I hope that you will take this to heart.

All of these emotions, whether they hurt or not, makes us who we are. One day in the not so distant future, you will look back on this and think that it was ridiculous for you to waste your time and feelings for someone so selfish. But it is all part of the healing process.

You will meet someone who you are meant to be with, and then you will be happy. Just hang on until then.

I wish you the best of luck.

Happy Holidays!

One thing I notice a lot is after a break up, you begin to find out who your true friends really are.

Stay focused on your work and it doesn't hurt to start looking for other jobs, especially if you get a better offer somewhere else. If you can't find anything, at least you're still making progress in the healing process, so it's a win-win.

Sounds like you're doing much better, keep it up!

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I don't know what to say about the situation. He was a jerk, I realize that because he left me for someone else. I just don't understand why I'm still bothered by it. It's been 8 months of no contact. I just want to stop thinking about it. Any thoughts?

So what is going on in your life, that makes him bubble up to the surface again?? Something has triggered those feelings, so what is it? Did you break No Contact??

Are you keeping busy and having an active social life?

Distract your thoughts when he pops up in your mind.

Maybe look at this another way.

You have been saved! Because of the real person he is, he managed to see someone else, in the same place you worked, and carry on a relationship with her, testing to the waters to see if it would work, and then let you go, when he thought it would work with her. He has subjected himself to showing his true colours, and the gossip is happening because of that. Who can take a man like that seriously with any respect whatsoever, not to mention his boss, party B, who has the scruples of a gutter snake.

Can you imagine that he really is the type of man who would have an affair if it suited him. What if the relationship had gone on for five or ten years, and you had a couple of children together, a mortgage 2 car payments, and bills up the wazoo.

He is a serial liar. To you, and the 'other' woman, and God only knows how many before the two of you. He didn't lie just once, innocently and say, "Oh gee, sorry, I forgot to tell you that my mother (who is blind, and in a wheelchair with a flat tire) will be visiting tomorrow for three weeks.

He kept up this mask he wears, which belies the person behind it.

That he found the gutter snake to be equally appealing, despite obvious lack of morals and scruples, further adds to his dented and twisted sense of loyalty, honesty, and respect that he was so arrogant as to think everybody bought it.

Think seriously about the type of person he is. What he really did was inadvertently give you a gift- your freedom! He came right out and said what type of person he was (and is) and allowed you to run to the nearest exit. He not only said what type of person he was, he showed you- full frontal baby!!

I would hope that I would have the courage to see him for what he is, although I totally understand your feelings of hurt and betrayal. I would love to see you look at him through practical eyes, and realize, that you are the winner here.

Can you ask to move to a different shift? If you can, that may help without you having to quit your job.

Relationships at work are tough, especially when everything hits the fan. If I were you, I'd just ask to move to a different time schedule... Or maybe a different dpt completely. Prove to yourself that this guy isn't going to wreck you. It seems like he's not even bothering you, which is a good thing. Just let him live his life, and you live yours.

Break ups are never easy, especially when you see the other person moving on and being happy. But you can too! You just need to put the past behind you. Realize what happened, and move on. You'll be happier in the end. :)

Thanks for your replies. I realize that he was a snake and that I am well rid of him. You're right fortunately we did not spend too much time together, so I'm grateful for that. I guess what's really bothering me is that I feel like I haven't quite gotten "myself" back. I do want a relationship, and I understand that can only happen when I get happy and comfortable with myself again. Not that I'm miserable, I've come a long way. I learned through this process that I have a lot to be grateful for. I have some awesome friends, a new job... It's not him that I miss, or the relationship with him, I miss who I was before this happened. I just feel like I lost a little bit of confidence from this whole process, and I want it back!

Keep working on rebuilding your selfconfidence,and get to know new people.

You'll get there!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by rainlover

Thanks for your replies. I realize that he was a snake and that I am well rid of him. You're right fortunately we did not spend too much time together, so I'm grateful for that. I guess what's really bothering me is that I feel like I haven't quite gotten "myself" back. I do want a relationship, and I understand that can only happen when I get happy and comfortable with myself again. Not that I'm miserable, I've come a long way. I learned through this process that I have alot to be grateful for. I have some awesome friends, a new job...It's not him that I miss, or the relationship with him, I miss who I was before this happened. I just feel like I lost a little bit of confidence from this whole process, and I want it back!

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That's a really good point about that feeling of 'losing yourself' in the relationship. That happens sometimes when you give too much of yourself, and expect too little in return from your partner. Eventually, it's the lifestyle, and when the union comes to an end, it is a struggle to get your footing back.

It's the same when you have babies. All of a sudden you realize you haven't had an adult conversation in so long you can't remember. Your entire focus is on the baby, and before you know it, you realize you haven't seen your girlfriends in a couple of months, your hair is a mess, and you know all the words to every lullabye ever written!

It's hard to push yourself out that door when your lifestyle changes for whatever reason. Anyone who has ever lost a job feels the same way. A good chunk of the social life is wrapped around the people at work.

Time goes by so fast that you realize you haven't thought of yourself in a very long time.

Think of it as an opportunity to re-define who you are, what you want out of this life, and a means to do things that you've put off, like a vacation, buying a bike, getting a dog, whatever it happens to be.

It will take time, but that you have already recognized that loss, you can start rebuilding it again.

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So it's been a long time, almost a year since the break up and I saw my ex's new girlfriend (the one he cheated on me with) walking down my street. I was caught off guard and so was she. We exchanged looks then she looked straight ahead and smiled, I laughed. I knew I'd run into one or both of them at some point, but really? In front of my house? Is this a hostile act on her part? How do I handle this?

You already handled it.

Keep living your life and let them be.

Its done, just let it go.