 |
All the emotions you re going through are normal and you only split up a short while ago so you re on you're bound to feel this way for some time-we all do.
Read the newly started thread about rebounds for some advice on finding a new love interest too soon.
Yes going to stay with family and friends is a good idea.
Good luck
Look man,
I really understand your pain and all the questions you are asking yourself is normal. Believe me or not, I probably was in a worse situation when my ex broke out, it was utter shock and thought of killing myself. And I had countless night where I was awake. Nothing is set in stone, you can do whatever you want. If you feel you are lonely, then make the first move, talk to people, random people, be more energetic, be more friendly. People are shy by nature so they will actually love it. Invite people out, join a group or an activity. Do the things you wanted to do for a long time.
yes losing a girl is heartbreaking but then you realize that life has a lot to offer instead of girls. I strongly suggest you go and see family and friends and don't be scared of opening up. BELIEVE ME, life is great is you choose which path to follow.
Also don't listen to keithbrown it seems he only wants to sell something.
Well man today's been up and it's been down... I have really been trying hard to stay busy. It just particularly hard to deal with the whole living with each other thing just like nothing ever happened. She went out today and got her nails done then called me to tell me she was on her way back and that she was going to pick us up some dinner on the way home. I didn't say much just said fine and that was all. She came home and left it on the stove, I ate a little that I could muster up but just isn't hungry these days... the dog was acting up and I hear her say... dear you should just keep the door closed so he don't get into mischief... so that felt pretty awkward... I don't know I struggle through the day with no contact to her or very limited contact but then when we get home she basically just goes into the same ritual that we always have done together and I think that is what hurts the most... I really want to move on cause I know what's ahead for me and just want to get it over and done with, but at the same time know Iam going to miss her like hell when she is gone so am telling myself to basically cherish and treat her like a friend for the very limited time I have left with her. I know the rule... trust me I do... the whole NO CONTACT thing... but Iam not going to try to win her back or anything... I know that would just be disastrous cause she already has broken my heart twice now. It's just soooo difficult living like this, would have been so much easier if it was just a clean break and even if there was anger or something involved. I don't know Iam just bouncing around with emotions. I love her, hate this, want my life back, want to move on but at the same time would give anything to get back to where we were. So very confusing... all the while she remains completely neutral not showing one single emotion just like before... for me... from what I can recall I have never been on that end of the stick before.. to know someone very greatly loved me and I did not love them back at all therefore breaking us up. I don't know if I could handle that burden cause I just have such a big heart.
I just really would like these next couple of weeks to fly by so that I can begin the healing process... It's like this hand of cards I have been dealt is still being played out and I can't get another hand until it is completely gone. Believe me it's not like Iam trying to progress things along. I got my loan today so that I can afford another car and with the extra money I'll be able to move out and hopefully leave this all behind me and make a better life for me. It just feels like everything is taking too long... I don't know it's just so hard to keep busy. I think me typing and getting my feelings out helps and occupies some of my time.
Keep posting here on this site, it will help you vent a bit and it seems you need it. Your situation is very hard but in 2-3 weeks you'll be able to live a much nicer life. You are doing a VERY noble thing (not kicking her out, while you are in tremendous pain) and it is very heartwarming to see people like you.
Are you training every day? It's very important, it will give you the confidence you need. Most importantly, you need to keep yourself busy but whatever mean necessary and the pain will go down day by day.
Just don't crack up, keep it up and stay focused. Soon enough you will be able to live a much fuller life.
The good news is you are in the right place, as these guys, and gals know how you feel, and know what you need, because they have been there too. If you hang in there they will help you through this, just hang around no matter how though it gets. We are only a mouse click away.
Good guys never finish last, and you're a really good guy.
Well today's not been so well. Unfortunately I think yesterday seemed to oddly be so much better and easier. I can barely move off the couch today. I have no appetite, feel sick to my stomach. I can't stop thinking about the past, am blaming myself pretty badly and beating myself up. I know all of this is not good. I know I need to stay focused and try to keep busy but again I feel like I can barely move right now. I been up since 4:30 so have only had a few hours sleep. I had a bad dream about her that really didn't help. I dreamt that she moved to Florida after our breakup and met up with a best friend of hers up north. This friend I always thought was trouble for her. Anyway had a dream that she then showed up at my apartment one day acting like she sincerely wanted back into my life. She then while we were sitting on my bed told me that she was actually pregnant with a guy she hooked up with while in Florida and was confused and didn't know who to turn to so she new I would be there for her. I blew up trashed my apartment. Broke a lot of things. Was very very angry and mad. Showed strength I did't know I had cause of the things I broke. I just basically was so enraged that no physical pain could even come close to the emotional pain I was feeling inside. I think this whole dream cause it seemed so real was just a depiction of what my mind is going through. Just telling me that subconsciencely I do still care greatly about her and can't stand the thought of her being with another guy and then getting pregnant cause we had been trying over the last year without success. She originally wanted kids before she had a change of heart back about 2 months ago.
I don't know I do agree this site helps me vent. I just don't know how to move on really. Everything I see and everything I do does nothing but remind me of her. I blame my corvette thinking I was spending too much time on it and spending too much money on it, instead of focusing on us. I know she mentioned it more then a couple times that she didn't like it and stupid me never took any of those flags seriously. I also keep thinking back of the stupid things I thought and felt. I remember she once asked me if we had to and ran into a difficult situation would I sell the car in order for us to be OK. I just wouln't deal with the question and answered no and that I would find a way to keep it and that we would be OK. Iam sure that must of made her feel great! I put a damn car before her. What is worst is that I did it quite a few times. I quite honestly now looking back, don't know why. I guess I thought I could have both and be happy. I don't know maybe if I still can? I just don't like the person I have become thinking back to that. I think my car and my corvette hobby might have gotten out of control and began to consume me. Every day I would think of new ways to want to modify it and looked forward to going to car shows to show it cause I would get attention. I think this is where I went wrong, trying to use the car to get the attention that I was craving from her. But instead of putting her first and doing things with her to make us strong. I deflected the situation and turned to my corvette hobby. Again I know Iam beating myself up... Iam just terified right now. I don't want to become a bad person and end up with no one cause of bad habits I may have adopted. I also am having a real hard time right now cause I think it is really starting to set in that this is over and there is no chance down the road at getting back together like there was the first time. The first time I had a lot of hope and think I kept that in the back of my head that we were strong and that she would eventually come back to me once she realized that leaving me was a mistake. This time that won't be happening. I mean who would get back together with a person the broke off an engagement twice? So yeah that is really hitting home. The whole situation is just attacking me from every possible angle. I want to keep my car but am afraid that it might be a bad drug that may bring on the best and the worst in me. So I am lost there in what to do. Iam also afraid of the situation Iam in being here in an unfamilar place with nobody but myself. I almost wish I could just pack up and go back home. I know though that pretty much wherever Iam Iam going to miss her like crazy right now and can't make any decisions like this. Iam just sooooo lost and don't know what to do. I know what I have to or should do, but just can't. All the 2 of us ever talked about since we moved down here was how bad it was back up north with not really having much to do there and that jobs were scarce. I had friends up there and talk to them over the phone and it helps to a degree. I just know how much what I want out of life but myself esteem right now is so low to go after it. I want to settle down and start a family but don't know where to go or who to turn to, to try to start to at least just chat with people to attempt to get some self worth back. I have been on a few chat rooms but to be honest there only seems to be bots in those things or fat people or people with worst issues that I have right now. Iam sorry and I don't mean to offend anyone for the fat people comment... I just trying to be honest, as my girl was very thing at 105lbs and that just seems to be the body type I go for, thin and petite. I know it's way too early to get back out there, but I guess Iam just trying to find people I find attractive talk to me to tell me it's going to be OK and that hopefully might start to bring some self esteem back into me cause I don't value the opinion really from someone that I don't find attractive if that makes any sense. I guess it all boils down to that I feel sort of... well Iam out of their league or don't belong in that type of league. Don't get me wrong and I hope Iam not coming off teriribly shallow... I don't think Iam no tall dark and handsome guy but Iam not overweight, I try to take care of myself and don't consider myself ugly. So with that I feel Iam just looking for chatting with someone from my own league as I think that would give me a boost knowing that I still have what it takes to be able to meet another girl that meets my criteria.
Also now that I am thinking about it. I do have one other problem in that the girls I find attractive I think I end up falling short of theirs and although they may perfectly find me wicked attractive I end up sabataging the date or relationship and it ends cause my insecurites kick in thinking why would they want to be with or stay with me?
Everything you describe yourself going through in your latest post is true to pattern in the situation you re in. And its OK to feel really low some days-dont beat yourself up-dont blame yourself for being human and making mistakes , we all do and it takes two to tango and all that jazz. Going away for a break and staying with people who care for us helps even if we can't run away from ourselves. Try to eat and sleep its tough the first couple of days are hard but it gets better trust me. Its far too early to start dating I think you know that.Its better to go out and talk to real people than chatting online- even if its only a quick conversation in a shop.
Hey xneedshelp- I feel for you man. I was also recently engaged and my fiancé dumped me 2 weeks before our big engagement party so I was stunned. Never thought she would actually get rid of me and move on so quick. I just read your last post and you sound like me- beating yourself up over things. I don't think you working on your corvette is what really pushed her away so don't think about that. If she really loved you she would try to work it out. My ex and her 2 best friends all dumped us guys within a 1 month period and just like your fiancé they said they're not in love anymore. I think younger girls expect everything to be like how it is in the beginning and when things get routine or boring and the sex isn't all the time like it is early on they lose interest. Don't worry about your bad days- its been 2 months almost for me and I still have a lot of bad days where I don't want to get out of bed so you're not alone. Hang in there and good luck to you
Thanks man... it helps talking to others. I wish you happy times in the near future as well. Who knows wouldn't it be funny if we met the loves of our lives and eventually get married only to find out our wives are best friends and within the wedding party lol... that would be just freaky karma.Quote:
Originally Posted by bjohnrupp
Yea I know that would be crazy... I don't know about you but people say to move on like its so easy but its very hard when there's so many things that remind you of the ex ( I still have hunderds of pics/videos of us on my computer that I won't get rid of) Does your ex ever try contacting you still? Mine does like once a week out of guilt... just like a "hey, how are you doing" kind of thing.Quote:
Originally Posted by xneedshelp
Iam sure that is yet to come I live with this pain every day right now... It's only been a few days so I know this is part of the worst time or should be. The problem is it's literally sucking me dry right now. Cause I just can't let her go. My whole life revolved around her and I feel right now like it was more my fault then hers. I just didn't do some key things I should have... I screwed up. I made some mistakes. She is still living with me and I see her everyday. Nothing here has really changed except I have to treat her as just a friend. No more taking showers together, no more seeing the other nude, no more cuddling, nothing that friends wouldn't do. I have some severe issues I think. I know it, she knows it. I just grow way to attached to her. I'll be honest and I know this is a big no no but I can't sleep without her at least on the other side of the bed right now. I just can't do it. I tried the first night we separated... nothing, not a wink... just memory after memory would flash in front of my eyes. At least when I am in the same room with her and laying in the same big bed... (she stays on the far side left and I to the right... no contact), at least when I get that much I can sleep for a few hours... it's better then nothing right now.Quote:
Originally Posted by bjohnrupp
I don't know if Iam doing this to myself or what... but Iam just not sure enough I can handle the next step which is complete no contact from her once she moves out. I can't even fall back onto a "well she might come back to me" type of deal... cause I know we have been down this road before. The results were the same... I get too comfortable into the situation and she seems to lose interest and the whole thing just blows apart.
I know its only been a few days and I have forced myself to while in her presence to try to not just sit around with her doing what we use to. I have been packing, going on on small little trips to just anywhere (I don't leave long... only like under an hour or something). I still in my subconscious know she is still a part of my life right now... even if it is just as a friend. Iam afraid in the future for 2 things... one she won't even be that anymore... not even a friend and 2 that I'll never see her again.
I think though perhaps just out of curiosity's sake just like you said... she might after a half a year or so call me just to check in and see how Iam doing. I wouldn't say out of guilt but that out of a deep sort of love. She said she still cares and will always have a place in her heart for me, just felt it would never be enough. I don't know this is just far to hard then I can ever describe or imagine... I thought it would have been easier this second time around cause I went through it before with her... but I honestly feel this time seems worst cause I have no backup "well I left the door open for her and she might come back" type of thought in the back of my head. I almost know this is also more a comfort zone type of reaction as well cause I did fall into that zone with her. I had nothing to hide and we knew all of each others flaws.
Another big piece of this that until now I haven't really even mentioned is that I have Hep C (which in case you don't know is a virus that attacks the liver). Because of this I think it makes myself esteem far far less and could also possibly be why this is making things so much harder for me. I just feel like damaged goods and what person is going to want to be with me. I never intended to get it or want it... nor do I even know how I got it. The doctors think it my have been because of a dentist that just didn't follow safe practices or possibly from a hernia operation I had done back in 95. They really don't know though cause you can't tell how you get hep c. Only know that you have had it, and can have had it for a very long time before symptoms even show up... 20-30 years even. The only way you can get it is via blood and very rarely through sex (if the 2 people exchange blood). So because I have never had a tattoo before and I have never done drugs the 2 most popular ways to get hep c, the doctors have pretty much said, yeah sounds like a dentist or your operation.
I told her that I found this out when we had just got back together cause I knew while we were apart she had slept with a handful of other guys and that made me nervous. I got tested for everything and that is when they discovered this. When I told her, she really didn't care at all, she was back in my life and that is what she wanted. So I guess that is good that I can view that as a positive knowing that someone may overlook that major flaw in me, but at the same time know that she had been with me before I knew I had this, so there was memories and love there before.
I don't know... honestly don't Iam still just feeling really bad about myself and I know I have to love myself before I can even think of trying to love someone else. I have an appt with my doctor on the 12th if I can hold out that long, going to tell him to prescribe me something for anxiety and depression and see if I can't possibly go to a therapist or something cause I need some kind of help. I know that. I don't have any suicidal tendencies or stupid stuff like that... I just feel alone and lost in the world with no future in my mind. Everything seems like I have no control over it and I want to. I know I should let go of that feeling and just roll with it and be happy I can enjoy life. I remember that person I use to be back a long time ago when I first met my ex. She was very young and I was to. I didn't have a care in the world, nothing could really phase me, I had some good amount of self esteem too. Now all completely gone.
I still dream of my girl and when I wake up it's like the dream turns into a bad dream cause I realize that she might be right there but in her heart... she has already moved on. It is a bit weird though cause over the past couple of days... nothing for her has changed? She still does her same routine. She still acts nice to me. She has gotten dinner that last couple of nights and asked if I wanted anything as well. She has paid for that herself. I don't know if that is just her being nice or out of guilt cause she knows as well as I hide it... how much paid and torture this is for me right now.
It's only 2am right now and I just can't sleep and have that empty sour bottomless pit in my stomach feeling.
Time has begun to stand still for me for the few days since I received the news.
It seems only me sharing these feelings and thoughts and writing these books on here seems to help me just "get it all out". But at the same time, I still only feel good enough while focusing on typing it out... once Iam done... I start feeling bad again.
I don't know... just need a friend right now.
We're all here for you buddy.
Just keep yourself occupied. Find who you were before the relationship started. What things were you interested in, etc. Set goals. But the best help you can get is time. It's hard right now because you still live with her. But you have to do all that you can to see her as little as possible. And when it finally gets to the point where she's no where in your life, force yourself to keep it that way.
Most of the people here have experienced your pain, your hell fire. Be on the right path, head forward and don't turn back for extra pain. Take one step at a time, day by day. That's what u need.. slowly, and heal as fast as you can. Won't be any magic pills to heal, Only the right potion to cure in the shortest term. Stay here, where with love is.
We shares, shared and is sharing with u!
Hey do you have AIM or Yahoo IM? It might be easier to talk on there since were going through the same sh**
Yeah I do... aim: xtremevetteQuote:
Originally Posted by bjohnrupp
Messanger: xtremevette3
Haven't really been using them over the years but never got rid of them
Ok so I am back guys and gals... Iam doing today a little better and hoping that from here on I continue. Iam trying hard to overcome my anxiety's and have taken action to try to help out more with that. Going to the doctors on the 12th. (Thats the earliest he could see me). I won't lie I have been going through royal hell. Each hours seems to be a different mode with me. Iam constantly hot and cold, have terribly sweaty palms, can't concentrate on a single thought etc. I could go on an on but sure you all get the picture. For tonight's lesson I would like some serious advice on this (would prefer a females point of view but anyone that has been through this should feel what Iam about to say). I don't understand and am confused by all her actions.
1. She breaks up with me but wants to stay friends and have things remain the same. (even though she asked me what did I want... she knew cause I felt so deeply about her that I would never throw her out)
2. I try to stay away from her mostly staying in another room for most parts of the day having very little contact with her and she comes down and is like "ya know you don't have to hide down here" I basically say, yes I know that" then let it go....course I go back down to the room she is in about a half hour later cause now Iam feeling like iam being rude.
3. She seems to know she has the power right now in controlling everything in the situation and knows it. I of course don't quite understand how another human being that supposedly loved that person or whom wants to be friends with that person could do/act such a way and not feel guilty. Please keep in mind I have been doing much better I keep this all inside and try to act as calm about everything and like nothing is wrong. I was very bad off at first and unfortunately she caught me in the other room a couple of times by myself sobbing. I could not help that at the time.
So I know what I must do, I do, Iam trying as hard as I can to get another car as quickly as I can so that Iam not dependent on her and can't get that thrown in my face. After that it is like quickly finding a place to move and then telling her to do the same. Something is telling me she aint fearing this transition at all cause she feels I still love her to death and would drop at a dime to assist her any way I could.
So folks the moral to my story and a lot of others I have read tonight..... "what is up with chick's taking advantage over guys that care for them so deeply!? " I mean I can understand an ego or power trip from it, but seriously where is the common decency? I guess I just have a heart to good and some people see things differently.
I do love her and probably always will to some degree... just don't know why she would treat me like this, I mean yes she is still very young but I mean come on?? Your telling me after a 7 yr long relationship that she feels nothing and I should feel the same way and just stop all forms of affection toward her instantly?? I don't know, funny thing is now that she has said those 2 words... break up, she has been super nice and laughs at my jokes, etc etc. Just no physical contact. She hasn't tried doing anything new either... it's been the same routine still. She has not tried to contact another guy or anything and doesn't go out... just doesn't want any physical contact with me... Just very confusing. I just keep telling myself over and over again cause of the situation Iam in... Easy buddy, one step at a time, get the car, then move out, then things will begin to make sense. I have to stay true to myself... and that IAM the only thing that matters. I must take care of ME. Nothing else matters, no matter what she says or does... got to just get through this.
Thanks for another night of reading my saga... Iam sure it will have another chapter soon.
Your situation isn't easy buddy especially after 7 years, I feel for you. Don't despair you'll hopefully be able to get out of that mess and take the necessary time to take care of yourself. Keep posting here.
Join the gym and keep yourself busy going out. Go to the movies even alone... it helps! I am going through a break up as well and its been about 3 weeks. I am hanging in there. Just try to stay out of the house. Go to the gym a lot. That will give you a huge self esteem boost. Believe me. Take control of your mind. I just came back from a vacation with my ex and had the greatest memories just to find out a month later she is giving up. It takes two to tangle. You will find the right one soon. Just relax and breathe... You will be fine and you know that deep down.
| All times are GMT -7. The time now is 11:01 AM. |