I know that's why I'm trying to avoid her as much as I can. But she keeps on sending me messages. Apologizing and trying to say excuses for what she did. And it irks me even more because I know for a fact that what she's saying are lies. She's apologizing with lies. For 3 straight days already.

She is trying to make herself feel better, when you ackonowledge and tell you accept her apology you would have given her what she wants. You must not do that.
I remember when my ex broke up with me, she felt that guilt inside and would try and communicate here and there just to ease that guilt... and like a fool I would respond. Don't so the same mistake. I see it clearly now because I can think rationally... do not cave in to that

This thing is so over, so just walk away from it, and cut all ties. It sucks when break ups happen for any reason, but No Contact whatsoever is your solution, even though that will suck too, but at least it will get you beyond all those feelings in time, and you will accept the fact that life has to keep going forward.

She's the one feeling guilty now and she's trying to make herself feel better by apologizing to you.

Change your phone number if you have to. Talking to her would just add to the confusion and prolong the healing process.

Review and stick to the no contact rules in the sticky section.

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Originally Posted by talaniman

This thing is so over, so just walk away from it, and cut all ties. It sucks when break ups happen for any reason, but No Contact whatsoever is your solution, even though that will suck too, but at least it will get you beyond all those feelings in time, and you will accept the fact that life has to keep going forward.

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Yeah I realized that this so over also. I know that she's just trying to rid herself of the guilt. I forgave her already and she did it again by just being really insensitive the other day. She kept on cursing and shouting at me because I was pretty much messed up by the fact that we broke up and she's mad because I show it. The next day she apologizes to me, again. But it was all lies, some of her friends even had the nerve to get pissed at me even though they know their friend cheated on me.

Past couple of days, she's been sending me messages and email. I really got ticked off with one of her emails saying that she's praying for me so I will learn how to forgive. She has the nerve to tell me that after what she did. She should be praying for herself.

But I still maintained nc I just sucked it all in.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Ithappenstoall

She is trying to make herself feel better, when you ackonowledge and tell you accept her apology you would have given her what she wants. You must not do that.
I remember when my ex broke up with me, she felt that guilt inside and would try and communicate here and there just to ease that guilt.....and like a fool I would respond. Don't so the same mistake. I see it clearly now because I can think rationally.... do not cave in to that

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That's all it is huh? Yeah I kind of figured it out, because if she really wants to talk to me, it wouldn't be just like once in a week. She would make effort but it only happens each time she feels guilty.

Her behaviour smacks of ''Attack is the best form of defence'' to me.

Move on.

Without her.

Yeah she would either ask for help or just get mad at me. I don't need that so let her deal with her guilt and ill deal with my own problems. Good thing I'm far away from her, but I'm coming back this December and I'm scared less about what will happen. Should I send her a message for the holidays? If not, if she sends me a message will I reply? Things like that and what if I bump into her should I say anything or just pretend she doesn't exist or should I be plain rude like ask her who the f are you?

I would say no to the texts, holiday wishes etc but if you do see her, a simple nod if anything will suffice. I don't think striking up any kind of conversation would benefit you. Personally, if I were in your position I would simply go ''cold turkey'' and not even acknowledge her, but then that's me :)

I'm thinking of the same thing, I just want her to go crazy with her own guilt. After what she did, I can't even meet some of my friends now because one of them she flirted with.

I still keep thinking about her, each day I get the urge to break nc, I don't know how long I could keep this up. More and more I don't hear from her, the pain keeps getting worse. I just want it to stop.

Its probably the fact that I'm going home for the holidays and I don't know what to expect, its nothing good.

I mean I can also have fun here, but when the time comes that I'm all alone, I feel like there's something missing. And that's the time all the memories of her keep rushing back.

It's normal to feel this way,and you're doing well keeping the NC.
A breakup has several phases,be patient with yourself and try to look forward to days when all this will be behind you.
Keep really busy,now and when you go back for the holidays.

Control your urges, see this sticky and the responses for assistance: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

You're doing great. It's very tough in the beginning. It might get tougher and tougher in the early stages. But once you've reached the tip of the iceburg, it will get easier and easier.

You just need a lot of will power. Come on the site if you feel the urge to break the rules and we'll set you straight.

Don't bail on yourself now. You don't want to start from square one again do you?

Yeah I know the consequences of breaking nc. I also know its useless, but despite knowing all these things, I wonder why I still would want to talk to her.

Nobody has said that its okay for me to talk to her, everybody keeps telling me that someday she'll be the one to talk to me, but that's just wishful thinking.

I can't concentrate on my work also because of this mess.

I always just go online trying to talk to people, so that I could get distracted because she was the person I used to talk to a lot. How I wish I could talk to her now

You need to stay strong for yourself,every day's a step closer to real healing,even if you're feeling down today.

One thing about a break up that becomes obvious really fast, is how poorly we treated ourselves, and how isolated we had become. You have a lot of work to do to rebuild your life, so that your happy without her.

Yeah that's what I'm trying to do, do some stuff that I like. I started to play the guitar and do photography, but sometimes, its just gets so tiring and even more depressing at times because even after doing all these things, I'm still not as happy..

I'm sorry for all the whining I hope you guys won't get tired of my incessant complaining of my situation

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Originally Posted by vicorsus

im sorry for all the whining i hope you guys won't get tired of my incessant complaining of my situation

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Many of us have suffered similar pains that you're going through, which is why we can tell you that with time, it will get easier.

Sounds like you're doing well though. You're picking up hobbies to distract yourself. I'm sorry that you can't have instant results. Time is the key though. It's a good idea to come here to vent or chat with friends, so that you don't have to bottle things up. Cope with it however way you want.

We'll be here!

No worries, we get use to it as many (all) people go through the same thing. Its hard doing other things because we are so use to the intense feelings a good partner brings out in us, and yes it feels good, and hard to replace.

So I just have to get used to the fact that it will be like this for a long time right?