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-   -   LDR needs space (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=420542)

  • Dec 1, 2009, 10:38 AM
    Devorameira

    Have you ever considered that she may just be a really nice person who doesn't want to be in a long distance relationship, but doesn't want to hurt you either? If I were you I would just back away and not contact her at all. If she happens to show up on her own, then you two need to sit down and have a long talk about whether a long distant relationship will work and the expectations you have for each other (dating others, etc.).

    Good luck!
  • Dec 1, 2009, 04:42 PM
    bdogthahog

    Well just have to wait till I hear from her if I do. The more this goes on the more I'm not as hung up as I was. Until she gets a boyfriend then watch me go crazy lol j/k. It's a cliché but time heals all wounds
  • Dec 1, 2009, 11:19 PM
    bdogthahog

    No contact for a third day in a row, only status update I can give.
  • Dec 1, 2009, 11:23 PM
    vanheart

    Stop biting your nails.
    Focus on something else.

    If she responds & wants to meet, then ask about you two & intentions.

    If not, then roll & chalk it up to some fun times...

    Be concerned about what your status is.
  • Dec 1, 2009, 11:27 PM
    bdogthahog

    Oh I am, I mean I working out hardcore everyday and still working for my goals, but it would just be icing on the cake to hear from her. I'm not letting it stop me but its hard not to think of her during the periods in my day when I have nothing to do, before bed etc...
  • Dec 1, 2009, 11:34 PM
    vanheart

    You don't need the icing.
    The cake tastes just fine.

    Don't worry. Expectations can kill us.
    Relax.

    Don't wait to validate something. If she wants you, she will let you know.

    Let her figure it & by you not giving a crap.

    Cause soon, you won't give a crap.
  • Dec 1, 2009, 11:40 PM
    bdogthahog

    You are right, everyday I get less and less jumpy about this, I guess maybe because of this site and just venting and getting feed back. It helps when people give honest opinions and want to help
  • Dec 1, 2009, 11:46 PM
    vanheart

    Ya, I know.

    But you have to face reality.
    This wasn't even a true relationship.

    Sounds to me like some nice, intimate times that you may have built up in your head as something else.

    Has she said "I can't wait another second to see you, fly here tomorrow, I can't stop thinking about you, I want you to be my man..etc etc..."??

    Take it from me. LDR for 5 years. Nice one huh? Pathetic actually.
  • Dec 2, 2009, 12:34 AM
    bdogthahog

    Nothing pathetic about it. Its just life.

    Yeah she would tell me how excited she was to see me, how excited she wanted to come here, how she wanted me to cuddle with her, to hold her hand again etc... Then an complete stop, that's why I think its more of her being scared and making excuses than no feelings, because when we were together she would grab my hand, kiss me, rub my arm etc... be all over me you know, and laugh a lot have lots of fun. If I was doing this LDR and it was just OK or things never took off I would not be like this. BUt just the sudden reverse dove me crazy
  • Dec 2, 2009, 08:18 PM
    vanheart

    Yeah, she WOULD/DID tell you, but not now.

    Actions vs. words. My ex told me lots of things. But...

    All of those moments are nice & we all need that, but that's in the past.

    Now is now.

    Focus on something else. Something good, not something frustrating & painful.

    That sudden reverse is for a reason. Just be cool, & don't contact.
  • Dec 2, 2009, 11:44 PM
    bdogthahog

    Status update, nothing to report haha. Not holding my breath just thought I wuld let you all know if something happens. I worked 13 hours today so didn't have much time to thinki about it which was good
  • Dec 3, 2009, 12:26 AM
    vanheart

    Glad your laughing
  • Dec 3, 2009, 11:43 AM
    bdogthahog

    ugh having a bad day today, wanting to text her but Im not going too. She is still my facebooks friend and hate her random posts about her life that keep popping up. I think I should take her down from my page
  • Dec 3, 2009, 11:46 AM
    vanheart

    Yes you should right away.
    That will torture you.
  • Dec 3, 2009, 11:59 AM
    amicon

    Take her down straight away-and delete her number if you haven't already.and look forward to good days.
  • Dec 3, 2009, 12:12 PM
    I wish
    Quote:

    Originally Posted by bdogthahog View Post
    ugh having a bad day today, wanting to text her but Im not going too. She is still my facebooks friend and hate her random posts about her life that keep popping up. I think I should take her down from my page

    Yep! No need to have unnecessary extra suffering.

    The ball is on her side of the court. She will find you if she wants to talk. You've already done your part. So if she doesn't find you, you'll know that she's no longer interested and you can move on with your life.

    I know that you're in NC, but you're also waiting for her to contact you. So I caution you not to set your hopes to high for her, because you will be setting yourself up for disappointment.

    You're doing great, but it looks very bleak and you shouldn't have to put your life on hold for someone.
  • Dec 3, 2009, 01:17 PM
    bdogthahog

    Thanks wish, yeah I'm talking to a couple of girls right now, neither relationship material if you know what I mean but I don't think I want one right now after all of this so just going to have "fun" for a bit. The only reason I'm so dumb about this one is I have been single for 3 years and dated a lot, so finally found someone I thought I connected with and it didn't work out, the way it didn't work out bothers me the most I guess, the sudden end
  • Dec 3, 2009, 09:23 PM
    vanheart

    Its OK, the right one hasn't found you yet.

    What's really important here is knowing who you are & learning.

    Discovering the things & qualities that are most important.

    Chalk this one up as some nice times & move on to nicer ones with people that truly care & are together enough.

    People come & go in our lives. That's reality. As much as we expect & care.

    You will know when its right. Work on being. Work on yourself & not being too concerned about the next love.

    That will surely happen, most likely when you least expect it.
  • Dec 7, 2009, 10:27 AM
    bdogthahog

    So she finally texted me back. She said that she just doesn't want to talk right now because she doesn't know what she wants and does not want to give me false hopes if she she decides she can't do this. I wrote her back saying I think that you have a bunch of issues you have to deal with and sorry you have made this choice , and I thought you would have handled this better but Im over it and do whatever you need to do but Im moving on
  • Dec 7, 2009, 10:45 AM
    vanheart

    At least now you know.

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