Listen, I know we all come from different walks of life, and have different experiences, but how could anyone actually encourage this guy to live his entire live based on a lie?

Look, the fact is, you're disguising your guilt here because you say you don't want to hurt her by telling her. Well guess what - you owe her the truth. Right now you ARE being selfish by holding out on her. If you care more about her than yourself, then you NEED to tell her the truth.

How anyone could actually suggest lying as an acceptable alternative is beyond me, and makes me sad for any potential mates they may have in the future. Honestly, how could you live with yourself? I cheated on the love of my life, and I couldn't go more than a couple hours without telling her. But maybe that's just me.

Jeez. It's hard not to post angrily when I see comments like that.

~ Tee

The sad part is even though she may never know, there are 3 who do,

YOU!

YOUR GOD!

THE OTHER GIRL!

The chances of her finding out later have just tripled. And while you seem remorseful enough now, I just wonder when life makes things hard on you later, as it does us all, how your resolved to not cheat will stand up.

I disagree with the posters who advocate lying for reasons that are obvious. To the OP-you're the one who's going to have to live with your cheating and the probable consequences of the same whatever you choose to do-own up or not.

Quote:

---

Quote by Devorameira;
If you really loved her you would never have fooled around. Your mind would have been well enough to not give in to your sexual desires.

---

I'm leaning toward telling her, and have been having the conversation in my head of what I plan on telling her. I just have to get the guts to do it. And about what happened back then when I cheated, I am being HONEST when I say that I don't exactly know why I did it. I was attracted to the other girls, I desired having sex with her, told myself I would NEVER do it because I love my girlfriend, but I ended up putting myself in a bad position and made a really bad choice. I don't know if I buy into the line that I didn't really "love" my girlfriend back then because I cheated on her. You are all right that she deserves better and she deserves the truth and she doesn't deserve to be hurt by my bad choices. I know that you all think that once someone cheats, they are bound to do it again... but as of right now, I really don't believe I will EVER put myself in that position or do it again. NONE of us can say what we will do or won't do tomorrow! NO ONE. But I can say what I believe in and feel right now. NO ONE knows what they are capable of until they are put in the position where they are challenged and... everyone is capable of making MISTAKES. For 4 years I didn't cheat on my girlfriend. She is my first love, and my first long-term relationship, and I believe that she is my true love. I didn't cheat on her for 4 years and made one BIG mistake. So, I'm admitting to my mistake, and doing the best that I know right now to make things right and to not start a life with my girlfriend based on a lie. Live and learn. I am hoping that she will forgive me. I know this will change everything, but I have to have faith that we will both be able to work this out. Thank you for sharing your opinions.

I wish you well, my friend. I think you are making a good decision.

Good luck and I hope things go well with your talk.

You definitely don't want to make "lying" a trend in this relationship. Honest and open communication is the way to go. Like you said, if you really cared about her, you wouldn't want her to live a lie.

Just remember, after you tell her the truth, it's going to take her some time to accept what happened and it could take even more time to earn back her trust. So be prepared for a bumpy ride.

As long as she's willing to give you the chance to earn back her trust and as long as you're willing to put in the effort, then you have a chance together.

Mikey,

Do you really want to propose and keep this lie? You love and care for her deeply and yet are willing to put her in a situation that keeps things from her that you know she would probably have a problem with and would influence her decision.

Also if you don't know why you did it, what is stopping you from doing it again? Maybe you should go see a shrink to find out why you did such a damaging thing.

Good decision-I hope you can work things out.