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I have to spread the rep, but here's a greenie. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
Cat is right. We went by what you told us.
Bottom line, if she loves you, wants to be with you, why is she with someone else? Why doesn't she dump him and date you?
Why?
Enquiring minds want to know.
I agree with everyone's advice. You are clearly not over your ex. The girl you dated after your ex was just a fling, a rebound. She is just using you to easer her pain. She is dating someone else. Why not have an extra piece on the side? Also, how does her current boyfriend feel about you, an ex, spending time with her? Obviously she is not happy with neither of you.
Ps. Don't be rude to those who give advice. They have nothing to gain and are just volunteers offering their time and thoughts to answer a question you posted. Be respectful. If you don't like the truth, don't ask the question.
That makes it unanimous as that's what we think your doing.Quote:
Seems to me like you people are thinking way to hard about how she actually feels.
Why do I always have to spread the rep?Quote:
Originally Posted by talaniman
Stop saying so many accurate things Tal! ;)
Anyway, I agree, here's your greenie. :D
Uh Yea.. reading peoples answers you all seem to be heartless, you're all either bitter or are in a relationship and forgot how hard it can be to someone who loves another and is having difficulties. Lighten the f**ck up & stay out of the romance department.
P.s don't tell someone to just simply "move on" as if it's like drinking water... (not as easy as you make it seem)
Or "get over it"
Heartless? No.Quote:
Originally Posted by itsamor
Bitter? No.
I haven't forgotten how hard it is to get your heart broken, been there, done that. That's why I give the advice that I do, that's why we all give the advice that we do.
Live a few more years, go through a few more break ups, then you'll see the pattern. Heck, just stick around here for a while and then you'll see it without having to go through it.
As for lightening the up, watch you mouth.
As for staying out of the romance department, if you want to run the site, then buy it, or start your own. As is, you cannot dictate who answers and who doesn't.
The OP got very valuable advice, now he's giving us attitude, when he's the one that asked the question to begin with.
No Contact is the way to go. No, it's not easy, but it is necessary.
Maybe you're willing to lie to him, but I'm not.
Yes NO CONTACT is a good way to go, But people should more so give him ways to go about it. Such as... picking up a new hobby, going out to meet new people (don't get hopes up early cause your most likely not going to fall in love with another for a long time) but don't let that fact make you stick to your past love. But he seems to go to school with this girl so no contact might be rather hard.
The big question to the OP is... Why did she break up with you? And if he doesn't know maybe he needs to figure that out for closure and better understanding.
No way do you forget getting dumped, it lingers forever, no matter how well you handled it. But instead of jumping on those who are trying to help with the truth, how about some helpful pearls of wisdom from you since you know more than the rest of us and think you can reach out to someone who is so carried away by his emotions, that he can't see straight.Quote:
Originally Posted by itsamor
Go ahead its your turn to do something besides criticize!! Shhheesh!
itsamor, I think you and Charger both need to hear this. I never tell someone to 'move on' as though it is easy to do. There is always a part of me that wishes I could I find a way to tell the person, 'it will all work out.' However, I have to be realistic when I give advice to someone whether it is on-line or in my living room. It would be unethical of me to give false hope when the person asking for advice says that his ex is ignoring him.Quote:
Originally Posted by itsamor
In my second post on this thread, I mentioned No Contact. If Charger had been open to discussing ways of going forward, I would be more than willing to sit here and give him as much support as I can. I still am. However, he has to want to hear the truth before he can even think about the methods for letting her go.
Bottom line is that he can't find the person who really cares about him and shows it until he walks away from Michelle and her games. No magic wands. No easy answers. LOTS of pain and hurt. A lot of baggage to destroy before trying to find a new girlfriend.
Okay I understand I was being rude and I just want to say I'm sorry. It was wrong of me and thank you for the advice. Despite the fact that I love this girl, all I really wanted was to get my best friend back. Sorry if I seem rude here but I wasn't going to go for the "no contact" advice. But now I have her falling for me again and she's been ignoring her boyfriend. Why she hasn't broken up with him yet is strange to me. I believe she's still confused about it all and a sudden change in feelings I don't know. Anyway if she won't leave him for me or keeps playing me for a fool then yes, the no contact will come into play.
Maybe you're confused about why we suggest no contact. Here's the breakdown:
1) She ALREADY KNOWS that you still love her.
2) She has a NEW BOYFRIEND.
3) Continuously talking to her gives you FALSE HOPE and makes you OVER-ANALYZE all her actions.
This is very unhealthy for you. If you want to continue to suffer, no one is going to stop. You can talk to her as much as you want. You can continue over-analyzing all the details and fall for the demon of false hope.
But if you decide one day that you want to stop torturing yourself. Then we suggest that you go with no contact.
No contact is a tool to help you recover from the break up. No one is forcing you to use this tool. Some people don't even use it to get over their ex. But you should know that no contact is always available and very effective in helping you heal.
Once you've healed properly, you will be more objective about the situation and will be in a better position to approach the situation.
If you were meant to be friends, a period of no contact isn't going to stop you from being friends. But at least after no contact, you will be in a better position to build a friendship because all the emotional dust will have settled down.
Apologies if we were sarcastic or off putting in return. Bottom line is we'd all like to save you from torturing yourself. At this point, I think you know what kind of answers you're going to receive on this site. It's because we've all been there, done that or seen similar scenarios play out with other people. Of course there are no hard and fast rules to how relationships can go (much as it often sounds like it here). The only things I can say for certain is that it's very difficult to act level heading when you're in the thick of it, and that most happy relationships don't seem to have these kind of back and forth elements. That's not to say there aren't plenty of long lasting relationships that do have them, because there are, but I don't know that I'd describe them as healthy. It becomes a question of whether you want that in your life.
What you may not be getting is that regardless of whether either of you consciously knows it, by being with her in whatever form at this point you are tacitly telling each other that this arrangement is okay and can continue.
I wish summed it up. No Contact lets all that stuff clouding your judgment settle, and then you're able to see and act more clearly. It will not be easy. Doing the right thing rarely is.
Just for the record shhe doesn't know that I love her. If anything she can only assume that I do.
And just one more question. Michelle says that things have been going good with her boyfriend yet she has been ignoring him for the most part. What does this mean since I know her and I having been together most of the time?
Did you ever consider this is your part of the cycle? What I mean is a few weeks back he got all of her attention and you were left out... now your getting the attention and he's left out. There just never seems to be a definite move one way or the other. Some like to say, "Having their cake and eating it too."
It means that she was bored with him and wanted to mess with someone else's emotions. If you want to get hurt then play into her games, if you don't want to get hurt then start No Contact and move on.Quote:
Originally Posted by chargerssuck101
Everyone here is giving you great advice, PROVEN SUCCESSFUL advice. You choose to ignore it, so what happens you asked for.
If you keep wanting to suffer, then we're not going to stop you.
If you want to continue to over-analyze everything, we're not going to stop you.
If you want to fall for the demon of false hope, then we're not going to stop you.
If you want to continue to grieve, we're not going to stop you.
If you still think that you have a chance, then keep putting your life on hold and wait for her to come around.
But if you want to open up your eyes and realize that:
1) If she still cared about you, then she wouldn't be with a new guy.
2) If she still cared about you, she wouldn't mess around with your mind. Especially after a 3 year relationship, you must have had a good communication system, you wouldn't have to guess so much.
3) If she cared about you, she wouldn't risk losing you by making you to put your life on hold.
4) You've become her backup plan, because while she's experimenting with this other guy, she knows that you're her safety net in case it fails.
5) If you want to begin healing, start with no contact.
Remember, you're not forced to do anything. It's your CHOICE.
You have already said that she knows.Quote:
Originally Posted by chargerssuck101
Charger, do you know the difference between loving some one and being in love with someone?
I never said she knew. I wrote I believe that she know. And please what is the difference between loving and in love with someone since it's a matter of opinion.Quote:
Originally Posted by Cat1864
Get here back. I know what your going through its rough but if you fight hard enough you'll get her back. I promise you. But she can't see what your not telling her darlin/ you have to tell her.:D
Loving someone is caring about them like a relative or friend.Quote:
Originally Posted by chargerssuck101
Being in love with someone is more of how you feel about a mate or lover.
You love your brother, but you are in love with your spouse.
I really hope that someday you find a woman who can hold up her half of a relationship with you. I think you are a great guy who deserves to be happy, in love, and content in a relationship. I just don't see that happening with Michelle.
I will be honest if Michelle were the one asking what to do, I would be telling her to go No Contact with both of you and find out who she is and what she wants before she gets into another relationship. If she is confused, she isn't helping herself get off the merry-go-round as long as she keeps holding on to both of you. Even if she did choose, I don't think it would be long before another male came into the equation. At best, she is looking for something and not finding it with both of you. She needs to find whatever it is inside herself.
You deserve a mate who knows what she wants and can find happiness, love and contentment with you and only you.
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