I would give her what she asked for, and gone about my business, doing my own thing, being happy as a lark, and good riddance to the drama, confusion, and stupidity.
You have a reason to really be gay then, as in happy!!
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I would give her what she asked for, and gone about my business, doing my own thing, being happy as a lark, and good riddance to the drama, confusion, and stupidity.
You have a reason to really be gay then, as in happy!!
Then take a break for yourself,go and do what you enjoy-for a change-and be in charge of your own life.
This may sound harsh,but if you act like a doormat people will wipe their feet on you.
You deserve better.
Thanks guys.
She said she'd call on Saturday so hopefully she'll stay true to her word.
Oftentimes I act like a bit of a doormat. Ive read a few different posts on here and though it sounds harder, if I act like Im getting on well without her, I'll at least keep my respect right?
Again I didn't agree to the no contact but after reading around here, it appears that's what a break is.
Its just strange to think that a break could mean its over. Everything starts to put itself into place when you're together past a year. You get a better sense of each other, you know she comes round my house, gets on very well with my mum, we have a great time. Other than me being socially miserable often in the wrong locations, this gay/cheating thing has obviously been on her mind a lot eating away at her. None of it can be justified in her mind but then there's no evidence to prove it.
Ive just never understood why people come and go in our lives.
Im an only child and oftentimes I think more so than a girlfriend, Ive always been more interested in looking for a companion. I always felt lonely as a child and that's carried on into adulthood.
Its very strange, even though Im concentrating hard on my career, nothing seems worth the while unless I have somebody to share it with.
Doing what I do makes me really happy, happy at the time, but as soon as Im done, Im always looking for somebody to share the work with. Without giving away my identity, after a long year and a half of work, Ive just pitched a couple of records to some big names and got a placement with one of them. It made my family and myself extremely happy, but still not as happy as having a person to share it with.
I totally feel you! I had the same feelings before I got married. The difference I think was I was willing to keep trying after being dumped, or having to disappear from the lives of the ones I knew were not for me.
My opinion. She had sexual relations with someone else. Thus her sudden strange behaviour. Seriously. A girl accusing you of such things.
Hell I would laugh it off, until she keeps at it. Then I would start getting upset too. I must be gay too... considering I have spent most of my life with my hetro sexual sole mate. We even slept in the same bed at times when coming home after doing stuff until way into the morning hours.
So you think she might have cheated on me?Quote:
Originally Posted by LJDK
Ive questioned her twice during our relationship about two different incidents. She denied both, both were from rumours and I believed her. She's never lied to me before so I have no reason to not believe her.
She's been cheated on many times by the same guy and possibly by another, surely somebody who professes to hate cheaters so much wouldn't do such a thing?
She's doing things typical of what an insecure person would do.
Here are the (facts) she has.
I questioned her on 2 rumours and she thinks those who question are the ones cheating (this is because her ex accused her while he was sleeping his way around town)
I hung out with my buddy a lot and often went to public park in the evenings to play ball games
I got a bit depressed after graduation and became a bit of a reclouse and stopped contacting my friends, him included. (she took this as me and him having a fling and now its over and that's why I was upset)
I started getting bleeding gums a few months ago and my dentist said I had to take better care of my teeth. It gave me horrid breath for a few weeks, sometimes worse than others. She came over one night and I went to kiss her and she said my breath smelled like id 'been down on somebody' (if actually been down on a girl, don't you think Id wash my mouth before seeing my girlfriend)
I seen my buddy at the gym last month, had a little chat, caught up. He didn't have his car so I gave him a lift home. I told her the next day, hey I saw jack yesterday and gave him a ride home. (she asked me about a million questions why, then gave me terrible attitude)
She had a heart to heart with her father and he's convinced I'm gay and Ive been having a fling with jack and my girlfriend is a cover up. He's going to 'grab' us and sit us down next time he sees us in the gym and demand to know what's going on. (I'll take bad mouthing me up to a point but I won't tolerate anybody laying a finger on me, police will be involved if that's the case)
So from this I understand Im either gay and hiding it, or Im gay and have cheated with jack but its over now, or I've cheated and gone down on a girl.
Are any of these basis enough to call me a cheater and want to leave me?
I commend you buddy. The only basis I see in this is to leave her. I for one could not deal with this kind of BS in a relationship. Seems to be too much drama.Quote:
Originally Posted by rnblover16
If I were you, I would really think about whether I want to continue this relationship into the future, knowing what kind of things you have to put up with right now.
She needs to deal with her insecurities. Accusing you of being gay and getting her father involved is borderline ridiculous.
I think her father included himself. Im almost certain he put the idea into her head. Judging from the comments I posted a few posts ago. 2 guys don't go to the movies together, 2 guys don't go to the park together, etc.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
The thing is, this is really messing up my plans! Id been on a few dates over the past few years but never had a relationship because I could never find anybody who I really thought would work for me. I met her and was so impressed. She did charity work, she looked after her young sisters, she was real classy and wasn't impressed by players and those flashy guys.
I got to learn about her previous poor choices but this still didn't change my opinion on her much. One thing I found odd was, she was with a guy for 3 years who continually cheated on her. She finally got balls and let him go, yet her mum and his parents got on well so they're still friendly with each other. Although I guess his behaviour shouldn't be a reflection on them.
Another thing that's annoying her at the moment is she thinks all I want is sex and she often doesn't feel like it. She's having on going visits to hospital for a strong case of IBS which nothing is seeming to help so she's being screened for cysts etc having previously had one. When her stomach is bloated which is 80% of the time, she won't let me near her.
One huge thing that I'm SURE must have caused some damage is well, something I probably shouldn't speak of on here but my identity is hidden right so its OK?
She'll barely speak of this incident but it's a shocker.
She was out one evening with her best friend, who is an absolute waster and truly rubbish person. They were quite drunk and her friend was chatting up a guy. Anyway, they leave the club and the guys had called a taxi to get home, they got in and her friend pushed her in the taxi and got in too, said they were going to the guys house. She got there and said fine but she didn't want to stay for long. When she was there she asked for orange juice and turns out her best friend was pouring a lot of vodka in but she didn't realise as she was already drunk. Her best friend went upstairs with the guy and left her downstairs with his friend, she didn't know where she was and wasn't interested in the guy and told him so and he said its cool. He gave her a blanket and she just wanted to go to sleep. She said she woke up through the night and the guy was on top her and she had her underwear off. She screamed what the hell you doing, get off me then she passed out. She woke in the morning, grabbed her clothes grabbed her friend and ran out. She left her phone, purse and underwear. She got home and had her friend collect her belongings. She told her mother about the incident and her mother said just to forget it and not to get the police involved because it probably wouldn't help, because the guy could say she was drunk and came onto him. So nothing was done. She kept seeing the guy while she was out with her friend at a particular bar and him and his friends kept looking over and laughing and coming up making comments. She eventually plucked up the courage one night, approached him and asked him what actually happened. He said he had gone inside her without a condom for a little while and she woke up and threw up on him then passed out so he stopped. She says she feels better now knowing what happened.
Trouble is, this happened 2 days after our first date then on the second date she told me all about it and wanted to let me know just in case it would put me off or anthing. It didn't put me off but I was exceptionally concerned since Id known her for a few months by this point. The ony trouble its caused is, every time she goes out with this girl, which is quite regular I can't help but think something like this may go down again. Firstly how could somebody be that careless and secondly, how on earth would you still be best friends if they let something like that happen to you.
She says she's learned from it and she's actually never been drunk once the time we've been in our relationship, she has about 3 or 4 drinks and calls it a night. Only trouble is this girl always asks her to get drunk, which I only hope she doesn't conform to.
Long story but Im sure this must have affected her somehow.
The more you tell us the more ridiculous it gets.
I'm in agreement with Kc Tiger-leave.
Too much drama,too much like some silly soapopera.
You do NOT deserve this.
Is there any other option?Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
We only have sex on her terms, when she says so. Sometimes when I touch her like I said she'll push my hand away. Of course this is understandable though when her stomach is bloated?
I can't understand why she'd get mad when I try to have sex with her though. We haven't had sex in 3 weeks and I tried to this weekend but she wasn't feeling very good and her stomach was swolen so she said no. I appeared a little huffed and in all honesty I was. I apologised, but I need sex to feel close to her. She got really mad at me and said all I seem to want these days is sex. I don't just want sex, I show her a lot of affection and love. When we're in bed and she's laying next to me in her underwear it's a bit hard to resist, she's got a very slim and sexy body, even with a bloated stomach. She feels well maybe 2 weekends out of 4 but then she has her period on one of those so we have sex maybe 2 or 3 times a month. I asked how we had sex a lot in the beginning and she said well, its obvious couples have sex a lot in the beginning but then it tapers off. Im sure the pill she's taking now has something to do with her poor sex drive, since she started taking that thing its been very poor. Also since she's faced more stress she'd rather lay and cuddle than have sex for the most part. Ive asked her if I need to show her more love and she said Im showing her plenty already.
I know I'll have a hard time breaking up with her, like I said previously, I hate rejecting people. I HATE quitting on things too. Surely most problems can be solved right? From being very young I was told never to quit on anything until I'd exhausted all other options.
We need to get to grips with the gay accusations though
I think her parents should mind their business. I'm sorry but I think she's spoiled and probably wants your attention to be solely on her. Good Luck.
Out of the two of us, I actually command a lot more attention than her. The length of time Ive known her she hasn't appeared to be an attention seeker. I was terrible for this as a child and know exactly how it goes!Quote:
Originally Posted by Kitkat22
From what I understand and again Im speaking in bad light of people which I hate but, when I talk to my mum about her parents, she thinks they're very odd. Also she's told me many stories of her parents arguments and dislike for each other, she told me how she found texts on her dads phone from another woman suggesting they had met up a few times and her mother has said many times, she wants to leave him when her two younger sisters turn 18.
When she's at home her parents always pick fault with everything she does and tell her to ' off back to school' she came one weekend and told her parents she was going to stay at mine for the whole weekend and go back to school. Her mum blew up at her and thought it was terrible she wasn't even going to drop round and say hi.
Poor girl doesn't know if she's coming or going. She's at my house one weekend bleeting about her parents and the next she's at home accusing me and siding with her parents.
I don't know what's going on, I feel like I may be in too deep now.
I come from a broken home. My father was an alcoholic and an abuser, he was abbusive both verbally and physically towards my mother over a period of 2 years until she plucked the courage to leave him. I thought I'd have problems, but I got nothing compared with her family.
The oddest thing is, when I go round to her parents they act completely normal, or at least what you'd believe to be normal. It sounds like I'm imagining this all up but Ive known for a little while something seems off with the whole situation.
I guess what I would do in this type of situation would be to take the initiative and have a one on one talk with her father, man to man to explain the situation and clear things up. This needs to be put to rest. Just having a calm and explanatory conversation to get the air cleared would perhaps do a lot of good. Until then it is like everyone trying to ignore the large elephant in the room.
I think truly that you and your lady need to define your boundaries of good behavior, and keep everyone out of your business, and who cares what her parents think? You can't change it so why worry about it.
Its come down to how you both face your issues together that will make or break you.
Personally, I think your too distracted by the drama to see your g/f for what she is, a drama queen, who yaps about everything as long as she isn't responsible for anything. Respectfully of course. She seems to keep things pretty stirred up, don't you think?
Thanks this is what I was looking for, a possible solution.Quote:
Originally Posted by kctiger
The thing is Ive only heard that her father has said this because she told me while we were arguing. Therefore he doesn't know that I know.
So knowing this, next time I go round her house, if I pull him aside and ask to have a word and bring this situation up, he'll wonder how I know.
Her father isn't very approachable at all. He's about 3 inches taller than at around 6'4 and weighs around 220lbs. He's always kind of peered over me in a some what intimidating way since Im considerably smaller, around 6'1 and 180lbs.
I don't wish for them to be slandering my name so this has to stop.
So if I open with, I'd like a word in private please...
Then where do I go? There has been a lot of talk about me being gay or of having a fling with one of my good friends and Im not happy about it, none of this ever happened.
Im a little scared to tell the truth. Her dad likes a bit of a drink and one weekend I was over it got to around 12:30am and he started mouthing off to her mother about why I hadn't left yet. Surely adults in their early twenties shouldn't be treated this way? Im almost 24. He started getting a bit erractic and I could hear him plodding around downstairs saying how it wasn't on and that he was pretty much going to come upstairs and sort of throw me out. They had a massive argument about it and 2 days later when I came over they had him apologise to me. A few more instances like this happened so I no longer go over to her house for more than a short stay! Im not going to put myself in those situations.
I can think thing that would solve this problem. If my girlfriend was away from her parents full time and she got a better best friend. Being around idiots can turn you into one right?
She does seem to have a hard time taking responsibility for things. Although on the other hand, when Ive called her on certain things, she's apologised very easily.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
I just don't want to go making any quick decisions to split just yet.
Perhaps its me at fault?
It does seem like a constant drama though I agree.
I don't think what the dad says in his own home is your business to be frank. The problem is what your girl says to him, and you.
Yeah you're right, its not. However he's threatened to grab my friend and I at the gym and ask us to come clean.Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
From what I understand she agreed with him.
Are you suggesting she shouldn't have mentioned what her dad said?
I have a feeling Im going to come out of this situation branded a gay cheater. I live in a small town and I know how people talk.
Why should she say this? Takes one to know one maybe?Quote:
Originally Posted by rnblover16
She sounds guilty of something and it sounds like she is trying to lay a guilt trip on you. Only you know what you are/aren't. Relationships are built on trust. You have told her several times that you are not like that and still she hounds you about it. If she can't trust you, you need to leave this crazy woman. Its not worth it
LEAVE NOW!!
Your girl should never have started this gay stuff, nor let it get this far is what I am suggesting.
Her father doesn't know either of you does he, so where would he get this nonsense but from his daughter.
That's what I was suggesting, he is only reacting it seems, to what he is told.
She is the source as I see it, and the one to put this crap to rest, with her dad, and anyone else she has told. If not... say adiós to this drama queen.
It also seems if this is what her father is putting in her head, she would know better, and not make this an issue between you. That she does is a real red flag buddy, and either way, its her and her actions that must be confronted.
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