It is weird and very insecure of him.

I've see nthis SOOOO many times where people go on Vacation - and then shortly after it's over.

Living with another gal after only 2 months? That's even more weird.

Take it as experience - run from this guy. Don't return any e-mails. Best thing to do is DELETE!!

Don't give him any satisfaction of a returned e-mail.

Thanks for all your advice everyone. Apparently this would p*** off others as well as myself. Glad I am not alone in my feelings. Everyone gave good suggestions, but I feel torn about what to do next. I feel that if I don't reply, he will think, "I see that mentioning the other girl got her so upset, she suddenly didn't answer me as she answered the first email", but then and I feel that if I answer with a nonchalant, "Oh congratulations. I'm so happy for the two of you", it will encourage him to feel that he can write and tell me even more details of her. No thanks.

I composed a reply email that I haven't sent yet. It is polite, but doesn't let the crappy thing he has done go unnoticed. It contains congratulatory remarks along with an acknowledgement that I think what he did was wrong:

Sample reply email to ex:

"Hey man, congratulations on your house and your relationship, but to be honest, I didn't think that they were really appropriate subject to bring up after all this time. Frankly, to do so seems rather immature to me. It's not something that I would have felt the need to do, had the situation been reversed. I have told you several times that I didn't think being friends was a good idea to begin with and now this email from you has just confirmed why. I won't be in touch anymore, but I wish you well. Good luck to you and take care. All the best."

I just feel that I want to let him know that I see what he's doing here and I'm not dumb, nor am without the guts to confront him on it (though with as much class as possible). I just don't want him to get away with upsetting me like he did. The other email I have composed in my head reads simply, "F*** you!" Just kidding. :)

Any opinions?

Wow, what a jerk. As much as his Email hurts, it should be proof that you deserve better!

I would not respond, it seem obvious that he is just looking to get a reaction out of you. Any sort of email that you send, is just going to give him the satisfaction that he got to you. I would type up several of the "F*** you" variety to relieve the stress, but don't send them!

I went through a similar dilemma with my ex, and actually wrote three long letters that were never sent. It did help me to write them, and looking back now I am glad I did not send them.

Not responding will drive him nuts, That is what you want, isn't it.

To make a correction, he broke things off with me 10 months ago, not 2 months ago. But he has been calling and emailing me asking to be "friends" during the entire 10 months time. We were together about a year when he dumped me for the other girl.

I repeatedly declined his offer for "friendship", then I wwould go into no contact. I was trying to move on and forget him. He would leave me alone a month or so at a time, then email me as if nothing had happened, ignoring my requests. I really loved this guy and deep down, I always hoped he was making contact again because he cared about me and missed me. I now see that that thought was a joke.

It had been 2 months since I last told him that I could not be friends with him. He didn't respond, then comes back at me with this crap. He's never mentioned the other girl until now. His mentioning her so casually as if it wouldn't phase me hurt a lot. I mean, this guy knew how much he hurt me when he dumped me for another girl. That sucks for anyone! I had respected his decision to break up and tried to just go on with things for myself. I never contacted him, never asked him back, never asked him about the other girl, nothing. This is why his coming at me with this hurtful information so casually angered me so. It was totally unwarranted and unsolicited. It set me back to square one and got me to crying over him again.

Well I wound up sending him a short quick reply. I know everyone said not to, but I was angry with his calloussness. I kept it sweet and nice, but I did tell him that I thought his email "was unnecessary, perhaps a bit immature, and not how I would have handled the same situation, but that it's all water under the bridge now". I told him (for the millionths time) that I wasn't interested in being friends then I ended it by wishing him well and told him good luck and to take care. I even put in a joke about my job at the very end to change the subject.

Then I put his email address to spam and blocked it. So that's that. I'm sure we will never speak again. What a disappointment it all turned out to be. I am so hurt. This was a guy that I was willing to pack up and move for. I am a nurse, so relocation is very easy for me. Jobs in my field fortunately are abundant right now. I really loved him and I tried so hard to make it work.

Maybe he got the rise out of me that he wanted, I don't know. Why he would want a rise out of me, I don't understand. But I just had to say something to him. Maybe just for closure after all these months of hurt and disappointment and hoping he actually cared. I figured that it didn't matter anyway since he apparently never loved me and it's over anyway. I guess I'm just venting. The holidays tend to bring that out sometimes : )

I don't see how the no contact stuff could possibly work in this situation. But thanks for listening everyone.

And I guess it's safe to say the No Contact didn't work here. I lost him just the same and he choose to forget me instead.

On a happier note, happy Thanksgiving to all.

Well I think it was a good mature reply from you.

Excuse me, I didn't know you wanted that knuckle head back. I had no idea you were using no contact to get him back. Forgive me for reading this thread and re-reading it and misunderstanding your whole motivation. Your last post cleared it up for me, and for that I thank you.

First, He dumped you and YOU still let him dump on you more via E-mail, by reading them you broke the no contact. YOUR CHOICE.

Second, By responding you told him that he could live rent free in your head anytime he wants. YOUR FAULT, not his. You should have spammed him after the first e-mail and would not have had to go through the rest of this drama. AGAIN your fault not his.

Third, No contact is for YOU to heal and get over all those feelings and be healthy enough to deal with reality, and be responsible for your own happiness.

Lastly, After all the thank you's and what not you've been feeding us you still have not done the things necessary for the healing process to work and so you can move on with your life and be happy. And after all the negative crap you let him put you through, you still fail to see that YOU still want that jerk back. Does that sound healthy to you? So you sit on the pity pot and blame everything on everyone but you... SO,. sad! ( I almost said pathetic) Stop being a victim!. now that is pathetic!

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On a happier note, happy Thanksgiving to all.

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Same to you!

You are right talaniman. Your email was blunt, but too the point. I can't argue with anything you said. I really did love this guy while we were together and I did want him back for a long time after the breakup. I wish that I didn't, but I did. I did go into no contact to help me move on. I knew I couldn't do a friendship with him after dating for a year and after the way he ended things. I thought he must be crazy to ask that of me and I said an emphatic no.

I guess I never really thought that reading his emails or hearing out his phone message was a form of "breaking no contact." I considered breaking no contact to mean MY initiating any sort of contact with him, which I never did after the breakup. Not even once. I wish I had found this site when it happened.

I see your point though. I see your point very clearly in fact. Had I blocked his phone number and his email months ago, I would not have had to deal with this setback today. I could kick my own a** for it. I did let him creep back into my thoughts over and over and confuse me.

I mistakenly thought that his repeated attempts to contact me meant that he must care though. I still don't understand why HE wouldn't just stop the contact, but I guess I will never know.

Thanks for your reply too rol.

Hi there,
Well its never too late to learn... just start the no contact from today.
Plus he did cheat on you, why would you really want him back? Do you really want someone with issues like that?? Maybe ask yourself that question instead.

Some questions are never meant to be answered, and if you try to, nothing good will ever come out of it. That I can promise you. You can safely assume that he was a jerk who didn't know what he was giving up... can't blame him, sounds like he was infected by ignoramus stupidius. Don't feel bad or sorry for yourself, if you've seen the error in your ways, as well as his, forgive yourself and move on. YOU take control of your own happiness. To leave it in the hands of someone who doesn't care 3 cents about you until after the fact is a great waste of time, and a sign that you need a long time to take the time, to love yourself. He never stopped contacting you, and it might be because he wanted something familiar and I don't mean to be rude, he hoped and went after a sure thing. Block him, do what you have to do. This is YOUR time, YOUR holiday. He doesn't pay your bills, keep a roof over your head or keep you from going hungry. Looks like you've been doing fine without him. Good luck, and happy thanksgiving to you.

*Edit*

Meh, he cheated on you. Grab your radio, mp3 player, or iTunes, sing every song written that has to do with being cheated on at the top of your lungs. That makes for a good girls' night out.

Hit the 'delete' button and block his e-mail address from your inbox.

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Originally Posted by SouthernBelle06

I am thinking of writing him back giving him a piece of my mind and telling him what an inconsiderate, callous he is.

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Don't bother. It'll only serve to aggravate you even more. Not replying at all will actually have a bigger impact then if you write back and tell him off. Blocking his e-mail will hit home even harder the next time he tries to e-mail you when he gets it back with the message that you've blocked his address.

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Originally Posted by rol

if anything write back a oneliner "Good for you, Ive met someone very special also and i feel so happy"

but i guess no contact is the best.

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Couldn't spread it, but actually, I like this tactic. Even if it's not true. THEN block his e-mail address from your inbox.

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Originally Posted by SouthernBelle06

Hey thanks for your replies everyone. I appreciate the support as I have been feeling lousy about all of this. I really did love this guy at one time. I do still care for him somewhat or else his living arrangement wouldn't hurt me. I will admit to that.

You know, I have read a lot of posts here and I alway see that no contact is the way to go after one is dumped, but I am finding myself full of questions and regrets now in the way I handled my situation because I feel that I did try no contact here and I lost him anyway. He simply forgot me and moved on to someone else. I almost feel as if my no contact just cleared me out of the way for him to fall in love with her. I guess all of this just threw me and brought a lot of hurt feelings and regrets back for me. I wonder if I should have handled things differently?

I always diligently let him know I didn't want to do the friends thing and I feel that it obviously didn't help me any. When he would contact me after every few months, I would act fine, never act needy, never ask to reconcile, never beg. I am just feeling bummed and full of regret I think. I feel that it should have been me living there with him as we had made plans for that this time last year. Thanks again for listening everyone.

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Actually, your "no contact" tactic did "worK" in that it got him e-mailing you again, even if to only gloat. But since he's made it clear that he's not available, you need to go on with no contact. Furthermore, since he gloats when he does contact you, that is why everyone is advising you to block his e-mails. Make him realize that you don't want to hear from him. That'll get him to wondering just what you'er up to and why you don't want to hear from him anymore. Especially if you precede it with a little "fib", just like rol suggested, that you've found someone yourself and are very happy ; then refusing to let him contact you will really get him wondering and probably turn him into a complete basket case, much to the detriment of his current live-in interest. Perhaps it just wan't meant to be but you were right not to contact him and not to continue being "friends" with him, so go right on doing just that.

I think he is the type of guy that wanted to keep some control over you in a way. Just in case, maybe. Really hard to say. If it made you feel better to email him that last email. You needed to do it. Life is a series of lessons. Don't beat yourself up over anything you may have or may have not done. Put the experience in a chapter of your little book of life, and go on. You will grow from it and learn from it. One can read all the books on life, and hear all of the advice. The best teacher of all is experience. Relationships are like children. There are some basic rules but each one is different and will be handled differently. As I said in an earlier post, he was probably seeing someone when he was seeing you. That is not a good sign and you are better off without him. The holidays are always harder. You will be fine and you deserve so much more. Happy Thanksiving.

I appreciate everyone's replies. I have blocked his phone number and email. I am trying to do what you guys have suggested and stop letting this guy ruin my happiness as he has done (or I guess I have let him do rather) pretty much this entire year. I can pretty much guess what his reply to my email would have been anyway... "I'm sorry, I had no idea it would upset you."... so it's not like I missed much anyway by blocking him.

I have been reading some of the other replies to posts dealing with ex's and I wish I had posted here about all of this the day that it happened. Besides, what would his next email be anyway? Some future wedding invitation? I bet he would love to spring something like that on me. I wonder if he thinks he is so cool and so mature for keeping in touch with his exes or something. I never understood that. Maybe it's a control or ego thing. But as another reply stated, I'll never know. I find myself still feeling somewhat depressed, I'm trying to take control of these emotions and start the healing process. I now know that one doesn't start to heal when you are hoping for a reconciliation.

Anyway thanks for responding.