You have told him before about how you feel and he shrugged it off, sounds like he does not take you too seriously. Make sure he does. This will be a test.
Good luck.
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You have told him before about how you feel and he shrugged it off, sounds like he does not take you too seriously. Make sure he does. This will be a test.
Good luck.
Don't let his looks fool you.
... possibly.. . do guys "test" girls..
... I may post this question on the main thread... but I don't test girls... and most of my buddies don't "test" girls...
Maybe girls think we test you guys because YOU guys test us..
**UPDATE**
So I mentioned to my boyfriend that I don't want us to live together unless we are married. I thought for sure he would be a deal breaker but in a complete turn of events he tells me that we should get married! At first I thought it was a joke, I laughed but he had a poker face. I told him sometime in the future we've only been together for about eight months. He says that he is ready to settle down with a woman who he loves and trust and said that I have all the qualities he's been looking for. I have no doubt in my mind that he is a good man who would treat me very well but I don't know if he just saying these things because he thinks its what I want to hear or if he really means it. Our relationship has been a rocky one just a little while ago, he went away for three months and its like he's on this high. He wants me to meet his family asap. If all these things he's saying is true that scares me because although I would like to get married someday, I don't want it to be before 2009 like he suggests.
Please give me insight on this, I know he cares for me but he's moving way too fast and its making me nervous.
He's 37, you're 31 and madly in love that's why he's clouded.
There are a lot of things still needs to be considered in marriage like compatibility of personality & beliefs, quirks, who's who, money, kids from previous marriage, career, properties etc.
What's with the hurry by the way?
No choice but just be honest and stand by on your word.
Don't let his poker face get to you...Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovelee
Eight months relationship is not a long time; the age gap is not that bad~
My wife and I lived together a while, a year, before we got married, but... and you never know, but, we thought we would in fact get married. We did. Without going into the morality of it or whether it's good for you longer term or not, I hear (read) you saying no, not until you're married. Please, tell him, in the words you typed, no fewer and no more, "The only way we live together is if we get married. " if that is what you really want to convey to him, and don't be shy about it. There's nothing wrong with it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovelee
Quote:
Originally Posted by ylaira
His father passed away recently and he adopted this "hold on to everything precious" attitude. He mentioned to me that life is too short to waste time, and if you know what you want in life why not get it now. He told me that he is 37 and is finally ready to settle down, something he thought he could never do before. In terms of money, we both make a pretty decent living. He has a teenage daughter who he adores and personality? Well lets just say its never a dull moment with us. I am still a little suspicious though. Men aren't usually the ones crazy about marriage.
What a dilemma, slowing down a runaway train. There is no hurry to do anything, except get to know each other, and see is there a possibility for the next level. After 8 months the attraction is still intense but has not stood the test of time, nor has it convinced you to even change your stance, so sit back, and buckle up, and see how he acts.
If it ain't no fun now, I doubt if marriage will help!
Take your time. He just lost his father and is looking at things from a different level.
8 months is not a long time and it's been a rocky time at that. Get to know one another. He needs to work through his grief before he can even think about a marriage he had not thought about previously.
Take your time!
Homegirl is right, he thinks getting married will fill the whole in his soul after his loss, he needs time to heal, and get healthy again.
Recently I posted the topic "my boyfriend wants us to live together" and now I am here again with other stress like issues.
Background information-Bf came back after 3 months on this high talking about how we should live together and getting married and all that. I thought everything was going very well for us but I find that problems are arising again and its really starting to PMO.
He has been back for about two weeks now and we have yet to spend any real together. I was stood up four times since and I've gotten no apologies just empty promises. Then when I try to call him the phone is off or he lets it ring out. Last night when I finally got him on the phone he yelled at me for me getting upset that he avoided all day! This morning he calls apologizing for yelling saying that he is under a lot of stress and that he would like to see me today. When I tried calling him just a little while ago his phone is off yet again! He works seriously like 16 hours a day and is too tired and busy to see me regularly. I have spoken to him until I'm blue in the face. All I hear is how much he wants to be with me, how much he loves me and all of that nonsens, yet I really don't see it. How can I believe this man wants to marry me if he can't even spare one hour over the weekend. I don't want to be unreasonable here but if you can't spend any time with me whatsoever then please tell me so. I have too many other issues dealing with then to hold on to a neglectful boyfriend.
I just want to know this, how can you claim you want to be with someone so much yet can't spare a minute of your time with me, I don't even ask for much, just one little hour over the weekend. This is unexceptable, and his avoiding me after I get stood up is just making matters worse for him... please somebody help me decide what to do because I just about ready to give up.
He's showing you that his job and free time are more important than you, listen to him. There has been background issues already, he gets angry with you when he's to blame. Move on. Find someone that thinks you are worth his time. And don't let him tell you that he works too much to see you. That's BS. I have three jobs, my boyfriend has two and goes to school. We see each other every night.
Sounds like you two are incompatible because as Chihuahuamomma said his priorities are not with you and you want somebody that is there for you on an emotional and psychical level. Tell him that if he can't find time through the week and weekend for you you see no reason to continue in the relationship. Talking until you are blue in the face is NOT the answer. You should realize that is not an option by now because that can actually drive a guy into avoiding you.
Perhaps you guys are right. I am not the type of person to hold on to something that is not working out. The thing is he tells me he wants to be with me and all that but actions speak louder then words. I cannot do this anymore.
Ok so my boyfriend calls me this morning wanting me to come over by his house so we can "spend time together". When I enter he asks me what's wrong, so of course I told him how upset I am that he cannot put forth enough time for me. Immediately gets defensive and told me if I need to go then come back I should. I told him if I go then I'm not coming back. He then says "fine go, I'm not forcing you to be here." Then I start walking toward the door then he runs over to block it asking me not to leave... shortly after one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. Afterwards I just start crying like a fool. He comes over gives me a hug and apologizes for not making time. He offered to cancel all his appointments for me but I told him not to as I had to go back to work. He walked me to my car and I sped off without a word. When I arrived back in office I see this huge bouquet from him saying he's sorry. Now I don't know what to do again.
See if he makes the necessary changes but keep your guard up somewhat until you see where he is going with this. He very well could love you enough to make changes. Just make sure they are for real lasting changes and not just enough to get you hooked back on him.
Its not unreasonable at all, his actions are.Quote:
I don't want to be unreasonable here but if you can't spend any time with me whatsoever then please tell me so. I have too many other issues dealing with then to hold on to a neglectful boyfriend.
KICK HIM TO THE CURB, and move ahead with your life and stop wasting your time on a flake who is in a hurry to go NOWHERE.Quote:
This is unacceptable, and his avoiding me after I get stood up is just making matters worse for him... please somebody help me decide what to do because I just about ready to give up.
You said it yourself. Actions speak louder than words. See what his actions tell you. If he keeps up the attention, that's one thing, but if he starts to put you at anything besides number 1 on his list of priorities, that is SO telling. Good luck.
I'll take the laid back approach for now, if he wants me he will find me. Already today he called me several times and wants to have dinner so I wonder how long it will last.
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