Don't pull yourself to his level anymore. You woke and realized this isn't the right relationship. Not for you and not for those children. Please get some therapy and stay away.
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Don't pull yourself to his level anymore. You woke and realized this isn't the right relationship. Not for you and not for those children. Please get some therapy and stay away.
I am back. Ok-here is the thing, we have been "apart" for over two years. We did not live together and he ended up with another woman (whom of which he had cheated on me prior with) and got her pregnant. So now he has a child with her too.
The kids love him, without a doubt-I'm not worried about him hurting them because he loves them too. We are very mutual when it comes to the kids. It's our relationship that we are not. I can't call him where he is at now-he calls me. And if he can't get ahold of me, he has his mother call me. His parents are good people, his dad tells me the same thing I tell myself. He will only be "changed" for a little while. I know this. I truly feel and have felt for the longest time that we do not belong together. He has done too much damage. I'm not afraid that he's going to physically hurt me or the kids-I'm just not ready to go through the emotions he's going to put me through with this breakup. He is very manipulative and I need the strength to get away from that. He acts in a way that I have never seen before. Of course it is ONLY when he is incarcerated. I know the answers, I know my feelings-why is this so hard for me? I cannot figure it out and it's driving me effin nuts. I feel guilty. I feel guilty for leaving him in there alone because as he puts it-I'm all he's got. If l leave him, then he won't try to meet his great goals and ambitions. I don't want to be responsible for that-so I feel compelled to stay with him until he gets out and gets on his feet. I don't want to-I know I shouldn't-I don't know how to handle the feelings that he will portray to me when I let him go for good.
But you're not responsible for him. He has made bad choices--choices that have put him into prison.
People do what they want to do. You can't make him be good, you can't make him better, you can't make him choose to do the right thing... he must do all of that on his own.
Nothing you do can make him better. You are not responsible for him.
You are responsible for your children and yourself. That's it.
I wouldn't answer the phone when his mother calls. Period.
You've got to start taking control of this situation. This is your life. Yours.
(Print this out and post it on your bathroom mirror. That way, whenever you see it, you know that someone out there believes that you can do it. You can make it. You can be strong.)
Thank you. The kids love their dad-they love their grandparents. I don't want to take them away from each other just because he was an azz to me. But if I DON'T ignore them, then I get all the questions asked-I get all the blame, it's like a lose-lose situation for me. I'm going to do it, I have to, I just need to talk and vent first.Quote:
Originally Posted by HistorianChick
And, we're here to listen to the vents.
And encourage you as you do what you know to do. :)
Stand up for yourself and your kids-nobody else matters here.
Think-if you were an outsider reading this thread,what advice would you give them?
Would you advice them to stick by this abusive dopepeddling jailbird?
Somehow I don't think you would.
How can you say he hasn't hurt you? He hit you, no man puts a hand on you. No woman deserves that and vice versa. He doesn't love you, and why do you love him? He doesn't love those kids like a father should, or he woulnd't make the same mistakes over and over again, and put himself behind bars. Stop all the phone calls, and stop listening to his family. Stop being stuck, you don't deserve that. He is also a cheater. It's not love! Next time you might not be so lucky, and he might really hurt you physically. Stop making excuses for him. You need to get your act together!
Am I making excuses for him? I'm sorry I know it probably sounds like that. And I would definitely be telling someone else what you are all telling me if I was the reader and not the poster. What the hell is wrong with me? As much as I have going for me, I have absolutely no self esteem at all. How do people like him find people like me? Ugh... I truly am ashamed of myself I am. I know I shouldn't care I know I should stay mad. How can I get help?Quote:
Originally Posted by sully123
You've had years of this eating away at your selfesteem.
Therapy would help you get yourself back to a place where you can start rebuilding it.
You're an abused woman and the shame and guilt you're feeling are due to this.
You have nothing to be ashamed of.
Try to understand that once you seek help and are able to leave the nightmare behind you,you will be able to rebuild your life.
You can not help him so don't lie to yourself anymore. You have been with him 10 years and he is still in jail. Maybe when you leave him, he will get things straight once and for all. Good luck.
Hi Mo, been a while. You will do what you have to for yourself, and your kids, it just will take time, and determination.
You deserve to be happy, and he is certainly not helping with that, is he?
You can do this! >cyber hug<
Never give up on yourself!
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