You're welcome,have a nice,busy day!
|
You're welcome,have a nice,busy day!
So far everything is great, not feeling pain and not thinking about her. Just doing my thing and back on track like if nothing happened. My girlfriend called last night while I was asleep, I ended up just having a simple conversation like what I did through out the day and what she been up too. She asked me how I feel about the break up and I told her I think it's a good idea because she needs her space and some time to think about herself. Then she said she wanted to end this break up and come back but in my mind I was like its too early so I told her take some time and go have some fun. I'd like to know what you guys think about my situation. Did I do the right thing? I do not want to get her back right away cause she might have mixed feelings in my opinion.
One way to clear the air and get everyone's feelings out in the open, is to talk about it. Being a good listener is what YOU need at this time, because you have questions. Assuming, and presuming will not give you facts.
Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
After she told me about how she wanted to end the break up I was not sure so I told her about how we could start slow and willing to be committed in a relationship but I tried not to go too deep with it. The reason to end the break up was cause she misses me already. Does that help? Btw she told me to call her today since I have a job interview so she wanted to know how I did. Should I talk to her about the relationship. What exactly should I ask her or do? I am not sure about what to say at the moment.
Well we spoke on the phone just talked positively about what happened so I did not mention anything about the relationship so I kept it short and just left doing her thing. She said she was going to call me back but I will try not to pick up this time not sure if I should do that but I want her to think about this and hopefully she will miss me more and realize what she is doing is a mistake. So I'm still using the NC method it's working out fine.
My Ex spoke to me on IM on Thursday just finding out how I was doing. I just told her about how I got a new job (Thursday had an interview for this new job and got it the same day) well she said she was very proud she sent me couple smiley faces and congratulating me and saying she was proud of me. Then Friday she called me at night out of the blew not realizing it was her, while I was in my room organizing things. We spoke on the phone for almost 20 minutes. Which seem pretty long just talked about what she did and the typical conversation you know. She talked about what if we did not have kids then tried to change it to say what if I did not have kids with a wife. That to me is an obvious clue that she really misses me. And how she is going out on a lady's night on Saturday at some club. I encouraged her to go and have fun and enjoy. She mentioned that she thought about coming over and surprising me earlier in the day. And she said that this space is not working out for her. I wasn't so sure what to tell her but I said its OK I understand and that maybe we should meet up face to face and talk about this or just have more time to think about it. She said yeah I will let you know in person and see what's up. So I assume she really misses me so bad and that she is having a very hard time with this space. I am not sure how to approach this but is it OK to meet up sometime later in the week, in case she tells me. Is it a good idea? Or should we just wait till the end of the month. It's been a week now since she broke up with me. And the reverse is happening to me, she is contacting me.
Congratulations on your new job! It seems she is in complete charge of how this is to be handled and that's not fair in my book.
Why don't you suggest a time and place to meet up for this talk-do you really want to wait around for another three weeks or so while she calls all the shots?
Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
Thanks very much, right now I am undecided about this situation. I feel we should talk soon and talk about this relationship deep to the roots. How much time should I give her? One week? I am just afraid she is not ready to talk since she has these mixed emotions. She is not only unsure about me, she is unsure about life in general, she wants to break up but doesn't know if she'll find anyone so she needs someone on the side while she explores. She is being very indecisive. So maybe I should let her know to meet up next weekend? I'm thinking about meeting up with her on Sunday Jan. 17th. That's a week from now is that OK?
You know,its about you and your feelings as well-being more or less told to hang around and wait for somebody else to see if something,or someone better comes around,is not a good place to be. You're her backup plan and that's not a good place to be either.
You need to make your own mind up how much longer you are willing to wait.
Personally,I would never put up with this. If someone isn't willing to talk,here and now,that's it.
That's not being selfish,that's respecting oneself.
I think it is natural for people to contemplate what being with another person would be like, especially when you have been together for so long. She might just need some space and reflection time and may want to come back to you and realise what she is missing out on.
Right I understand her situation because I was in the same position before. I managed to get out of it and happily went back to my girlfriend. I am giving all the space possible, but she keeps contacting me every other day or so. So far she gave me a call and told me she will be coming over and spend some little time so I will take her out to eat for lunch. But she is still taking the break she told me and that she said maybe not a month more like two more weeks.Quote:
Originally Posted by kiera90
She called me at 3 am Sunday morning when she was getting out of the club with her friends. She said I love you and miss you. She told me that she was trying to come over and just spend a little time with me. So I let her do that. Well she came over today not to come back with me but just cause she misses me and loves me. We are still broken up. She mentioned that maybe she won't do a month anymore, instead two more weeks. We went out, I took her out to eat and just hang out for a little bit, she came over my house afterwards and stayed at my house for a while. Watched TV and she decided to take a nap with me in bed so we took a nap for like 2 hours. No kissing or anything. She just kissed me on the cheek twice once during watching TV and another when she left. So I was surprised she did not literally come back with me. So I took it slow and not put any pressure. Just acted normal like usual and treated her with respect like always. What do you think about this situation. Would this moment mean that there's possibilities of coming back together? I am just a little confused, we had a good time hanging out.
I really think you should tell her that she needs to make her mind up. She's got you waiting around in limbo and how many more weeks of that are you going to put up with?
Quote:
Originally Posted by amicon
well when she called me at 3 am Sunday she sounded like she missed me so much and talked to me the way she used to all lovely and caring. But during the conversation I told her are you sure you want to come over. I wasn't sure if she was just coming over to visit cause she misses me or she was actually coming over to come back to me all the way. Well during the conversation she mentioned I am coming over but we are still broken up, did not say it like that but yeah. So that's why I did not want to go fast and kiss her or beg her to come back cause she had boundaries. When she showed those boundaries it kind of hurt me. I tried to do the best I could and made her feel happy. I am happy she came over we had a good time and I respected her in every way by not putting any pressure. While we were eating and finished she said its to cold outside to walk to the car so I told her to stay here and wait inside while I bring the car to the front. While I got up she stared at me with a smile for a good while. I know that was pretty random but I just think that was a moment where she really thought about me and how I treated her right there. I don't want to force her you know, I rather make her think and miss me, so she could come back to me with full love. She even mentioned about if I'd like to come with her to the club next weekend or so I was like yes of course I would. So I wasn't sure. I was pretty scared in way cause If I did make a move she would've dissed me. That's just my opinion. Of course I don't want to wait but the only reason is to win her back, so far the no contact method is working great.
No contact method working great... you're a funny guy.
You're her emotional tampon for lack of a better term. She gets to weem herself off you because you're hooked and she knows it. A good little puppy...
You might consider getting out of this potentially damaging situation. I mean what are you getting out of it… sounds like more pain, frustration, and BS. Your approach is typical… play the pushover nice guy and she'll come crawling back. Maybe you need to let her know that you are no longer a couple and as “not a couple” you need to move on with your life. Cut it off and see if she comes back. If not… well you have your answer. Yes, it's tough. But you're just putting yourself through punishment now. Think about it.
It'll be interesting to see if she blows you off for the 'club date' for the coming weekend. IF you actually still go... I bet you get the 'friend' treatment.
Yeah I thought about it and I am prepared for either answer. She comes back I will be happy and I will make her happier. She decides to leave me cool all I have to do is pack up and head down to MIAMI and have a blast with my boys. So I am being patient, I love her and I know she is doing a mistake. As a matter fact I texted her today just said I love you and I miss you... She texted back couple hours later she said "I miss you and love you too!!!! I feel so stupid 4 this, u r such a good guy!!! I love you!" then called me at midnight, I did not pick up the first time. 10 minutes later called again I picked up she was worried about me and was just making sure everythings OK. So I am pretty confident everything will be OK but won't jump into conclusions.Quote:
Originally Posted by Imabadman
Good luck man. Hope it works out for you.
Just wanted to share what happened Friday 15th. I was just coming home from work and all of sudden I hear the door bell ring. It was my girlfriend. She came over around 3pm. She decided to stay at my house all day. So I was just cool with her and just talked. She got into my bed and I was just sitting on my chair using the laptop. While she was in bed she asked me "I want to tell you something can you come over here?" I went to her while she was laying in my bed and sat down next to her. She pulled me and gave me a kiss on my lips. Eventually she made out with me. At first I was like what is happening, so unexpected. So she told me to get in bed and lay down with me. I did and we cuddled and made out. We were almost about to make love but I did not have any protection. So it did not happen. She wanted to make love so bad and was going crazy with me kissing me making out everything. I felt confused for a minute and asked her what's going on thought you needed the break. She was like is it OK if we do this while on break? Can we make love while we are in break? I was so uncomfortable for a minute. So I told her no we can't I don't have any protection and I feel you could hurt me or hurt yourself. So she pulled my hand and put it right inside of her (her private) so I used my hand instead. After having a little fun in bed we took a long nap together. I told her whatever she is doing please do not play with my heart, I asked her why she wanted to do this and she said "I miss you and I love you, I won't hurt you baby". She cancelled the reservation for our date and decided to hang out with me. I took her out since she wanted to eat. We went to Loehmanns retail store cause there was a sale so she wanted to look and chill with me. After we went to this restaurant had some beer and food and had a pretty good time. She did hold my hand the whole day while we were out. Just like if we were in our normal relationship. Came back home around 10pm. She had to leave since she has work early in the morning. Before she left I asked her so what are we now? Still doing the break? She said "yes I need more time, she asked me are you ok? are you ok with what happened today its ok if your not please let me know" I told her I'm fine just confused but I will let you have more time, and kissed me on my lips and said I love you.
Let me know what you think about this... At first I thought she was coming back with me but it came the other way around. I am definitely confused about this right now. She was very affectionate with me while she still wants the break to me this does not make any sense. I don't know let me know what you think. Thanks
Having gone through the whole dealing with a Christian ex girlfriend with my last situation I have a few comments to offer. My situation was not me an atheist, her a Christian. I am a Christian, but she comes from the family of what I call "Kool Aid Drinker Christian" I don't think I need to elaborate there. We got into one minor disagreement about religion, she broke up with me.
First of all, if her being a Christian is what is really keeping you guys apart, why did she want to have sex with you? Truly devout Christians do not believe in sex before marriage. So for starters it's a bit hypocritical for her to base the break up on difference in religion when she is obviously going against a Christian value right there. (For the record, I am a Christian but I think it's OK to have sex before marriage in a fully committed relationship if you truly and completely love the person - that's just me).
2nd. My ex went through the whole us breaking up, to us talking again, then being friends, and that leading to sexual stuff again. Won't go into too much detail, but it was similar to what you described. Doing the whole deal just short of sex, because I would not go that far while broken up - plus the whole religious sex/no-sex conflict previously. Everything was great, but she also did the "this doesn't mean we're back together" and "this doesn't change anything" bull-honky too. In the end she believed that I manipulated her and that our relationship must've been all physical based.
3rd. If she wants a break, that means no sex, oral, making out, NOTHING. That's what breaking up is. She is getting the physical connection from you without having to commit to you because you are ALLOWING her to. She is doing exactly what she told she would do, exploring what else is out there.
I strongly recommend you get yourself out of this situation. You don't have to be a jerk to her or anything, be nice and casual and just start making yourself unavailable. You definitely need to stop the physical stuff though, because it's going to eventually lead to resentment either towards her because she won't make up her mind, or her towards you for making her make a rash decision while she can't make up her damn mind. I think that's all I got for you bud, just my two cents from experience.
I spoke to her on the phone and she explained everything. She said she felt scared about our relationship after 5 years and she felt like she was missing out the fun being single hanging out with her friends partying you name it. So she told me before planning to get married with me and have a family she wanted to make sure she could get all of this out of her system before marrying me or moving to the next stage (party life or just having fun) I knew that's where she was coming so I understood her situation. I have no choice but to let her do her thing. She also told me she won't do anything out there like explore sexually or physically with people, just socially and get this single party life out of her system. She is a devoted Christian but yes I understand where you are coming from and she only had sex with me period. So I believe her that she will not do anything stupid. I thought about what you told me and I did have that in mind. I do feel guilty for doing this with her and it does bother me but since she spoke to me about her situation it did help me understand more about her. So she just wants to have fun before getting real serious with me. She is still giving me couple of weeks like two or three more weeks so far. I told her the truth about what happened with sexual and I said its not a good idea to do this while we are on our break, and we should take this break seriously so she can discover herself and spoil her life with fun since she never had it all her life. So again I am letting her have the fun and when she is ready she will let me know. I know this will not take so long cause I already know who she is and her personality, her way of thinking. So I do have confidence she will do OK and she will come back to me cause she told me she wants to have a family with me she wants to marry me but not now. What do you think about this conversation I had with her.Quote:
Originally Posted by CanIBuyAClue
In all honesty, I think she is playing you for a fool. I don't mean that to be condescending towards you, because I've been this same fool because I was wearing rose colored glasses because I was totally in love with her. I try to give advice on here based on what I've experienced first hand.
I know that you totally trust her and have this picture of who she is. I had this same thought about my ex. When we broke up she said that she wanted to be around "people who love God" (because apparently I'm a Satan worshiper or something - It would be hard to find anybody nobler or with a more clear concept of right and wrong than me, what can I say product of good parenting... ) because somehow she felt her life was on the wrong track. We didn't talk for a week or so and then I called her just to see what she was up to and she was telling me how when she went to a girlfriend's pre-wedding party it turned into like an all-night bar hop in a town 30 miles over and she got so wasted that her friends had to help her home and she puked all over the bathroom floor when she got home (she never did anything remotely close to this when we were together). Yeah... that totally sounds like hanging out with people who love God. BULLSH**. Whether she went out and fooled with other dudes, I highly doubt it... but I don't know, and to be honest really don't care. In fact, I wish she would have because it would have been so much easier for me to replace this image of her as an Angel in my mind with her as a total whore. I just feel that she's feeding you this same bullsh**.
What she is telling you is that she doesn't feel like she can have fun WITH YOU?? What is that all about? Loving couples love spending time with each other, and have all kinds of fun. She should feel like she can go out with her girlfriends while still being together with you - If she did truly love you. Needing to have fun and be single is BS. Sounds like she just got comfortable with you and doesn't want it anymore but she's afraid to cut you off completely because then she's in unknown territory. Bottom line is she could still be together with you and go out with her girlfriends and even talk to other guys if she is only interested in just meeting new friends and personalities on a total platonic level. She doesn't want that because she will totally go to a romantic level with a new guy that she meets the second she finds somebody who catches her eye. Since she's on a break with you, if she does fool around with some dude she's not a cheating whore in her mind.
I'm not trying to be a jerk here, it's just that over the past 6 months I've gained this incredible sixth sense of spotting BULLSH** from girls ;) So all in all, I guess my final advice is to keep contact to an absolute minimum, if not completely instituting NC. I think that you need to start preparing yourself for that fact that it is over completely and start moving on. If she does tell you it's over then you're already a good ways into the healing process. If she comes back to you and wants to get back together, then you can make that decision from a much better position emotionally for yourself.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:07 PM. |