never comes around to see him. I moved us to this small town to get away from my family and the negativity from my father. I was from a small town. So I moved to a little bigger town. I think for my son the next move I make has to be the last for awhile as it is hard on him. So I have to take him into account he has feelings too. Him and I communicate very well.

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Originally Posted by cantgoback

I already have an 8 year old from an earlier relationship and he loves it here.

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I like it that you're putting your son and his feelings first. That says a lot about you.

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Originally Posted by cantgoback

I can not believe how my guilt in the last few hours of reading posts has turned into somewhat of anger. He has fault in this, he didn't have to keep having sex with me ( his excuse becuase we lived together and you were always crabby), he could have asked me if he thought I had a miscarriage ( never asked me once how I was feeling from the start), and most of all yes he could have communicated in between instead of the spark is gone, its just not meant to be after people were saying it was his friends, he didn't need to lie to me and say he had little doubt when he had alot of doubt since everyone was talking about it.

There are ways he is at fault and he does not want to admit them. Why? because it makes him look like a fool!

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Anger is one step closer to acceptance. This is a good sign.

There were two people in your relationship. Trust me, both of you are to blame, not just you.

You did lie, but he didn't bother to communicate. It's over now. Time to go to the next step, acceptance that it's over, learn from this relationship and move on. You're almost there.

Therapy is really important. It does sound like you have some issues that you need to get resolved if you're ever to have a healthy relationship with anyone.

I hope that you continue with therapy.

I called him which was a bad idea. I asked him about the he only had sex with me because he had to live with me? His response was I did what I had to do!

I told him just tell me that you hate me. He said hate is a strong word. I guess it would make it easier for me to just get over it if he would say he hates me. He said nothing he said just don't call me anymore.

I don't know why I keep doing this. He has his friends checking out my Facebook page because he commented on something I posted on there. Him and I are blocked from each other. He said it is just because people are looking out for him.

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Originally Posted by cantgoback
I already have an 8 year old from an earlier relationship and he loves it here.

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The perfect reason to live and do better, and stop trying to get from him the closure to move beyond this mess.

Get your own closure by accepting this is over, and there is no going back. Leave him and his friends alone, as your just making an open wound in your heart, much worse.

Look out for yourself so you can look out for your child.

I think the biggest thing that bothers me is people in town like to cause drama! I haven asked any of his friends what he is doing but I did get some messages that he has been making out with this girl the last couple weekends. I don't want them telling me this becaue then what I do is call him and ask him why he told me he would never date her and he knows she likes him a lot.

I guess I see no option but to go into hiding and turn my phone off so no one can contact me.

Or tell them to leave you alone about your ex.

I changed my phone number today so I took care of that. Defriended all of our mutual friends on Facebook. Telling them I have serious issues to work out in my life and do not need this.

That should solve it. My therapist met me after hours today. Thank her for that. No one has my new number at all.

Yes.

Start showing some love. To yourself.

What happened is in the past. But not to feel guilty about. That feeling is one of the worst emotions.

I'm glad you are in therapy. Make the most of it by asking some serious questions about who you are & why you make certain choices in your life so far.

This is by no means the end. Only a beginning that you need to recognize and have the strength to. Help is here and with others, you are in no way alone.

You will look back on this and tell others.

Thanks, I know I can get better.

I am a little upset today as I was served with a restraining order. I am not sure if it will affect my career or not.

Another reason to put this behind you and move ahead with your own life. Then it will have no effect on anything you do in the future.

Rise above his BS!

I am going too! It is BS I never realized it until seeing my therapist that people can say that there decisions are not influenced by another but they are. In a small town you are always wanting to fit in so you go with what everyone else says.

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Originally Posted by cantgoback

In a small town you are always wanting to fit in so you go with what everyone else says.

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Good grief! If I wanted to fit in, I would never had left the town of 500 I grew up in! You have to get past that feeling.

Talked with an attorney today and even though I can not afford him I am concered now. It will affect my son also.

I can not take my son to the park if the ex is there and if he shows up we have to leave. The lake, a school function, and there are so many more..

It is just a joke that my son is being affected by something that has nothing to do with him.

Don't be discouraged, and I know for now its hard on you, but you will get through this, and rebuild yourself, and your life, if you never give up on YOU, as happiness is a journey through some dark times, and you just have to keep on going, no matter how hard it is, no matter how far happiness seems to be away, and whatever obstacles you have to face.

Just take small positive steps, one at a time, and one day at a time. All journeys start with the first step, and you have already taken it. Baby steps, there is no hurry.

Killer advice.

You are in turmoil. But mostly because she is in the equation.

The only thing you need to be concerned with right now is you and your son.

And what's best for you both.

Don't jump, just realize what's right in front of you. Then things will fall into place.