I decided not to have a pretzel, here I come chocolate bar! Thanks and good nightQuote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
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I decided not to have a pretzel, here I come chocolate bar! Thanks and good nightQuote:
Originally Posted by Altenweg
o! I forgot to put in my finding out about my brain tumor and the tywo other car accidents
My fiancé desperately hates my father, if you've read my previous posts you know it is for good reason. My fiancé is normally a very gentle and passive person. Rarely resorting to violence. However he has great desire to inflict harm upon my dad, who truly does deserve it. How can I get my fiancé to ignore his presence and not focus so much on him?
What is the reasons behind this? All you can do is convey how you feel to them, tell them that you love them both and if they share the same feelings to put their differences aside for the sake of you
I don't love them both. I hate my father. Who loves my fiancé to death. But both him and I despise my dad.
Threads merged.
My fiancé asked me to go to the guidance office and tell them about everything my dad has done so he'd go to jail or at least me and my brother would be taken off him. But my mum yelled at me the other day about how my life isn't so bad. He hasn't beat me up in a while but he does threaten me constantly and hit my brother and mum. Mum made this huge deal about how her life when she was little was much worse. I usually obey my fiancé, but I just don't know what to do.
You shouldn't have to obey anyone,you should do what you feel is right for yourself.
What your father does is very wrong and should be reported.
Somebody has to break this cycle of violence and not allow it to continue.
I'm just naturally obedient to my partner. My dad used to be very very violent, however it's been a few weeks since he's hit my mum, a couple days since he hit my brother, and months since he's hit me. My mum did make valid points- no one is dying, her life as a child was much much worse. I'm so afriad of hurting my mother's feelings... But I want to obey my fiancéQuote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Threads merged
Many people tell me I'm too obedient to my fiancé. Friends, family, and random people all tell me I need to stop listening to him. He is far from abusive, the sweetest guy you could meet. I just happen to submit and obey immediately. He doesn't take advantage of this either. He does occasionally use it to get me to do what he wants. Things to protect me though, such as to take my medicine, to eat (I have an eating disorder), and when he knows something isn't right he will order me to get away from something or to go inside and lock the door. Is it really all that bad that I have given him total control of me, which he does not use?
Violence,in any shape or form should never be condoned.
I agree with your fiancé.
These types of problems aren't going to go away.
You can either hide away and pretend nothing is going on. Or you can take a proactive approach and try to solve the problems.
At 17 years old, it's difficult for you to carry all the burden yourself. I think it's time to conceed to the fact that you need some help. You've suffered enough and you deserve better than this.
What do you think the best course of action?
Never submit to anyone but yourself. NEVER
Obedience is for dogs, not humans.
Be true to yourself. What he is doing IS a form of abuse.
I would like to know how old are you?
You sound young
And giving your freewill up and letting someone else control you. Is just so wrong
You should be strong enough to control and think for yourself.
It seems any confidance or will or thought of your own.. has been knocked kicked or punched right out of you.
It's a real shame
I think you should seek help and get away from 80% of the people that surround you in your life, they are all doing more harm than good.
I think that you are losing your own identity in this relationship is a bad thing. It is always bad. Fiancé, boyfriend, mother, friend... it doesn't matter who they are you need to do what is right for you. If you don't know what that is you need to figure that out.
I think that one way or another, you need to talk to someone about the past. We are deeply, all of us affected by the past. Whether in a good way or a bad, it is there it is what we are the sum of.
I don't believe personally, that anyone is just naturally completely obedient. I think that this sort of obedience, and really it rubs me the wrong way to use the word obedience when we are not speaking of a child/parent dynamic and even then, well I'm digressing...
What I mean to say is you need to find yourself, who you are and what you think. If you don't do this well, if you are ever without a guide how will you survive?
Best of Luck.
I'm 17Quote:
Originally Posted by TrueFaith
To anyone other than my fiancé, I'm the "fiesty short girl" who will "knock ya on yer @$$ soon as look at ya" (from the various descriptions my friends, teachers, family, etc have given me) To anyone else, except my dad, I'm the let freedom ring girl. But when it comes to my fiancé, I willingly obey everything he says. He doesn't make me. I choose to.
Why are all of these getting merged. I asked the two questions separately for a reason
My fiancé or my dad?Quote:
Originally Posted by J_9
I think your dad.Quote:
Originally Posted by xXxEmOxXxPrInCeSsxXx
But you need to work on the mindset of submitting to your fiancé. (From my understanding, it seems that if he gets the slightest amount upset, you kind of over-react?)
Yeah, I do. But lately I haven't. I sat and thought about it for a while. What's the worst he can do if I upset him?Quote:
Originally Posted by CarrotTalker
Hit me? He would never
Dump me? He loves me enough to ask me to marry him, that kind of commitment should take more than just a trivial argument to break
Yell at me? He rarely does. He's so sweet usually. And yeah if he yells at me, I'll cry but there's really nothing too scary about it
I just want to clarify something real quick. My fiancé never asserted power over me. He is very passive. When I agreed to be with him, I told him, "I am yours to do what you will"
He knows he has been given power over me, but doesn't use that power over me I've given him.
The worst thing he has ever done is at a party I meant to bite him lightly but accidentally bit too deep. He meant to tap me on the back but he's very strong compared to me, so he accidentally hit me. That's the worst thing he's ever done. And it was accidental.
He has pulled the dominance card on me a few times. Like when I refused to eat for a week, he said "I'm ordering you to eat your dinner now, you haven't eaten in a week. I'm worried." but nothing bad.
If your doing it willingly, that's a lot different than going along just because someone says so. You also sound as if you are not so obedient when it doesn't make sense to you. I think that's okay too!
The bottom line is are you comfortable with the way you do things?
Everyone gets merged when the subjects are related, that's how we get the facts of a bigger picture, and keep the lines of all the threads in some rational order.Quote:
Why are all of these getting merged. I asked the two questions separately for a reason
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