Wishing you a good day!:-)

Well work finished and friends wanting to talk about her and how I'm doing... They seem to think that I should leave it for 4 weeks and write a letter to finalise things.. I don't agree I think that just gives me more problems and know I would be hurting waiting for a reply... Bottom line is its over and I don't believe it would help.. The one thing I have found is that people want to advise you even when they don't ask... Things like... Shes quiet an won't speak... You have to know for definite if its over... You can't let it go without fighting... So confusing... The people in work know us both well and want to give opinions... My head hurts but I'm still sticking to NC thank god... Yes its hard but I try and rationalise it with the thought of txting and not getting a reply... Personally I wish we could both sit down face to face and have her say Look its over... That won't happen for one reson or another getting dumped by text is the worst and shows cowardice as far as I'm concerned.. I deserved better than that...

I did get a text last week saying that she thought I was going through some issues and she wanted to be a friend.. It also said that I shouldn't critise her for for not playing there game by my rules... I think she was referring to my previous text of saying I won't text because I don't get any reply and its frustrating... What game?. What Rules? I feel the games are being playued by her and she doesn't know what she wants and is fighting with the idea of wanting me but can she trust... Trust is something that is built and takes time it doesn't just happen... Im waffling again but I think NC has to be the way from me.. if I hear nothing then I've lost nothing and I recover quicker...

Nc definitely. Stick to it and don't get drawn into any gameplaying.

Thanks amicon... Another text I don't get that she sent at xmas time was this... Love is a crocodile in a river of desire!. I struggled with that at first but my thinking was that she was saying that she wanted me (River of desire bit) but I wouod hurt her (Crocodile bit) anyone else got an explanation for this text... U can see now why I'm so confused and came here for advice...

I've no idea what that means-have you tried googling it?

Found it will post the meaning.. It is an old proverb saying from 1 AD writtin in Sanskrit its meaning is this...
Desire is a neccessity,loving is a risk, it swins in the river,the river swirls, carrying it along,the river of desire transports us, the waters of the river seek out and explore channels,pressing forward,opening their way in front of them,the river has a future,its meeting with the sea, the crocodile by contrast,bites and kills,it can serve as an actor in an exotic television soap, but is no service in the pursuit of greater pleasure. No one strokes a crocodile... Man I've had enough of this... I think she is saying I'm dangerous!!

Or to cut it short from Wiki answers

According to Augusto Boal, the "river of desire" is a necessary part of human existence, and "love" is a dangerous part of that.

Am I still stuffed and has that meant that it was not meant to be... YOu know what folks I'm more confused than ever haha still ding NC though

You'll be fine-just let the emotional confusion settle-and sticking to good old NC. :-)

I just feel I'm being tied in knots and she doesn't know what she wants... thats not fair on me.. having thought a bit I think the saying means that through life you will have desire but if you are temped sometimes you will get bitten... my lie seems to be the bite I think

Possibly but don't lose any sleep trying to interprete this.
Concentrate on getting on with your life.

What your doing is what we see lots of Dumpees do at this stage of the breakup , you are overanalyzing the if's and why's. The more you do that the longer it'll take unfortunately :( Its quite normal to do that when the emotional dust is still swirling around. It's not easy but you just need to accept that it's over and when you start to try and justify stuff wack yourself on the head and stop yourself.

And one more thing , tell your friends/work colleagues to not mention anything about your Ex because that's not going to help you at all.

Friend, amicon, Thanks I'm going to not go back just move on tomorrow is another day thanks x

Hi All, Back from work and what a day...

Had my meeting and Yep she was in her office... She saw me coming and looked straight ahead.. I walked past her office and didn't even acknowledge her... Hard... Anyway meeting finished and out I come.. By coincidence (Or was it?) she comes through the corridor the opposite way... I carried on and said nothing just as if I hadn't seen her... The... "Oh hi You (She always called me that) what are you doing here, i dint know you were here"? (Lie, I had sent an email to all managers to say I was in a meeting and the tracking told me they had all opened it prior to the meeting), Eyes fluttering and heavy make up on.. Now I'm thinking I've got to stick to NC how do I get out of this... Remembering the words of wisdom I learnt on here... "Oh just had a meeting over such and such gotta go"... and I walked away while she is still standing at her office door...

Now I'm not a bitter man and can accept that if I don't make someone happy then I would rather they were not with me but to be talked to as if I had forgotten everything I felt and told a lie (Which was the excuse I was given in a txt) to me made me think "You hypicrite" and I realised that even though it felt as if she wanted to say more and flash those eyes at me I had to leave... Its good that I feel that because for the first time I feel as if the emotion of loving her is fading and being replaced with anger, and a knowing that anyone that can treat people that way doesn't deserve me.. I would respect someone hurting (As she knows I am) and not talk to them or say hi and walk away... For now anyway... One brief encounter has made me realise that I could NEVER be friends with her and at some stage in the coming months (Not yet NC for now) I will tell her that no explanation just NO... Why do women (In my case) think that the pain goes away so quick and you can revert to smiling, flirting and normal behaviour around someone who is devastated that they chose not to let you into their life after a longish period together.. Is she heartless or just ignorant to the situation... I just know that I'm glad the initial face off is done and I can move forward..

First-you handled that well-kudos to you.
Keep going as you are and at this stage your anger will probably help you move on-it will fade as well,to be replaced with acceptance.

Why she acted the way she did is yet another one of those nobody knows whys-so don't let it worry you.

NC works so stick with it.
If you can't avoid running in to her,brief nod and keep walking.

ANd before its said... I think she was hurting to at some point.. Maybe its just because she made the decision and I didn't.. I have dropped people in the past but I've had the baubles to tell them face to face and respect the fact I hurt them after it... What A... sorry

Amicon thanks, I genuinely think she is of the opinion I want to be friends even though that hasn't been stated by me.. only her... She isn't a kid (Late 30s like me) and she lost an ex patner last year after nursing and caring for him for over a year so she knows the pain of losing someone... If I could have my say (Which I won't ) I would say LIsten have a heart and leave me to get over this will you in my own way for now..


Well,that's the decent thing to do and the decent way to act,but then again people have different ways of handling difficults situations.


Ye they run and hide then pop there head over the edge when they think the dust has settled... Ostrich comes to mind only this one had make up on haha... Anyway I feel better that its over and my actions.. I kept my dignity wasn't nasty, short yes and she got the impression I didn't want to talk I think... Tomorrow is another day

Ostrich with make-up's a good one! Though it might get mucked up when they stick their head in the sand.
Stay dignified and have a good day tomorrow.

I found a good analigy of what I would want in the future..

The greatest happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved - loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves and our mistakes

Agreed-and love the other the same way. :-)

I think that goes without question and has always been my outlook...

True-it should . :-)

Hi GUys another day gone and a big day for me pasted... A milstone you might say... Ive spent most of the night reading posts on here and I have to say that it gives you strength... im slowly accepting that ist over and the thoughts get less every day.. I thought after seeing her today I would have gone into meltdown.. but I didn't I'm actually quite exceptant of it now... I did love her and probably will always have a soft spot for her but I know after looking at her today something has changed in ME.. whether that's anger or detachment I don't know I just know that I couldn't be friends ever. I have one last thing to resolve which I'm unsure on how to do... I have some furniture of hers here (Her favourite massive leather chair for 1 (In MY bedroom (Which is on the top floor of a three storey house) I want it out of my home and told her to pick up up weeks ago.. She said she would arrange for it to be Professionally removed (Its to arkward and big to be done by me and will damage the house if I tried) the keys she has to my house were to be exchanged with this.. How long do I leave it before I say Hey look get it shifted... and give me the house keys back.. for me its like a final piece that I want removed from my life and has to go..

While we still have things of each others that mean stuff i.e. her favourite chair and my house keys I can't completely move on as they are special things... It was a big deal for me to give her keys to my home and her to move that chair into the bedroom so it's a part of letting go for me its how to resolve it... I don't want to involve others (We are both private people) yet don't want to break NC!!

I would though- ask a really close friend to get the chair back to her-and the same friend could ask her to post the keys to you.

After all your friends know you've broken up,don't they?

Amicon has a point IF you do have friends who can do it , but I think it's fair to expect her to get her chair out and to get your keys back. I would send her an email stating that you'd like it out while giving her sufficient time as that will come across as not trying to be vindictive. I know it's breaking NC but your not doing it for the wrong reasons or by trying to gain anything regarding the relationship from it.

Just be amicable and I think you'll be doing it right.

Ps: Congrats on the way you handled seeing her at work , good job :)