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It is not a we decision. It is not her decision it was your decision that would make things easier for you. It's a cop out.
You know what, you need to do what you think is best but it is already looking like your family will control your life and your marriage.
Good luck you need it.
It's all or nothing with your family isn't it. No compromise, no understanding, no boundaries of decency toward you or your intended. I find their actions boorish, rude, and unnecessary, no matter what religion they use as an excuse.
While there are religious considerations, it should be understood that what you choose, is what you choose. Not up for discussion, ridicule, or ultimatums.
Your brother is way out of line, and your mother is way out of line. They both need to step back and come to their senses, or lose you.
First unless it is our culture I don't see why you are waiting a year or two, you either want to marry her or not
And in the end, no one is going to change their minds at this point.
As for her changing religion for someone else, well NO, no way , no how. Relgions is a belief and not something you change like hair color. She either believes or she does not.
And children can be shown or taught both and they can decide latter thierself
Yeah, she is only changing to make things easier, but we will teach both religions to children... this is not an issue
The issue is about walking out when they told me to choose... I know I did the right thing by not choosing (but by not choosing it means that I chose my gf), but the question is "what now?"
Is it my families next move? Should I contact them and try to say that there is no reason for us to not be a fmaily, and they should respect my life, etc? Will they call, and if they do then what?
Sorry for all the questions, its just I feel really strange since last night... a feeling of I know I did the right thing, but an empty gut feeling in my stomach
Would you be comfortable letting them just be, to think about what they have said. No phone calls initiated by you, and if they initiate a phone call, tell them you do not wish to talk about it at this time.
You can't win a conversation where you tell them you want respect from them, and to let you live your live, and make your own choices.
If I were on the other side of the fence, and realized that you are not contacting me (mom or brother), I'd be thinking I've pushed you too far, and I'd be worried that may drive you away forever.
Nothing can be resolved at this point. You've made up your mind, and have been quite clear about it. They are unhappy with your decision, and they too are quite clear about that.
My advice to you is to work on your relationship; no doubt, because your intended has been the 'cause' of all this angst within your family, she is going to need reassurance from you. Try to keep your thougths and opinions on all the 'what if's' on the back burner, and enjoy your life.
When and if you have to deal with this matter again, same song, different verse, same as the first. Short and sweet, no room for compromise.
I mostly always believe that you should not abandon your family over a relationship, but this girl seems to really mean a lot to you.
If you are thinking about marriage, you and your girlfriend need to have a serious talk about your culture and religion, then decide how these would factor into the lives of your future kids. That would be an important issue for your parents.
The only other advice I can really give you is to try to talk to your parents and explain your feelings towards your girlfriend. Tell them how much she means to you and that you wish they would be happy for you instead of interfere. Tell then that she respects your culture and religion and would never take that away from your future children. Just have a mature responsible conversation with them to try to make them see your side, and hear their side of things. There may be a way around all this.
If they won't accept her, you are going to have to follow your heart. Good luck!
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Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.
You made the wrong decision. By not choosing the so called love of your life. What your doing is saying that their behavior towards you and your girlfriend is all right and you will let them ruin the marriage at any chance you give them.
By not making a decision and standing up for your girlfriend shows that your not truly a man and that you're a mama boy that can not make any decisions for yourself.
The dynamic between partners, and in laws can be very stressful sometimes, but some clear actions on your part, are what gets you through the obstacles. No decision you make will make everyone happy, but for now, you and the partner your working with have to be on the same page, and let everyone else adjust to that. If they choose to of course.
We can't control how others act, or react, but we have control over what we do, so I think you, and your partner build a life together, and let everyone else do as they choose to.
I am almost 34 years old. I have been in many complicated situations. Do you think that I am just throwing f-cking ideas out of my hat. No, I am not. It is from experience. You want to learn the hard way and that is fine. You have everybody giving you the same advice. All across the board mind you in many different ways, and you still do not get it.
So that is fine you disagree with me but I am a 3rd person going by what was said in this whole thread. The fact are the facts.
You do not want to hear it and you prefer your life to be easy by changing your wife, and trying to please everyone, it is just going to get into bigger issues until finally your marriage will be over.
That my friend will be your fault not mine. Just because you are trying to keep your parents happy when you should be a big boy making your own decisions in life without mommy and daddy and family. That is fact.
Good luck to you, I hope everything works out for you.
Joe
Dude, she is changing willingly... she ALSO thinks it is easier to raise kids in one religion so that they won't be confused... we can teach about both... I isn't forcing anything, in fact it was HER idea... we both willingly want this
Who said I'm doing it for my parents? Yes, maybe it will make them come around easier, but despite this, they still don't want me marrying her!
The other big issue is a difference in culture/nationality/etc... and that is smthg no one can change
They don't want her because of religion AND culture difference.. not one reason alone... so even if she changed religions, it still wouldn't be enough for them
The religion change is mostly for our kids... and I told them straight: I love her culture, and if you can't accept that, then too bad... hence the walking out of the room
And my only concern now is just regardng how my relationship with my family will be... I have decided I want to stay with my girlfriend till marriage... but should that prevent me or my family from having some sort of relationship?
Why should who I am in a relationship with, affect our family? They should be my family no matter what! It is ridiculous this "i have to choose" thing
Anyway, we'll see... but I am reassuring my girlfriend and enjoying our lives and trying to not make her feel like any of this is her fault, because it isn't
If your parents are treating you and your girlfriend the way they are and you plan on making your girlfriend your wife then yes the choosing thing is important. Your not going to be spending the rest of your life with your family you will be spending the rest of your life with your wife.
The only reason why I have commented so much on this thread is because I have experience in this area, and believe me depending on the situation family will come around but in the mean time you need to be a man.
She is not changing willingly she is changing for you and your family to be accepted. That is not right or fair.
Calling me dude, because you do not get it. Well I am no dude. Just somebody that is trying to knock some sense into you before you make a mess out of your whole life and marriage before you even get started.
EDIT: By the way, Never said anything about it being your girlfriends fault. Even if feels that way, she should not. It has to do with you and how you deal with your family. I would put the blame squarely on you for not standing up for her.
I think that JesusHelper thinks that this will eventually end up with you having to make a choice. Not only that, but you must stand firm, and let them come around, not the other way around.
I cannot imagine having a relationship with such a wedge put in it by your family. I agree that you shouldn't have to change, but I also think that as ridiculous as it seems, you may very well have to choose.
I think it would be very awkward and difficult for your intended to attend family gatherings and pretend everything is okay, when clearly it isn't.
You're an adult,you make your own choices and you and your girlfriend are the ones who should,together,decide whether you want to get married and ,hopefully, spend the rest of your lives together.
Obviously your family are entitled to their opinions,but that's all they should be,opinions. If they give ultimatums.you need to be very firm with them.
As for your gf's changing her faith -how important is her own religion to her?
Enough about the religion issue... that is not my concern... me and my girlfriend are in agreement about this... thats what counts
After 3 days of no contact, my mom sends me a message saying "shame on you...you're choosing a girl over your family...you're not the boy i raised...better you forget about us," etc.
So I replied" shame on me? you're making me choose between 2 ppl who make me happy..i dont accept being in this situation..we should be a family no matter what, at least that is my opinion....i have no anger in my heart, and i hope one day you can understand me..love always, your son."
No reply... and I feel better for it... now the ball is in their court, and I'm going to move on and concentrate on my girl
How can we forget about the religion issue? That's that title of your thread, the whole premise on which this thread is based on, religion, culture and nationality.Quote:
Originally Posted by tabbarat
If you're willing to give up your family for this girl then so be it. It's sad that they won't accept her as a part of the family. It's really sad that they are disowning you because of her and her beliefs.
Why do people believe in organized religion again? Tell me, because this doesn't sound like it's worth it to me.
Yes I would if the person have respict and love a yes you can learn more about other culture
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